To think the person inviting you out for a meal to celebrate friend/family special bday, should pay for the meal?

[TableFlowerss]

Birthday meal organised by partner of birthday person. A big birthday. Asked to go for meal to celebrate, 7 people all together.

Looking at about £30/35 per head for starter, main, desert.

Should the ‘host’ offer to pay for everyone’s meal?

You pay for yourself.
It's only on mn that people are outraged at being invited out for a meal and then having to pay for their own food and drinks.
Nobody I know works expect this - we call just pay for ourselves.

This thread will turn into a bun fight though with people saying you shouldn't invite your friends or family out ever unless you can afford to pay for everyone - which is ridiculous

Pay for your own, we don't split the bill either but possibly chip in for the birthday person meal.

If it's a party then the host pays.

No. I’d expect to pay

I’m talking big birthday here, something a bit special.

Not just an every day birthday get-together. So depends on the circs, really.

100% expect to pay for myself. I'd hate someone else to be footing the bill - would feel like I counter eat what I wanted unless it was the cheapest thing on the menu.

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And if it were my birthday and my DH arranged I'd also be unwilling to let the people he'd invited pay for my food/drink. That would be mine/my DH job.

I'd feel awful having "guests" pay for my food/drink. Just want them for their company - not to foot a bill.

We're all adults we can all order and pay for ourselves!

The only times we've invited and paid for everyone was when it was a significant birthday/milestone for one of our children and we've invited grandparents/aunt/cousins (10 people max). For friends, we'd all expect to pay for ourselves, unless it was a large 'do' with maybe a buffet provided.

Jeepers. No.
You pay for yourself, and maybe everyone chips in for the birthday person and a tip for the staff.

@Hopdathelf

Only on Mumsnet or programmes about the super rich have I ever seen the inviter pay for everyone.

Agree. Most people can afford to pay for themselves, and can budget accordingly with what they order if they are skint (unless you have invited a dreaded 'billsplitter'). If the expectation is to pay for everyone then is everyone who doesn't work/a student/low paid (basically anyone who can't afford to shell out between £200 to a couple of grand at a go) never allowed to celebrate their own birthday/graduation/anything?

If I asked on my group chat 'Anyone want to see x film/theatre show/gig this week?' I wouldn't expect them to assume that means I'd be paying for all their tickets so don't see why it would apply to meals!

On a very rare occasion with close family where someone can afford to do so and makes it clear it is their treat one person might pay , eg my dad might do so. We did for our wedding anniversary with siblings instead of a party. But generally with friends and family the treat is to get together and we all pay our way.

Unless they specified the meal is on them, then no you should expect to pay

Thanks all very much guys, you’ve just saved me about £150.

My partners bday on Thursday and we’re going out for food and I thought…. Shit, should I offer to pay?!

I’m so pleased you all think that’s mental! I nearly sent a text out saying I’d pay, think god I didn’t lol

Everyone pays their own, including birthday boy!

No way should the 'host' pay - you pay for yourselves as a night out and also chip in extra to pay for birthday girl/boy - we've done this for 30 odd years in my friendship group with no problems!

In my circles we'd all pay for ourselves.

In my mums circles the invitee would pay but they're all loaded

I've been to several milestone birthdays where the host has said that they'd like to invite us to dinner. This usually means they are paying. If they said "do you fancy going out for my birthday" I'd think we were all chipping in.

I've been to and hosted all the variables, so I don't think there's any hard and fast rules.

I've hosted birthday meals where I've paid for everyone.

I've had and been to meals when the birthday person is the one who everyone else pays for.

I've been to parties where everyone pays for their own.

So, I think the onus is on the organiser to let everyone know the score.

You should send them a link to the menu and prices though, just to make it clear.

There's a difference between hosting and organising a celebration.

Hosting a celebration means the host, who is usually the guest of honour, covers the costs of all guests - eg weddings, significant anniversary celebrations, kids parties etc - and it is a formal (ie requires a RSVP) event at a specific time/date/venue with a specific guest list, invitations etc.

Organising a celebration means the host, who is usually doing so on behalf of the GoH, is the one to do the admin - inviting people, suggesting a time/day/venue which are flexible depending on guest needs - but takes on no responsibility for covering costs and it tends to be a more informal

YABU
Everyone pays for themselves and possibly pay for the birthday person. I certainly wouldn't expect the organiser to pay for everyone.

Erm, no

If anything, the other guests should chip in to pay for the person who’s birthday it is.

If I invite people to dinner for a special occasion I pay for it. Christening and birthdays spring to mind. That said I don’t expect everyone else to do this but if I choose the restaurant and the time and the date and get presents one way or another I do pay.

Funnily enough I don’t expect to be paid for at other people’s birthdays or whatever but they usually do.

No of course not

Nobody would expect the organiser to foot the bill. It's a meal out, not a hosted party.

When my grandparents took the family out, they’d pay for all of us. I have never known this scenario in any other situation tho, I’ve always paid for myself.

@LimeRedBanana

Hmm, depends on your circles.

When that happens within ours, the birthday person or partner would definitely pay for everyone.

No-one would expect the host to pay. And the host would absolutely never offer to pay 😱 - they just would quietly go off at the end and pay discreetly, no fuss.

Are you Coleen Rooney?