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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my daughter change her name?

510 replies

katherine1983 · 14/08/2021 16:09

My daughter wants to change her name to Rose, however I believe she should keep her birth name until the age of 18. I’m aware she can change it without my permission as she’s 16 however I’m hoping she wouldn’t as she knows I’m unhappy with it. It was the name I chose for her and I do believe her reasoning for wanting to change her name (too masculine) is wrong. Shes been using Rose as her name with some of her school friends and her online friends for over a year.

OP posts:
Original poster
katherine1983 · 14/08/2021 18:36

She was unaware of the family ties with the name Rose and variants when she started using it as we only just found out about them. I am thankful it isn’t something ridiculous, Rose is quite tame and classy in comparison to what i’d expect.

OP posts:
CoronaPeroni · 14/08/2021 18:36

Crikey you are saying wait so all her certificates are the same? I can see why she'd want to change it now. She won't want to be reminded of Kody every time she has to produce a certificate.

KurtWilde · 14/08/2021 18:39

i think it deliberately disrespectful to change your name against parental wishes. You should at least acknowledge the gift of a name.

A name isn't a 'gift', it's just a name.

Toastfiendish · 14/08/2021 18:40

I know someone who changed her name at exactly this age. She had always hated her name (actually she didn't have much reason to, unlike your DD, she just didn't like it). Within about 3 months it became seamless, and if you were changing school it would make even more sense.

Besides, things like this with teenagers - why pick a fight. Save that for stuff which is actually important. Rose is lovely, I don't think the original name is suitable for a girl.

shouldistop · 14/08/2021 18:41

I think she should show some sympathy and respect for you on this tbh. This goes against the grain but i think it deliberately disrespectful to change your name against parental wishes. You should at least acknowledge the gift of a name.

Not all names are gifts though.

CoronaPeroni · 14/08/2021 18:42

The gift of a name

I've heard it all now.

AllforOnsies · 14/08/2021 18:43

I'm due a MN name change...

I was named Austen Aleigha at birth... I changed it on my 16th Birthday to a name at least 3 girls in my year shared and there are 3 in my daughter's class.

I love the anonymity which come with it. My mum still cries nearly 35 years later that I gave my daughter such a dull name too

Blossomtoes · 14/08/2021 18:44

I reckon in a few years time there’s going to be a lot of name changing, particularly by kids with made up names. One of the things we considered was whether the names we chose would work at any age.

Rose is beautiful and timeless, works for a baby or an old lady - Kody? No, won’t work in middle or old age. She’s very wise, OP.

Whinge · 14/08/2021 18:47

@AllforOnsies

I'm due a MN name change...

I was named Austen Aleigha at birth... I changed it on my 16th Birthday to a name at least 3 girls in my year shared and there are 3 in my daughter's class.

I love the anonymity which come with it. My mum still cries nearly 35 years later that I gave my daughter such a dull name too

I always feel sorry for those given wacky out there names. Especially as their parents usually have a more mainstream normal name, so never face the same teasing and negativity that they inflict on their children.

I'm sure some children love having a crazy name and enjoy standing out, but many others prefer to blend in with those around them and like having a name in common with classmates and peers.

WordOfTheDay · 14/08/2021 18:47

Cody is a man’s name Cody - Behind the Name, so I can totally understand that she is not at all happy being called that, often having to explain it, and people expecting the Cody on their list/schedule/appointment book to be a boy.

I also think that if she is going to change it, it would be advantageous to do so as soon as possible, so that her A-levels and anything else official from here on is in her new name automatically (student ID card, etc.).

I also love Rose.

FuckingFlumps · 14/08/2021 18:49

I reckon in a few years time there’s going to be a lot of name changing, particularly by kids with made up names.

I think this everytime I come across a little girl named Khaleesi, I've met 7 so far. The show started in 2011 and I imagine many of them will soon have a countdown on their phones ticking off the days until they can change it.

sunglassesonthetable · 14/08/2021 18:49

My granny stopped answering to her given name, and answer only to the new one she had chosen, when she was about 12 and that was a hundred years or so ago.

What goes round comes round.

LabiaMinoraPissusFlapus · 14/08/2021 18:50

I changed my name at 17 and have never regretted it. I am now 40. She needs a name that she feels fits her identity. I would be fine with my children changing their name as I know how it feels to not feel as though your name suits.

SophiePie · 14/08/2021 18:52

OP, I understand why you'd be sad at her changing her name, but please take solace in that she has good taste. Rose Josephine is a beautiful name

HarryHedgehog · 14/08/2021 18:55

I’d be changing my name too if I was called Kody 🙈🙈

GillBiggeloesHair · 14/08/2021 18:55

You should at least acknowledge the gift of a name

WTAF?
It's no gift to be saddled with a shit name.

ohthatbloodycat · 14/08/2021 18:57

YANBU, OP. It's typical of a teenager today to want a say in bloody everything!

Blossomtoes · 14/08/2021 18:58

@ohthatbloodycat

YANBU, OP. It's typical of a teenager today to want a say in bloody everything!
Yeah, really unreasonable to have an opinion on your name 🙄
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 14/08/2021 18:59

@icedcoffees

So am I , have never heard of anyone in RL changing their name, shortening it yes but not changing it

If they changed their name before meeting you, how would you even know @butterpuffed?

Yes.. Only my immediate family know my birth name... EVERYONE else calls me a completely different name. I don't tell new people that my original name was something different.

I'm a 'known as'... I haven't bothered to change my passport...i will get it properly done in time.

It helps that the initial is the same

BiBabbles · 14/08/2021 18:59

I thought it would be easier for her qualifications to all be in the same name.

A common concern, one of many I heard while changing my name, but rarely is it an actual issue. None of my qualifications are in the same name, and I know others in a similar boat who've also had no issues with it.

I get why it's uncomfortable for you OP, but what comes to my mind is my mother who changed her name in her 40s because she was too worried about upsetting her mother (she waited a few years after my grandmother's death). Everyone else heard the stories of how she was named and how much she didn't like it, her friends all used the new name. If I was my grandmother in that situation, I'd hate to think something I gave my child caused them so much angst.

I'd take it as a great sign that she's openly discussing and trying to have you be part of her creating her own sense of self. If you keep viewing it as a "have to" and that she's "wrong" and should just keep using Kody to not upset you, I can't see how that's going to help your relationship. Not all gifts work out like we hope.

Whinge · 14/08/2021 19:01

@ohthatbloodycat

YANBU, OP. It's typical of a teenager today to want a say in bloody everything!
Hmm

Ah yes bloody teenagers having an opinion on their own name. How dare they.

Clydesider · 14/08/2021 19:02

It's good to see that you're coming round to it, OP. Think what it will mean to your daughter to have your backing.

Rose is a name that will serve her well for the rest of her life.

ddl1 · 14/08/2021 19:03

If this is what she wants, I don't see anything wrong with it. Perhaps Kody could be kept as a middle name. But it's not even as if Rose was a strange or edgy name. I think it's a lovely name: as pp say fine at any age, and also not particularly tied to a particular generation: someone called Rose could be 16, 6, 60 or 106, whereas many names instantly identify your age group.

Hepzibar · 14/08/2021 19:05

I wish I'd had the confidence and the support to change mine at 16. I've hated my name all my life but it's too late now.

Let her change it OP.

DeRigueurMortis · 14/08/2021 19:05

OP can't you see how telling it is that she's chosen Rose?

A very, very feminine name.

More than anything that should indicate how unhappy she is with the boys name you chose for her (and it's absolutely a boys name).

I appreciate you liked it, but you're not the person that has to deal with the consequences of that choice.

The endless questions and assumptions "why do you have a boys name?", "did you parents want a boy and cba to think of a name for a girl?" Etc etc and the corrections when people who haven't met her assume she's male.

If you give your child an unusual name then this outcome is always a risk.

Look at David Bowie's son. Like your DD he did a complete 180 when he changed his name from Zowie to Duncan....