To be devastated that DH has to go back into the office

[ruraldream2021]

DH and I had it all planned. We were going to sell our home in the over-crowded, over-priced south east and move to a rural idyll many miles away, improving our quality of life and reducing our mortgage to nearly nothing.

DH works in a job in London and has been WFH throughout the pandemic, a situation we were given every reason to believe would continue.

We’ve had estate agents round to value our house and were literally about to put it on the market when DH gets an email from work saying that WFH is not panning out as hoped for them and he will be required back in the office four days a week, every week.

This has left our dreams in tatters as it means we will now have to remain close to London, because (understandably) DH does not want a very long commute.

DH works really hard at home and if anything he does longer hours, as he doesn’t need to commute.

I feel like our dreams have just gone up in a puff of smoke and am so devastated at the thought of staying put.

AIBU?

Lots of places are keeping WFH, he just needs to job hunt. This just means your plans are delayed a bit, that's all.

If he starts looking for a remote working job then you could be able to move again before terribly long?

I honestly think people who frequently posted on here saying how things would never be the same again and we could all live on Skye and a WFH forever etc were wishful thinking...
Trouble is threads like that, as on other themes regularly become echo-chambers of people agreeing with each other because it was soooo what many people longed for, completely understandably. It was always unlikely to be the case as quickly or as commonly as people hoped.
I do hope you reconcile yourself to the current situation OP. Don't waste time being sad if you can, just start planning for an alternative.

Happened to 2 friends both just went “okay then” and started looking for jobs committed to WFH (specified in contract) and both found them!
I would never trust the wfh approach from company till it’s in writing.

It’s astonishing how many people made giant assumptions about the permanence of home working and changed their lives on that basis.

Not sure what “given every reason to believe” actually looked like but I suspect it wasn’t written confirmation of a permanent contract change.

It sounds like the pair of you have got carried away with your excitement, if you’ve got as far as almost putting your house on the market.

Luckily, unlike some people, it doesn’t sound like there’s any harm done, so take a breath and consider your options. DH could look at a flexible working request to WFH more, or could look for other jobs. Or you could move somewhere a bit further away and more rural.

Your dreams aren't in tatters OP
This has simply shown you that it's best for your husband to look for a wfh role so you can achieve that rural lifestyle.

There's lots of companies out there now that are happy to have remote employees.

I'm sorry you've had such a blow to your plans!

I can only echo what others have said, see it as a temporary blip and see how else you can achieve your dream

Start with DH speaking to the relevant people about him WFH, if he has done a great job they may consider it despite the general call to the office. If not time to look forward another company that will permit WFH or go out on his own depending on what he does.

If you can all but get rid of your mortgage maybe buy something a little bit cheaper than you can extend later - then he can look at different job opportunities.

It is a blow, but don't allow it to stop you doing what you want to xx

Two members of my staff assumed the wfh was going to be permanent, and completely relocated miles away. We’ve now brought people back to the office 3-4 days a week. One has resigned and the other is back, with a face like a smacked arse and an attitude to match.

I’d also add that wfh has been awful for the younger staff who started with us during the pandemic. They essentially came in, we’re issued a laptop and have spent the last year in their bedroom. They have been delighted to come back to a proper office with social interaction and people to chat to, that they can bounce ideas off.

@Justanotherlurker

FWIW I think companies are going to wise up pretty soon to the fact that if they’re inflexible about home working, they’re going to lose their best and brightest to competitors who chose to be more flexible. That means things may change at your husband’s workplace before too long, or alternatively that if he looks around for a different job he may well find something that enables you to proceed with your plan.

The converse is also true for a lot of employees, there will be an awakening that they cannot expect a london wieghting salary either whilst they dissapear to the countryside.

This. The reason people get London wages is that they live in London. Bigger pool of candidates, lower wages.

I've been freelancing since having the DC and, after the shit show of the last year where I've been trying to do that around lockdowns, homeschooling, self isolation and what not, have decided now is the time to go back to a permanent job.

I was really surprised when I started looking at how many options there are that are 100% working from home and also flexible hours. I start a new job in a couple of weeks that is fully remote as written into my contract. These roles were not a standard thing when I went freelance but since covid have massively increased (because if they were I'd have happily kept doing them and enjoying quaint things like pension contributions and holiday and sick pay!).

Definitely worth him having a good look at what's out there in his sector.

It is disappointing, however his salary is reflective of working in London. I had read recently that some companies were considering lowering salaries because of this, as of course for thousands of people now WFH are no longer paying commuting costs and London weighting which was reflected in wages. Unfortunately cannot have it both ways, unless he is able to find something closer to where you was planning to move to but salary will reflect it. Be grateful you are in this position and try to see the silver linings OP 👍🏼.

Thanks everyone. I think we may have jumped the gun a bit as WFH permanently wasn’t written into DH’s contract But the company were so enthusiastic about it to begin with and word on the street was that they were looking to sell the office and make it permanent. Now it seems they’ve done a U-turn and decided it’s better to have people coming in after all.

That’s interesting @OhThatChicken - what sector are you in if you don’t mind me asking?

OP honestly, try to focus on how lucky you've been that this happened before you sold the house. As others have said, it can still happen he just needs to negotiate with his employer or look for another job.

If you can afford to move somewhere and be mortgage free then you can afford to take hit on salary. For me its not about earning the big bucks it's about standard of living. You may still find you can have a better overall standard of living outside of London. If your dh loves his job and his company then that's a different matter really. Depends what you're willing to compromise on.

What would you have done if you'd moved to your dream place then they'd have told you? Could you move and him find a different job?

Can he look for another job that is wfh? I think employers are more open to that after the pandemic than they were before. It might come with a drop in salary if no London weighting.

Anyone would be crazy to make permanent plans to move beyond commuting distance without making sure their employer changes the terms of their contact to specify that the place of work can be anywhere.

Apply for other jobs. Plenty of employers are happy to let employees wfh full time or hybrid.

No need to give up on your dream.

For all the ‘plenty of fully remote jobs’ etc I’d advise people to be quite careful.
I work in tech - a sector that’s known for full remoteness even before the pandemic and was recently looking for jobs.
The most highly paid ones (that weren’t very very specialised) were still London based. 2 days in the office possible but face time still needed.

Fully remote definitely comes with a lower salary from my observation.

I’m currently based in Manchester but won’t be buying a cheap house in the sticks (although we’re likely to WFH anyway). I’m basing my house buying etc plans on being able to commute into London for at most 3 days a week if needed.

its a setback

find another way around the setback you've just had

Anyone who committed to big life style changes (even emotionally) without an actual updated contract in their hands was being a bit daft.

So yes YABU OP, but if it’s so important to you both then he should search for a new job that’s commutable from the sticks or FT permanent wfh.

Why would you just assume wfh was permanent?

Fully remote definitely comes with a lower salary from my observation

but this maybe off set by not having other much larger expenses of having to go to the office