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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say yes, I am a part of this village?

279 replies

draghimtothemits · 15/08/2021 07:33

I recently joined the local village FB group having recently moved here.

I asked a question about what local hospital people generally used since it isn't clear which one is the local one.

A few responses there, then a woman asked 'where are you then dear'. I explained I was in one of the new build houses at the back.

The responses are out there! 6 different people falling over themselves to say I'm NOT a part of the village.

One comment said 'that's not x village, that's the outskirts'

I said my address is this very village. He replied 'no, that simply isn't possible' Confused

Another response said 'you're not one of us! You should be banned'. Granted, that comment for a few laughing face reactions, but not a soul has come on to say that yes, I am a part of the village.

AIBU to think I am a part of the village?!

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 15/08/2021 08:48

The village where my daughter used to live had a few people like that on the Facebook group. It was thanks to the newcomers that the village still had a thriving Primary school and a Post Office, many villages have lost these. That kind of thing needs pointing out sometimes.

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/08/2021 08:50

[quote m0therofdragons]@allyouneedisconnection we get comments on our town fb group about men hanging round kids play parks (the biggest one that’s in be centre of a beautiful country park with streams and a like (and a coffee shop) on the edge of the town centre). They’re often photographed “looking suspicious” and clearly Eastern European. “Keep a close eye on your dc everyone!” If they were English and talking about the football no one would think anything of it. They’re just hanging out chatting with friends and so far no dc have been kidnapped. Drives me nuts how stupid people are.[/quote]
That sounds very familiar. Worse if they are driving a van slowly (a bit like a delivery driver looking for a house number maybe).

SallyCinnamon3009 · 15/08/2021 08:51

I don't think I'd wanna be part of their village to be honest

ichundich · 15/08/2021 08:51

On our village page it's the same 20 or 30 people posting all the time out of over 1,000 inhabitants. I wouldn't read too much into what a minority says or does.

BeetleyCarapace · 15/08/2021 08:52

You lied to me Edward! There is a Swansea. And other places.

Lovemusic33 · 15/08/2021 08:52

I live in a village and most people here (not me) are against any new builds, as soon as planning goes in a load of people jump on it and try and get it declined, it seems to be a ongoing battle and they seem to get off on it. These are mostly middle aged to elderly people who have money and own big properties in the village, they don’t give a toss about the housing crisis the uk is in and they don’t care that there’s nothing to bring younger people into the village. It’s awful that you are being treated this way due to moving into a new build, of course it is part of the village and they should except that.

My village has created a “welcome group” which they run where people who are new can meet other villagers and can get info about local activities, it seems friendly but it seems only well off home owners are welcome and not anyone who’s moved into social housing or are renting. I keep my head down and don’t really get involved with things despite the fact 4 generations of my family come from the village.

MrsExpo · 15/08/2021 08:54

Another village dweller here .... we have had a few new developments happening in the village which have eventually been accepted, although it took a while! I've been here 20 years now and I'm getting there ... Smile

Being part of the village is more than just living there, I'm afraid. The best way to be part of it is to get involved as pp has said. Join the litter picking group/bell ringers at the church or whatever is going on. Send your kids to the local school, use the pub and shop if there is one, get a dog and walk it locally (but woe betide you if you leave any "evidence" lying around), respect the local countryside, don't complain about tractors/loud cockerels/mud.

On the plus side, the community feel is great and people are generally lovely. Enjoy you new home OP.

SmashingBlouson · 15/08/2021 08:54

I think they are honestly all like this. Avoid the local FB like the plague OP.

Good advice for any kind of SM group in life. I'm not on the school Whatapp and just the Scouts one as I have to be, which pings constantly with people messaging stuff the don't need to, or random picture of kids baking cakes. I can't imagine what a village one is like! My OH parents are on Facebook and it has made them nuts and paranoid about everything. Just don't get involved and you can't get pissed off with garbage opinions or emotional vomit.

If it makes you feel better OP,I live in a housing estate in the city and feel like an outsider because the older generations here clearly don't like kids being about. I had a complaint about having toys and "too many plants" in my own outside space. They were told by the management company they were being ridiculous, but it seems a few of them have nothing better to do than snoop on other people's lives and make their lives more difficult. You will get it anywhere unfortunately - bored people with too much rage and a your new housing development will have been discussed for years already on FB and there will be a lot of polarisation of opinions about it (as that's what SM is good at), so I think you will get a lot of the attitudes you describe unfortunately.

ohthestruggles · 15/08/2021 08:56

One of the regular posters on our village group also decided to publicly share someone's planning permission request openly encouraging people to oppose it. It was followed by multiple comments from other horrible villagers stating that the womans plans were an eyesore, a monstrosity and should never be allowed etc. The woman was very upset and it was quite a personal attack I thought.

Sorry I'll stop now but there are just so many examples of people that think they own the bloody place Confused

Bluntness100 · 15/08/2021 08:58

A pp makes a good point. Usually these new build estates have fierce opposition from locals, chewing up green spaces, using stretched medical or school facilities etc, so the twats then dislike the people who live in them once built.

caughtinanet · 15/08/2021 08:59

@allyouneedisconnection

I snapped one day on one of her posts. She was giving people a heads up that someone was snooping around people's gardens (granted a nice thing to do) and then described them as 'Eastern European looking'. What the actual fuck. What does that even mean. I can't wait to move away from here.
Eastern European looking is a common description in my local facebook groups and someone always pipes up with a comment like yours but if you live where there are a lot of Eastern Europeans you only need to see them in the street surely to place them by the type of clothes they favour, their facial features etc. That's certainly the case where I live and I'm sure it isn't only the distinct people who choose to come and live and work near me.

It doesn't have to be a negative observation (although it probably is in this context), if you saw a group of American college students or Scandinavians wouldn't you know straight away by looking at them what part of the world they come from?

chillied · 15/08/2021 08:59

@QueenofLouisiana

It took about 10 years for the new build on our village to be accepted- you can still tell who lived here 15 years ago by what they call that area. If they call it by the farm name, they were here more than 15 years ago, if they call it “the new estate” they’ve been here about 13 years. People who call the area by the road names live there and have been around for around 10 years or less. We’ve been here about 20 years and were accepted when we had DS, he was the first any born into our road for about 10 years so there was much excitement. He didn’t go to school in the village, but made close friends through the high school bus.
This is so true. When I was a kid my family moved into a new build estate in a village. I would say 'I live in Orchard Close'. Many people in the village would then say 'oh you live on Orchard Farm'. Even 15 years later. It did give me a feeling of not really being part of the village, somehow not legit living there. I'll never count as born and bred anywhere.

I now live elsewhere in a different village and used to worry that I'd set up the same feeling for my oldest child who wasn't born here. I guess it's hard to tell whether she feels this is 'her place', though she is best friends with a kid from a 'born and bred' family.

Ironically a load of us all fought, unsuccessfully, against a new estate development here. It still feels wrong that these new toytown houses with their strange road layout is now in our village. BUT I wouldn't transfer that feeling to people in them. I've noticed new people in the village hall yoga class and I guess they must be some of these new residents, and I've been friendly to them.

CrotchetyQuaver · 15/08/2021 09:02

Traffic and dog poo are always sure fire winners if you want to engage with your locals.
I'd also say don't take the comments to heart, our local page has a few dickheads posting rubbish on it but whilst they've big mouths and strong opinions they're not really representative of the majority who live there...

caughtinanet · 15/08/2021 09:02

@ohthestruggles

One of the regular posters on our village group also decided to publicly share someone's planning permission request openly encouraging people to oppose it. It was followed by multiple comments from other horrible villagers stating that the womans plans were an eyesore, a monstrosity and should never be allowed etc. The woman was very upset and it was quite a personal attack I thought.

Sorry I'll stop now but there are just so many examples of people that think they own the bloody place Confused

Is that bad?

Planning applications have been posted in my local grourp many times, a planning application is a public document for the very purpose of people to comment on it. Facebook is a good way to let people know about local developments but it's still the local councillors who decide. A valid objection is a valid objection however it comes about

lottiegarbanzo · 15/08/2021 09:02

Well did any of them answer your question about the hospital? Could you bring it back to that? Even, 'so, which do you think would be the local hospital for the houses at red road / blue village / postcode?'

maddening · 15/08/2021 09:03

There are a few of those in our village, I have previously responded to comments to another person with a clip from league of gentlemen (the local shop), that got some laughs too.

lazylump72 · 15/08/2021 09:05

Is it a wf7 postcode OP? This sounds like a village I know so well. Sold as a fabulous place to live,ever expanding with new builds and constant jealousy from the old villagers who cannot afford to buy one! They like things done in a certain order in this village and make sure everyone follows and does what dad did,what his dad did and what his dad did!!! I look on them as small people..by small I mean limited intellegence,limited outlook, limited experience of the world outside the village boundaries and they like things just as they are and have always been, I couldnt live there it would stiffle me. That place although huge now for a village is just way too small for me! Fit in or not up to you but I would just go about my business and not get involved from the start. Leave them to it the small people!

whiteroseredrose · 15/08/2021 09:05

Ha ha. DH was literally born in the village he grew up in but he is an 'outsider' because his grandparents weren't born there!

I suppose the big issue is that people have chosen to live in villages rather than urban areas because they don't want to be surrounded by lots of other people. Unfortunately as more new estates are built the villages aren't so small and rural and the traffic gets really bad.

Not much you can do OP - Google rather than Facebook?

Original poster
draghimtothemits · 15/08/2021 09:08

@lottiegarbanzo

Well did any of them answer your question about the hospital? Could you bring it back to that? Even, 'so, which do you think would be the local hospital for the houses at red road / blue village / postcode?'

Nope! No answer Sad

Google isn't very clear either

OP posts:
Abhannmor · 15/08/2021 09:08

@draghimtothemits

The thing is this, the land was part of the village before the houses were put there so it isn't a new bit of area being added on

What makes me laugh is there are a few big country houses just on the actual outskirts, mentioned this and someone replied straight away?! To say yes they are part of the village! But the address doesn't even have the village name in it at all and a different post code?

Ah but that's the Big House see? Where the Master lives. Proper toff he is . Gave me a head of cabbage one Christmas ee did. It were 1957. You should respect your betters young lady!
muffindays · 15/08/2021 09:09

I think I would just say something like you're disappointed at the lack of a welcoming attitude, call them out on it.

Original poster
draghimtothemits · 15/08/2021 09:10

How funny Grin

The village is about 7 miles from Hitchin, Herts. Village itself is actually Central Bedfordshire.

Few miles also from Biggleswade and Letworth.

People seem to think they're the creams of the eclairs down here. Not sure why. Perhaps I should remind them we are 30 mins from Luton

OP posts:
EL8888 · 15/08/2021 09:10

I sometimes have the urge to move away from my town, to a more rural area. But these kinds of threads put me right off!

FrDamo · 15/08/2021 09:11

My parents have lived in their house for 40 years. They, and anybody else 'new' to the town/county would be considered 'blow-ins'. My sibling and I, by virtue of going to school there, MIGHT be considered locals, but I wouldn't bet my life on it. 🤣

maddening · 15/08/2021 09:12

And BTW the whole village does not think like this, it is a vocal minority, probably 10 people in the whole village.

I have seen lots of posts from people saying they have just moved to the village and want to say hi and they get loads of responses saying welcome. Also posts from people who want to introduce kids to local kids as they are new and responses offering to meet at park with their similar aged dc.

This is despite a couple of xenophobic (if you can even have that at village level 🤣) small minded twats.