Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my daughter change her name?

510 replies

katherine1983 · 14/08/2021 16:09

My daughter wants to change her name to Rose, however I believe she should keep her birth name until the age of 18. I’m aware she can change it without my permission as she’s 16 however I’m hoping she wouldn’t as she knows I’m unhappy with it. It was the name I chose for her and I do believe her reasoning for wanting to change her name (too masculine) is wrong. Shes been using Rose as her name with some of her school friends and her online friends for over a year.

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 14/08/2021 21:40

@SnapAndFartAllDayLong

Going against the grain here but I really hate Rose and love Kody 😆😆😆
Im in the same camp.

I think Rose is appalling.

Kody isn't my taste but its a billion times better than Rose.

I think Rose is on my all time shit list along with Grace, Oliver, Oliver and every variation of Lily, Ava/Eve.

Its blue haired bore territory where people are pink or blue.

I think all this 'assert your identity' shit is a pile of marketed crap full stop.

HunterGatherer · 14/08/2021 21:41

OP you need to start listening to your child. You are very belligerent to ignore her. She's not talking about whether you like her new bag, she's talking about an issue at the core of her identity.
Stop being so narcissistic. It's not about you.

mcmooberry · 14/08/2021 21:43

I think Kody is a great name, much more interesting than Rose imo and I wouldn't think of it as either masculine or feminine. She may well want it back at some point but in the meantime, agree to let her change to Rose.

Davros · 14/08/2021 21:46

I'm an old gimmer and don't recognise Cody/Kody as a name at all, except in the Wild West. You live and learn

Blossomtoes · 14/08/2021 21:46

@mcmooberry

I think Kody is a great name, much more interesting than Rose imo and I wouldn't think of it as either masculine or feminine. She may well want it back at some point but in the meantime, agree to let her change to Rose.
It doesn’t matter what you think. I’d choose Rose over Kody any day of the week. Trust me, she’s never going to want Kody back!
Mylittlepotofjoy · 14/08/2021 21:48

I have a name usually given to boys ! I’m now 56 and sort of used to it Grin I would have loved a real girl name but then maybe I would have preferred a more unusual name had I been given a girly one !!!!! It ok having an usual name if you don’t mind standing out

JustLyra · 14/08/2021 21:49

I changed my name at 14 because I hated it.

I can still remember clearly the relatives that felt their liking of my original name was more important than my hatred of it.

I also have little to no relationships with the ones that insisted on still calling me by my original name after I changed it.

It’s a big thing to change your name, she’s been using her new name for a long time. You’re entitled to be sad, but it’ll be damaging to your relationship if you continue to push against something so important.

FuckingFlumps · 14/08/2021 21:50

@mcmooberry

I think Kody is a great name, much more interesting than Rose imo and I wouldn't think of it as either masculine or feminine. She may well want it back at some point but in the meantime, agree to let her change to Rose.
I don't see any reason why she would revert to Kody in the future to be honest. It sounds like she has made an informed and well reasoned change and taken her time in doing so. I'd be very surprised if after such consideration she went back to using a name she obviously doesn't have positive associations with.
shouldistop · 14/08/2021 21:57

The comments on here would be completely different if the daughter wanted to change her name from Rose to Kody

For good reason.

Liv2015 · 14/08/2021 21:58

@Rivermonsters neighbours character was a girl

Rivermonsters · 14/08/2021 22:00

@Liv2015 it’s still a boys name

MariposaLilly · 14/08/2021 22:00

Kody/Cody is from COL. William P Cody (Buffalo Bill). Cody in Wyoming is named after him.

My son went to school with a boy named Cody.

We saw a little boy shopping with his parents and the poor kid's name was Enid. (They kept calling him). One day Enid will be trying to change his name to Cody or maybe Buffalo Bill.

ShingleBeach · 14/08/2021 22:02

@DinaofCloud9

The comments on here would be completely different if the daughter wanted to change her name from Rose to Kody.
My friend’s Dc just changed their name to Cody as part of transitioning. (Ditched a girl’s name).

Everyone was supportive and has absorbed the new name quickly.

Alongside the question of posters’ taste is the experience of the OP’s Dd and the fact that the name is so often assumed to be a boy’s name.

That would not be the case if the Kody / Rose swap was reversed.

Liv2015 · 14/08/2021 22:03
Grin
SunshineCake · 14/08/2021 22:18

@Hepzibar

I wish I'd had the confidence and the support to change mine at 16. I've hated my name all my life but it's too late now.

Let her change it OP.

It's never too late. We get one life. We should change everything we can that makes us unhappy.
AramintaLee · 14/08/2021 23:18

Oh OP I can definitely sympathise as you gave her the name and so it's meaningful to you... I think Rose is a lovely name. It's very classic and I don't think it will ever go out of fashion. I also think it suits people no matter what age they are.

Just try and be thankful she didn't want to call herself something really obscure Smile

PurpleMustang · 14/08/2021 23:27

I think you are both over thinking and under thinking this. You are way over thinking this to assume people with think she is running away from something by changing her name. I worked in payroll of journalism for a while. We almost had to have a list of people that went by different work names to real names. And not just women when they got married. So many went by a random name, nick name or middle name as their first name. If I could of been bothered to find a name I liked I would have, as my mother gave me one of those unheard of, difficult to spell names. She only had to spell it for 16 years. I have had to for 45. It gets old........
And if she has been calling herself Rose for over a year, you need to realise this was not overnight. She would of been thinking about this wwwwaaaayyyyy before that to then finally decide to ask her friends to call her it. I got everyone to use a nickname to get away from mine. That started at about 11/12. Just make sure she has thought of all angles, in a nice way, and let her get on with it, with you acceptance. And to say your husband only agrees as it is a family name is a bit disrespectful of him being respectful to her.

StoneofDestiny · 14/08/2021 23:35

Rose is so much better than Kody

ChocolateDeficitDisorder · 14/08/2021 23:41

OP, I think you're being very classy in your responses to these posts. Some folk have been very rude about your choice of names but you haven't taken the bait and bitten back.

BluebellsGreenbells · 15/08/2021 00:04

I agree so many posters have been unbelievably rude. It’s a perfectly lovely name and yes suitable for a girl. I know a few as it’s quite popular here amongst girls.

The name however is irrelevant if your daughter doesn’t like it.

Zelda93 · 15/08/2021 00:09

I love Kody I think that's a great name .. I don't know why so many seem to dislike it so much .. to me it's far nicer than Rose but everyone to their own ..

MissTrip82 · 15/08/2021 00:11

I don’t think anyone hearing she’s changed her name from Kody to Rose will think she’s running from anything. Most people will understand immediately.

IJustLikeBiscuitsOK · 15/08/2021 00:12

My "original" name caused me no world of problems, I changed it as soon as I turned 18, I didn't realise I could do it before then. I am sure my Mum thought she was being cool and quirky calling me "Ryan", with an equally shit male sounding middle name, but as a very small 5ft1 very feminine female, constantly being told "oh my god I was expecting a boy" started to get old really quickly, the final straw was when I went for my first job interview and the interviewer spent 10 minutes talking about how she was expecting a guy and she didn't even realise girls were "allowed" to be called Ryan. I now have a pretty bog standard girls name, and I refuse to answer to Ryan. It still pains me when I have to fill in DBS renewal forms and it asks for any previous names I was associated with and I have to type it, it causes actual rage haha

JustLyra · 15/08/2021 00:25

@IJustLikeBiscuitsOK

My "original" name caused me no world of problems, I changed it as soon as I turned 18, I didn't realise I could do it before then. I am sure my Mum thought she was being cool and quirky calling me "Ryan", with an equally shit male sounding middle name, but as a very small 5ft1 very feminine female, constantly being told "oh my god I was expecting a boy" started to get old really quickly, the final straw was when I went for my first job interview and the interviewer spent 10 minutes talking about how she was expecting a guy and she didn't even realise girls were "allowed" to be called Ryan. I now have a pretty bog standard girls name, and I refuse to answer to Ryan. It still pains me when I have to fill in DBS renewal forms and it asks for any previous names I was associated with and I have to type it, it causes actual rage haha
I’m the same when I have to put Starlight on anything.

What possessed my parents (well, alcohol and drugs did, but still) to name their fourth child such an outlandish name enrages me. My siblings all have normal names from the 70s, then there was me.

Paulinna · 15/08/2021 00:33

I hate my birth name, it makes people perceive me negatively and has undoubtedly cost me jobs. But I’m not so selfish as to upset my parents by changing it. It’s disrespectful imo. If your name bothers you that much then use a nickname. If that was my daughter I’d be telling her to show some respect for her parents.