To not let my daughter change her name?

[katherine1983]

My daughter wants to change her name to Rose, however I believe she should keep her birth name until the age of 18. I’m aware she can change it without my permission as she’s 16 however I’m hoping she wouldn’t as she knows I’m unhappy with it. It was the name I chose for her and I do believe her reasoning for wanting to change her name (too masculine) is wrong. Shes been using Rose as her name with some of her school friends and her online friends for over a year.

Not that she needs a reason but honestly Kody is a dreadful name, especially for a girl. It shouldn’t matter, but in real life it does, and Kody gives a certain impression that Rose doesn’t.

Its her name so you might as well support her now. What actual harm is it doing to change it. As long as she keeps the paper trail safe it will be fine to have her qualifications in different names. People do it all the time.

@katherine1983

There’s no reason for Kody, I just liked it. I just think most people without knowing why she changed it would think she was trying to run from something.

You like it, but judging by the response on here, and by your daughters response you are in a tiny minority. I am surprised she has waited this long to be honest, Kody is awful. Sounds like the sort of name you would give a male guinea pig.

Kaydee is equally as appalling

@katherine1983

I think one of the reasons her dad is so supportive is due to Rose being used multiple times on his side of the family in different forms. If it were another name I think he’d disagree. She’s hell bent that she’s changing it as she’s looking for people to sign her deed poll.

That's nice then there's still a link to her family.

I don't think its a case of you "letting" her.

I thought from your title that she wanted to be called Concrete Jellybean or FawdCortina or something.

I would find it weird to call my child by a different name, so not surprised you feel a bit sad and unwilling, but Rose is lovely, and even if not your favourite is at least innocuous / inoffensive.

You will get used to it in time. You will know her as Rose for many years longer in the future than you have known her as Kody. Maybe think of that as her Child Name?

I thought from your title that she wanted to be called Concrete Jellybean or FawdCortina or something

LOL!

@katherine1983

She’s also not going to use Kody as a mn as she’s decided she wants to use her dads mums name Josephine as a middle. I wouldn’t mind her changing the middle of her name but the first just seems off.

She can have more than one middle name.

I think she should show some sympathy and respect for you on this tbh. This goes against the grain but i think it deliberately disrespectful to change your name against parental wishes. You should at least acknowledge the gift of a name.

She could go with Rose Josephine Kody Surname and either shorten to Rose Josephine Surname or Rose Josephine K. Surname, only using Kody for official purposes where she absolutely has to.

She cannot change who she is. I think a lot about changing names isn't about the name itself but getting away from something else - including a deliberate slap in the face to parents.

She needs to be aware of how personal it is to you even if its her who has to live with it - purely because of the upset its causing.

That doesn't mean she shouldn't change it to something she prefers. More that she should recognise that a name more than any other gift a parent will give is a hugely personal gift. Rejecting it, will be felt as a reject of the parent even if thats not the intention.

Thinking of it as a child name sounds nice.

Rose is a lovely name, and if I'm honest I can see why she wants to dump Kody...she will have an easier life with Rose and it'll legally be her choice soon. I would just leave her to it and be supportive.

Rose is beautiful name. I love it too.

Our daughter started using a different name around 8. Used it for a couple of years and we changed it legally before she went to secondary, because she wanted all the records to match the name she used before starting there.

No drama.

You're being very weird about this. You know your child isn't your possession, right?

Missed this, does she currently have a middle name that she's also changing?

The only times I’ve heard this name is, as pp said, a character in Neighbours and my old hairdressers dog.

I can understand why you're upset but she has chosen a sensible name with family connections even if you don't like it. If she was wanting to change it to Princess Consuela Banana Hammock I'd agree with you.

Let her change it. I have a unisex name.
Hated hated it. It's more commonly male and so always assumed male

Good for your DD for having the guts to take a step to change. I wish I'd thought of it !

I don't like Rose as a name, sounds old ladyish to me. I do like Rosa, Roslyn and Rosalyn though.

I hate Kody as a name though, so if it was a choice between those two I'd go with Rose everytime.

I dropped my middle name officially when I got married, my mum was gutted but i hated it. My DBro and the cousins I'm closest to don't have middle names and I felt like I didn't match so I just dropped it.

Not the same I know, but I sort of get it. If my DD dropped part of her name I'd be hurt but accept it.

Yikes I would change it if it was mine.

I also hate my name and wish I'd changed it years ago. I'm very resentful of my parents for giving me a shit name.

Having read your updates, is there anything else the matter? You’ve mentioned that she’s decided to change both her names to honour her dad’s side of the family - are you feeling pushed out/rejected by this perhaps, and the name is more a sticking point?

If she’s been using Rose for a year then to me she seems settled on it and will change it when she’s 18.
You don’t really have anything to gain by not helping her to do this now, and plenty of good will to lose if you don’t

call her rose. ..%unconditional% init

I’d just be relieved she wants to call herself Rose and not a crazy name.

That said I wanted to change my name at her age but am glad I didn’t as the name I had chosen would not have been my choice now!!

i think it deliberately disrespectful to change your name against parental wishes. You should at least acknowledge the gift of a name.

She's acknowledged the gift of a name for the last 16 years, and has probably put up with a lot of negative comments and teasing for having a masculine name in that time. The only deliberately disrepectful part about the entire situation is that the OP, knowing how her daughter feels, thought she should be allowed to use the old name should her daughter make the change.

Going against the grain here but I really hate Rose and love Kody 😆😆😆

I met a female Kody the other day (not sure if that was the spelling, I'd guessed it was Codie) and I has presumed she was a boy before I met her.

I think 16 is old enough to know you want to change your name, but I think it must be really hard for parents to call their child by a different name- I struggle enough when people get married or divorced.