To make visitors wear masks when holding our newborn

[pearlsandpetals]

Hi everyone! I'm currently pregnant and due later this year.. I've started thinking about what measures to put into place to keep our baby safe, particularly if covid cases are high at the time and also because it will be the middle of winter and cold/flu season. I'm thinking that anyone who wishes to hold our newborn baby should have to wear a mask and sanitise hands first. My partner disagrees with the mask wearing and thinks that it's not fair to ask family to wear them, as they will want nice photos with the baby. I also think want there should be a limit on the number of visitors until our baby is at least a couple of months old. I want just close family members and people who have been played a part during the pregnancy to visit. Are these things unreasonable? I don't want to be made to feel like it is OTT but I just want to do everything I can to make sure our baby is safe and healthy whilst her immune system is so fragile.

@RogueV

Too much.

You’ll regret it

why?

[quote TakeYourFinalPosition]@Tilly18101 Is your hospital allowing visitors?

Mine has said they won't this year, under guidance from the RCOG. We can have a single birthing partner, but that's all, no other visitors regardless of length of stay. They sent me a spreadsheet of Trusts that showed that nobody else was planning to change this either, but I'd be interested if that might change!

The in-laws are very excited to come and see us in hospital, I feel pretty bad that they aren't going to be able to. They don't think coming to see us at home will be the same (although they will, of course!)[/quote]
@TakeYourFinalPosition no not yet, but we know a lot of people who work in our trust hospital, who have said they are looking to change the restrictions following sept depending on the Covid guidelines/numbers etc to have some limited visitation but with guidance - likely would include must vaccinated and have a negative LF test?

Either way even if they do open up, we won’t be allowing visitors for safety (not just Covid germs that spread!) but also I am keen for that initial nuclear family bonding time, I don’t want to be overwhelmed.

I think everyone is being really mean here.
This is a new mums first baby, with that comes anxieties anyway. This is during a global pandemic and she wants to protect her lovely little tiny baby from catching covid 19. Completely reasonable to ask people to wear masks and wash hands. You might feel okay to let people whip them off for a photo but I don't think you're being unreasonable at all op!

Definitely op.
A pp on another thread said how next door neighbour came to see her baby with two snotty toddlers and her tiny newborn ended up in hospital.

People are strangely defensive when it comes to their own germs... They don't believe they have any.
Your job as mum is protected your new born esp in winter.

They don't have to "hold" the baby at all, at a push... Grandparent but no one else..

There are a lot of passive aggressive responses on here aren’t there. You do what you want to op, wether thats people having had vaccines/masks/tests etc. Or limited visits/outside. Lots of options.

Babies/children can catch Covid and yes they can get sick it may be much rarer than adults but it can and does happen. Not all children that catch Covid are asymptomatic. Some feel pretty grotty with it. We also have the added bonuses of winter rsv and flu upcoming. You can’t stop children getting ill forever but would it be the end of the world to help a new baby with little immunity in the first weeks of life? I’d have no problem with it.

No it doesn’t normally happen, but then normally we aren’t in a pandemic with lockdowns causing surges of illness in the population as we reopen.

If Covid is an issue at the time I'd happily comply with that. Babies need to us protect them, it's not a lot to ask when their immune system is still weak.

Are you going to wear a mask too. I'm sure you'll be just as much of a risk than others, probably more since you'll have been the one in hospital? 1 in 10 people in hospital with covid caught it in hospital. Unless your visitors are working in a covid rife place e.g. a hospital you and your DH are just as much of a risk to DC.

Your fear is understandable, OP, though a bit illogical. Newborns are not as fragile as you think though.

I live in Mexico City and a maternity hospital fell during the 1985 earthquake. Newborn babies were retrieved alive after two weeks under the rubble.

@pearlsandpetals Your baby, your rules OP! Please don’t let anyone guilt you into anything different. I do agree with what @linerforlife has said though. I also had my first baby during lockdown last year and I have masks in some photos - including on my DH in our first hospital pictures (which obviously we couldn’t change) but I hate looking back at them now and having that huge reminder of covid in the photos.

If I were having a baby as things stand currently I would ask family and friends that are visiting to do a lateral flow test that morning and everyone would wash their hands as they arrive. I wouldn’t ask them to wear a mask.
With regard to limiting visitors - please do!! Enjoy your time as a new family. I had a very strict “if you turn up unannounced you don’t get in” policy and stuck to it.
I also had distant family members sending me messages on Facebook etc 2 days after the birth - “Send me your address so we can pop by for a wee cuddle with baby at the weekend”. We’ve lived in our current house for 7 years. I’m afraid if you’ve never had a reason to catch up with me or know where I live in those 7 years then you certainly don’t need to be cuddling my newborn in the first week of his life during a global pandemic 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

We allowed mine and DHs parents, our siblings and a couple of our closest friends. We took baby to visit each of our grandparents that week too as our house isn’t hugely accessible.

Visitors wearing masks to hold a baby. OP, no offense but I have heard it all now. Seriously how do you get through life and deal with the big things?

Do what feel right for you. We formed a bubble with my parents but other grandparents had to wear masks and no one else including my siblings got to hold the baby until the were 8 weeks. My babies have coincidentally both been to the nnu with respiratory issues so I was taking no risks. I'm sure people talked about us behind our backs but we shielded for the 3rd trimester so we weren't being hypocritical.

I have Always washed my hands before handline a baby. I never ask to hold a baby but am delighted to do so if invited by parents. If a parent asked me to wear a mask I would be happy to do this as it is what they want.

Lol

I think limiting visitors is the thing you should do, to give you and your DP a bit of space and time in an exhausting period. Face coverings or not holding the baby is secondary.

A close relative had a baby last summer and we only got to meet the baby at Easter because they were so anxious about covid. It was utterly heartbreaking to miss out on those early months but it was their decision and we don't hold it against them. Just sharing this to say that you just need to do what you feel comfortable with and whilst family might not agree, they should support your decision. The only thing I would say is just communicate what you decide well because our relative didn't and just avoided the subject which meant we basically isolated through much of our kids summer holiday thinking that we would be able to visit if we did that. I wasn't angry with them about their anxiety but I was massively frustrated that they didn't just tell us how they were feeling.

Not OTT at all. My baby is 8 weeks old & I've limited the number of visitors we've had and that's with a negative test, wearing masks & not holding the baby. She was in the NICU after birth & we were separated. I am not going through anything like that again. I don't care who is vexed or pleased about it; my job isn't to lookout for anyone's feelings, my job is to care for my baby.

And the "covid doesn't pose risks to infants" brigade never think about a) long covid and b) the fact that if the mother gets covid and is incapacitated and no longer able to care for the baby.

Your baby, your rules. I didn't carry her, mind her, birth her and care for her for other people to get their knickers in a twist because I ask them to wear mask and wash their hands in a global pandemic.

Yanbu. If I had to wear mask I wouldn’t come. Hand sanitising, yes that’s basic hygiene.

I'm due next month and I am asking everyone to sanitise their hands when they come over and to not kiss baby. Along with asking people not to come if they have colds/sniffles. I don't think you're being OTT, she's your baby and you're doing all you can to keep her safe! As long as people know ahead of time then they can choose whether to come or not.

You're not being ridiculous; I would be thinking exactly the same as you if I were pregnant now. And no PFB syndrome here; I'm a weary mother of two teens.

Do whatever you feel comfortable with. Your baby your rules. And I don't think you're being ridiculous. If friends and family don't like your rules - their problem.

Honestly, unless grandparents, I doubt most people would expect to hold a baby during the pandemic. I’ve seen two good friends with newborns in recent weeks and did not expect to hold the babies, although in normal times I imagine I would have (I didn’t hold the babies. Met one indoors without masks and another outdoors). Family members have had babies during the pandemic and no one but the parents held the babies for a long time. No one had an issue with this. I’m due a baby over winter too and I’ll be happy to let my MIL hold her I think, but don’t anticipate as many friends etc holding her as my first.

I think masks is way OTT but limiting visitors to people you actually want to see is reasonably sensible. I had a baby in a bad flu year and we definitely didn’t want anyone with a cold or any symptoms coming round but it wouldn’t have crossed my mind for a second to ask people to wear masks. What do you think would happen to your baby if you had older children at nursery or school? Would they have to mask to see their sibling?

Your baby, your choice. I’m in 7 weeks and personally won’t be asking anyone who visits to wear masks, but I aren’t planning on having a lot of visitors, which has nothing to do with covid.

That should say ‘I’m due in 7 weeks’

You might find people don't necessarily expect to hold the baby like in normal times. I have a lockdown baby and even now people are surprised and delighted if I suggest they hold her. Totally different to with my first born, who was automatically passed around my workplace when I visited etc