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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say yes, I am a part of this village?

279 replies

draghimtothemits · 15/08/2021 07:33

I recently joined the local village FB group having recently moved here.

I asked a question about what local hospital people generally used since it isn't clear which one is the local one.

A few responses there, then a woman asked 'where are you then dear'. I explained I was in one of the new build houses at the back.

The responses are out there! 6 different people falling over themselves to say I'm NOT a part of the village.

One comment said 'that's not x village, that's the outskirts'

I said my address is this very village. He replied 'no, that simply isn't possible' Confused

Another response said 'you're not one of us! You should be banned'. Granted, that comment for a few laughing face reactions, but not a soul has come on to say that yes, I am a part of the village.

AIBU to think I am a part of the village?!

OP posts:
Dragon50 · 15/08/2021 10:55

@lastcall ah, I see.

Thanks for that nugget of info - maybe I’ve fed into no-context, scant info NIMBY complaints that I’ve seen on SM.

C8H10N4O2 · 15/08/2021 10:57

So people are up in arms with this as they don’t trust the council not to dump their undesirables on us

So "undesirables" should all go to towns and cities? Do villages never produce "undesirables".

Perhaps people moving to the village should have their finances, social backgrounds and teeth checked by a village approval group before they move in?

DelphiniumTea · 15/08/2021 11:00

Planning applications have been posted in my local grourp many times, a planning application is a public document for the very purpose of people to comment on it. Facebook is a good way to let people know about local developments but it's still the local councillors who decide. A valid objection is a valid objection however it comes about

Agreed.

FreeBritnee · 15/08/2021 11:02

That sounds like the kind of village I’d happily not be a part of. In fact I’d make sure every subsequent post I wrote on there was signed off draghimtothemits (not part of the village).

CuriousaboutSamphire · 15/08/2021 11:07

You have my sympathies. Afterliving in a small hamlet for a decade, where most people were lovely, I moved to a small market town.

The new mayor thank all of us for her being made Lady Mayor - well her exact words in the local newspaper were "Thank you to all born and bred in XX"

I took her to task on facebook and had a lot of support, even from those born and bred. She lasted about 3 months.

She hates me with a passion and can't see that it was actually those she specifically thanked that removed her from her lordly position Smile

Stick with it, they'll find a new bugbear soon enough!

ineedsun · 15/08/2021 11:07

@lazylump72

Is it a wf7 postcode OP? This sounds like a village I know so well. Sold as a fabulous place to live,ever expanding with new builds and constant jealousy from the old villagers who cannot afford to buy one! They like things done in a certain order in this village and make sure everyone follows and does what dad did,what his dad did and what his dad did!!! I look on them as small people..by small I mean limited intellegence,limited outlook, limited experience of the world outside the village boundaries and they like things just as they are and have always been, I couldnt live there it would stiffle me. That place although huge now for a village is just way too small for me! Fit in or not up to you but I would just go about my business and not get involved from the start. Leave them to it the small people!
I think I used to live there, does it start with A?
idontlikealdi · 15/08/2021 11:07

I don't think you are part of the village though, you are an extension of the village that will likely expand into a town if there is more space.

Jumpalicious · 15/08/2021 11:13

Ug. Move (back) to a big city. I hear London’s nice.

lazylump72 · 15/08/2021 11:14

yes lol

Hekatestorch · 15/08/2021 11:14

@idontlikealdi

I don't think you are part of the village though, you are an extension of the village that will likely expand into a town if there is more space.
Op said the land has always been classed as part of the village.

Its not an extension.

BoredZelda · 15/08/2021 11:15

But WHY would the OP WANT to join a community like this??

Because that’s what you do when you choose to join a village community, or you accept you will be considered an outsider.

Hekatestorch · 15/08/2021 11:16

@lazylump72 @ineedsun funny because I was wondering if it was a ls26 village which isn't that far away from wf7. All villages must be the same round here. 🤣

Rainbowshit · 15/08/2021 11:16

All villages are like this. Our former MP has lived in the village for over 20 years. All his kids have been born here and gone through the local primary. Yet on our local FB someone was complaining about outsiders and our former MP being one of them. 🙄

He was a great MP did loads for the local community but not good enough clearly.

kumquat365 · 15/08/2021 11:17

Op said the land has always been classed as part of the village.

Have they built an estate on the village green?

Hekatestorch · 15/08/2021 11:19

Because that’s what you do when you choose to join a village community, or you accept you will be considered an outsider.

Don't agree with this at all.

If you live in the village, you are part of the village. If you want or can join in community events, and have the village as part of your social life you can.

The concept of village oursideers is usually completely made up by some in the village to make themselves look superior.

People who consider new poeople to the area as 'outsiders' or not part of the village are just being dicks.

You don't have to accept that you must be involved in village life or and outsiders and never dare look at the FB page again. There's a happy medium.

Sooooofar · 15/08/2021 11:20

@draghimtothemits

How funny Grin

The village is about 7 miles from Hitchin, Herts. Village itself is actually Central Bedfordshire.

Few miles also from Biggleswade and Letworth.

People seem to think they're the creams of the eclairs down here. Not sure why. Perhaps I should remind them we are 30 mins from Luton

In which case it'd probably be Lister, but your GP may refer you to Bedford for some stuff.

Don't take it personally, the issue is about over-development with a total lack of facilities to support the significant population increase in the whole a507 corridor

Hekatestorch · 15/08/2021 11:21

@kumquat365

Op said the land has always been classed as part of the village.

Have they built an estate on the village green?

I don't know. I don't work for the local cou Council. As the bit you quoted said 'the op said it was'.

Land surrounding villages can also be classed as the village area

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/08/2021 11:21

They are pathetic. Small minded idiots

True enough, but then villages seem to breed them - or rather they're small enough to allow them more influence and the decent types don't speak up in case they're ostracised too

Like the "new" houses you might be accepted in another 40 years or so, but otherwise the only real solutions are to join in with village life (difficult I know ...) or just let it all wash over you and find friends among the more rational types

ineedsun · 15/08/2021 11:24

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I really don't have time for any of this type of thing!

You can't fit in a 2 hour Carol service once a year? Really?

I'm not even christian but everyone in our village goes as it's a pleasant festive social occasion.

Same for things like a litter pick, you only need to volunteer once a year for your input to be appreciated, it's a tiny sacrifice.

I’ve lived in villages for most of my life and only been to about two Carol services, I have a strong moral objection to the church and will not go and sing about something I don’t believe in, in order to fit in. Judging people because they don’t go to a Carol service is terrible behaviour.

Our FB group is kicking off about a new housing development, specifically access for construction vehicles, funnily enough, residents have now starting parking differently, parking directly opposite each other when they never used to (presumably) in order to prove a point about how hard access is, can’t help but think they’ll come unstuck if any of them ever need a fire engine. Nobheads.

Off topic but OP, it seems like you are finding it difficult to connect because of your child’s disabilities, I have a son with SEND too. You don’t say how old they are but I found that it takes a while to adjust to the things we could actually do and that I don’t have to be as protective of him and others as I thought. One example is that we go litter picking together, not to satisfy the village (it is possible to do that and not post on social media 😂) but because we both hate littering and it makes him feel like part of the community and like he’s doing something helpful.

ineedsun · 15/08/2021 11:26

Also, surely the hospital you go to will be based on your GP rather than your address?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/08/2021 11:27

OP said the land has always been classed as part of the village

Yes but the houses haven't, which is why in the one my ex grew up in, they were still referring to 50 year old properties as "the new estate" Hmm

There's no reasoning with this sort of mentality and logic doesn't come into it, so as said the only thing to do is give them a swerve

ChavDiningHalls · 15/08/2021 11:28

OP, they sound like dicks - but I don't know why you would want to join a Facebook group because (from what I've read on MN) they seem to be entirely populated by dicks.

I also don't understand why you're so wound up about whether people think you do or don't live in the village. You're not planning to use its facilities much (for good reasons, in the case of your son). If you want to make a scarecrow because it might be fun, do it. If it's not fun, don't do it.

You're giving too much headspace to a complete non-issue.

picklemewalnuts · 15/08/2021 11:31

I live in a village a bit like yours. We have an area that isn't in the parish, and one that isn't in the village, and one that's both in the village and the parish! It makes a difference for certain things, and some grumpy people will bring it up more often than they should. Technically villages have no boundaries. Only parishes, districts, boroughs, counties etc.

In our village, you'd be welcome to do a scarecrow. You could choose something your son likes as a theme- maybe there's a story, or he likes black/white/brightly coloured things- or something that meaningful to you with reference to your son.

DumbestBlonde · 15/08/2021 11:32

I moved from one village - more of a dormitory village to the nearesy city (15 miles) - to another, just two miles down the road. Vastly different.
My friends had had quite a large farm - and more land out between the villages, which they had sold previously - that they sold off most of for development (although a 100 acre band was kept and rented out), but also had themselves a newer farmhouse built at the small development of I think about 12/14 houses (the road named after the original farm). They had horses (which is why we became friends) but were not allowed to use what had been the old farmyard to access the stables and barns - forced to use a quarter mile track off the main road. And never ever allowed to ride horses into the front entrance - or, worse stil, use the historical bridleway that passed the back of the new houses; to the extent that one man made a metal bracket that extended the wodden kissing gate that my horse could wriggle through..... They also complained about cockerels, the (two only) cows - and blocked the gateway into the house driveway with kids playing (even once blocked my car in so I could not leave to o to work - which I called the Police to when they would get involved in such things....) she said it had broken down, when I had 100% seen her drive it and leave it in the gateway.) They had NO idea of the "country" life, but still wanted to be a part of it.

The only thing that made me acceptable within the village was welcoming the attention of children who loved to see my sweet old horse, kown locally as "The only GREY in the village" (in Little Britain accent).
Oh and him leading the Summer Fete one year with me "dressed" as Lady Godiva (well, for the modern era, which meant, fully dressed but with a sash, actually...).

Still, very much a closed shop - even with my friends' history there. So much so that when my friend died, her husband would not have the hearse take the main entrance, and instead used the rear track.

Different to - but as bad, in a different way - to where I am now...... But at least I had my horse then Sad Sad - he was my forcefield from everything nasty in life.

StoneofDestiny · 15/08/2021 11:37

'Village idiots' was a description formed for a reason and some people just fit the description. Some village dwellers think if you have t lived there long enough your views don't count - but it you pay your council tax like them you do count even if you e been there just a day!

Just keep referring yourself as a villager - to piss them off.