AIBU to insist we stay in London?

[londonlass33]

DH wants to leave London and I desperately don’t. We’ve visited numerous places in the south-east where we could viably live (due to commuting distance mainly) to house hunt and I’ve just not felt at home anywhere.

For me London has it all - culture, diversity, fabulous parks, restaurants, excellent public transport, nightlife, sports and myriad educational and job opportunities for the DC when they get older. Nowhere we’ve visited has come even close to my mind.

We also live in a lovely quiet street with a wonderful sense of community and are good friends with our fabulous neighbours. We have many friends in the area through the DC’s nursery too.

DH is adamant he wants to leave as whilst he acknowledges all of the above, he’s got his heart set on a change of scenery after the last 18 months. I’m very reluctant to give it a go for the aforementioned reasons and because it will be nigh on impossible to come back if we leave and regret it.

WWYD?

Amazed by this thread. Where I live is full of people who have left london to have kids and are absolutely loving life outside london!

I wouldn't move back in to london if you gave me 10 million quid. I'm not bored at all here, there's loads to do, I've made tons of friends and I find that getting to facilities by car is much much faster and easier with children than travelling on public transport.

Another factor, your dcs are preschool age, so this would be the best time to rent elsewhere and move back if you dont like it as its not as disruptive.

In your staying factor, have you considered secondary schools near you?

Just that having a child just finished year 6 /about to go to secondary, the primary schools in London were great for many friends, but they suddenly were wanting to move in year 5 to be in a new area for year 6 and secondary applications. (Private schools are also more expensive in the city)

Factor that into your long term plans. Do not get sucked into thinking that you have 7 years before that's an issue and schools can change a lot in that time, because they often won't, and with a Tory gov, its unlikely that massive school investment will happen in the next 3-4 years that will mean real improvement by the time you are applying. (That said, a good school could go crap)

@Qwerty789

London is great for kids, especially teenagers who want to travel independently etc

Except for the epidemic of knife crime and the far higher chance of finding trouble of all kinds.....

There’s crime everywhere of some description. Don’t underestimate the massive drink and drug problems among young people in quaint middle class semi-rural towns. I grew up in one and a lot of teens were boozing and smoking cigarettes/weed by 14/15 and some had graduated to harder drugs by their later teens because there was NOTHING to do. These weren’t ‘bad’ kids, regular middle class teenagers from nice families. They’re mostly successful functioning adults now but childhood and teen years were so mind numbingly boring.

Also life is remarkably similar here to when I grew up in the 80s. Lots of children walking and riding bikes around our very safe village. Most people seem very active so lots of teens happily occupied with sport/outdoor activities, plus you can be in central London in an hour door to door for those who want theatre, art, restaurants etc.

There seems to be this notion that the only place with any culture is london, of course there is music, theatre, great restaurants, museums and art throughout the country.

The one thing you do not get is masses of ethnic diversity, although there are plenty of people of Indian/Pakistani/Bangladeshi heritage where I live. But that is because only 3% of the UK population is black, other ethnicities even less, so it's hardly surprising that in smaller population centres there are numerically fewer minorities.

Don’t underestimate the massive drink and drug problems among young people in quaint middle class semi-rural towns.

Do the middle class London teens take less drugs?

These threads are always pointless. You either love London or you don't, you're either a country person or you're not! All so subjective.

You will get the posters who forcefully proclaim , 'Don't do it, I moved from London and hate living in the countryside, its shit', but you will also get posters like me, who lived in Notting Hill for years (and indeed, all over London before this) and now live in a rural idyll and would never move back to crime ridden, grey, noisy, dirty ol' London!

My life is bliss, I ride horses every morning, mountain bike in the forest after work, go on the most amazing long walks with DH and my dogs every day, have the best neighbours I have ever had, along with the best sense of community I have ever experienced, the schools are amazing, every weekend is like a weekend away, a proper break...every day I thank my lucky stars I live here... I work in London 2-3 days a week and it's fun, but by god I'm happy when I get on that train at the end of the day and go from grey, dull urbanity to luscious greenery and stunning scenery!

BUT all of the above is MY experience, and I'm doing what I love, where I've always wanted to be, I love bucolic life, I'm an outdoorsy person, the countryside makes my heart sing, London leaves me cold.

If my description of rural life doesn't float your boat then definitely stay in London as YOU would indeed hate it here!

Don’t do it OP. We did this 16 years ago - I still had baby brain and got swept away by my OHs determination. Now priced out of London and stuck I dull, non diverse Brexit land. Being close to London is just not the same amd I wish I’d never left. I think the children roaming free is pretty much an illusion.

I definitely feel the same urge to move. Could you just move to a different borough in London? I understand the feeling of being sick of the walls you’ve been in during lockdown. A compromise might be moving to a new place but still in London.

@DarlingFell I agree although your life sounds amazing! 😆

Don't do it if you'll be doing it unenthusiastically. Our small, pretty town within commuting distance from London has had a huge influx of people with young kids who moved out from London in the last 18 months. You can absolutely tell which of them did so enthusiastically and wanting to embrace the new place, and it makes a huge difference. There's a woman whose 3 year old goes to the same nursery as mine and she just makes me cringe as she turns literally every conversation to how much better London is and how much better the facilities were there (which is a particularly stupid comparison as she's comparing pre-covid central London to a very small town where lots of things for little children are still only tentatively reopening now). She was recently lamenting how hard it is to make friends here and genuinely doesn't seem to realise how off-putting she's being. I feel sorry for her as I think she's hating living here but they really should never have moved. Don't be her!

Darlingfell I think I'm in your camp lol (wonders if she knows darling in RL)

@MasterChefz

Go. London is a shit hole < gets coat >

Lovely generalisation there. Just like the whole of up North is grim? There are lovely areas in all parts of the UK!

I'm a born and bred Londoner. I left on January because my DH didn't want to live there; he prefers a countryside setting with land and views. It took me forever to leave, but eventually settled on a place close to wher my family gather most weekends.

I still miss it. I moved away from friends, and I desperately miss them and the ability to plan something on the fly. Now I have to book people in weeks in advance, even though I'm in day trippable distance. I love our house and the space we can afford outside London, but daaaayum I miss it.

* Don’t underestimate the massive drink and drug problems among young people in quaint middle class semi-rural towns.

Same as the massive drink and drug problems in London, only it's easier to get them in London.

I never understand how divided these threads become. It’s as though people forget that others priorities may shape their preference, and if that’s different from yours then they must be ‘wrong’.
I live outside of London (way outside ) and about 30mins from a capital city (to which I commute daily) in a small village. Our location suits us perfectly as we live right by the sea, and can swim/SUP/bodyboard daily if we wish. It’s a tight-knit community and my kids (late primary school age) can walk round and play with friends locally. I value the community and the outdoor activities. We can drive to the city for activities but of course the choice will be more limited than London. My hometown is as far from London life as you can get, but that doesn’t for a minute mean that I can’t understand the appeal of London (the busyness, the choice, the culture) or would question why people would live there. My preference is to have daily beach time and visit London once or twice a year, but if you want theatres/events regularly and are happy with the beach a few times a year then London (not my home) is the place for you. Horses for courses.

I wouldn’t. You’re happy and your set up sounds great.

He’s chasing a dream. It may not pan out as he plans and you could both be unhappy. Personally I always knew I wouldn’t be into a commuter lifestyle. We left London (not because we didn’t love it, but because we couldn’t afford a house in the area we wanted) but we moved to a different city. If you know that works for you, don’t mess with it.

I have lived in a countryside/seaside town, London, Birmingham and now an ex mill/market town that’s about 30 mins from a major city and a 20 minute walk to open fields and canals. The market town is by far the best place for what I want. Growing up rurally as a small child was fun but as a teen it was shite.

Nice road and neighbours anywhere is worth more than anything.

He grew up in the countryside and that was his experience - he wants to give that same childhood to the DC

Rose tinted spectacles. Where was he able to go as a teen without parents as a taxi services? How is this all going to work when the DC, instead of romping through sunlit fields in boden-wear are actually in extended wraparound care because of the extra hours of commuting?

There are pros and cons to both, crime and drugs and both but the lack of transport is particularly a rural problem.

The pandemic has caused a lot of people to think about changing their lives, I'm already seeing some colleagues who moved out of a city last year look to move back. I would hold off making plans for a while yet and draw up a list of pros and cons as objectively as you can rather than basing it on rose tinted specs. The commuting alone for two parents would put me off in the short term.

@Qwerty789

* Don’t underestimate the massive drink and drug problems among young people in quaint middle class semi-rural towns.

Same as the massive drink and drug problems in London, only it's easier to get them in London.

The point is you won’t escape drugs and crime by leaving London.

@paepoyrol

Don’t underestimate the massive drink and drug problems among young people in quaint middle class semi-rural towns.

Do the middle class London teens take less drugs?

No, probably the same amount! My point is that it’s incorrect to insinuate you can escape these issues completely by leaving London.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Darlingfell I think I'm in your camp lol (wonders if she knows darling in RL)

I was wondering the same about you!

The point is you won’t escape drugs and crime by leaving London.

I don't disagree but I think it's more prevalent in London as opposed to the countryside.

@paepoyrol

The point is you won’t escape drugs and crime by leaving London.

I don't disagree but I think it's more prevalent in London as opposed to the countryside.

I live in North London, the crime map in my area puts the crime rate much lower than the market town I used to live in.

@paepoyrol

The point is you won’t escape drugs and crime by leaving London.

I don't disagree but I think it's more prevalent in London as opposed to the countryside.

I wouldn't say that's true for drugs, and the downside is that smaller police forces seem even less equipped to deal with it.