To think life is not worth living

[Omgthatssointeresting]

I know that sounds dramatic and don't worry I am not suicidal but I just cannot understand how people enjoy life.

Life has some positives but so many more negatives. I'm either working or too tired from working to do anything most days. It's such a relentless slog and I don't see the point in living if 90% of my life is doing things I don't want to do. And the other 10% is just ok.

I have an objectively good life - lovely partner, a.job that is better than most jobs out there, a wonderful dd, etc. And I hate my life. It's not intolerably awful it's just so repetitive with no enjoyment. I've been keeping track of whether I was happy that I woke up and lived that day and 47 days in a row now the answer is no. I wish I never even woke up. Nothing bad happened it's.just what is the point? What is the point in dealing with all the irritation and difficulty of everyday life?

I work so hard. Everyone does. Lots work even harder than me in tougher jobs. But for.what? To go.shppping on Saturday and to the dump on Sunday then try and recover for more work on Monday. Why? Why keep going?

It's insanity. To spend your whole life doing things you don't enjoy. I feel so guilty for bringing my daughter into this world. That one day she's going to have to do this. That when she's 29.she might also be counting down the years until she is 70 and can finally.retire. That maybe she too secretly hopes to get a serious illness or die in a car accident so that she can stop living without feeling guilty for abandoning her loved ones. I have to resist the desire to apologise for creating her life almost daily.

So I think there are 3 possible answers to why people bother to live their lives despite it making no sense to me.

1. They actually enjoy everyday life. I find this unbelievable. What is enjoyable about emptying bins, commutes to work, washing dishes, dealing with people in HR, etc. Most people don't enjoy their job either so I find this option implausible.

2. The good of special days make up for all that work. It would have to be 50x better than everyday life so again not likely.

3. People just bury their head in the sand. They delude themselves that their life is good and that they enjoy it and lie to themselves to keep themselves same. I think this must be what most people are doing.

So sorry for the long winded question. Basically, aibu to have this attitude and if so why? My dp says he is option 3.

Thanks for your insight.

Oh and I saw a pram full of puppies being pushed round the village today. That made me happy.

Today I enjoyed having dinner (cooked by DS2) in the sunny garden, playing 'bat stuff off the table with your paws' with the cat, finishing a novel. I even enjoyed some very trashy things like playing Candy Crush and watching 4 episodes of Grace & Frankie because I needed to zone out from a really stressful week and decided to give myself permission to slob a bit instead of getting stuff done. I even got a bit of pleasure from sorting out decor for my dad's funeral wake because the things I'd made turned out OK and looked like a tribute to him.

I strongly suggest you do two things, 1 go to your GP and ask about depression. I felt depressed because my child is suicidal. I asked GP and got Sertraline and a talking space appointment.

If you have already done this, do it again, please and get some help.

Secondly I suggest you look into retraining for a job you like and enjoy.

I work part-time and love my lovely paid admin job. I work for a charity I love and believe in. I could be doing a similar job for a company selling loo rolls and I may well have it! You need to find what you like at least, if not love.

Also, it does sound like you work a lot and that isn't great. At .

1) They actually enjoy everyday life. I find this unbelievable. What is enjoyable about emptying bins, commutes to work, washing dishes, dealing with people in HR, etc. Most people don't enjoy their job either so I find this option implausible

Sorry OP I know not your intention but this part has really made me laugh!

I think exactly this!! It's utterly bollocks and I like that you are one of the few people I've heard also feel this is just implausible.

Either that or I've set my expectations way too high!!!

Isn't great. Could you work fewer hours and do more stuff you love?

OP, I’d be interested to know if you’ve ever had a serious illness? If you actually fantasise about getting ill and dying then I have to say that is no easy way out.

There are millions of people living lives in enormous physical pain, who have to do everything you do and much more but it is physically excruciating.

If you’re not thankful for your health and envious of those of us who endure catastrophic illness then you need some kind of help, because that’s just not normal at all.

I wake up every morning in a positive frame of mind - sometimes it lasts milliseconds when I come to properly and think of something that’s troubling me or anticipating something bad happening
Other times it lasts until the bad thing happens which could be minutes or hours even
But at least I wake up with that positive anticipation
DP who is depressed wakes wishing he’d died in his sleep then he wouldn’t have to face another day
I understand as I’ve been depressed myself
Right now I’m stressed - anxious and usually worried but I get through it
I enjoy my job and mostly it’s about helping others - infinite variety and nearly complete autonomy
Try and find pleasure in the small things - I go out for coffee every morning and savour that first espresso in a stress free environment
I love spending time with friends and family and have many hobbies
Is there anything that brings you joy OP?
Your weekends sound joyless - I love shopping for bargains especially the challenge of finding the perfect xxxxx or something I can sell for a profit
Discovering new places or having a walk somewhere beautiful
Food and drink bring me immense pleasure which is why I struggle with my weight - I love trying out new recipes - going to food festivals or visiting a new bar or restaurant

Ps in answer to your earlier question - I don't enjoy housework. It I do like the house reasonably tidy so focus on the end result. I listen to the radio or have a cup of tea as I do it and that makes it easier. I am grateful I have a home in a place I love.

It sounds like it’s mainly about your job? In which case, you need to do something different! The other stuff, the everyday stuff - I mean, life is not about that, is it? You just do it. If you’re happy in your life, then you just do it and move on. You think about nice things when doing it. Or plan your weekend. Or think about which coffee you prefer. Or chat to your kid. Or listen to an audio book.
You sound depressed; get some help. Xxxx

Think you're partly right, but also sound depressed.

It sounds like you need to find purpose in life. Think many of us do.

Also agree many of us spend a LOT of time doing cooking, shopping, cleaning, tidying, life admin.

I think lockdown has highlighted this due to it giving us time to pause and shining a light on what life actually constitutes.

Why does everyone say depression because someone doesn't enjoy life? What if life just to some people so shit - it is subjective at the end of the day.

Why is it mandatory to enjoy life?

If we all watch a film we don't all enjoy it. Or read a book, so why should we all enjoy life or there's something wrong with us?

People band depression around based on one thread OP has started. We don't know OP.

The issue here is lack of purpose. That doesn't automatically mean depression.

Some of us luckily find purpose, some of us never do.

I'm still searching like OP, why does that make us depressed?

Sorry that should be ...and I may well hate it...

By that I mean it is always exactly what you do but why you do it.

Just got lost reading some of the poems on here. Might be of some use:

anthonywilsonpoetry.com/2011/06/07/lifesaving-poems-2/

Struggling

I haven’t had time to stand and fart recently,
and you’re wanting me to work on a relationship?

That silence gathering in the front room
like a crowd waiting for a drunk to fall,

it’s something to do with you, isn’t it?
Some kind of comment, some kind of rebuke?

Poverty appears like steam, after growing
invisibly, takes its shapes when it meets the cold.

I’ve been spinning on the spot like a mad dog
trying to make two short ends meet, and I don’t

need advice on how to feel happier
on less, thank you very much. Passing

on the street, no-one would know, except
that I am hurrying, from one tired place

to another, wearing out cheap shoes faster
than the rest of town. I’m struggling.

Mark Robinson

Why is it mandatory to enjoy life?

It's not. It's an option. But if you were offered the chance to walk through one of two doors and the doorman said: 'Door on the left will make you miserable, door on the right will give you happiness - not constantly, not failproof, but a good daily dose of joy. Pick your door,' would you pick the misery door?

Most of us who say we enjoy life do so by actively engaging in the small stuff that brings sensory or momentary pleasure - stuff we have some control over. There are lots of good examples on here. And then there's always the option to ditch the lifestyle that makes you so unhappy - the endless slog of work and housework. Some people live in grubby, untidy houses and spend their days making music or training for triathlons instead. Some people (DH and me) work part time because we just LOVE having free time and would rather drive an ancient cheap uncool car and never get round to replacing the kitchen that was in the house when we bought it than slog ourselves to exhaustion. OP seems to have the relative luxury of living in a peaceful country with a good partner. She can afford to take such risks as swapping jobs or downsizing a bit to have more free time.

Re "'m still searching like OP, why does that make us depressed?" It doesn't but waking up every day for weeks feeling unhappy does usually mean depression. Unless there is a pressing reason for that feeling, like grief or some other reason. Sounds like op's life is unhappy but not because of a major incident. If that makes sense.

Ps I am a mixture of all 3 at different times on different days. Work isn't always easy or fun but I believe in what we do. Sometimes I bury my head in the sand! My kids have additional needs, a lot. So I find all of your points 1-3 possible at times. BUT speaking to my GP did help me a lot.

I handed in my notice because my job had become unbearable. Fortunately I was just about old enough to retire. I've always thought that the lucky people were the ones who did for a living something that they would choose to do as a hobby. I do enjoy day to day pottering around but having been retired for two years and having moved house in the middle of the pandemic, I've just about recovered enough from my job to be looking for something purposeful to do. So if you want advice, I'd say finding a job you like is the most important thing. (I actually liked the work I did, it was the management that got to me).

I understand what you mean. Life is pointless.

I find it boring much of the time. I think I get through it by being on autopilot and not really thinking about it.

Maybe you need some form of escapism? I get that through reading and painting as a hobby. Although painting is frustrating and a bit depressing because I'm so awful at it.

I enjoy my job, although the job itself is mundane and boring, my colleagues are lovely and I work for a charity which as well as making people's lives better, treat their staff really well. I only work part time though, I don't think I'd enjoy it if I was full time.

Basically I think I'm too busy to think too much about how pointless it all is and I intersperse the tedious boring chores etc with nice things.

I hope you find some peace and contentment OP, we all deserve some happiness in between the boring, tedious and relentless parts of life. xx

It's insanity. To spend your whole life doing things you don't enjoy. I feel so guilty for bringing my daughter into this world. That one day she's going to have to do this. That when she's 29.she might also be counting down the years until she is 70 and can finally.retire. That maybe she too secretly hopes to get a serious illness or die in a car accident so that she can stop living without feeling guilty for abandoning her loved ones. I have to resist the desire to apologise for creating her life almost daily.

^this is honestly me every day. The guilt and worry my kids will feel like this too, I could weep.

Jack in job. Find one that more interesting or more interesting people.
Reduce hours if you can.
Find hobbies or something you enjoy.
Clean house less.
Do things that you enjoy.
Sure something

I've felt similar, and still do, since I was about 16, I'm now 66. I find it easier to carry on existing now BUT really can't wait for the time I don't have to any more.

Life is really pretty pointless - people talk about ruining the planet and I think - NO the planet is fine - it will change and adapt - not necessarily in the 'best' way but the planet is fine. What people are doing is speeding up the extinction of man - and for the planet that can't come soon enough.

Life goes on - you have child (ren) and you will continue to meet their needs, find enjjoyment where you can - and just get by.

Some feel this way (as youand I do) others do find meaning - and I envy them. BUT in the end, nothing changes - and in some way you will live out your life

@Omgthatssointeresting

OP, there’s a lot of scientific research around happiness. It’s generally accepted that our personal happiness ‘set point’ is determined by genes, so some people are naturally depressed and others naturally extremely happy, with most people in between.

However, the research shows the genetic effect to be around 50%, so the good news is that you can do a lot to influence how you feel. Taking antidepressants being one of many.

There are lots of excellent free courses on happiness and how to enjoy life more. Ones worth looking at are;

• Action for Happiness
• The Science of Well-being (by Dr Laurie Santos, Yale University), on Coursera
• A Life of Happiness & Fulfillment (by Dr Raj Ragunathan, Indian School of Business), on Coursera

And there are many more; go on Coursera and take a look.

You can change things and feel better.

Not raft but another suggesting depression. I thoroughly enjoyed my job (retired so its the job that’s gone not the enjoyment, iyswim). I even used to enjoy the commute (90 or 45 minutes in car depending where I was working that day), feeling part of the working world. And sitting in a coffee shop near work before I started, watching everyone else on their way to work. And finishing when the work was finished, not hanging on till 5.00 pm say. And I loved the job itself because every day was different. (Not remotely medical, but I imagine that its a bit like working in A & E - without the stress - not knowing what will come through the door).

Housework wise DH and I have a great system - I do all the cleaning above floor level and he does the floors (few carpets, so its a pain imo). We share other chores and each do our own laundry (simply because we have separate laundry bins).

We are working to pay the fee taxman. You get taxed when you are brought into the world, taxed if you drive a car, then taxed when you die. It's all an illusion. I get what you are saying OP.