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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to let 12 yo DD go out wearing these shorts?

378 replies

christyt114 · 15/08/2021 11:33

DH says I am.

DD (12) (but looks about 14) has these shorts which I got for her to exercise in but she says they're comfortable and likes them so wears them out and about.

Yesterday she wore them with a short top when she walked to meet her friend. They got a Costa then walked back to ours.

DH said she was "asking for trouble" because she was wearing the shorts and wants me to tell her she can't wear them out and about.

He reckons a paedophile will look at her and think "her parents don't care about her" and will abduct her.

(She made it home safely by the way).

Who's BU?

AIBU to let 12 yo DD go out wearing these shorts?
OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 15/08/2021 14:46

@grapewine

I can't believe her father said she was 'asking for trouble." Ugh. He needs some education.
I know. I can't get past that either. I'd have to have it out with him. Ask him to clarify if he really believes that his daughter is wearing those particular clothes because she wants to be ogled or assaulted by men.
AlmostSummer21 · 15/08/2021 14:47

@Wheretobuy

They are not shorts. They are bloody underwear.
No they're not.

They are shorts.

Bretoony · 15/08/2021 14:50

Ask him to clarify if he really believes that his daughter is wearing those particular clothes because she wants to be ogled or assaulted by men.

I wouldn't be asking him anything, I'd be kicking the pervert out of the house.

Makes me sick.

GintyMcGinty · 15/08/2021 14:53

Nothing wrong with her wearing those shorts.

Your DH's reaction is bloody awful though.

liveforsummer · 15/08/2021 14:53

There's another thread currently running where a poster is insisting that leggings are intended as underwear and not appropriate as a stand alone trouser for an 8 year old. There's some people on here you'll never reason with!

Mintjulia · 15/08/2021 14:57

Of course your dd is not asking for trouble', that's a vile turn of phrase.

However, if she wears those shorts and a crop top, she is likely to receive the kind of attention from men that might make her (or you) uncomfortable.

I know it shouldn't be that way, but it is and the world won't change by Tuesday just because it should. I'd encourage your dd to take a longer top with her so if she starts to feel uncomfortable, she can put it on over the top.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 15/08/2021 14:59

@234Pepperplant

I don’t think she’s “asking for trouble”, but those shorts with a crop top are exercise wear - I personally wouldn’t be thrilled about my child going out to Costa like that, although I’m not sure banning anything will achieve much. But in my view it’s not appropriate clothing for the activity. Absolutely fine for running in or going to a yoga class. Similarly a bikini - fine on a beach or by a swimming pool, not for walking round Tesco.

I don’t think it makes her at higher risk of being abducted, that’s just hyperbole. She might get the odd leering comment though.

It is exercise wear not street wear. Your DH is right.
Maddison12 · 15/08/2021 14:59

He reckons a paedophile will look at her and think "her parents don't care about her" and will abduct her.

Wow, that's^ honestly one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read.

12 is still quite young but all the young people around here wear them.

DoubleShotEspresso · 15/08/2021 15:00

I'd be enraged with your DH for his comments, though I'd never let my child wear these outside the house or inside of a sports context. They're just not in my mind "outside wear" sorry.

PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2021 15:01

It is exercise wear not street wear

What’s the difference? Loads of people out and about in gym wear. Fashions change.

ComeonJulia · 15/08/2021 15:01

Asking for trouble?? Wow

My DD has these in many colours, she wears them all the time. She’s 8.

bathsh3ba · 15/08/2021 15:01

I don't think they're appropriate for a 12 year old outside of a gym so I wouldn't let her wear them out. But I would definitely challenge the 'asking for trouble' comment.

Tuscancat · 15/08/2021 15:02

Your daughter is not responsible for what men do.
But as I say the shorts are totally inappropriate.
I can't believe how disingenuous posters are being on this thread. Of course men aren't walking around in budgie smugglers which is the equivalent. Pretending shorts are the same is ridiculous.
As I say no one needs to know what you look like in your underwear, male or female whatever age. Swimming stuff at the beach fine. But this is Costa. It isn't considerate to others.

PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2021 15:03

It isn't considerate to others.

What harm is me wearing shorts doing to others?

gerispringer · 15/08/2021 15:04

Once took a group of sixth formers to a well known London police HQ for a talk. One girl turned up in little shorts and a crop top . She was denied entry. Rightly so in my view, there is appropriate and inappropriate wear for different situations. Exercise shorts and a little top are fine in the gym. But not street wear unless it’s for standing on the corners. Maybe it shouldn’t be like that but if a boy was in tight fitting shorts and nothing much on top I think that would be inappropriate too.

youdoyoutoday · 15/08/2021 15:06

I understand your husbands concern though he probably didn't express himself in the best way. Personally, I don't like those shorts to wear for anything other than exercise, they look like pants!

godmum56 · 15/08/2021 15:06

@grapewine

I don't want to see people wondering around in exercise gear who are not exercising. I'm concerned that 'comfortable' leads to not caring about weight, and most of those in 'athleisure' wear are those doing little exercise and in denial about this.

The BS spouted on here sometimes. It's wandering, btw.

^^ this
Mummyoflittledragon · 15/08/2021 15:07

@Redwinestillfine

You are both being unreasonable. The shorts are not really children's attire, not sure why they make stuff like this is children's sizes. It makes it a nightmare trying to choose appropriate clothes and it's only ever for girks. I never struggle finding shorts for my son. Your husband's attitude isn't correct though, or helpful in the slightest. I wouldn't let my DD ( or ds) out in those shorts though.
Most 12 year olds will be wearing women’s sizes so this is a moot point.

My dd is 13 and has a couple of pairs of these. She asked for them to wear under her school skirts. Some of her friends wear them as shorts but she doesn’t tend to do so. A few months ago she went to a friend’s house after school, removed the skirt then went to the park. I had to explain I didn’t like that look as it unfortunately says sexy school girl asking for it on the pervmandar…. When in fact it was just school girl, who removed took hated school skirt as she has shorts underneath.

My dd wears the legging version or cycling shorts out. They are just shorts and your dd should be able to just wear them without fear of attracting male attention. But we know this is not true.

I know male attention doesn’t mean they’ll rape but it’s uncomfortable, disgusting and inappropriate. If my dd does decide to wear them, I’d be happier with her in a group of kids rather than her alone or and just one or two friends iyswim. Safety in numbers as always.

Bretoony · 15/08/2021 15:07

@Maddison12

He reckons a paedophile will look at her and think "her parents don't care about her" and will abduct her.

Wow, that's^ honestly one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read.

12 is still quite young but all the young people around here wear them.

Exactly - I'd be more concerned for my daughter that my husband knows how a paedophile thinks.
Tuscancat · 15/08/2021 15:08

I already explained @PurpleDaisies many many people don't want to know what you look like in your underwear. There is a time and a place and it isn't Costa.
Do you think they'd let you in the Royal Box at Wimbledon dressed like that? If not why not?
And I'll say again where are all the teen boys wandering around Costa in budgie smugglers? Why aren't they doing it.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 15/08/2021 15:09

@Booboosweet

I think they're fine with a long top. Not a crop top though.
Why ever not?!!!

And as for your DH saying she's asking for trouble ... Jesus, so much to unpick.

The solution to predominantly male predatory behaviour is not to police the wardrobe of a 12 year old girl.

TheNestedIf · 15/08/2021 15:09

I don't think "Asking for trouble" necessarily means "Is inviting men to perv at her", or "Is responsible for men perving at her". The sad reality is that the daughter is almost certainly going to get harassed at some point in her life, whatever she is wearing and the father is aware of this. We all are. Short shorts are like a Bat Signal to sex pests. So is a school uniform, for that matter, but they are unavoidable.

The daughter should be able to wear whatever she likes, however, at 12 is it fair to expect her to have the knowhow or the confidence to deal with pushy, creepy, adult male perverts?

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 15/08/2021 15:13

The daughter is 12 .. therefore her parents responsibility to keep her safe and protected. He's not a dickhead for wanting that for his child in the world we live in today. I think he's being a concerned parent, and rightly so imo

///

So maybe she can wear what she likes and any concern for what men may do could be channeled into challenging this attitude in society and/or calling men out where necessary?

My DD 12 wears shortks like this snd DH would address the root cause if necessary.

PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2021 15:13

Do you think they'd let you in the Royal Box at Wimbledon dressed like that?

I’m not going to the royal box. I’m going to Costa after yoga. I look like I’m wearing gym kit, not underwear. It is obviously a gym outfit.
I have seen men in gym kit in there too.

Again, how is that inconsiderate to anyone else?

Unsure33 · 15/08/2021 15:13

@Bretoony

Everyone knows how paedophiles think ? There are stories constantly in the papers .

He was only having a clumsy way of expressing his fears and protecting his daughter .

It’s because there are weirdos out there that we have to think about things we would rather not .

Of course in an ideal world we could all go out wearing whatever we want at anytime of the night or day completely on our own .

But life is not like that unfortunately .