To think life is not worth living

[Omgthatssointeresting]

I know that sounds dramatic and don't worry I am not suicidal but I just cannot understand how people enjoy life.

Life has some positives but so many more negatives. I'm either working or too tired from working to do anything most days. It's such a relentless slog and I don't see the point in living if 90% of my life is doing things I don't want to do. And the other 10% is just ok.

I have an objectively good life - lovely partner, a.job that is better than most jobs out there, a wonderful dd, etc. And I hate my life. It's not intolerably awful it's just so repetitive with no enjoyment. I've been keeping track of whether I was happy that I woke up and lived that day and 47 days in a row now the answer is no. I wish I never even woke up. Nothing bad happened it's.just what is the point? What is the point in dealing with all the irritation and difficulty of everyday life?

I work so hard. Everyone does. Lots work even harder than me in tougher jobs. But for.what? To go.shppping on Saturday and to the dump on Sunday then try and recover for more work on Monday. Why? Why keep going?

It's insanity. To spend your whole life doing things you don't enjoy. I feel so guilty for bringing my daughter into this world. That one day she's going to have to do this. That when she's 29.she might also be counting down the years until she is 70 and can finally.retire. That maybe she too secretly hopes to get a serious illness or die in a car accident so that she can stop living without feeling guilty for abandoning her loved ones. I have to resist the desire to apologise for creating her life almost daily.

So I think there are 3 possible answers to why people bother to live their lives despite it making no sense to me.

1. They actually enjoy everyday life. I find this unbelievable. What is enjoyable about emptying bins, commutes to work, washing dishes, dealing with people in HR, etc. Most people don't enjoy their job either so I find this option implausible.

2. The good of special days make up for all that work. It would have to be 50x better than everyday life so again not likely.

3. People just bury their head in the sand. They delude themselves that their life is good and that they enjoy it and lie to themselves to keep themselves same. I think this must be what most people are doing.

So sorry for the long winded question. Basically, aibu to have this attitude and if so why? My dp says he is option 3.

Thanks for your insight.

I felt like this when I had depression.

Then there's the worry of the next generation getting on the housing ladder. Not easy for them

DH is late 40s. Youngest child is 4. I suggested waiting til said child is mid teens before going a family holiday to Japan. He said what's the point, I will be dead by then! Alright Victor Meldrew🤣

If you like hearing about other people’s lives, read more. Or listen to more radio. Or audiobooks, whatever.

I enjoy my job; I like the challenge, I like a bit of stress. I love seeing others happy when it works. I get satisfaction from building clever slide decks, and I get pleasure from writing questions for a training test. I find the numbers soothing when I analyse results.

Outside of work, I live more. My life is not housework and the dump!!

I don’t mind housework; the end result is worth it. I listen to music whilst I do it, and I use cleaners that smell good.

I like doing yard and garden work. I listen to audiobooks; fictional if it’s been a tough day and I need to escape, educational if I want to learn new things.

I don’t feel quilt for bringing my child into the world. She’s here now, what would be the point?

I can totally understand now how old people sometimes say on their death bed they’ve had enough and it’s time to go. I’m tired of the stress and anxiety already and can only see things getting worse.

I'm option 1 too.

I have a job I find interesting and fulfilling (lecturer). I have a lovely DH, three wonderful DC, good friends, nice colleagues and a good relationship with my parents. I'm lucky enough to work part time (0.7 FTE) so I have a great work life balance.

The main thing though is a positive mental attitude.

I also think you may be depressed and if so, I would see the GP. I think my key to being happy is tapping into my gratitude. I have so much to be grateful for and this makes me feel happy. I am lying in bed right now and waking up in a room I have decorated to my taste with the sun streaming through the blinds makes me feel happy. The thought of using nice products in a hot shower makes me feel happy. It is Sunday and I don’t have to get up yet, this makes me happy too. You are waking up sad before the day has even begun and I don’t think this is how you have to feel. Maybe anti depressants can alter your mind state. In general though, I would say having a cleaner (to free up free time) if you can afford it and hate the mundanity of doing chores is a big help. Also booking in lots of things to look forward to. Finding a hobby you love and investing time in to it. And dedicating your lunch break at work to doing something you enjoy too (eg catching up on TV in my case or going for a run). Exercise / sport is good for general happiness. Feeling like you have a purpose or a goal. Working on projects to achieve something. I want to feel like I am making the most of my time, so plan in lots of things to do. Hope you feel better soon. I don’t recognise any of your options. Lots of people do enjoy life and so can you.

Yes if I wasn't self employed I wouldn't enjoy life either. It makes my life bearable. No commute.More leisure time. L ive frugally.

I do get it OP.
Sometimes it does all feel pointless. Work, eat, sleep, repeat etc. Same daily boring grind. You can swap things up but it costs money. Not saying you should just carry on feeling like this. You need support for how you feel but you are certainly not alone x

I’m kind of option 1. I wouldn’t work if I didn’t have to but it’s fine and the point of it is for me to get paid, so I’m pleased I have a job that gives me money.
If all I did was go shopping on Saturday and the dump on Sunday, that would be shit. Thankfully, I do much better stuff.
I think it makes a massive difference that I don’t work full time and I’m very grateful for that.
I do think some of us are just more positive and appreciate the smaller things in life and some tend to just be more negative.
I have a loving family, a home and money coming in and feel very privileged.

HarrisCoo but you benefit from taxes too, eg if you use the NHS and have kids who attend state school.

I felt like you until I was put on a combination of anti depressants. Now I genuinely enjoy waking up each day. That’s been the main change in all honesty.

My job is a bit meh but it’s wfh for 15-20 hours a week and the pay is good for part time (hence why I can afford to only work those hours) so I can’t complain. This has also made a huge difference. I was totally burnt out doing full time in a stressful job. I do have less money now but I’m also now happier with less because I don’t waste money trying to cheer myself up!

My DC are grown up and so I got 2 kittens. I’m a nurturer (which is why all my relationships with men didn’t go well for me!) and they have given me a purpose and make me happy. Every day they do something cute or funny and they bring me a lot of joy.

I do a lot of crafting type hobbies. I find creating something also makes me happy.

I try and spend as much time in my garden as I can. It’s my little oasis (I live in the middle of London) and an easy way to get some nature in. I like hearing the birds and the squirrels.

Anti depressants got me out of the pit and able to appreciate the little things.

I'm 1. I used to be depressed (never diagnosed but always felt like there was no point) but since having kids, I've realised life is for living, for pushing for what you want (there is always time to push forward even if you work a full week) and enjoying yourself - doing what you want.

@Whoopsmahoot

I can totally understand now how old people sometimes say on their death bed they’ve had enough and it’s time to go. I’m tired of the stress and anxiety already and can only see things getting worse.

Definitely. I don't want to live forever - I'm not quite sure why so many fear death the way they do.

Why would anyone want to live forever? It becomes much of the same.

@chocolatesweets would you say having kids helped you out of depression?

I’m with you OP, I don’t believe that many people really enjoy their job. If they do it’s because they have a crap life so they cling on to the “I’m a career wo/man” thing, & as you know everyone on MN claims to be a high earner.

As a manic depressive I’m either right up there or down on the ground, there’s no in between for me. The highs sometimes make the lows worth while. Some days I want to be dead, other days I can look out if the window & see a tree or something & my world is complete. Seek some help, life can be like you describe but it doesn’t always have to be.

I think I have felt the low feelings at times, as well as the bigger ‘what’s the point of life’ questions. I’m not sure there is a ‘point’, but I am alive and have to interact with the world, within many interactions from my job or mundane things or talking to others - I do get some satisfaction or contentment. Like there were a bunch of weeds in my front yard. No-one else that lives in the house cared. I don’t “enjoy” weeding. But I pulled up the weeds the other day and enjoyed the tidy flowerbed for a bit. Lots of tasks are like that, they aren’t great achievements but small nuggets of satisfaction.

1(most of the time) for me, and I’m menopausal and in a very rocky marriage. I love the beauty of nature and my job (teacher) is hard but rewarding. I adore my child.
I think age has given me perspective and a very helpful DFAF attitude.

DGAF!

Life is what you make it. If housework is a problem, get a cleaner. No one needs to go to the dump every Sunday. Get your shopping delivered to save you that chore. Make life fun! If your weekends are boring, make a bucket list of weekend activities and make an effort to do them. Plan a holiday or weekend away to give you something to look forward to. Take up a hobby.

@omgthatssointeresting you have just summed up how I feel every day
Outwardly I have a good solid job I'm liked and respected mostly
I have amazing DC albeit grown up but I am their only parent so I have no choice but to push through
I have a partner for the first time in my life I am financially stable /comfortable
No reason to be unhappy
But if I could just call it quits without causing any more emotional damage or trauma to my DC I would. I certainly do not enjoy life. I have nice days but I'm certainly done and have felt like this for years

Sorry, but this

I’m with you OP, I don’t believe that many people really enjoy their job. If they do it’s because they have a crap life

Is absolute bullshit. The only people who enjoy their jobs are people with crap lives?
Clearly nonsense. Although I can understand that someone in an unhappy place might tell themselves that to make them feel better.

You’d do better trying to address the root causes of your unhappiness rather than telling yourself lies about other people.

I agree OP. It is same shit, different day. I just go to bed and hide from it all frequently. I'm so cynical and jaded these days. Cba with anything, even keeping upright. It's not depression, it's losing my whole life, my energy, my being, to marriage and children. (Now grown.)

@FloconDeNeige

Sorry, but this

I’m with you OP, I don’t believe that many people really enjoy their job. If they do it’s because they have a crap life

Is absolute bullshit. The only people who enjoy their jobs are people with crap lives?
Clearly nonsense. Although I can understand that someone in an unhappy place might tell themselves that to make them feel better.

You’d do better trying to address the root causes of your unhappiness rather than telling yourself lies about other people.

Agree with you @FloconDeNeige, that sounds like pure projection to me.

I work from home 6 hours a day in a decent paying higher education admin job. It's enjoyable, the right balance of interesting and not stressful and being at home is an absolute joy. I categorically do not hate my job.

FWIW when I was young and pre children I also absolutely loved working in a coffee shop. I drank coffee and ate cake all day and all my friends worked there too, it was a great time.

If you hate your job, you should be doing anything within your power to change it. I'm not saying everyone loves their job. I'm saying to assume everyone must hate their job and must be lying otherwise is just bitter and childish projection tbh.

It’s absolute nonsense to say people who enjoy their jobs have crap lives.
What does that even mean?
Working is a huge part of everyone’s life. Unless they’re independently wealthy.
I’ve always said to my kids - you’re gonna end up spending 8 hours a day working so try to find something you love.

This doesn’t mean you don’t prioritise other aspects too.
I’ve been happily married for far too many years.
I have friends. I have hobbies and passions (massive massive footie fan which means that plus work keeps me busy ).