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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to let 12 yo DD go out wearing these shorts?

378 replies

christyt114 · 15/08/2021 11:33

DH says I am.

DD (12) (but looks about 14) has these shorts which I got for her to exercise in but she says they're comfortable and likes them so wears them out and about.

Yesterday she wore them with a short top when she walked to meet her friend. They got a Costa then walked back to ours.

DH said she was "asking for trouble" because she was wearing the shorts and wants me to tell her she can't wear them out and about.

He reckons a paedophile will look at her and think "her parents don't care about her" and will abduct her.

(She made it home safely by the way).

Who's BU?

AIBU to let 12 yo DD go out wearing these shorts?
OP posts:
StarDrawers · 15/08/2021 13:30

Looks cold

Silvershroud · 15/08/2021 13:30

@PurpleDaisies

Yes people should be able to wear what they like but that's just not the reality sadly.. we have to take some responsibility for ourselves as women to keep safe…

Fuck off.

Did you see what Sarah Everard was wearing when she was killed?

What was Sarah Everard wearing? I don't think I've seen it reported anywhere.
CatsArePeople · 15/08/2021 13:31

people like your husband are the trouble

mog27 · 15/08/2021 13:34

@Silvershroud it's easy to find online. The danger with some attitudes on this thread is that children will think they are safe if they are covered up and sadly it's not true.

www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-london-56281473

spongedod · 15/08/2021 13:37

@FreeSpirits

What's the difference of seeing a penis outlined through tight shorts or a camel toe?

Where the fuck are you getting a camel toe?

Nobody has mentioned a fucking camel toe

Stop trying to shame people FFS - it's a 12 year old kid and a pair of fucking shorts.

FreeSpirits · 15/08/2021 13:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Derbee · 15/08/2021 13:40

The vitriol aimed at your DH here is unfair. It’s wildly inappropriate for anyone to wear such tight tiny shorts around town, in Costa etc. Never mind whether she’s 12 or 22, it’s not a look I would want for my child, or my friend

GalaxyGirl24 · 15/08/2021 13:42

I've seen a lot of young teen girls out wearing them, on one hand I think why not. Young and confident, look lovely, fashionable and if men can't control themselves or their eyes that's the actual issue in society....however on another hand I can see your DHs point, there's not really an equivalent popular fashion item for men. You never see young lads out in hot pants as athleisure wear and it smacks of all the issues in the olympics where women have items that cater to the male gaze whereas the men can be comfy

Bretoony · 15/08/2021 13:43

@CatsArePeople

people like your husband are the trouble
Absolutely, he's disgusting and if he cared about his daughter he should be spending less time at home watching sick incest porn on the internet and more time out telling men to stop raping women.
PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2021 13:43

What was Sarah Everard wearing? I don't think I've seen it reported anywhere.

A coat and trousers.

Google not working for you?

DdraigGoch · 15/08/2021 13:45

@dementedpixie

Obviously not in Scotland then! She would have frozen her tits off wearing that outfit yesterday Grin
Well, I'd hope that she was wearing a top too. Shorts aren't usually designed for keeping that bit warm!
Branleuse · 15/08/2021 13:45

lots of girls clothing being teeny tiny and a bit sexualised is so normal, but if your 12 year old boy wanted to go out wearing tiny booty shorts then I expect he would also get unwanted attention from men too, and even if they said it was comfy, we would be more concerned of the connotations, so im always a bit bemused by people who insist there are no connotations to the clothes people wear. This does not mean that if someone acts on it then it is the childs fault, because it isnt, but id rather my kids were more invisible to older pervy men when out and about

mam0918 · 15/08/2021 13:46

@christyt114

DH says I am.

DD (12) (but looks about 14) has these shorts which I got for her to exercise in but she says they're comfortable and likes them so wears them out and about.

Yesterday she wore them with a short top when she walked to meet her friend. They got a Costa then walked back to ours.

DH said she was "asking for trouble" because she was wearing the shorts and wants me to tell her she can't wear them out and about.

He reckons a paedophile will look at her and think "her parents don't care about her" and will abduct her.

(She made it home safely by the way).

Who's BU?

I wore shorts like that at 5 year old... never got abducted.

If you look at a child in this and think shes 'asking for it' you really need to review your own views.

It really would be a million to one thing to be kidnapped by a strange peadophile (mass majority of abductions are by family) and most kids getting 'stranger' abducted are crimes of sheer oppitunity not based at all on their clothing.

A girl a my school got horribly raped in a random attack by a serial rapist while walking her dog (so bad police issued local curfews for months and where patrolling the streets) its a really rare crime to happen but she dressed really modestly due to her religeon so absoloutly no way was what happened linked to her outfit.

spongedod · 15/08/2021 13:47

@Branleuse

What's the relevance of the man?

flameycakes · 15/08/2021 13:52

Is the mn theme today what 14 year old teens girls should/shouldn't be wearing and weirdos?

liveforsummer · 15/08/2021 13:55

@Branleuse do you honestly think that is a relevant comparison - too small, see through shorts that actually expose a mans penis visually to a pair of black, well fitting, non see through black running shorts on a 12 year old girl? One exposes genitals and one does not. It's the exposing of genitals that is the problem not the legs. I have no issue seeing that much of a mans legs!

godmum56 · 15/08/2021 13:56

i don't go to gyms or run but i really don't get the "Its ok for the gym or exercise but not in public" thing Are there no men in gyms or parks and open areas?

Redwinestillfine · 15/08/2021 13:56

You are both being unreasonable. The shorts are not really children's attire, not sure why they make stuff like this is children's sizes. It makes it a nightmare trying to choose appropriate clothes and it's only ever for girks. I never struggle finding shorts for my son. Your husband's attitude isn't correct though, or helpful in the slightest. I wouldn't let my DD ( or ds) out in those shorts though.

NigellaSeed · 15/08/2021 14:00

Agree that she should be able to wear what she likes. But it's tricky because, well they're basically sports pants.
But, if she wore that outfit and got gross comments from men, it's still the man's fault for being a dick.

I guess I'm thinking, she should be able to wear what she wants, but it's a shame she doesn't have better taste? (Obvs at 12 not many kids do!)

Persephonegoddess · 15/08/2021 14:01

Got to be honest, they look like girls boxers, not shorts..... with a crop top they look like a bikini... would you go to costa in a bikini ?

Dh comments are totally wrong.

knittingaddict · 15/08/2021 14:02

@Brokenrecord3006

She's not asking for trouble at all. If I saw a child wearing those shorts and a short top in costa I'd just think they look a bit of a state.
Looked a bit of a state? What does that even mean?
gogohm · 15/08/2021 14:04

I wouldn't have let mine because they were children and not would I wear them out except beach & exercise. Cropped tops too I think look wrong on kids. They had shorts like that to wear under short dresses

costcocosmos · 15/08/2021 14:05

I'm with your DH. I don't care that in a politically correct world it wouldn't be an issue, but in the world we live, sadly it is. She is going to attract attention to herself that she won't know how to deal with. Let her grow up first, and then let her wear what she wants.

I saw a beautiful young woman walking through town wearing these with a cropped top. Middle aged me thought it was a bit much, but fair enough, but every singe bloke oggled her. It wasn't nice. She absolutely knew this was happening, and was obviously very happy with the attention, but at 12? No.

PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2021 14:06

Got to be honest, they look like girls boxers, not shorts..... with a crop top they look like a bikini... would you go to costa in a bikini?

No, they will look like a sporty set someone would wear to a gym.

Plenty of teens are wearing similar around here. It’s just what’s fashionable for some of them. It’s pretty normal to see people wearing sports kit round and about.

gogohm · 15/08/2021 14:06

Btw no connection to assaults, just appropriate clothing in public. I use the American Airlines guide Grin if they wouldn't let you on board it's not for trips to town (nightclubs perhaps excepted)