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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To make visitors wear masks when holding our newborn

162 replies

pearlsandpetals · 15/08/2021 13:18

Hi everyone! I'm currently pregnant and due later this year.. I've started thinking about what measures to put into place to keep our baby safe, particularly if covid cases are high at the time and also because it will be the middle of winter and cold/flu season. I'm thinking that anyone who wishes to hold our newborn baby should have to wear a mask and sanitise hands first. My partner disagrees with the mask wearing and thinks that it's not fair to ask family to wear them, as they will want nice photos with the baby. I also think want there should be a limit on the number of visitors until our baby is at least a couple of months old. I want just close family members and people who have been played a part during the pregnancy to visit. Are these things unreasonable? I don't want to be made to feel like it is OTT but I just want to do everything I can to make sure our baby is safe and healthy whilst her immune system is so fragile.

OP posts:

Namechange12312 · 15/08/2021 13:20

Personally i think you’re being massively ott. Is this your first? I think you’ll look back and cringe at yourself but it’s your baby and your rules so do what makes you feel comfortable.

TheGumption · 15/08/2021 13:21

Is it about covid safety or is it about control and keeping certain relatives at arms length? Only because the way you say "people who have played a part in this pregnancy.." makes it sound like there's something else at play here.
Yanbu to have whoever you want to visit but be truthful and straightforward about your reasoning. As for masks, I think it's OTT but again, your choice.

linerforlife · 15/08/2021 13:22

I had a baby in the first lockdown last year and let my close friends and family meet them a few weeks later that summer. I made them all wear masks and I regret it deeply. All of DDs first photos with loved ones have masks in and I can barely look at them.

linerforlife · 15/08/2021 13:22

Pressed post too soon - basically I massively regret doing it, and so I would encourage you not to make them wear masks.

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 15/08/2021 13:23

@pearlsandpetals I am with you! Your baby, your rules!
I have puppies, not even as fragile as a newborn but I do not let random strangers stroke them just because they are cute.
Once the baby’s immune system is a bit stronger (and a newborn is always ugly duckling) then they can have the pics. Or photoshop ? 🤣

cansu · 15/08/2021 13:29

Why not just wait until the baby is born before making up a series of arbitrary rules? Ranking visitors and deciding who is worthy of seeing baby is utterly ridiculous by the way.

Original poster

pearlsandpetals · 15/08/2021 13:33

This isn't true @cansu I haven't been ranking visitors or deciding who is worthy. I have been having a lot of anxiety lately over covid cases in my area and the risks whilst pregnant and it has made me think about what we are going to do if we are in a similar situation or worse when the baby is born. I said I just don't want everyone showing up on our doorstep - I'd like the keep visitors to close family and friends on both sides.

OP posts:

twinningatlife · 15/08/2021 13:35

Precious first born I'm guessing?....yes you are being ridiculous sorry

Curiosity101 · 15/08/2021 13:40

Have you considered getting vaccinated @pearlsandpetals? That seems the best way to protect your newborn as they'll be born with antibodies, same as with whooping cough. Whilst masks might offer some protection, they're not perfect. Also unless you were planning to isolate when the baby arrives the baby can still come into contact with airborne particles of all sorts of things whilst out and about.

Do you think you'd have felt like this prior to the pandemic during a normal flu season?

The only rules we had for our newborn (2019) was that they had to wash their hands, not visit if they felt unwell and no kisses.

Babynames2 · 15/08/2021 13:44

I would wait and see what the number of cases is like at the time OP. I had my second DD in lockdown last year, when family first met her in the summer she was just 3 months and they all wore masks for the first month or so, until cases were down and she was a bit stronger. I’m due DC3 in the winter and I won’t be asking family to wear masks but I will be asking them to sanitise hands first, and to not visit with coughs/colds due to the flu risk. DD1 will have just started school and she will have the flu vaccine as will DH and I. The risk of flu to a very young baby is more my concern though, rather than Covid as there have been no infant/child deaths from Covid but the flu can be quite dangerous for a young baby.

Babynames2 · 15/08/2021 13:46

Oh and if you haven’t already then get the vaccine. The baby will have some antibodies and you are less likely to be ill with Covid late on in pregnancy.

Abitlost2 · 15/08/2021 13:49

Sounds absolutely nuts, sorry op.. Also "people who played a part in your pregnancy ", what does that even mean? Let me guess, the inlaws especially mil will be masked and gloved up at all times and 2 metres !
Best of luck with your new baby and if you can breastfeeding is also a fantastic way of protecting a newborn with antibodies etc.

gogohm · 15/08/2021 13:52

The best things (better than masks) that you can do are 1. Get vaccinated because baby will get antibodies from you, 2. Good hand hygiene (this is nothing to do with covid, far more like bugs lurk on hands, soap and water rather than hand gel) 3. Restrict visitors to your house for the first 1-2 months to very close family/friends because you will be tired (nothing to do with covid), arrange to meet people outside - I found a pub garden to be excellent, added advantage is you can leave when you have had enough, far easier than getting rid of visitors

aimss4777 · 15/08/2021 13:54

I just recently had a baby 2 weeks ago and I said I'd be doing this plus making people test but actually I haven't! I trust family enough to not have symptoms and I do think we just have to get on with it all now, but as others have said don't worry too much just yet wait and see how things are! Good luck x

BeenThruMoreThanALilBit · 15/08/2021 13:54

What’s more important to you?

The risk of your newborn catching Covid (you’ll have to assess that) or what other people think?

Why aren’t these visitors concerned about the Covid risk?

BeenThruMoreThanALilBit · 15/08/2021 13:56

Also, meeting outdoors mitigates a lot of the risk. Can you arrange that? A “viewing” day for all and sundry in a grandparent’s back garden, then just those you trust to tell you if they’re feeling symptoms visiting you at home?

PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2021 13:56

Have you looked at the risk covid poses to babies?

Neron · 15/08/2021 13:56

How does someone, other than the DH, play a part in someone's pregnancy?

tubbycustardtummyache · 15/08/2021 13:58

I think I would just ask visitors to do an LFT before they visit. Obviously not 100% but a bit more reassuring

TakeYourFinalPosition · 15/08/2021 13:59

@pearlsandpetals My midwife recommended that we "considered" this at my last appointment. We haven't really thought about it yet; I feel that we've done what we can for now by both being double vaccinated, and nobody knows what Winter will be like, but we'll think about it closer to the time.

It already seems that we'll not be allowed any visitors at the hospital, and DH will only be allowed with me when I'm in "active labour" and can't come if I'm induced or stay if I need to be in overnight... I'm far more concerned about that, right now!

That said, we won't be having people just turn up on the door - I don't know anyone with children who has allowed that, pandemic or not! We'd hoped the in-laws could come meet baby at the hospital as they'll be very excited, but I don't think they'll be able to. In all likelihood, they'll come meet baby at ours, and we'll see friends down the line a bit.

pinkcircustop · 15/08/2021 14:00

Yes, YABU and OTT. Covid isn’t really a risk to newborns and you would be being very unfair to make loved ones wear masks.

Stagger visitors sure, because it’s overwhelming with a newborn (although don’t treat your in laws differently to your parents), but don’t impose rules and restrictions upon them.

Pinkpeaches · 15/08/2021 14:01

@pearlsandpetals I actually think this is really sensible and would do this myself. Always better to be safe than sorry xxx

Nightlystroll · 15/08/2021 14:02

I think its a bit of an over-reaction but I'm sure all your family and friends will understand your fears and will want to do what makes you most comfortable. Could they not just take their masks off for photos? Or would that defeat the point?

Abouttoblow · 15/08/2021 14:03

Are you talking about family members visiting and holding the baby? Or midwives and health visitors too? I don't really understand what people who have played a part during the pregnancy means.

PalmsandCharms · 15/08/2021 14:05

Are you going to wear a mask every time you touch your baby? What about baby's father......does he have to wear a mask everytime he touches his child?

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