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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my daughter change her name?

510 replies

katherine1983 · 14/08/2021 16:09

My daughter wants to change her name to Rose, however I believe she should keep her birth name until the age of 18. I’m aware she can change it without my permission as she’s 16 however I’m hoping she wouldn’t as she knows I’m unhappy with it. It was the name I chose for her and I do believe her reasoning for wanting to change her name (too masculine) is wrong. Shes been using Rose as her name with some of her school friends and her online friends for over a year.

OP posts:
KurtWilde · 14/08/2021 19:06

@ohthatbloodycat

YANBU, OP. It's typical of a teenager today to want a say in bloody everything!
I hope this comment is a joke.
Doomscrolling · 14/08/2021 19:11

My mum changed her name when she moved to a new place. I did the same. It was not a rejection of our respective parents, it was an assertion of who we felt we were as young women.

Good for you, OP, for finding acceptance. My brother still calls me by a name I haven’t used for 18 years. Drives me mad. I tend to avoid him.

damndorothea · 14/08/2021 19:12

@Hepzibar

I wish I'd had the confidence and the support to change mine at 16. I've hated my name all my life but it's too late now.

Let her change it OP.

I feel the same. OP give her your blessing
meadowbleu · 14/08/2021 19:16

@Hepzibar

I wish I'd had the confidence and the support to change mine at 16. I've hated my name all my life but it's too late now.

Let her change it OP.

You and me both.

The more I've read OP, the more I feel some comments on this thread are a wind up, but whatever, you and your daughter are clearly polls apart with name preferences and I applaud her approach. She's obviously thought about it and tried it out longer term, so respect her opinion.

She's chosen a name that's classic, pretty and feminine and most import of all, one she feels entirely comfortable with. Even if she comes to doubt that choice in later years, which, frankly, I'd speculate is unlikely, make sure you refer to her by a name she's comfortable with.

You got the option of choosing her initial name, but it's her who has to live with a name day to day.

Original poster
katherine1983 · 14/08/2021 19:17

Just hoping it won’t be too much hassle with her school etc, thank you for the responses over the qualification certs Smile

OP posts:
Winenota · 14/08/2021 19:18

At least she wants a girls name. And rose is lovely. My dd wants to be called some crap boys name on acid as she is now a boy. 😏

beigebrownblue · 14/08/2021 19:19

It's very tricky.
They seem to think sometimes when they become sixteen they can do whatever they like, because they are sixteen.

Reality doesn't quite work like that if they are still sharing a home with you and expect you to support them practically and financially.

It's about choosing your battles.

I don't think I would argue about the name, but make sure DD knows about administrative things i.e which name is on her birth certificate and the bank etc.

Mine is soon to be sixteen, but very immature in some ways. I'm encouraging her to get abank account, but with the pocket money account she has, she frequently goes out and forgets the pin number or something. Or even loses the card.

Thats' just an example of what i mean. She expects me to be a back up for her if something like that happens, and I am because I know she is learning, however she needs to learn too and understand that all these decisions have implications which she may not necessarily have thought through fully.

It's tricky.

Original poster
katherine1983 · 14/08/2021 19:26

I didn’t even know anything about changing names until she brought it up. She’s spent a while thinking about it, she may as well turn into an advisor for name changing Grin

OP posts:
chillidoritto · 14/08/2021 19:29

Let her change it. I changed my name in my early 20s. I hated my old name (Lesley). I got made fun of in school and then as an adult got asked if people bullied me because of my name.

I don't regret my decision for a second. I became a much more confident person when I did it.

I was actually working when I did it, and it wasn't even starting a new job! But my colleagues were very supportive and most said they didn't blame me!!

rainbowunicorn · 14/08/2021 19:32

@katherine1983

Her father doesn’t like Kody much either, I think he’s rather pleased as Rose goes better with their last name. I do understand that I can’t stop her as she can change it without parents permission and Ill have to accept it. I hope i’ll still be able to call her Kody but if not i’ll try with her new name.
FFS the girl wants to change her name because you gave her an awful name to begin with and you hope you will still be able to call her the name she hates? Get over yourself and accept that you gave her a name that has caused her nothing but problems. Accept the name she wants to call herself and don't call her Kody again.
HavelockVetinari · 14/08/2021 19:39

@bloodywhitecat

I knew a Jan-Yves, as soon as he was old enough he changed his name (much to his father's disgust), the fact that his dad was so against his name cha damaged their relationship forever.
Presumably a proud Breton family! Did he speak Breihz too?
CuddlyDudley71 · 14/08/2021 19:40

Only Kody/Cody's I know are female-and I'm a teacher, so deal with many kids.

ShinyMe · 14/08/2021 19:41

OP has already said she'll accept it and call her the new name!

PandemicAtTheDisco · 14/08/2021 19:45

When someone really dislikes their name I think it's unfair to not let them change it or use a different name.

I know someone who named all her children with unique, made up names with odd spellings. Only her estranged daughter is happy with her name - which isn't too extreme but just has a weird spelling. All her other children, except one, haven't changed their names but go by more common near equivalents or their middle names. I only learnt recently that the other child goes by a very common name and changed it officially when she was a teenager.

She insists on calling them all by their given names. It causes a lot of friction and increasing amounts of anger. The one that changed her name has the strongest reaction to her chosen name not being used. She was teased about her name for years. Birthday cards are thrown away now whereas before they were just not displayed.

A close equivalent is Pamelanderze (not quite this but very similar) - to honour Pamela, Melissa, Andrew and Derek who she was once best friends with and were named as Godparents.

Whinge · 14/08/2021 19:46

@CuddlyDudley71

Only Kody/Cody's I know are female-and I'm a teacher, so deal with many kids.
I suspect you'd be in the minority, although I guess it depends on where you live. Darkgreener shows the popularity of names since 1996 and Cody / Kody has always been a name given to significantly more boys than girls.

Name trends link

Paint69 · 14/08/2021 19:47

YABU, I changed my awful surname as soon as I turned 16 and it was the best decision I ever made.

coffeeschmoffee · 14/08/2021 19:47

I love the name Kody
Much prefer it to Rose (boring)
But yes you should absolutely let her. It's her name and how she feels

Paint69 · 14/08/2021 19:47

Not saying that her name is awful before someone suggests that!

Ellie56 · 14/08/2021 19:48

Kody? No wonder she wants to change it. That's a boy's name.

BadgeronaMoped · 14/08/2021 19:49

My Grandma's son changed his name by deed poll, she still calls him by the name she chose, his friends and acquaintances know him by his chosen name. Both names are pretty nondescript.
Funnily enough, my Grandma also changed her name by deed poll, so she couldn't really complain! Grin

roxisolerenshaw · 14/08/2021 19:56

I'm going totally against the grain but I really like the name Kody, but have only seen it spelt with a C. I know a girl called Cody so don't think of it as a masculine name at all. However, if your DD doesn't like it she should be allowed to change it.

NigellaSeed · 14/08/2021 20:01

Wouldn't it be easier to change it now before she gets ID and things with bank accounts?

Also, rose is a lovely name.

SpacePug · 14/08/2021 20:03

I know a girl called Kodie, it's unusual but suits her, haven't asked her if she likes it

Original poster
katherine1983 · 14/08/2021 20:10

It would be easier for her now as she wants to look for a job. Hopefully the rest of the family don’t have my original reaction. She’s easily shy when it comes to them.

OP posts:
TatianaBis · 14/08/2021 20:16

Kody is an awful name to be fair. It’s unisex but just not very nice. Rose Josephine is very pretty.

Anyway, she’s 16, clearly knows her own mind so you should respect her decision.

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