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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make visitors wear masks when holding our newborn

162 replies

pearlsandpetals · 15/08/2021 13:18

Hi everyone! I'm currently pregnant and due later this year.. I've started thinking about what measures to put into place to keep our baby safe, particularly if covid cases are high at the time and also because it will be the middle of winter and cold/flu season. I'm thinking that anyone who wishes to hold our newborn baby should have to wear a mask and sanitise hands first. My partner disagrees with the mask wearing and thinks that it's not fair to ask family to wear them, as they will want nice photos with the baby. I also think want there should be a limit on the number of visitors until our baby is at least a couple of months old. I want just close family members and people who have been played a part during the pregnancy to visit. Are these things unreasonable? I don't want to be made to feel like it is OTT but I just want to do everything I can to make sure our baby is safe and healthy whilst her immune system is so fragile.

OP posts:
whosaidtha · 15/08/2021 17:44

I think it's really important babies see faces. I'd hate to think that my baby had only seen part of peoples faces for the first few months.

Hopefulhedgehog · 15/08/2021 17:44

If someone actually has covid and is holding your baby I really doubt a mask would make much difference to the chances of them spreading it given they would be touching baby and in very close proximity. If you are anxious then it would be more sensible just to restrict visitors altogether or meet people outside and not have them hold your newborn.

saraclara · 15/08/2021 17:59

If Covid is still at reasonably high rates, I'd simply check that visitors were vaccinated, and ask them to do an LFT beforehand. If they're very close family they'll want to, because they won't want to risk the baby either. But no, no masks. They would make what should be a lovely introduction into something clinical and unpleasant.

Babies need to see faces. Even newborns look for them.

aiwblam · 15/08/2021 18:03

When my ds was born 15 years ago the HV/MW (I don’t remember) said I should only have very close family over in the first 4 weeks. Protecting a newborn has always been normal as their immune systems are not fully developed. I think that for your immediate family, as long as they are not stupid or working in high risk settings, you could allow them not to wear masks. But hand washing is usual anyway for newborns. I wouldn’t have picked my nieces up without washing my hands when they were tiny - just basic manners and safety.

There is a thread that a poster just started where a friend with a cough/cold (that he’d had for several days) was apparently unaware he could potentially have Covid. He walked into her house and she gave him a LFT and it was positive. When I say “stupid” I mean people like that.

Hardchoices · 15/08/2021 18:06

Ignore masks and sanitizer. If you really want to protect your baby get vaccinated whilst pregnant - the baby will be born with protection and then breastfeed so the baby gets the best nutrition and can build its immune system. Fed is not best when it comes to immune systems. Formula cannot match breast milk. Don’t come at me for this - I mixed fed my kids as I couldn’t manage 100% breastfeeding.

StillUpholding · 15/08/2021 18:19

I’m due DC2 around new year, and won’t be asking people to wear masks, but would expect people to be sensible and wash their hands, not visit if unwell and not kiss the baby just as I would at any time. It feels a bit of an OTT request to me but then I’m not a particularly anxious person, and I can empathise that you feel differently and asses the risk in a different way to me. So if you asked me to wear a mask to meet your lovely newborn I’d happily oblige, it’s not really a hardship. You have to do what you are happy with for your baby.

It sounds like this is stressing you out a bit, and if it is I wouldn’t worry about it for now. We don’t know how things will be in a few months. Things might be worse and we may have to be wearing masks with limited mixing anyway. Or numbers may be really low and it won’t seem necessary to you anymore.

I’d say the same about worrying about visitors to. I was bored stiff stuck on the sofa after my c section and loved people turning up to talk to, show off my baby and take her for a few minutes while I hobbled to the loo or drank a hot cuppa. But again, that’s me. My visitors were all reasonable people who didn’t outstay their welcome and didn’t expect to be hosted. I wouldn’t be offended if someone suggested they weren’t ready for a visit straight away. If you have any very difficult relatives that you are concerned about then yes it would be wise to set some boundaries in advance. If your family and friends are normal nice people however I wouldn’t bother setting any rules now and just see how you feel. If you aren’t up to visitors just say you’ve had a bit of a tough time/no sleep or whatever, would they be available for a visit in a few weeks, or meet at xyz once you are back on your feet. “The hospital have recommended we encourage visitors to wear masks for the first few weeks” could be a get out if you do decide you want to go ahead with the masks once baby is here.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy Smile

MikeWozniaksGloriousTache · 15/08/2021 18:23

Personally I think the masks is a step too far, especially if they’re in your home and only putting a mask on when holding the baby. It won’t make any difference if they do have covid.

Sanitiser / washing hands is basic hygiene and worrying that people are saying to ignore that in my opinion but there are plenty of scruffy buggars out there I suppose.

I’m 39+2 so I get your worry, however most family and friends are now double vaxxed and sensible and that’s all I can ask to be honest. There’s only one of my partners aunts I’m wary of as she is an ardent anti-vaxxer, and deliberately inflammatory throughout the lockdowns in terms of goading arguments and forcing her crackpot “science” in conversations and crying over her sisters getting the vaccine. I just have no time for her and don’t want to deal with her, luckily DP feels same.

Dandy0911 · 15/08/2021 18:25

I had a baby in November.
I didn't ask family to wear masks.
I think you're being OTT.. covid on babies is SO low risk. My bay had it when she was 6 weeks old, and we had only gone to Morrison's.

Just a bit of common sense and LFTs before visitors..

And how do you mean played part in the pregnancy??

I had all the same intentions as you by they quickly went out the window when DD was born. Will you, or your babies dad wear masks and wash hands EACH time you touch your baby?

Fleetw00d · 15/08/2021 19:18

I had a baby earlier this year, I was also quite anxious but instead of mask wearing I did the following:
No visitors for 2 weeks
Every visitor had to do a lateral flow test before coming over
Hand washing before holding baby
No kissing baby - tbh I think this should be a rule all the time

I felt much less anxious having visitors knowing we had put these measures in place.

Also I know I'll be in the minority here but there's lots of posters advising you to get the vaccine, don't feel pressured to do that if you don't feel comfortable.

Kanaloa · 15/08/2021 19:36

I think it’s over the top personally, but would do so if a family member asked me to. I would think it was a bit much but I’d do it.

Lots of people in public will come across your baby not wearing a mask though. I was on the bus today with ds7 and it was just me and the driver wearing masks.

Kanaloa · 15/08/2021 19:37

Also, what about you and your husband? If he’s going out to work/shopping he’s as likely to pass it to your child as anyone else is, so it doesn’t really seem logical to me that granny/uncle would be dangerous and have to wear a mask (or do tests as a pp suggested) when your husband could bring it home just as easily.

8dpwoah · 15/08/2021 19:50

I think masks for a prolonged period would make communication quite stilted aside from anything else. I am toying with asking people to do LFT before they set off to visit us as certain parts of both families aren't being very careful, but most of those people test for work anyway so it's not going to be hard to bring it up. I may not, we'll see. Otherwise it will just be hand san and no kissing which is pretty much the norm?

We staggered visitors last time and wholeheartedly recommend it anyway- I'd had a horrible time, we'd both been poorly and MIL wanted to turn up (from miles away so would be a full day visit) the morning after we got discharged. Luckily she was told in no uncertain terms that NOBODY was coming until we were ready and we picked a date for her a few days later that meant she got to stay overnight and have a far nicer time than an awkward very early visit. I couldn't think of anything worse than having visitors to the hospital, what's the point?

Namenic · 15/08/2021 19:52

I don’t think you’re being OTT to consider these things. I am due in autumn. By that time I will have had 2nd vax. I have low baseline contact with public - don’t need to use public transport, don’t have school kids. So visitors will make a difference to risk to newborn. I will limit visiting to close relatives. All these will be double vax by then, though some will have high contact with public. I will request they isolate for 1 or 2 days (if possible) and take LFT before visiting (and no visiting if unwell). I won’t ask them to wear masks but will try and open the windows when visiting. An alternative would be to meet them outside and they can see and hold baby’s hand but maybe not carry.

As baby gets older eg 8, 12 weeks I’ll probably relax these. I’m not bothered if they don’t want to see baby because of these requests. I’m close to them and we just zoom/message.

User5827372728 · 15/08/2021 20:13

Maybe just meet to for walks and baby can be seen from pram if you’re worried.

Summersun2020 · 15/08/2021 20:15

Hugely OTT and very unreasonable. Also, limiting. Suitors to mil members who have been “involved in the pregnancy” (???) what does that even mean? Actually sad that you’ll have lots of loving family members wanting to meet your baby but you’re happy to deprive them of each other. A real shame.

Alleycat02 · 15/08/2021 20:20

No, that is massively unreasonable of you, sorry. I would always wash hands before holding a new baby anyway regardless of covid but the mask is a hard no. Wouldn't ask it of anyone visiting my new baby.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 15/08/2021 20:22

It's definitely OTT.

Will they need a negative LFT also?

I'd probably tolerate it if the parents were also wearing a mask.

JeVoudrais · 15/08/2021 20:25

Covid is very different to this time last year. I think you're using it as an excuse. If you don't want people around you have to own that.

DD was born last July and we made people wear masks. Another poster said they bitterly regret this, I don't regret it at all. Doesn't bother me that people are wearing masks in photos with DD. It's an interesting time in history.

Eralos · 15/08/2021 20:29

Are babies in the high risk category? (Not being goady it’s a genuine question..

Soverymuchfruit · 15/08/2021 20:33

@JeVoudrais

Huh? Covid is FAR more prevalent now it was last July. And delta may well be more serious for newborns - absolutely is in pregnancy. So yes, I agree things are very different from last year - in that it is MORE reasonable for OP to take these precautions, than it was for you last year.

Darthwader · 15/08/2021 20:36

Your baby is not a fairground attraction. People will not be queuing up for the honor of holding her.

ShinyMe · 15/08/2021 20:37

I don't have a baby, but I would absolutely offer to put a mask on to hold a friend/colleague's baby! Why would I not?

Darthwader · 15/08/2021 20:38

Honour

tiredmama2020 · 15/08/2021 20:39

@unicornpower

I'm due next month and I am asking everyone to sanitise their hands when they come over and to not kiss baby. Along with asking people not to come if they have colds/sniffles. I don't think you're being OTT, she's your baby and you're doing all you can to keep her safe! As long as people know ahead of time then they can choose whether to come or not.
@unicornpower Do visitors kiss babies normally?! 😬😳
JeVoudrais · 15/08/2021 20:46

@Soverymuchfruit

Last summer we had virtually no data about babies who had covid and whether they lived or died. We also did not have vaccinations which reduces transmission to some extent. We also know that surface transmission is likely to be very, very rare which we did not know then. The lack of testing capacity last summer means it's like comparing apples with pears to look at the numbers of cases by tests.

I don't know anyone more afraid of covid now than they were last year, including those heavily pregnant and with young babies.