Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say yes, I am a part of this village?

279 replies

draghimtothemits · 15/08/2021 07:33

I recently joined the local village FB group having recently moved here.

I asked a question about what local hospital people generally used since it isn't clear which one is the local one.

A few responses there, then a woman asked 'where are you then dear'. I explained I was in one of the new build houses at the back.

The responses are out there! 6 different people falling over themselves to say I'm NOT a part of the village.

One comment said 'that's not x village, that's the outskirts'

I said my address is this very village. He replied 'no, that simply isn't possible' Confused

Another response said 'you're not one of us! You should be banned'. Granted, that comment for a few laughing face reactions, but not a soul has come on to say that yes, I am a part of the village.

AIBU to think I am a part of the village?!

OP posts:
Original poster
draghimtothemits · 15/08/2021 08:25

@starfishmummy

I really don't have time for any of this type of thing!

And maybe if you are not joining in with things that's why you are not considered part of the village.

I've been here only a couple of months?

Anyway, they aren't announcing I'm not a part of the village community wise. They are trying to pass off that my location isn't a part of the village when it is

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 15/08/2021 08:25

@allyouneedisconnection we get comments on our town fb group about men hanging round kids play parks (the biggest one that’s in be centre of a beautiful country park with streams and a like (and a coffee shop) on the edge of the town centre). They’re often photographed “looking suspicious” and clearly Eastern European. “Keep a close eye on your dc everyone!” If they were English and talking about the football no one would think anything of it. They’re just hanging out chatting with friends and so far no dc have been kidnapped. Drives me nuts how stupid people are.

RufustheBadgeringReindeer · 15/08/2021 08:26

I wouldn’t pay any attention

A friend of mine was permanently wound up by my saying i lived in ‘village A’ when she lived in ‘village B’ (A was considered posher than B but only by a smidge) both villages had merged together so it was very hard to tell where the original boundary was

We’ve recently moved to the small town next to the village which is definitely seen by some as a step down so she probably feels much better about it now 😀

And i got told on here by a few people that I didn’t actually live in a village at all…..soooooo

People are weird

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/08/2021 08:26

I live in a village. A neighbour a few doors up, whom I have never met knocked on my door a couple of months ago saying about me being new here. Um I said well over a decade. Well, that’s new he replied. I was like Confused… especially as a couple of houses were sold in the last 2 years. Them new, yes. Older, retired guy well into his 70s.

StrawScarecrow · 15/08/2021 08:26

Scarecrows are absolutely made by parents in our village competition! The kids maybe choose the theme and help a bit but the final versions are quite polished. If your ds would have fun helping or watching, however little he actually does, I would just go for it. Just try not to actually win!

I lived in "the new estate" in the 90s it was built in the 60s. Now I live in "the new development" which is a converted 18th century building. People just want to feel superior.

m0therofdragons · 15/08/2021 08:27

@draghimtothemitsb initially I thought they were being small minded but then you posted the village name isn’t in your address so technically maybe you aren’t. Hard to say really but either way I’d ignore idiots on fb.

RufustheBadgeringReindeer · 15/08/2021 08:28

Oh and we lived in a road a few back from the beach and ds1 was told by a friend that we didn’t live in village A at all because they only lived one road back from the village….they got that from their parents

Original poster
draghimtothemits · 15/08/2021 08:29

@StrawScarecrow

Scarecrows are absolutely made by parents in our village competition! The kids maybe choose the theme and help a bit but the final versions are quite polished. If your ds would have fun helping or watching, however little he actually does, I would just go for it. Just try not to actually win!

I lived in "the new estate" in the 90s it was built in the 60s. Now I live in "the new development" which is a converted 18th century building. People just want to feel superior.

But children are still involved in some way and excited by it, helping choose a theme like you say, etc etc

My own DC can't get involved at all, so it seems a bit odd for me to just do it for myself, or does it not? Blush

OP posts:
MontysMinions · 15/08/2021 08:30

[quote m0therofdragons]@draghimtothemitsb initially I thought they were being small minded but then you posted the village name isn’t in your address so technically maybe you aren’t. Hard to say really but either way I’d ignore idiots on fb.[/quote]
OP I said my address is this very village

So the address is in the village.

I don't think she's necessarily talking about the 'sense of the village' more the literal location.

But yes, ignore the idiots On FB!

Penistoe · 15/08/2021 08:30

Scarecrow competition? Kurtan is that you?

transformandriseup · 15/08/2021 08:32

That's ridiculous. I've growp up and lived in several small villages and there are always some that hate anyone moving in. However refusing to acknowledge new homes on the outskirts are part of an area is a new one on me.

I would just ignore them or not use that Facebook group. Is there a parish group you could join which expands a larger area.

SmashingBlouson · 15/08/2021 08:34

Is it a village where house prices have increased significantly? You might find some resentment if the local people's children (young adults) are having to move out because they can't afford housing, or a big development promising 'affordable' housing for locals has turned out to not be the case. It's causing issues in a lot of communities that, (who they perceive to be as outsiders) are coming in buying up properties and (in their mind) pushing local people out. It is a bit naïve to think they'd welcome people with open arms when that is going on. Housing is the root of so many issues in this country which are getting kicked into the long grass year after year.

Still think they were rude to you though, reminds me of The League of Gentlemen! Villages can be strange sometimes, but my aunt has moved round to many and integrated very easily.

RincewindsHat · 15/08/2021 08:37

Honestly, nobody is saying you're part of the village because the people saying you're not are so obviously complete tosspots.

We have a lot of hotly contested new builds going up on the outskirts of our village and not a person has said anything dickish about people who live in the new builds not being part of the village, everybody's been super welcoming (this despite the fact nobody wanted the houses there in the first place).

Idiots tend to be more vocal, but your new village which you are DEFINITELY part of will also have some lovely friendly people in it too.

DameCelia · 15/08/2021 08:38

@draghimtothemits
Our village is going through this atm. Huge resistance to the new development which is now rubbing off on attitudes towards the residents of the development.
It reads to me as if the struggles your Son has are still very raw for you (completely understandably) and finding out what the villagers can be like is just underlining a sense of isolation for you?
I really hope things improve for you both.
If it's anything like my village there will be a lot going on that may be suitable and interesting for you, don't cut yourself off because a few locals are tits!

My village actually had a book written about how insular it is. I've lived in one of the oldest houses for over 30 years, involved/run a number of village activities, and parents at the school still mutter about incomers with fancy notions giving their children silly ideas about their futures.

ohthestruggles · 15/08/2021 08:40

@MoreRainThanAnyYet

Make a few comments about dog poo. They’ll soon take you to their hearts.
If you upload a photo of either dog shit or a pothole you will be welcomed with open arms.
BikeRunSki · 15/08/2021 08:41

I’ve lived in my village for 20 years (in an older house), both my children were born locally and go to school here, DH comes from the 2nd nearest city and I’m the Cub leader. Still an outsider with my distinctly non/local accent!

As pp, the chances are there was opposition to the estate you’ve moved to, and it will take the traditionalists time to accept the housing. Also, if the land was previously fields, it could well have been thought of locally as belonging to a different village, if anywhere at all.

Littlekittyscupcake · 15/08/2021 08:41

Have you moved from London OP? I only ask because since lockdown my town has seen loads of people move here from London (I guess the rise of home working has enabled people to have more freedom over where they live and the Guardian decided to name it as the best place to live a few years ago). A lot of locals feel like it’s been taken over by these people so are resentful.

lljkk · 15/08/2021 08:42

tbh, with the obsessive need to address belonging/not belonging & pedantic focus on postcodes, I think OP might fit right in to her local FBk group.

I am member of community chat boards of towns 6 & 12 miles away. Nobody seems to care.

gogohm · 15/08/2021 08:43

Village life I'm afraid, unless your grandparents were born there it can be tough! I left after 3 years because it even spilled over into the school yard, kids from new families were excluded from parties etc, yes my DD's had a friend each, sisters from the other newbie family but they couldn't understand why their friends from school didn't invite them over nor would come to ours, the mums went drinking before pick up (socially acceptable because it was wine at a restaurant Hmm) a couple of times a week and sorted play dates then, needless to say I wasn't invited!

Saz12 · 15/08/2021 08:43

The bizarre comment (Id take one as just being a joke)is really off putting to someone new to a village. Horrible thing for someone to say (but you do get awful people everywhere).

Decide if you want to be part of the village (community-wise, rather than by geography). If you do, then you will need to scrape together some time to do it.

As an aside, the scarecrow competition round our way is definitely not done for / by children. Depending on ability, DC might enjoy some sensory aspect of it (silky hair? Mop? Rough sacking for limbs?), or be able to stuff the figure... but obviously you’ll know that better than me! Here, mist kids don’t really get involved at all in their parents scarecrow attempts.

ThursdayLastWeek · 15/08/2021 08:43

As a general rule in life, I assume that the most vocal people on FB about anything are not representative.

I would never comment something like that on a village FB group, but then I am not a member of it. I would assume all the other people who don’t really care what your address is arent on it either.

You’ll find them eventually.

chaosrabbitland · 15/08/2021 08:46

@draghimtothemits

The thing is this, the land was part of the village before the houses were put there so it isn't a new bit of area being added on

What makes me laugh is there are a few big country houses just on the actual outskirts, mentioned this and someone replied straight away?! To say yes they are part of the village! But the address doesn't even have the village name in it at all and a different post code?

it will be because of the new build houses , i expect there was loads of opposition to them and the villagers would rather it had just stayed empty land ,, the big old country houses of course are going to be accepted because they are big and old its the new ones they dont want to accept because they dont want any change or modern expansion affecting their lovely quaint village as they feel it lowers the tone
BrilloPaddy · 15/08/2021 08:46

We've got an official FB page where people write crap about how wonderful the village shop is (run by the village idiot and his simpering idiot wife); the WI meetings and the Parish council. It's vomit inducing.

Then someone started a "Spotted X" page and it's great. Rants about hooligan teenagers on bikes (there are about 3), dog shit, cat shit, and noise at 7pm. It gets some really funny comments on most of the time, and the ubiquitous "which takeaway delivers out here" to which the answer is always "none, it's the backarse of nowhere".

Start an unofficial one and have some fun with it Grin

ohthestruggles · 15/08/2021 08:46

Village Facebook groups are such strange places. We live near a very busy A road and anytime there is an accident the same guy uploads images of said accident from the side of the road. Why would anyone do that? We've had photos of air ambulances and pretty horrendous looking smashes, before any info of driver/passengers condition has been released and almost definitely before any family have been informed. I find it so inappropriate.

Dodeee · 15/08/2021 08:47

I live in a big city and we do a school community scarecrow hunt every year. The parents mainly make them with varying degrees of ‘help’ from children. It’s lovely as people walk around and stand outside your house and chat. It might be a way of people getting to know you. But maybe I’m looking at it as a city girl ?