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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my daughter change her name?

510 replies

katherine1983 · 14/08/2021 16:09

My daughter wants to change her name to Rose, however I believe she should keep her birth name until the age of 18. I’m aware she can change it without my permission as she’s 16 however I’m hoping she wouldn’t as she knows I’m unhappy with it. It was the name I chose for her and I do believe her reasoning for wanting to change her name (too masculine) is wrong. Shes been using Rose as her name with some of her school friends and her online friends for over a year.

OP posts:
urbanbuddha · 14/08/2021 18:04

I'm not wildly crazy about Rose Josephine. Too many "ose"s but it's her choice.

I'm glad you've decided to accept Rose. Your daughter will be pleased.

Sidneysussex · 14/08/2021 18:05

Let her change it. Rose is an established classic girl name it's a good choice on her part and will look fine on her CV.
Honestly your name choice wasn't great for these reasons. It's ambiguous on if male or female fine if that's her thing but she obviously wants to be known as a girl. Let her be Rose.

thedancingbear · 14/08/2021 18:05

@Howshouldibehave

Her father doesn’t like Kody much either

A shame he didn’t say that 16 years ago!

My best guess is that he did.
LemonFantaGin · 14/08/2021 18:06

Now is the perfect time to allow her to change her name, and she is becoming an adult and will be looking at entering a professional field.

Remove your thoughts and feelings about this situation and consider your daughters feelings first and foremost.

Dogoodfeelgood · 14/08/2021 18:06

She’s chosen a lovely classic name for a new name, one that works well in all situations in the UK. You could be a prime minister Rose but I struggle to even see an MP called Kody. If she was switching from Rose to Kody I would be on your side OP but I can totally understand why she would want to change it. It’s not an awful name and some people could pull it off but if she feels like she is a “Rose” then that’s very far away from feeling like a Kody.

My name is pretty insane for a person from my generation, not a made up name but definitely not in the top 200 since about 1870 and even then I doubt it was very popular. If I had been brave enough to change my name when I was 16 I’m sure I’d be happy with my new name now, although I doubt I would have chosen something tasteful like Rose at 16!

Let her change it and support her, that way you’ll be part of her new chapter rather than it being a thorn between you.

BooomShakeTheRoom · 14/08/2021 18:06

Yanbu to feel hurt.

But it's her name and if you want a good relationship you have to support her with this.

HalzTangz · 14/08/2021 18:07

@katherine1983

To be fair, I have only met one other female Kody. Perhaps it’s the spelling that makes it sound masculine.
It's not the spelling, kody is typical a male name.

She doesn't like kody just as you don't like rose

Could you not agree a compromise Rose kody (insert surname)

EmeraldShamrock · 14/08/2021 18:07

Call her name "Rose" later show her your support. 🌹

SunshineCake · 14/08/2021 18:07

Kody is awful. No wonder she wants to change it! Is it even a name?

Pemba · 14/08/2021 18:08

Hardly the same thing as getting tatoos! In this case the daughter's is the sensible choice. Rose is popular, definitely feminine, easy to spell correctly etc.

It's a pity her dad didn't speak up when she was a baby.

JoborPlay · 14/08/2021 18:09

I knew a girl called Kady who was trans and when he transitioned changed his name to Kody. It really is masculine.

toolazytothinkofausername · 14/08/2021 18:09

@AnonymousCheerleader

Kody is a fucking terrible name for a boy, never mind a girl.

Honestly, what were you thinking?

The nicest thing you could do for your daughter is support her in changing her awful name.

Hear hear.
celestebellman · 14/08/2021 18:09

I’d support Cody (spelled like that) as a unisex name, given there was a female character called this in Neighbours circa 1995… which is probably the first time I heard it.

It’s very different from Rose though - I would agree with previous posters that she is making a sensible choice to change it and probably won’t regret it. Also nice she has picked a name with a family connection.

TeaAndStrumpets · 14/08/2021 18:09

@katherine1983

I do see why most of you think it’s masculine, I always thought it was unisex. I do now agree that when she does change it that i’ll have to use it.
Good for you OP, it really wouldn't be worth the upset otherwise. Could you offer to call her Rosie as your own pet name for her? Similar sound to Kody and maybe easier for you to adjust. Maybe she would appreciate you trying to meet her half way?
ShinyMe · 14/08/2021 18:10

Well done for supporting her OP. It's definitely not too late to keep the relationship, if you can accept that she's a human in her own right, with her own choices that are separate from you. Not accepting something like that really can lead to a big gap which can't be fixed in future years.

WrongKindOfFace · 14/08/2021 18:11

She’s the one who has to live with the name so it should be her choice.

Seesawmummadaw · 14/08/2021 18:11

Kody is okay but it’s obviously not who she is. Let her be herself.

SummerInSun · 14/08/2021 18:12

OP, I was on your side until I read the name. Cody is a boys name, Kody is a misspelling, as PP has said. And in all honesty, although we should all fight against these conscious and unconscious biases, it sounds white trash / chav especially with the "trendy" deliberate misspelling (at least to me). There is a lot of research that people looking at job applications and so on male judgements about people from the moment they read the name on a CV and people with classic / conventional names get more interviews, etc. Honestly, as unfair as it is, she could well be more successful in life with the name Rose than the name Kody.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 14/08/2021 18:13

@katherine1983

To be fair, I have only met one other female Kody. Perhaps it’s the spelling that makes it sound masculine.
No its the name. Not how its spelt. This is the problem with parents naming their kids unique names in an attempt to be original.
LookItsMeAgain · 14/08/2021 18:13

@katherine1983

There’s no reason for Kody, I just liked it. I just think most people without knowing why she changed it would think she was trying to run from something.
Nope. I wouldn't think she was trying to run from something...why would you think that? Also anyone who knows her from now on will only know her as Rose, so they won't care what she was called.

I don't know why your DH didn't veto her name at the very start, before it even got to the point when her birth was being registered.

Seesawmummadaw · 14/08/2021 18:14

@Dogoodfeelgood

She’s chosen a lovely classic name for a new name, one that works well in all situations in the UK. You could be a prime minister Rose but I struggle to even see an MP called Kody. If she was switching from Rose to Kody I would be on your side OP but I can totally understand why she would want to change it. It’s not an awful name and some people could pull it off but if she feels like she is a “Rose” then that’s very far away from feeling like a Kody.

My name is pretty insane for a person from my generation, not a made up name but definitely not in the top 200 since about 1870 and even then I doubt it was very popular. If I had been brave enough to change my name when I was 16 I’m sure I’d be happy with my new name now, although I doubt I would have chosen something tasteful like Rose at 16!

Let her change it and support her, that way you’ll be part of her new chapter rather than it being a thorn between you.

@Dogoodfeelgood I really want to know your name!
HalzTangz · 14/08/2021 18:15

@KurtWilde

Why would she let you still call her kody? That won't be her name anymore.
Agree, I also think it's very disrespectful to the daughter to call her by. Name she doest like and no longer wants to use. The OP seems self absorbed with her happiness and what she wants to call the daughter, and not 5he happiness of the daughter
diddl · 14/08/2021 18:15

The outrage at the name!Grin

Op's daughter doesn't like it & want to change it.

If the name that she wanted to change was Rose, would everyone be saying "oh no that's lovely, don't let her"?

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 14/08/2021 18:15

YABU.
She doesn't like it.
That's the chance we all take when we name our children.
She will change it whether you like it or not, whether you delay her or not. you can either dig your heels in and drive a wedge between you or you can accept she is her own person, not an extension on you and she simply doesn't like the name you chose. 🤷‍♀️
It's not a rejection of you but it is a pivotal moment in your relationship. You can either fuck it up or not. Your choice.

Kithic · 14/08/2021 18:16

@katherine1983

If she waits until 18, I thought it would be easier for her qualifications to all be in the same name. Her father supports it but I’m just unsure. Maybe you’re right as she’s been using it for a year she won’t change her mind. That was my biggest worry, her changing it then wanting it changed back
But her gcses will be in 1 name, A levels in old or new, and then if she goes to uni, will be in new name?