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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say yes, I am a part of this village?

279 replies

draghimtothemits · 15/08/2021 07:33

I recently joined the local village FB group having recently moved here.

I asked a question about what local hospital people generally used since it isn't clear which one is the local one.

A few responses there, then a woman asked 'where are you then dear'. I explained I was in one of the new build houses at the back.

The responses are out there! 6 different people falling over themselves to say I'm NOT a part of the village.

One comment said 'that's not x village, that's the outskirts'

I said my address is this very village. He replied 'no, that simply isn't possible' Confused

Another response said 'you're not one of us! You should be banned'. Granted, that comment for a few laughing face reactions, but not a soul has come on to say that yes, I am a part of the village.

AIBU to think I am a part of the village?!

OP posts:
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 15/08/2021 08:05

Does your council tax include an increment that goes to the village parish council?

If so, perhaps ask them if you should stop paying it, since you are apparently aren't "part of the village".

Muddydoor · 15/08/2021 08:06

Sometimes you are just never accepted. Its up to you how you feel about this.

PaddingtonsHat · 15/08/2021 08:06

But outskirts of the village implies outer edges- ie still part of the village. Not everyone can live in the middle.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 15/08/2021 08:08

I really don't have time for any of this type of thing!

You can't fit in a 2 hour Carol service once a year? Really?

I'm not even christian but everyone in our village goes as it's a pleasant festive social occasion.

Same for things like a litter pick, you only need to volunteer once a year for your input to be appreciated, it's a tiny sacrifice.

SnakesAndRubies · 15/08/2021 08:08

@Bluntness100

Honestly local Facebook pages are the pits, some right unpleasant folks on ours, and we live in a naice place. Bitchy, petty and quite frankly idiotic. We have some new builds bordering our village and genuinely I believe many of them would think the exact same thing. Just roll your eyes and ignore.
Do you live in my village? It sounds so familiar. Grin

I think they are honestly all like this. Avoid the local FB like the plague OP.

Marmitemarinaded · 15/08/2021 08:09

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I really don't have time for any of this type of thing!

You can't fit in a 2 hour Carol service once a year? Really?

I'm not even christian but everyone in our village goes as it's a pleasant festive social occasion.

Same for things like a litter pick, you only need to volunteer once a year for your input to be appreciated, it's a tiny sacrifice.

But WHY would the OP WANT to join a community like this??
Hekatestorch · 15/08/2021 08:10

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I really don't have time for any of this type of thing!

You can't fit in a 2 hour Carol service once a year? Really?

I'm not even christian but everyone in our village goes as it's a pleasant festive social occasion.

Same for things like a litter pick, you only need to volunteer once a year for your input to be appreciated, it's a tiny sacrifice.

Why would you make time to attend something that you don't like, just so other people might, starting seeing g you as part of the village.

You either are or aren't resident in a village. Op is. She doesn't have to spend time doing stuff, so that she can convince people who live further into the middle that they are.

Toomuchspinning · 15/08/2021 08:11

@Marmitemarinaded

Because she clearly cares enough to have come on MN and posted about it?! If she doesn’t want to be part of the village, fine, it’s not like it matters. I presumed that she was interested, otherwise she would neither have bothered to explain her position on the FB group nor come over here to discuss it. Surely you’d just shrug and say “yeah, ok. But anyway; which is the local hospital to X village please?”.

Toomuchspinning · 15/08/2021 08:12

No she doesn’t @Hekatestorch but if she wants to, she could. And if she doesn’t want to, she can accept that others don’t consider her to be in the village. It doesn’t matter one way or the fucking other, does it?

Original poster
draghimtothemits · 15/08/2021 08:13

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I really don't have time for any of this type of thing!

You can't fit in a 2 hour Carol service once a year? Really?

I'm not even christian but everyone in our village goes as it's a pleasant festive social occasion.

Same for things like a litter pick, you only need to volunteer once a year for your input to be appreciated, it's a tiny sacrifice.

Indeed, I love a Carol service. Sadly though, I doubt the screeching of my DS would go down well.

To be very specific, I don't have time because I don't have any help with my DS, who is disabled. Or more accurately, the activity usually isn't suitable for him and would probably piss people off

OP posts:
Toomuchspinning · 15/08/2021 08:14

@Hekatestorch

*you either are or aren't resident in a village.”

Agreed. But OP wants to be part of the village, not just resident. I don’t think it’s the same.

Hekatestorch · 15/08/2021 08:14

[quote Toomuchspinning]@Marmitemarinaded

Because she clearly cares enough to have come on MN and posted about it?! If she doesn’t want to be part of the village, fine, it’s not like it matters. I presumed that she was interested, otherwise she would neither have bothered to explain her position on the FB group nor come over here to discuss it. Surely you’d just shrug and say “yeah, ok. But anyway; which is the local hospital to X village please?”.[/quote]
Ffs, just because sone posts on MN doesn't mean they really care about this issue.

It means they fancied posting about it and wanted to discussing it here. I got the impression she found it amusing and was sharing.

Besides which in a lot of villages a litter pick, and a choir concert, wont convince anyone of anything. Op lives in the village. Its not for someone who has simply lived there long to decide wether she does or not

Pipsquiggle · 15/08/2021 08:15

So I live in a village, where I can imagine the odd snobby, generally older, person making a comment like this about the newer builds - they are the exception. Most people are nice and welcoming.

Yes the dog poo posts would make you a local hero

Toomuchspinning · 15/08/2021 08:16

@draghimtothemits

There may be things that you and your son could participate in. Does he like being outside?

Our village has a respite home/facility for adults with severe learning difficulties, and a facility for teenagers leaving care. There is quite a bit of screeching (and not just from the choir!) at Carols here; no one minds.

Original poster
draghimtothemits · 15/08/2021 08:16

The most recent example of wanting to be a part of something in the village but I just can't is the local scarecrow competition.

Basically, the best scarecrow from the village is chosen as best, then the overall winner from all the nearby villages is chosen.

Says you must be 4+. But it's not going to happen. I read it and thought how lovely, before the crushing reality hit that obviously my own DS can't participate

OP posts:
Hekatestorch · 15/08/2021 08:17

[quote Toomuchspinning]@Hekatestorch

*you either are or aren't resident in a village.”

Agreed. But OP wants to be part of the village, not just resident. I don’t think it’s the same.[/quote]
I don't get that impression.

And she is part of the village. Because of where she lives.

I am sure op knows that if she wants to be involved in the community, she needs to make an effort.

But she is still part of the village wether she does or doesn't go a choir concert

garlictwist · 15/08/2021 08:17

Do you WANT to be part of this village? They sound like knobs.

StrangeToSee · 15/08/2021 08:19

They probably protested against the new build estate and lost, so that bad feeling has rubbed off on new residents.

I noticed the same moving into a small rural town. Our house is part of the original town but only only just; the street behind is new build. Our neighbours often complain about the newbuilds overlooking their gardens when they used to back onto moors and woodland!

There’s a very noticeable divide between the street we’re in and the ones behind it. I sometimes wonder if the neighbours who’ve lived here 40 years remember that our street was once a new extension of the original village! When people find out we live in one of the older houses (build around 1980) they’re automatically warm and friendly, like they’re poised to resent us for being in a new build!

It seems to be the age of the house you live in not the fact you’re new to the area in many cases.

speakout · 15/08/2021 08:19

I moved to a small village when my children were babies.
Even after 17 years I was still referred to as a newcomer.
I now live in a small estate built in the 70s on the edge of a town.
Several of my neighbours proundly refer to themselves as " original residents", having bought their house when it was new.
Quite funny.

merrymouse · 15/08/2021 08:20

To be fair, there are regular posts on MN arguing over which bits of London are ‘really’ London. Grin

I think the same rules apply.

If you can vote for the mayor you live in London.

If you can vote for members of the parish council you are in the village.

Ragwort · 15/08/2021 08:21

Agree with Toomuch - do you want to be part of the village or not? Confused - if you want to join in their FB group then presumably you do want to be involved ... therefore you find the time to help with the jumble sale, litter pick or whatever. We moved into a new build development on the outskirts of a village, threw ourselves into village life and were happily accepted ... thank goodness before the days of FB though!

Equally there were other neighbours who would moan that everyone was so 'cliquey and unwelcoming' yet wouldn't bother to get out of their comfort zone to get involved with the community. I see this attitude all the time with people who say 'they can't make friends'.

We've moved away from that village now but still keep in touch with the many friends we met.

Original poster
draghimtothemits · 15/08/2021 08:23

@Ragwort Did you not read my updated?

I can't do these things because I physically can't most of the time

But perhaps people wouldn't know that to look. Either way though, that doesn't entitle someone to announce I'm not a part of the village when clearly I am

OP posts:
namesnamesnamesnames · 15/08/2021 08:23

Bloody hell! I live in a village (always have lived in villages) but have never received that treatment. How bitter. Maybe they do it behind my back!

FatAnkles · 15/08/2021 08:23

My parents have lived in a large village for 47 years but because they come from a town 16 miles away (and in an adjoining county) they are still not villagers to some.

Oh, and their Facebook group is just as bad.

The "new estate" was built in the 90s but is still called new. It's old railway land not suitable for leisure use but the old guard still moan about it. Even older folks moan about my parents group of houses built in the early 70s!

I grew up there but glad I left because people can be insular. I am thinking about moving back but to a nearby town . Village life isn't for me!

starfishmummy · 15/08/2021 08:24

I really don't have time for any of this type of thing!

And maybe if you are not joining in with things that's why you are not considered part of the village.

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