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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say yes, I am a part of this village?

279 replies

draghimtothemits · 15/08/2021 07:33

I recently joined the local village FB group having recently moved here.

I asked a question about what local hospital people generally used since it isn't clear which one is the local one.

A few responses there, then a woman asked 'where are you then dear'. I explained I was in one of the new build houses at the back.

The responses are out there! 6 different people falling over themselves to say I'm NOT a part of the village.

One comment said 'that's not x village, that's the outskirts'

I said my address is this very village. He replied 'no, that simply isn't possible' Confused

Another response said 'you're not one of us! You should be banned'. Granted, that comment for a few laughing face reactions, but not a soul has come on to say that yes, I am a part of the village.

AIBU to think I am a part of the village?!

OP posts:
user1499114292 · 15/08/2021 11:39

I know the village op is talking about. One of my neighbours came from there, and it seemed to be a hugely important part of her identity. Completely disproportionate in my opinion. She moved to a flat locally in Hitchin, after her daughter left home, and has since moved to another small village, she doesn’t like town life (after 20 years or so). It’s a mindset that I’ve never come across - pride in being a brummie, or whatever, absolutely, but it was in her dna, somehow. OP how did you end up there?

AngryWhompingWillow · 15/08/2021 11:41

@draghimtothemits Scarecrow contest! I wonder if you are part of my village! We have had one of them twice this past 4 years.

Also, a few people are snooty arses here too. But they are very few thankfully.

There are also 'new builds' on the outskirts of the village, but I - and most people I know - absolutely class the people that live here, as part of the village.

I have lived here 12 years, and live in a cottage in the 'old' part of the village, and people are really friendly in general. Although, it was a year or two before some people spoke to us 'properly.' (As we were 'outsiders!'

I absolutely love it here though. SO does DH. We came from a big town, that was a bit polluted, a bit overcrowded, and quite crime-ridden. It's like Heaven being here. Close to the canal, close to the river, and close to woodlands. I will never move.

Our little cul de sac is lovely, and the 10 properties in it have really lovely people, and we all look out for each other, help in an emergency, and chat across the garden hedges and fences in the summertime. It was the perfect place to be during lockdown. People were so supportive of one another, and there were loads of lovely places to go for a walk.

We would never have got that in the big town. We lived in a suburb for 8 years, and hardly anyone spoke to us, we never mixed with anyone, and people were quite hostile. There was no community at all

But yeah, of course you are part of the village. Anyone saying you're not is being very petty and rude.

Also, it's nice to get involved in things in village life, but you shouldn't HAVE to. Not everyone has the time, and not everyone wants to. Some people just like to keep themselves to themselves, just say hello when they see you, and help in an emergency.

Ignore the rude feckers! Hope you'll be very happy in YOUR village. Smile

AddressLabel · 15/08/2021 11:42

@C8H10N4O2

So people are up in arms with this as they don’t trust the council not to dump their undesirables on us

So "undesirables" should all go to towns and cities? Do villages never produce "undesirables".

Perhaps people moving to the village should have their finances, social backgrounds and teeth checked by a village approval group before they move in?

Well they would be better catered for there don’t you think? Mental health facilities, actual police officers etc And yes, villages do produce the odd undesirable but not in the quantity that gets dumped into a small economically deprived village all at the same time just so the council can say that they’ve met their obligations.
wonkylegs · 15/08/2021 11:48

We've lived in our village 8yrs, our house is very much in the centre of the village, I've been the chair of the community centre, one of my children was born here and goes to the village school but there are still people who think we aren't village people because we didn't grow up in the village and therefore we never will be.
Villages are full of bonkers people, don't take too much notice of them. There are usually lots of nice people too unfortunately the bonkers ones are often the most vocal ones.

ineedsun · 15/08/2021 11:49

Fuck me! Are you suggesting that A) ‘undesirables’ have mental health issues and that B) they should be housed in specialist facilities or ghettos rather than having the same opportunities as everyone else, just so you can keep your village naice? Because that’s what it sounds like.

NIMBYism at its finest

m0therofdragons · 15/08/2021 11:53

Pretty sure people living in villages can access mental health services Hmm. It’s not like those living in towns all live in walking distance of the services. Village people (like that poster) prefer their villages posh.

CheeseCrackersAndChutney · 15/08/2021 11:53

This sounds like my village!

Hekatestorch · 15/08/2021 11:53

@Puzzledandpissedoff

OP said the land has always been classed as part of the village

Yes but the houses haven't, which is why in the one my ex grew up in, they were still referring to 50 year old properties as "the new estate" Hmm

There's no reasoning with this sort of mentality and logic doesn't come into it, so as said the only thing to do is give them a swerve

I was specifically replying to a point saying the op doesn't live in the village, because it's an extension.

If the land as always been classed as part of the village. The house on it are, part of the village. I wasn't talking in a hearts and minds sense. If the locals what to see them as outsiders, there's not much anyone can do. But they are factually wrong. Op lives in the village.

I absolutely agree she should give them the swerve. Like I said before, a friend of mine is told she isn't part of the village we live in. She has lived there since she was 2 and is now 30. This is because she lives in one of the new houses. She has always lived in the same house so the houses are nearly 30 years old Grin

She is massively involved in the local community especially, village events. But they still treat her like she is 'from the outside', apart for when they need something from here. I would guess they think worse of me, as I have been here 4. But I don't really get involved.

The village my Dad grew up and his family still live in is like this too. My dad's family have been there going back at least 100 years, probably more. They have been a huge part of the community. Most members worked on the lifeboats, several were Captains. They absolutely hate the whole 'you can't say you are from here unless you have been here for 3 generations' and often challenge it. Village life can be a nightmare. You have to see the funny side though.

The Facebook group, for the village where my dad is from is hilarious posts like 'someone has left dog poo at lamppost 32 we will be ensuring surveillance tales place from now on' non of my family know where lamppost 32 is. Nor is anyone likely to reply 'yep that's my dogs. I will go clean it up'

C8H10N4O2 · 15/08/2021 12:05

Well they would be better catered for there don’t you think? Mental health facilities, actual police officers etc And yes, villages do produce the odd undesirable but not in the quantity that gets dumped into a small economically deprived village all at the same time just so the council can say that they’ve met their obligations

Firstly - nice assumption that people in supported living environments automatically need police keeping an eye on them and mental health services.

Secondly - what on earth makes you think these services are any more available in towns and cities?

As PP said - pure NIMBYism.

One of my siblings married into this kind of community. Forever bleating about house prices and lack of opportunity for their kids whilst vigorously lobbying against every development plan (unless its from one of two local families who only ever convert buildings to holiday lets). Even an extension to the doctor's surgery was deemed unacceptable because apparently expanding local services increases the risk of development. You couldn't make it up. Plenty of casual racism on the FB local group too.

Its a beautiful place on the outside but a serious Little Britain mindset inside.

AddressLabel · 15/08/2021 12:08

@ineedsun

Fuck me! Are you suggesting that A) ‘undesirables’ have mental health issues and that B) they should be housed in specialist facilities or ghettos rather than having the same opportunities as everyone else, just so you can keep your village naice? Because that’s what it sounds like.

NIMBYism at its finest

No I’m suggesting that convicted criminals out on bail, and drug addicts etc would be better served in areas where they will have better access to services like mental health facilities and a larger police presence.
C8H10N4O2 · 15/08/2021 12:16

No I’m suggesting that convicted criminals out on bail, and drug addicts etc would be better served in areas where they will have better access to services like mental health facilities and a larger police presence

Supported living houses cover a range of needs, not just "drug addicts and criminals". Nice bit of casual bigotry there.

You seem to live in a fantasy land where townies live in some nirvana of services. Services per head of population are no better, often worse when you take demographics into account.

AngryWhompingWillow · 15/08/2021 12:17

@wonkylegs

There are usually lots of nice people in villages, as well as 'bonkers ones' ... Unfortunately the bonkers ones are often the most vocal ones.

This is SOOOOO true! Grin

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/08/2021 12:18

I wasn't talking in a hearts and minds sense

I know you weren't, Hekatestorch (love the username BTW Smile) but unfortunately it's all some villagers can do - except their hearts are icy cold and their minds are curious things

I recall doing a major "hmmmm" at the village I mentioned's summer fair, where they whined that it "wasn't like it used to be" because of all the new people. Pity they failed to mention that it was mostly the new people running things, because too few of the "residents" had bothered ...

ineedsun · 15/08/2021 12:20

@AddressLabel either you’re incredibly naive or you think I am. A) you can get access to these services in rural places because believe it or not, rural dwellers also have mental health problems, substance misuse issues and offending behaviours, b) for many people, their living situation is what contributes to their issues, breaking that connection and cycle can be the thing which makes the difference.

Hekatestorch · 15/08/2021 12:20

@Puzzledandpissedoff

I wasn't talking in a hearts and minds sense

I know you weren't, Hekatestorch (love the username BTW Smile) but unfortunately it's all some villagers can do - except their hearts are icy cold and their minds are curious things

I recall doing a major "hmmmm" at the village I mentioned's summer fair, where they whined that it "wasn't like it used to be" because of all the new people. Pity they failed to mention that it was mostly the new people running things, because too few of the "residents" had bothered ...

I think you live in the same village I do.

The summer fair incident is so familiar.

And thanks for the username compliment. Most people have no clue what it is lol Smile

Mama1980 · 15/08/2021 12:30

Not really addressing the issue but the scarecrow competition in our village is nearly exclusively done by adults. We get some amazing ones and most adults walk around too even if they don't have children.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/08/2021 12:34

I think you live in the same village I do

Who knows, but the one I mentioned was actually where my ex was raised and it's so toxic that I wouldn't touch it with a bargepole

Ironically I do live right in the centre of a village, but it's a suburban one which has spread to the point where there's little whining now - if the idiots moaned about every new house they'd all have had heart attacks by now!!
Shops, surgeries and all the rest have sprung up to serve "the new people", so there's all the pleasure of living in a lovely place with loads of facilities on the doorstep too ... win-win Grin

goldfinchfan · 15/08/2021 12:38

I really don't have time for any of this type of thing!

OP this is not the attitude to bring acceptance. You sound snobby. Is that the case?

ineedsun · 15/08/2021 12:40

@goldfinchfan

I really don't have time for any of this type of thing!

OP this is not the attitude to bring acceptance. You sound snobby. Is that the case?

Really?!

I don’t think it sounds snobby, she sounds like a mum with a lot on her plate who’s been made to feel very unwelcome in her new community.

Original poster
draghimtothemits · 15/08/2021 12:44

@goldfinchfan

I really don't have time for any of this type of thing!

OP this is not the attitude to bring acceptance. You sound snobby. Is that the case?

Not snobby, no. Just surviving on minimal sleep and have no spare time. My evening bath feels like a really naughty luxury that I'm thankful to get a bit of time for

I have no real time away from DC and if I do for educational purposes I'm sorting my own appointments, sleep, household.

I am not in the slightest snobby but I'll admit I do feel a bit disappointed I can't say I live in a 'village' in a fancy voice now, I feel too much of a fraud Wink

OP posts:
goldfinchfan · 15/08/2021 12:46

I moved to a small village just over 21 years ago and the locals have always been mixed towards me.

As the years go by I think I am accepted. Poeple get used to seeing you about and relationships will grow.
I feel that this is my home and appreciate it more than many born here because having grown up in London I know how shit a city can be.
I do miss out on resources but I prefer the healthier environment.

I need the relative peace and quiet and lack of violence . I don't ever want to move back to a city.

But when you move to a village a lot rests in your own attitude.

Join in what you can and be friendly.

Original poster
draghimtothemits · 15/08/2021 12:47

@user1499114292

I know the village op is talking about. One of my neighbours came from there, and it seemed to be a hugely important part of her identity. Completely disproportionate in my opinion. She moved to a flat locally in Hitchin, after her daughter left home, and has since moved to another small village, she doesn’t like town life (after 20 years or so). It’s a mindset that I’ve never come across - pride in being a brummie, or whatever, absolutely, but it was in her dna, somehow. OP how did you end up there?

Does your friends village that you think is the same, begin with a C? Or perhaps a H? That's the neighbouring village Grin

OP posts:
callmeadoctor · 15/08/2021 12:51

Have you any friends that maybe can help out with a scarecrow OP, Im sure your child would enjoy just seeing it when he came home? A mop and a facemask would do.

Hekatestorch · 15/08/2021 12:51

@Puzzledandpissedoff

I think you live in the same village I do

Who knows, but the one I mentioned was actually where my ex was raised and it's so toxic that I wouldn't touch it with a bargepole

Ironically I do live right in the centre of a village, but it's a suburban one which has spread to the point where there's little whining now - if the idiots moaned about every new house they'd all have had heart attacks by now!!
Shops, surgeries and all the rest have sprung up to serve "the new people", so there's all the pleasure of living in a lovely place with loads of facilities on the doorstep too ... win-win Grin

Ah nice! That's what this one is becoming. The houses here were selling within hours, a few months ago so we have an influx of those from 'the outside'. I do hope the attitudes dies a death soon.

Especially, since alot of the houses sold are in the middle of the village by people who have 'only' been here 20 years or so.

Sooooofar · 15/08/2021 12:58

@draghimtothemits offer to go protect the ducks from speeding cars, you'll be a villager then 😁