To not let my daughter change her name?

[katherine1983]

My daughter wants to change her name to Rose, however I believe she should keep her birth name until the age of 18. I’m aware she can change it without my permission as she’s 16 however I’m hoping she wouldn’t as she knows I’m unhappy with it. It was the name I chose for her and I do believe her reasoning for wanting to change her name (too masculine) is wrong. Shes been using Rose as her name with some of her school friends and her online friends for over a year.

In teenage years you need to let them win some battles,

The teenage years don't need to be about battes and conflict.

Thank you for the responses.

For those asking too, her name is Kody

And you're surprised she wants to change it?!

So stupid of people to judge someone because of their name when 99% of the time the parents chose it. They are the ones that should be judged for naming their child something stupid. A baby doesn't name itself.

You went for an unusual name that is more associated with a boys name. It is your daughter that has to live with that and she’s come up with a classic alternative instead. I don’t think you can blame her or see it as being about you. You took a bit of a gamble and the consequence of it is your daughter doesn’t like her name. She’s sounds quite switched on tbh.

I'm not surprised she wants to change it. Neither should you be. Kody is a very unusual name, I don't like it, it's very masculine.

My dad refused point blank to let me change my surname from about the age of 13 and seem to delight in saying no. Bear in mind he didn’t bother seeing me or paying maintenance, it was just his bit of control. Guess what, I used the name anyway throughout my teenage years and changed it legally as soon as I turned 18. Screw him. Just let her, she’ll do it anyway so why delay the inevitable? It’ll give you more time to get used to it.

I think given that she has been using the name Rose for a while and has kept having the same problems with Kody she knows what she wants. It would be better if you supported her.

It's a lovely name. Must be hard for you to adjust though. Is it completely different from her given name?

This is entirely up to her. You like the name, she doesn't.

She is the one that has to live with it not you.

@DinaofCloud9

The comments on here would be completely different if the daughter wanted to change her name from Rose to Kody.

That is very true. But people would also question if they were trans or going through a trans phase.

The girl has chosen a very feminine traditional, easy to spell name. Op support it sooner she does it the better.

@BlackeyedSusan

It's a lovely name. Must be hard for you to adjust though. Is it completely different from her given name?

After 300+ posts 🙄

Good points about doing it quickly so that her GCSE and A Level certs are in her new name.

I wouldn't imagine that she would change it back. I went to uni with two people that had changes their names and they are still using the new names at 55!

@speakout

In teenage years you need to let them win some battles,

The teenage years don't need to be about battes and conflict.

I think they do need to be. Teenagers are learning about themselves and their place in the world, questioning their parents’ boundaries and establishing their independence. It would be very unhealthy if there wasn’t some conflict. I remember mine saying his teens were weird because, unlike his peers, he had nothing to rebel against. We still had the odd battle.

@Rangoon

I wish I'd had the initiative to change the dreary Scots name I got landed with. We're not even Scottish. My father misrembered his late mother's name (who died when he was a child) and landed me with the Scottish horror instead. I mean there were only four letters he had to remember in the right order. I have been toying with changing it to the name I was meant to have been called but the thought of the paper work puts me off.

Curious on the names! However I think the paperwork would be the easy part. The hard part is getting family & friends to change. And not be Rose the artist previously known as Kody.

I assume some of the family won’t be pleased. Her dad is happy with it and won’t tolerate any of them if they say anything.

Lockdownbear
Teenagers are learning about themselves and their place in the world, questioning their parents’ boundaries and establishing their independence.

I agree.

But that can be done without battles.

My sister and I fought terribly with our authoritarian mother as teens, she was so rigid and every day brought screamig, banging doors.

It need not be like that.
Teenagers need to grow and expand their autonomy, and parents need to relax their control, but all that can happen without the need for violent communication.

@speakout, I was the least authoritarian parent you could ever imagine. I was the “cool mum” and our house became my son’s friendship group’s common room and we still had battles because that’s what teenagers do. Anything else is really unhealthy.

Anything else is really unhealthy.

I disagree. Battles need not happen.

Why is not fighting unhealthy?

[quote Blossomtoes]@speakout, I was the least authoritarian parent you could ever imagine. I was the “cool mum” and our house became my son’s friendship group’s common room and we still had battles because that’s what teenagers do. Anything else is really unhealthy.[/quote]
Nonsense. Separation from parents and growing independence and autonomy is normal and healthy. There is nothing inherently healthy about "battles" and differences of opinion don't have to be handled as such. Battles between teenagers and their parents may be common enough, but it's absurd to suggest that it's somehow unhealthy if they don't.

*Separation from parents and growing independence and autonomy is normal and healthy. There is nothing inherently healthy about "battles" and differences of opinion don't have to be handled as such. Battles between teenagers and their parents may be common enough, but it's absurd to suggest that it's somehow unhealthy if they don't.

Totally agree.

Because teenagers are hardwired to rebel. That’s what they do. It’s part of the separation process. Why do you think it’s such a cliche?

@Blossomtoes

Because teenagers are hardwired to rebel. That’s what they do. It’s part of the separation process. Why do you think it’s such a cliche?

But many teenagers don't rebel, that's the point. If their growing autonomy is handled appropriately, many won't ever feel the need to rebel. There is nothing unhealthy about that as long as they are still being allowed to grow up and assert their independence.

@Paulinna

How can a birth name cost you jobs? For example if you’re applying to a professional job and your birth name name makes you sound like a stripper. Nobody is gonna hire a teacher called Randee-Leigh or a solicitor called Kandy. People assume I’m thick and trashy.

There's a whole literature on nominative determinism....

Many UK names that instantly identify someone as being from a particular age /background...

I mean how many Shirleys or Denises or Marions are there under 70??

Are there any judges called Darren, Darryl, Kaydee, or Khloe??

Or equally shop workers called Gerrard, Ralph, Fenella, Benedick...

Of course they may have these names and be known as something different....

An old social work manager used to joke with newly pregnant women... Was their chosen name more likely to be attached to the judge or defendant?!

YABU