To think life is not worth living

[Omgthatssointeresting]

I know that sounds dramatic and don't worry I am not suicidal but I just cannot understand how people enjoy life.

Life has some positives but so many more negatives. I'm either working or too tired from working to do anything most days. It's such a relentless slog and I don't see the point in living if 90% of my life is doing things I don't want to do. And the other 10% is just ok.

I have an objectively good life - lovely partner, a.job that is better than most jobs out there, a wonderful dd, etc. And I hate my life. It's not intolerably awful it's just so repetitive with no enjoyment. I've been keeping track of whether I was happy that I woke up and lived that day and 47 days in a row now the answer is no. I wish I never even woke up. Nothing bad happened it's.just what is the point? What is the point in dealing with all the irritation and difficulty of everyday life?

I work so hard. Everyone does. Lots work even harder than me in tougher jobs. But for.what? To go.shppping on Saturday and to the dump on Sunday then try and recover for more work on Monday. Why? Why keep going?

It's insanity. To spend your whole life doing things you don't enjoy. I feel so guilty for bringing my daughter into this world. That one day she's going to have to do this. That when she's 29.she might also be counting down the years until she is 70 and can finally.retire. That maybe she too secretly hopes to get a serious illness or die in a car accident so that she can stop living without feeling guilty for abandoning her loved ones. I have to resist the desire to apologise for creating her life almost daily.

So I think there are 3 possible answers to why people bother to live their lives despite it making no sense to me.

1. They actually enjoy everyday life. I find this unbelievable. What is enjoyable about emptying bins, commutes to work, washing dishes, dealing with people in HR, etc. Most people don't enjoy their job either so I find this option implausible.

2. The good of special days make up for all that work. It would have to be 50x better than everyday life so again not likely.

3. People just bury their head in the sand. They delude themselves that their life is good and that they enjoy it and lie to themselves to keep themselves same. I think this must be what most people are doing.

So sorry for the long winded question. Basically, aibu to have this attitude and if so why? My dp says he is option 3.

Thanks for your insight.

You sound bored and under-stimulated, life and the world is fascinating to me. I'm doing an MSc, learning new stuff and honing skills keeps me sane. My grandma taught me to count my blessings, which is also important. You have affluenza, and are underchallenged IMO. I also don't see how rushing off to the GP for a pharmaceutical solution really helps, nothing against that when required, but I don't think that's what you need. You'll just have some new problems.

Sweeping generalisations tend to be used to project ones own circumstances onto the world or to otherwise defend ones own viewpoint.

It comes from a place of defence, who wants to imagine other people enjoy life when they and other people they know are not happy.

But it really is most damaging to the person doing that. It's obviously piss water to say "Nobody enjoys their job" the same way it is piss water to say everybody or nobody does or doesn't do anything! So the next defence is to say "well anyone who isn't suffering like I am must have a SHIT life in other ways".

The ego is defended, the person can feel at peace for a while.

I'm not saying this to make fun by the way, it just may help people to look critically at their own opinions and thought processes instead of trying to project internal feelings on to other people. It's your own life and well being that matters the most and that's what you have control over.

I work in HR, so interested as to why dealing with HR is one of the things that make you hate life? HR are there to help with any employment issues (despite the bad reputation.)

I don't find work or life in general enjoyable, but I'm here & need to earn money, so need to get on with it. I enjoy holidays & the Christmas break so usually spend most of the year saving and looking forward to those 2-3 weeks where I have fun. (Obviously that has not been possible this last 2 years so I have been feeling more unhappy.)

Weekends I like to chill as like you I'm also tired from work, and I get some enjoyment from just watching TV and ordering a takeaway.

I'd recommend buying a dishwasher and tumble dryer if you don't already have one, as it saves some time on chores. Also exercise does improve mood, so try joining a class or gym.

I'd echo everyone here in saying that it's the little things.

Ive also come to appreciate and love mature more as Ive aged. First thing in the morning and I hear my cat's contented purring as she waits for me to wake up, then how she rubs her soft furry body around my ankles and my heart leaps just looking at her beautiful face.

Then, I open my curtains and see the sun rising over the misty fields and see next door's chickens pecking away at the garden. I go downstairs for my first cup of tea and take it outside so i can sit and appreciate my garden - see what's blooming - and watch the birds jostling on the feeder and enjoy the sound of the breeze through the trees.

So yes, I'll have to empty the dishwasher and bins and put a load of washing on but I have Radio 4 on or the World Service while I'm doing that so I do enjoy it in a way as I'm informed and/or entertained at the same time.

It sounds like you could do with domestic help from family or external services to ease the burden.

As for work, it should be enjoyable (mostly), even if repetitive and occasionally dull.

Love nature not mature

Yes, I found the HR comment strange too. Has anything happened to make you dislike dealing with them? Is this why you dont enjoy work?

Option 3 for me, working towards changing my life next year and being mortgage free.

Op do you have any friends locally or any hobbies. I find getting out the house and having some space for myself keeps me sane. A coffee or a walk with a friend in the evening or weekend? Join a club that interests you: sports, book club, craft? What about family time at the weekend? Do you go out as a family? Life really is what you make of it.

You sound a lot like I did 6 months ago.
For me it was total burnout and I wish I had recognised it sooner.

I was working as a sonographer/radiographer in a huge trust and in hindsight I was probably already suffering a degree of burnout before covid. Covid just really highlighted it and was the final straw.
Covid was horrific, really horrific to work through. Previously I didnt have much of a work life balance and I could see that at the time but didn't realise just how little work life balance I had until I left.
I felt flat
I felt I couldn't see the point of anything
I couldn't find joy in anything at all
I was snappy and tearful
Tired
Just not a nice person to be around.

I've since left and still work as a sonographer (which I do actually really love) I have a fantastic work life balance now. I can plan my life and feel like I have lots more time at home.
Now I actually have the time I do find joy in the small things rather than wondering how I'm going to fit it all in.
I feel excited for autumn my favourite time of the year for example
Before it rarely even registered what day it was.
In this new job I also get that "Friday feeling" which is such a novelty and I don't think I'll ever get bored of that.
I was definitely depressed before. Don't get me wrong. I'm not cart wheeling all over the place and laughing but it is a lot better.
I actually think I may have ptsd as I'm still irrational and anxious about a lot of things and have terrible nightmares about what work was like last year. But it is a lot better and i don't feel ao flat.

Still would rather not clean the house though Haha.

I think it might be worth chatting to your gp or looking at the work situation
It will get better.

I am mostly option 1. I have the career I always wanted. Yes, sometimes the amount of hours and effort required get to be too much and it makes me feel sad but overall I love it and am passionate about it. I have a loving husband who cares about me and also the child I always wanted who is a challenge but absolutely love her to pieces. I have a supportive family. I live in a beautiful area. I dont have the house or car I want but those are material and it is exciting to see if I might be able to achieve those. I try and see the best in things and enjoy the small things. Not every day has to be an absolute joy for you to love your life. You sound depressed OP. I would have a chat with GP

OP, life is hard. It's a bit of a slog I find.

I love my job, it is very meaningful and I make a difference. I still have times where I find the constraints of working a pain in the arse. I can get very bored of having the same routine and doing the same thing 5 days a week, and that is no reflection on my job. I wish I had more time to do things I enjoy- weekends go by so quickly.

There is always something or someone to worry about- the joy of having lots of children I suppose. I also have a stupid brain that is prone to overthinking and rumination. Despite treatment and knowing how to manage it, it is still bloody exhausting at times.

There are things I enjoy though. I love seeing my friends and family, spending time with the children and husband. Going out singing or dancing, going out to eat and talk, reading, music. These are some of the things that make life worth living to me. Connecting with other people, the fun moments, expressing love and being loved.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy may be worth having a look at.
Russ Harris is a good place to start.

@kickupafuss

I feel like you too. I sometimes go to bed and hope I won't wake up. My DC, who adored me when they were young, are now teenagers and seem to absolutely hate me. I'm a single parent and a carer for an elderly relative who calls me every name under the sun and sometimes threatens to kill me. I too seem to spend all day cooking and doing housework. I think I need to try to make some changes for the sake of my mental health.

Bloody hell, @kickupafuss I feel like intervening on your behalf. You must step back and start looking after yourself. Don't be carer for someone who threatens to kill you. Contact SS and say this is now beyond your capability and they must step in.

Step back from the housework and cooking. Get teens to cook at weekends. Have 3-4 weekday meals that require zero prep eg filled pastas, chicken or sausage and veg tray bake, oven baked fish and sweet potato fries etc. Get teens to do the washing up. If they won;t, just stop. Allow the house to become a mess for a week and explain without anger that you are not a servant, that they are healthy and capable and you are exhausted. I have in my time said 'There's one of me, there's four of you and I just can;t do it all any more. I'm too tired and I don't want to.' Has way more impact if you say it very calmly as if you are explaining/confiding rather than if you screech it at the end of your tether.

When Dteens start saying 'The house is a tip' you reply, 'It is. If you hoover, I'll dust.' Or 'If you empty and reload the dishwasher, I'll wipe down the surfaces and start dinner.' Just reinforce team work all the time.

And please start doing something you enjoy at least three times a week. Dance class or running club or an evening class ar a film night/book club with mates.

@HarrisMcCoo

We are working to pay the fee taxman. You get taxed when you are brought into the world, taxed if you drive a car, then taxed when you die. It's all an illusion. I get what you are saying OP.

That really is an attitude of mind. When I work, especially if I'm working ion a project I don't enjoy, I plot the income in my mind and say to myself: 'This morning's work will pay to take the kids to the cinema on Saturday.' Or, 'That hour just paid for some tomato plants and pots.' I know some of it goes in tax and bills but you can remind yourself that income is also swappable for fun.

Have you always felt this way? I have. I have always been a very serious person, even as a child. I do get pleasure from holidays etc but only if we are doing something that I like /enjoy. I enjoy watching my kids have fun too.
As a teenager I didn't feel this way as much because I discovered alcohol. I had a few years of fun with no responsibility.
But I have never felt motivated to do anything career wise and was never pushed by my parents. I have never been interested in a career. I can't understand why people give their everything to a job /company that you are just a number to and they will forget you and replace you within a week of you leaving. I'm also very lazy.
I do have a nice life, but I have a chronic pain condition which affects me every day. I absolutely hate running a home. I hate cleaning. I hate cooking. I hate gardening. It's all a huge chore. I don't want to spend my precious time washing dishes and cleaning toilets. I'm getting older now and I feel stronger about this with each passing year. I feel like my best years have already gone and I only have pain and old age to look forward to.
All of this mixed with covid and watching the terrible things on the news every day. We are so lucky to live in a country that is peaceful and we are treated well. And we still don't enjoy life. I cannot imagine how women in particular can get up and face the day in places like Afghanistan etc. What do they have for enjoyment?

@ttcsucks yes. I had two at once and it's been a right kick up the arse. You can't just lay in bed crying when you have two kids you love with all your heart. You have to make life good. It bought me into alignment.

The thing I can't get my head around is why we're all here collectively. You know those post apocalyptic movies where we're supposed to be devastated at the end of mankind? I just watch them and think... and? So what.

I only stick around because of the people who need me. What a blessed relief it would be for everyone to be wiped out and for all this to be over

...and no one enjoys housework!

I actually do - I find it relaxing

I would prefer we weren't wiped out, thanks. Life is for enjoying. There's some crappy bits each day we have to grind on through to enjoy the good bits🤷

I think if you have had to overcome adversity in life you view life very differently and have a new found appreciation for the world around you. I nearly died having my youngest and am relieved to get an extra shot at every day stuff each day. My youngest could have died after having major surgery but he came through it. Another triumph.

I don't work, SAHM, youngest starts school next year but I am not in a rush to get back to a job as I have two children with additional needs. Lots of hospital/clinic appointments etc.

Today, I got my dcs to join in with housework. None of us enjoyed it but we all feel satisfied that it’s done, the dcs know that it has to get done (“otherwise we’d be living in disgusting rat and cockroach infested stinking hovel, don’t you know”) and now we’re off out for the rest of the day.
You need a balance.

I find it a bit of a slog the older I get. I am in that age group where I still have a youngish child (10) and have a parent who is needing more and more help.

My week consists of leaving the house at 7.30am, getting in at 5.30, having tea, sorting stuff out, running daughter around, walking the dog etc. I usually sit down at around 9pm, watch TV and have a wine and then bed at 11. Rinse and repeat 5 days a week.

I don’t get a huge amount out of child based things and I’ve done my job for over 30 years so it is a bit monotonous and lacks challenge.

I am naturally quite a lazy person too. I enjoy sleep and lazing around so once the jobs are done at the weekend I am happy doing nothing.

I think I will find retirement dull too. The best years of my life were 16-30 when I was carefree and starting out in life. Life seemed so exciting back then.

I like my job. Boring at times but interesting at others. My kids keep me busy and entertained. And I do lots volunteer work which is fun and interesting. Housework is low down my list of priorities

Yes, agree with you op. I hated the office culture and everything that went with it. Totally all consuming, i too thought that there must be more to life. I got out of it at 38, could never go back now.

For myself it's 3. Although I'm not in denial. I don't like my life. I'm always stressed out because I'm catastrophising all the time. I do think most people are number 3. You have the odd few who are always happy but I think thats an act.

I was also about to say it sounds like you have depression. I think im depressed but it seems everyone in the family is.

One night a few years ago my DH did one of those life satisfaction tests with me that he'd done in a training thing in work. If you look online they're basically something like you rating between one and ten things like family, work, money, social life, hobbies, sleep, friends, children, partner, house, exercise, appearance, hygiene and you mark how satisfied you are with how things are going with that particular aspect. By the end of it we were both having a big frank discussion as the results were mostly 2, 3, 4, 5 etc. Was a huge shock at how little we were satisfied with and it started us talking about changes we could make. It was definitely a wake up call