AIBU to insist we stay in London?

[londonlass33]

DH wants to leave London and I desperately don’t. We’ve visited numerous places in the south-east where we could viably live (due to commuting distance mainly) to house hunt and I’ve just not felt at home anywhere.

For me London has it all - culture, diversity, fabulous parks, restaurants, excellent public transport, nightlife, sports and myriad educational and job opportunities for the DC when they get older. Nowhere we’ve visited has come even close to my mind.

We also live in a lovely quiet street with a wonderful sense of community and are good friends with our fabulous neighbours. We have many friends in the area through the DC’s nursery too.

DH is adamant he wants to leave as whilst he acknowledges all of the above, he’s got his heart set on a change of scenery after the last 18 months. I’m very reluctant to give it a go for the aforementioned reasons and because it will be nigh on impossible to come back if we leave and regret it.

WWYD?

Don’t do it!

Where as out in the country, you’re stuck. Constantly reliant on a lift from your parents or catching the very infrequent bus.

I think there's a multitude of options between London and the rural back of beyond. We have a lot of countryside around us but are on the Met Line and Chiltern Line to Marylebone. I agree on the buses but my kids catch the tube to meet most of their friends, or get the odd Uber if not. I wouldn't describe it as being stuck.

@MasterChefz

Go. London is a shit hole < gets coat >

I moved away from London 30 years ago. Best thing I ever did!

Going back to London gives me the heebies now - the noise, the crowds, the sheer dirtiness of it.

I loved it
I never felt English, obviously, being from Ireland but rightaway I felt like a londoner. Ii moved out to an affordable burb and was what passed for diversity there. Back home now but id love to live in hampstead if i had the cash.

@LakieLady I'm assuming you're referring to zone 1 which I'm pretty sure a lot of Londoners don't actually live in. That's the tourist hotspot.

@Puffykins there are so many Prets in London we totally take it for granted! I went to a customer site in the midlands once and my colleague asked where the nearest Pret was: "London" came the reply.

Re Pret they are looking to expand outside London as their regional outlets have been busier then ever.

@countrytown @OhamIreally this is the BEST news. I've been semi considering (not really) opening a Pret franchise that is also a gym and a dry cleaner - if Pret opens then that is GREAT.

@Puffykins where do you live? It sounds lovely!

@Puffykins they want to do franchises!

I’ve lived in London all my life, apart from uni years and my husband comes from a northern small industrial town. I work locally and have a great family and friends network. We have been together over 30 years and our children have been raised in London. He worked in centre but has mostly wfh for years. He wanted to leave London and moaned and made our lives feel negative so I was willing but when we looked at alternative places the things he liked like being able to ride his bike in scenic places without traffic and the kids having idyllic space with “better”people seemed less tangible benefits than we had. We had a good sized house and garden. We looked but couldn’t agree on a place. He wanted to move right away whereas I could consider a commuter area so we could be near my family And friends but still out of London. In the end we stayed put as we could not agree and he has been so resentful. He almost relishes any news about local crime or pollution levels and makes a point to moan about passing traffic and “Londoners” every day. My daughter lives and works in London and loves it my son stayed living in his University town partly I think because he had a lifetime of listening to the negative comments. I would have liked to live in a small close by town and had I been married to someone else may well have done but we failed to agree and reached a stalemate. Now with retirement approaching he is still talking of moving, he has made no real friends locally and is solitary in his activities so could land anywhere. He doesn’t see that side of himself and thinks he has no friends because he doesn’t fit in with Londoners. We often have weekends away which we both enjoy and he haunts estate agents windows. I probably feel I don’t want to move with a moaning, isolating husband and we might downsize and get 2 smaller properties or even live separately. No simple answer.

@felicity877 Hastings.... it was my compromise on moving to the countryside.

Yes it does sound nice, haven't been to Hastings in years. I would love to be beside the sea tbh.

@semicircle this is what DH was doing, to an extent, and it drove me so nuts that we moved. He didn't even have a plan of where he wanted to move to, just 'not London.' So I really empathise. We didn't have a big enough house in London though.

@countrytown the sea was my non-negotiatable if moving. I'm thrilled that Pret want to do franchises. I don't really want to run one.... 🤞🏼 someone else does!

🤞🏼

@PRsecrets

Have you tried beckenham? Still surrounded by people, cafes and culture with an urban(ish) feel, but has beautiful parks and is a short drive to the Kent countryside areas.

I agree with this. Or a bit further out, maybe Sevenoaks? Chislehurst?

I live right on the edge of zone 6, there's beautiful countryside so close to me, but also a station and handy shops!

This thread is why I married someone who wanted the exact same things as me in terms of lifestyle. Of course, circumstances can change and if we ever had to move for work then we’d have to suck it up, but even then we’d both be on the same page in terms of only living somewhere else for a set period of time, or living as rurally as we could get away with.

DH and I are both country bumpkins at heart and have both lived in London for stints but could never go back to live. I was seeing a guy before I met DH who pretty much ticked all my boxes, we’d known each other for a long time, had an amazing connection and I REALLY liked him.....but he really was a ‘city’ person and took a job in London to be back there, with a view to transferring to the New York office after a year on a relocation package. Which is what he did. I knew that life wouldn’t be for me, I knew he’d probably always want to live in a city. It broke my heart to break things off (and kiss goodbye to the utterly amazing sex ) but our lifestyles just weren’t compatible.

I think it’s so important to talk about stuff like this before you get married to someone as I’ve seen it break so many couples up.

I hate the ‘grow tired of London, grow tired of life’ saying too, it’s natural some people will grow tired of the noise, pollution and crowds. It’s perfectly possible to have an amazing life, to go to bars, clubs, restaurants etc whilst living in the countryside. We live in a small, rural village which I personally love. It has a great village pub that does amazing food, we’ve had many a good knees up in there, glorious walks every day. The air is clean, the scenery is stunning, our house and garden are big, we have SPACE. Yet we’re only 25 mins from the nearest city and can catch a train there from the next village and do so quite regularly to go out for drinks, dinner, theatre, shopping etc. I don’t need to be able to walk to it, I like that I’m surrounded by clean air and tranquility, it means I appreciate the hustle, bustle and noise so much more when I’m immersed in it.

I would rent somewhere for a year and make your mind up after that, your DH may change his mind, or you might, or neither of you might and in which case you have a decision to make because ultimately we only get one life, we’re here once and it’s too short to be unhappy.

@puffykins try the Kino in Rye

@nanbread thank you for the tip - I will! XX

Not a chance would I agree to it.

I definitely would agree to sell a house with all the huge positives you state.

Don't be bullied.

I left London to live in Spain around 5 1/2 years ago. I miss it so much. It was the right decision for DD and I think her childhood is better where we are, but for me not so much. If I had the money I'd buy a little flat there so I could come back and forth and spend more time there. I miss how much there was to do, the parks, the restaurants and bars, the vibe...most things. I don't miss commuting and the over inflated cost of living, but everything else I do.

@countrytown yes you are right. As I said we now live 45 mins from central London, 3 min walk from the station. Which is about the same time it took me to get there as a teen - 15 min walk to station and 30-40 mins tube. We are 45 mins from Hastings, live in the Weald of Kent, excellent schools etc.

I feel we have the best of everything for us at the moment. However, when kids leave home and my parents are gone we will be freer and will either move to the cost or Malta or split our time between the 2.

For us it’s about being flexible and suiting current needs rather than dropping anchor. We lived in Canary Wharf for a time. I loved it , it was perfect for then, but the thought of it now with kids is horrendous.

*the coast. Sorry I’m on a bumpy bus.

Such a wise post @MilkTrayheaven. It must have been very hard to call time on such a perfect relationship.