To think the person inviting you out for a meal to celebrate friend/family special bday, should pay for the meal?

[TableFlowerss]

Birthday meal organised by partner of birthday person. A big birthday. Asked to go for meal to celebrate, 7 people all together.

Looking at about £30/35 per head for starter, main, desert.

Should the ‘host’ offer to pay for everyone’s meal?

Totally depends. In my family for big birthdays you host and pay but in friendship group everyone pays for their own.

We had private dining for my bloke’s 60th. We wouldn’t have even thought of expecting our guests to pay - and no, we’re not millionaires.

Everyone pays their share plus extra to cover the birthday person.

Oh I love profiteroles so much.

If you’re clear about what the set-up is then it’s absolutely fine. That way no one gets any nasty surprises when the bill comes.

@arethereanyleftatall

It does depend how you worded the invite...

1. We're inviting you to join us to celebrate xs birthday. (I think that means you'd pay)

Vs

1. Anyone want to come to x restaurant for xs birthday? (They pay)

This, but I've been caught out in this situation. We were invited to a special birthday by the husband, it was private dining in a hotel - fixed limited menu and asked to select what we wanted beforehand - plus we are veggie, so basically only one choice. No mention of cost, so assumed it was paid for. So I brought a very special gift and treated my friend to a manicure. There was even a sitting for the meal, so it certainly wasn't a come and join us invite. At the end of the night we were asked to pay our share of the split bill, which included all the drinks including brandy's/after dinner drinks - I was pregnant and hubby doesn't drink and people were knocking the drinks back. I was not happy. I don't mind paying for myself or splitting a bill when I can select what I want, but a very limited menu at an expensive hotel and paying for strangers to get drunk was going a bit too far for me.

If I invited friends out for my birthday, yes I would pay. To me it's like having a dinner party - you'd obviously be feeding the group yourself.

If it was a group thing, organised by the group as a whole - we'd all chip in together.

I was once invited to a 40th at a great location where the host paid for all of us. About 20 or so. It was amazing and I was very grateful, but there were very specific circumstances. I would never expect it. The price seems reasonable, provided you don’t have to split the drinks bill if you’re not drinking.

In our family/friend group it's normal for the host to pay for milestone birthdays. It was mine recently and DP and I paid for everyone's food and some drinks, in my view not doing so would be like asking guests to each pay the per head price for a buffet at a party or wedding breakfast etc.

I would expect to pay for myself.
It can be possible to be confused by an invitation if it is not specified on the invitation.
I would take it that unless it specifically stated the host is paying,I should be prepared to pay for myself.

I am currently organising such an event. Nobody is expecting me to pay!

I would say everyone pays for their own, possibly even a little over to split the cost of birthday person's meal. If you're feeling expecially generous you could get a couple of bottles of wine for the table, but it wouldn't be an expectation.

Only on Mumsnet or programmes about the super rich have I ever seen the inviter pay for everyone.

This. Yet a substantial number of MNers insist that the person who invites always pays and everyone knows that not doing this is rude.

The last thread on this had someone state that those who can't afford this should never dine in groups in restaurants.

I definitely wouldn't expect to pay for the birthday person's meal if someone else had invited me.

Could be either. They should state when inviting, but if they don’t I would assume they would not be paying

I think it is situational and dependent on good communication.

Shall we all go out for supper on Fred’s birthday - people pay for themselves.
Please join us for supper to celebrate Fred’s birthday, I would assume the host paid but take my purse in case of misunderstanding.

Went to a thirtieth birthday on Saturday (not realising a thirtieth was a thing). Eight oldies plus eleven under 30s. The birthday celebrant’s father paid for everyone but his girlfriend made the cake. I think that is quite unusual when past 21st, but was rather nice.

That’s horrendous @aModernClassic. I wouldn’t have expected to pay, either. It’s a piss take in that situation.

I’d expect to pay for my own meal, unless someone specifically said, ‘let’s go out to dinner for whatever reason, I’ll pay’, which literally never happens.

I don’t know anyone which can afford to pay a couple of hundred quid for other people’s food.

If I organised my birthday lunch, I would always expect (and often have) to pay for the lunch and drinks for everyone attending.

However, if I was invited I would anticipate to pay my share and split with others for the birthday person. Ordinarily, they would pay!

Family guests : host pays.

Friends : pay for your own.

I would expect to pay for myself if it's a meal out.

Usually no I would assume everyone pays for themselves unless when invited it was made clear from the beginning that everyones meal was paid for by the person inviting people.

@LemonRoses

I think it is situational and dependent on good communication.

Shall we all go out for supper on Fred’s birthday - people pay for themselves.
Please join us for supper to celebrate Fred’s birthday, I would assume the host paid but take my purse in case of misunderstanding.

Went to a thirtieth birthday on Saturday (not realising a thirtieth was a thing). Eight oldies plus eleven under 30s. The birthday celebrant’s father paid for everyone but his girlfriend made the cake. I think that is quite unusual when past 21st, but was rather nice.

very well explained

and I completely agree with your but take my purse in case of misunderstanding.

I would expect everyone to pay for their own meal unless it was a massive party like a wedding reception type of thing then it’s paid for by the hosts. My dh comes from a country where you invite people out to celebrate your birthday and you pay for everyone (whether that’s dinner or drinks), every year not just for milestone birthdays.