To think the person inviting you out for a meal to celebrate friend/family special bday, should pay for the meal?

[TableFlowerss]

Birthday meal organised by partner of birthday person. A big birthday. Asked to go for meal to celebrate, 7 people all together.

Looking at about £30/35 per head for starter, main, desert.

Should the ‘host’ offer to pay for everyone’s meal?

When we were broke young parents, if my parents invited us out they would pay.
We tend to do similar if we arrange a family get together now.
But otherwise, no, if I'm invited to a friend's birthday dinner I expect to split the bill, and chip in to pay the birthday persons share.

If I was organising/coordinating a group meal out then a venue would be mutually agreed & each person would be paying - likely all pay for birthday person.

If I was organising a special meal out, at a restaurant of my choice as a really special occasion, I would invite key guests and expect to cover the bill.

Depends on your social circle, here if you invite then you pay

Absolutely not, lol. YABU.

For my 40th I went out for a meal with friends and they paid for their meals but I got wine for the tables. I was on maternity leave at the time so couldn’t afford to pay for all. If it’s an issue for you then just don’t go 🤷‍♀️

Of course if tog invite people out to dinner at a venue / time of YOUR choice to celebrate YOUR occasion, you pay. Is this even a question?

If you invited them to your house for dinner, would you expect them to bring the food? No you would not.

Just imagine - “Hello all you lucky best friends. I’m turning 40 next month. As such , you are invited to MY favourite restaurant at this time. Who knows what it will cost you, on top of travel, a gift and a babysitter. Never mind though, I know you’re all delighted to be there because I’m so wonderful. Thanks!”

In my extended family we have had lots of meals out for birthdays. The organiser (child or spouse of the birthday celebrant) always pays. We aren’t rich.

No, don't be ridiculous, the inviter shouldn't pay!

If you invite you pay.

@Mumontour85

Is this your first time as a guest at this kind of thing?! Not only would I expect to pay for my own meal, I would expect, nay - INSIST - that the cost of the bday person to be split between the guests too.

The OP is the host. That’s why she’s asking.

Besides, you’d be monumentally rude to do that, if the host’s intention was to pay.

Which is why many would simply slip away torwards the end of the meal and pay the bill unseen.

You're quite right. Us poor or average people shouldn't be able to celebrate. It could ruin the atmosphere for your rich lot if the riff raffs allowed out!

Who’s saying that?

Some people will pay for everyone, if, for example, it’s a special/big birthday. That’s OK.

Other times, everyone will pay for themselves.

Insisting on doing something that wasn’t the host’s intention, is rude.

This reminds me of a man who invited a load of people to his 40th in Reading. Nobody lived remotely near Reading. Most were in London or further afield. Most were also at the stage of young kids / babies - so attending would mean a babysitter; on top of the cost of a hotel, travel and a gift.

The couple magnanimously invited everyone to be there for 8pm in time for their FREE glass of white wine. Woohoo! Yes, we’ll all be rushing to Reading for a free glass of Chardonnay. After that it’s an open bar. But never mind that.

The couple were mystified and quite put out that NOT ONE PERSON was available on that date.

Sorry, not open bar - I meant a normal bar - ie a pub where you get your own. This was his 40th in Reading.

After that it’s an open bar.

Pay bar, I’m guessing.

No surprises no-one turned up!

I would expect to pay if invited to such an event.

When it was dh’s 40th I secretly invited loads of his friends for a weekend away. They were all in a certain climbing club which has properties so we booked a cottage out as it would only cost people about £20 for the weekend. I cooked for everyone (about 25 people) so not as expensive as a meal out but still quite a lot of food to buy. Even then people offered to chip in for the food (I declined all offers).

Invited to a celebratory meal out as a guest, I would always assume I was paying for my own; and possibly chipping in towards the meal of the person we are celebrating.

I think if the host/inviter intended to pick up the bill they would say at the time of inviting.

example: DD hates being centre of attention and the idea of a party for her 21st filled her with dread; so instead we went out for a posh meal on the day and booked a really lovely restaurant the weekend after to which we invited close family and her best friend. I stated at the time of invitation that I was paying as I felt that I would have been paying for a party and this was instead of (and I also didn't want to put anyone in the position where they worried about coming due to cost) think I also put some cash in the kitty for a more casual meal out with her friends as again I felt that that get-together was in place of TheBigParty.

In the same family group, we tend to pay per couple/family unit etc when meeting up either casually or for a celebration ( but someone always pays for my mum's, cos she's mum )

I think the only occasion where it may be slightly ambiguous would be a meal after a wedding or funeral; in which case whilst the assumption would be the meal is paid for; I would have no qualms about paying for ourselves.

If I was the host I'd expect to pay.

I would pick up the bill if I’d invited couples to a meal out. When it was my big birthday I picked up the bill for the hotel rooms and the meal. My guests shouldn’t be out of pocket.

Easy comparison.

Have you ever been to a wedding where you have had to pay for a drink?

No-then you are in the circle where the host meets all costs
Yes- then you are in the circle where splitting bill is more common

I once organized a works night to celebrate my birthday/exam passing. I said I would pay for the wine/drinks but everyone paid for their own meal.

Yabu

I would pay if I was hosting it as I have done many times in the past but it’s always nice when friends offer to pay or chip in for drinks.

Really interesting reading all these replies. I suppose I’d best set the record straight. It was a circular text -

‘Hi all,

As you know it’s johns big birthday coming up, so I was going to book a table and go for drinks and a meal, I wondering if you were free to go? X,y and z have been invited to’

I asked his cousin where she thought would be nice and booked the place she recommended.

Christ, will they assume I’m paying? Do I look like a tight arse if I don’t?….

No, that text suggests to me every person pays for them self

As pps have said, if it were a formal invitation sent by post, for a Golden wedding or something, then I would expect the 'inviter' were paying, but a text asking if we wanted to join them at a restaurant implies everyman for himself.