To think the person inviting you out for a meal to celebrate friend/family special bday, should pay for the meal?

[TableFlowerss]

Birthday meal organised by partner of birthday person. A big birthday. Asked to go for meal to celebrate, 7 people all together.

Looking at about £30/35 per head for starter, main, desert.

Should the ‘host’ offer to pay for everyone’s meal?

@TableFlowerss

Really interesting reading all these replies. I suppose I’d best set the record straight. It was a circular text -

‘Hi all,

As you know it’s johns big birthday coming up, so I was going to book a table and go for drinks and a meal, I wondering if you were free to go? X,y and z have been invited to’

I asked his cousin where she thought would be nice and booked the place she recommended.

Christ, will they assume I’m paying? Do I look like a tight arse if I don’t?….

If that was the text, I wouldn't expect you to pay.

It's John's birthday, and you're suggesting a bunch of you get together. That's a meal for an occasion, that's not you hosting.

Panic over!

If you really want to make it clear, you could circulate the menu in advance and say 'A couple of people have asked for the link to the menu - if you couldn't find it, here it is. Something for all budgets, hopefully!'

God no everyone should pay for their own food and drink.

I had a best friend was always her plus one for family events and for her 21st I was invited out to dinner with the family just 5 of us a posh restaurant I was a student at the time and I must admit I thought her well off parents would pick up the Bill which they did for the family I was expected to pay my share. Was a bit surprised at that .

@Smallkeys How rude of them! Particularly to not make it clear beforehand - but that is pretty tight & mean behaviour.

@TableFlowerss Reading what you sent out, I wouldn't expect you to be paying for everyone.
The follow up, suggested by someone, with menu and the comment about personal budgets will make it clear. Good to be clear, just in case anyone gets wrong end of stick.

That’s shocking @Smallkeys. I completely fail to understand how some people’s minds work.

Where I am from, the person doing the inviting also does the paying.
If you are invited to someone's home, they provide the meal. If you are invited out for a birthday or other event, they pay the bill for the meal - but drinks are usually paid by the drink to the bartender.
If it is just a casual "Let's all met at KFC after the game", they each would pay their own.

Although I agree that normally everyone pays for themselves, my husband recently had a ‘big’ birthday and we had a meal in his favourite restaurant with 4 friends (Covid restrictions here). We paid for everything as we knew it wasn’t somewhere that all the guests would choose to go to, or afford easily and we didn’t want them to feel they had to choose the cheaper options

This whole thing depends on wealth.

If you were all millionaires, of course the host pays.

For young people, typically everyone would pay for their own plus a share of the birthday person’s.

Also, if there is someone who could not afford it easily, host could subtly pay for them.

It's my friends birthday tomorrow, am travelling from London to a town in Sussex after work to have a meal with her, so will cost me about £20 on trains.. I would never expect her to also pay for my meal 🤣 she's not made of money

In my circle, when there’s a milestone birthday organised by the birthday girl/boy or their partner, the tab is picked up by the people doing the inviting. We all either bring a gift or contribute to a large special gift.

That the inviter pays is always pretty clear on the invite though.

You say ‘special’ birthday in the OP, so I’m assuming milestone birthday.

Other birthdays are different and usually involve a smaller gift and everyone paying and possibly chipping in for the birthday girl/boy.

I've just received an invite to a friends special birthday via Facebook - it's for an event and then food and drinks afterwards.
I fully expect to be paying for myself and will buy to birthday boy a drink or two.

No, l am
Organising afternoon tea for my 40th and have been completely upfront about the cost.