To think the person inviting you out for a meal to celebrate friend/family special bday, should pay for the meal?

[TableFlowerss]

Birthday meal organised by partner of birthday person. A big birthday. Asked to go for meal to celebrate, 7 people all together.

Looking at about £30/35 per head for starter, main, desert.

Should the ‘host’ offer to pay for everyone’s meal?

* No. You pay for your own food and drink and tbh I’d be expecting to chip in for the birthday persons food too.*

^This.

It does depend how you worded the invite...

1. We're inviting you to join us to celebrate xs birthday. (I think that means you'd pay)

Vs

1. Anyone want to come to x restaurant for xs birthday? (They pay)

No the host should not pay!!

@arethereanyleftatall

It does depend how you worded the invite...

1. We're inviting you to join us to celebrate xs birthday. (I think that means you'd pay)

Vs

1. Anyone want to come to x restaurant for xs birthday? (They pay)

Exactly

If offered an invite i would expect the person doing so to pay as the host.

Think you’re ok not to pay for everyone, OP!

I've never not paid for my own food and drink when invited out for a special occasion, and I'd never expect the person who invited me to pay for my food/drink.

@UnsuitableHat

Think you’re ok not to pay for everyone, OP!

I know, I’m buzzing 🤣 saved me a fortune 👌

For my 50th we took a side room in a local restaurant which DH organised and paid for. It was a bit of a mixture between an organised party and a group of friends/family out for a meal. We saw it as us organising a party as we had our own flowers and cake etc but everyone chose their own food from the restaurant menu. However some of our guests were surprised that we paid and were obviously expecting to pay for their own.

I think most would be expecting to pay for themselves but it wouldn't hurt to make it clear up front.

YABU. Never heard of the host being expected to pay. I would never be able to have a birthday meal if that was the case.

One of the things I had to get used to when moving to Germany was that if you specifically used the word “invite” then you are saying you will pay. I once thanked a friend of DH’s for inviting me out (I meant inviting me along for the meal), and they very quickly told me that they hadn’t invited me 😂 Otherwise they just ask if you want to go out to eat together, and then everyone pays for what they had, no splitting the bill however many ways. The waiting staff will always ask if you’re paying together or separately when they bring the bill.

YABU, if you're can't afford it don't go!

A birthday meal should not be paid for by the invitee at all.

If it was a party with a Buffett then I'd feel differently but no way for a meal!

It depends on how you've worded it, really.

If you're hosting a celebration, and it's at a restaurant, it's expected you would pay (although, I would always bring the means to cover myself and a share of the birthday person, to be safe).

If you've just organised a meal at a restaurant because it's someone's birthday, then it's expected all the guests pay for themselves, and possibly chip in for the birthday person. In this case, it's a large group, it's polite to organise a set menu and to circulate it (along with the price per head) in advance, so everyone knows the score.

I think the subtlety is around whether the restaurant is a normal dining place, or if it's standing in for your own home. I mean, if people came to your home, they definitely won't pay.

Old school etiquette would say if you invite, you pay. In some, very formal restaurants only the host is given a menus with prices (yikes!). But this is really unusual nowadays, if you are invited to dinner the assumption is you'd pay for yourself. If I arranged the meal for the birthday person with a group of friends and invited them I'd anticipate the group paying for the their meal and this seems fairly standard...

Are you Coleen Rooney?

You think her husband does things ‘quietly’ and/or ‘discreetly’?

I am talking about a big birthday here, in lieu of a party. Not your run of the mill birthday dinner out.

Make sure you let them know.."Dinner at x, prices are reasonable, here is a link to the menu so you can have a look ahead" kind of thing. Otherwise you might get some mumsnetters writing threads about being surprised to pay😁

For big birthdays/ anniversaries we pay. Otherwise everyone pays for themselves.

Invited a small group of my girlfriends out recently to help me celebrate a big birthday. Everyone paid for their own food but I picked up the bill for the drinks - we'd had a few bottles of prosecco so it was over £100

@Acrasia

One of the things I had to get used to when moving to Germany was that if you specifically used the word “invite” then you are saying you will pay. I once thanked a friend of DH’s for inviting me out (I meant inviting me along for the meal), and they very quickly told me that they hadn’t invited me 😂 Otherwise they just ask if you want to go out to eat together, and then everyone pays for what they had, no splitting the bill however many ways. The waiting staff will always ask if you’re paying together or separately when they bring the bill.

My language has similar. "Come, let's go for lunch. I am inviting" I pay. "Come, let's go somewhere to eat, fucking starving" we each pay. This kind of thing😁 I would correct you too😂

From time to time I've paid for all the guests because the birthday person (who was sometimes me!) wanted something specific that would be either out of some of the guests' price range, or was something niche that most people wouldn't feel justified the price. But as a general rule, no.

I have been invited to a fancy restaurant and the organiser said in advance it was their treat as they wanted to go to this particular posh place none of us could have afforded at that time.

Wealthy friend's parents have also hosted dinners at restaurants over the years and have paid for everyone too. At the end of the evening they've settled the bill before it's even arrived at the table so there was no discussion of who was paying.

Except when it is that sort of situation I'd expect to pay for myself. Certainly for a friend's birthday I would expect to pay and if friend had a partner, I would expect partner to pay for friend.

YABU

Although when I organised for a special birthday I bought a few bottles of bubbly for a toast, and profiterole tower (instead of cake) to sing happy birthday.

You pay for yourself, and often you cover the birthday person between you. If it's my birthday I might get a couple of bottles of Prosecco or wine for the table on a separate bill, as I know my friends won't let me contribute otherwise.

I've been to a couple of birthday meals that were all paid for by the host, both 70th birthdays. It's a lovely gesture if the host can easily afford it, but I would never ever expect it.

No I would expect to pay for myself