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Original poster

How to decline a wedding invite

254 replies

BabyGohil · 16/08/2021 01:46

I need help
Been invited to a wedding which is 3 hours away from me, I have a little baby who will be 4 months by then….my husband and baby have not been invited….Im breast feeding and I don’t think I could leave him so far away for that long (I’ve only left him for About and hour or so with grand parents previously).
Thoughts on how to approach this?
I feel like a bad friend but then have anxiety about going and potentially distressing my child as it’s so far away.

OP posts:
Whoopwhoopfor2021 · 17/08/2021 17:43

I understand why you’re concerned because you don’t want to cause offence or upset. I would go with what other people have said re either congratulating them and politely declining or explaining why it doesn’t work for you. Don’t feel bad by the people that act like you’re weird for thinking this through instead of bluntly saying no without a 2nd thought- being a caring person who doesn’t want to cause upset is a good thing! Hope all goes well!

00100001 · 17/08/2021 17:47

@LemonRoses

00100001 Its not necessarily archaic rules - just incorrect etiquette. Why on earth would you tell hosting parents where the wedding was and what time it was? Quite funny idea really - and I am archaic and very traditional.
This just goes to show that the weird made up rules of etiquette are just utter nonsense. You're claiming one way is correct, Tatiana is another way...

It's all polite...which is all that matters.

ThorsLeftNut · 17/08/2021 17:49

@Aquamarine1029

Thoughts on how to approach this?

Gently, I fail to see how you are struggling with this. You'll have a 4 month old and you simply can't go due to the circumstances, distance, etc. That's it. "Sorry, won't be able to attend." This is not complicated.

Exactly, these ones always confuse me as to why people need advice.

It’s a very simple ‘won’t be able to attend, thanks for the invite’

AnnieSnap · 17/08/2021 17:50

Just tell the truth. “Thank you so much for inviting me. The thing is the travelling alone would be 6 hours. I’m breastfeeding and can’t leave the baby for that long. I hope you have a fabulous day”! Job done!

MollyMinniesMum · 17/08/2021 17:51

Sorry, that doesn’t work for me. Maybe next time?

Mumontour85 · 17/08/2021 17:51

@CornishGem1975

Tick the box on fhe RSVP card/website or send a message "thanks for the invite, sorry I can't make it". Why does it need to be more complicated than that?

I'm getting married this year and honestly not questioning why anyone declines. It's an invite, not a summons.

This really made me laugh!

If you are good friends I would give a little reason and send a little gift, but you certainly don't need to explain yourself or panic.

I would also completely ignore the comments here saying 'because you didn't have a plus 1 they expected you to decline', that's just super negative and not really how wedding invites go in my experience!

Christinatherabbit · 17/08/2021 17:58

Is there a particular reason you can't just tell the truth 🤷‍♀️

Yogalola · 17/08/2021 18:02

Considering it only you and not your husband and baby, seems like they are really not considering you having just had a baby, so I wouldn’t worry about declining the invite unless of course you feel you should be there. May be suggest a meet up for a meal with husbands after the event for a post celebration.

BlueMarigold · 17/08/2021 18:03

I had a similar thing happen years ago. My DH and we’re invited but not 3 month old baby. The wedding was a 4 hour drive from our house so we declined. Friend got the hump and never spoke to me again. I don’t regret my decision. A real friend would have understood.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 17/08/2021 18:07

'Etiquette' IME isn't a means of making others' lives more comfortable. It's frequently the opposite, showing who is a paid-up member of the 'club', whichever club that is, and who are the shit-kicking ignoramuses who are not (or who care nothing about such things).

In some cases, etiquette can actually be rude. Addressing a woman by Mrs HisForename HisSurname is rude. It might be deemed as 'correct' etiquette by the few who actually care about these things, but times have moved on since. I suspect it's the majority of people these days who would roll their eyes at this. As for waiting for your MiL to cark it before you're offered the courtesy of your own given name, that's actually hilarious.

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/08/2021 18:08

Just say you are bf and can’t leave baby

No need for lies

If invite was for all 3 of you would you go ?

langdale2016 · 17/08/2021 18:11

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

"Sorry we can't make it"
You only need to say this - no explanation needed.

Thank you so much for the invitation unfortunately I am unable to make it. Have a wonderful day and please let me know your wedding list details.

Blossomtoes · 17/08/2021 18:12

“Thank you for your kind invitation. I’m sorry but I have to decline”

Then send a card and present. Job done.

Anitarest · 17/08/2021 18:13

Congratulations on your exciting news. Thanks for the invite. Sorry I won’t be able to come. I hope you have a lovely day.

cherish123 · 17/08/2021 18:14

Just be honest. Say what you said in message.

ExD1938 · 17/08/2021 18:16

Buy a card - there are plenty to choose from. A little note saying, you're really upset but breastfeeding makes this impossible - if you really feel you need to explain. Its perfectly reasonable.

Blossomtoes · 17/08/2021 18:23

@TatianaBis

I’m really surprised that posters here don’t know the correct way to reply to formal invitations.
Are you? I’m not, I’d be more surprised if they did. People like us are an endangered species.
jp83 · 17/08/2021 18:27

''Sorry,i can't make it''.Your boy comes first.Also,why didn't they invite your husband and child?Are there any covid-related restrictions?

FortniteBoysMum · 17/08/2021 18:33

Simple. You say I regret to inform you I will not be in attendance as I am breastfeeding my baby meaning I am unable to leave him in someone else's care. I hope you have a great day.

CrocodilesCry · 17/08/2021 18:39

It's a bit shitty that your DH and baby aren't invited OP, but as you've been told, it's an invitation not a summons. Please don't worry about declining, you aren't able to go and that's it.

I'm just sniggering at some of the uptight hoity toities on here who haven't been invited to anything since the 1920s Wink

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 17/08/2021 18:46

@PatchworkElmer

DH and I were invited to a wedding 4 hours away when DS was 6 months old. DS not invited. He wasn’t BF but I felt he was still way too young for us to leave him/ be that far away. So I declined and just said we weren’t able to leave the baby but hoped they had a lovely day.

The bride messaged and asked if we’d come if she invited baby! I said I completely understood that she wanted a child free wedding and there were no hard feelings at all, and we wouldn’t want to attend with baby when we knew that him being there wasn’t what the couple wanted. Hopefully I did the right thing. We sent them a card and gift voucher.

Does sound lovely that you were apparently so wanted there. But I do think that people perhaps don't comprehend how very difficult it is to attend anything, much least a major, long event, when breastfeeding a very young baby. I was dead on my feet through lack of sleep and could barely have attended the supermarket to buy a pint of milk, let alone an hours-long shindig, during that phase of my life. Attending without the baby presents very real physical difficulties. It's not as simple as giving a BF baby the odd supplementary bottle - many won't take them in any event - but the pain of engorged boobs is not fun, nor are greasy stains leaching onto the front of your top, nor is spending hours on the lav pumping just to dump the milk (and I was only able to use an electric pump, not a manual one).

It's hardly surprising that this can end up being more exhausting trouble than it's worth, not to mention the expense of attending a long-distance wedding when you have all the expense of a young baby (and need to drag an equipment-load in the car, for however short a stay, that could probably have sunk the QE2).

Good cautionary tale as to why JADE is very a great idea. As soon as you get into explanations as to why you can't attend, a reason will often be found as to why those reasons should be overridden!

Regret no thank you, have a wonderful day and a wonderful life, and here's a card/voucher.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 17/08/2021 18:47

Sorry should read JADE is NEVER a good idea. Not that it's a very good idea. It's far from it!

Viviennemary · 17/08/2021 18:49

Its quite cheeky inviting only you IMHO. Just say sorry along the lines others have suggested.

Jaxhog · 17/08/2021 19:11

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

"Sorry we can't make it"
This. You don't have to say why.
Parsley1789 · 17/08/2021 19:13

Why can’t you just be honest? Explain that you are bf-ing and cannot leave baby but if your baby can come with you that would be great.
Often people who haven’t had children just don’t realise.

Just be honest!