To find eating out with my parents embarrassing and frustrating?

[NeonJellyBaby]

My parents are both fussy eaters. Both are very ‘meat and two veg’ and traditional. DF is a nightmare to feed, although in fairness he admits it. DM on the other hand is marginally better, but still very picky and would hit the roof if you pointed out how limited her diet is. She has a made up ‘dairy allergy’. She isn’t allergic to it, she just doesn’t like cheese or butter, but as you can imagine that brings its own problems when eating out. She also doesn’t have any problems eating ice cream. So allergy my arse!

Eating out anywhere nice is a nightmare. They will only eat very bland stuff, British stuff nothing fancy. No creamy or spicy sauces. Think egg and chips, pie and chips, gammon and chips, fish and chips. But even then they will get funny if it’s too fancy and not traditional. DM will eat a curry but only the blandest one on the menu. If you go out for Sunday lunch they will reel off all the stuff they don’t want on their plate whilst ordering. Meat has to be cremated or it will be sent back.

A few years ago DB, SSIL and I took them out for a lovely meal for DF’s milestone birthday and they moaned about how fancy and rich it was and there wasn’t really much they liked on the menu (there was loads on the menu). It was an American style upmarket chain place, think Miller and Carter type price range.Food was amazing. It was mortifying.

DM has now asked me to go out to lunch with her today. Guess what? She’s already turned down an Italian place because ‘everything has cheese on it(no it doesn’t), a tapas place because cheese again (once again not everything has cheese on it because I fucking looked), she ‘doesn’t fancy’ Chinese and ‘doesn’t like Thai’.. Looks like it will be the Marstons two for one shit shoved in a microwave again place doesn’t it.. I’d say sod if and suggest McDonalds but she’d probably find fault with that as well.

I love them and want to spend time with them but honestly going anywhere with them is a fucking minefield. AIBU to find them a bit embarrassing?

I take it you don’t eat with them every day? Just go where they want if it’s a weekly thing or less often. It’s no biggy.. they’ve got this far in life being fussy. Let them crack on with it if they’re happy.

There’s much worse things to worry about in life.

You have my sympathy but TBH you are doing to them what they will do to you if they choose. You are taking over, making decisions on where they should eat and criticising their food choices. The same as they are doing to you.
Let them choose or don't do it, but sometimes we have to see things from the other side of the fence.

My mum is fussy with her food and over 70. I take her to a popular local pub which is popular with older folk who like it all traditional. It’s all freshly cooked and tasty but of a type of style to suit her. It doesn’t bother me as food is good and she is happy.

Is there not anywhere around your area like that? Brewers fayre / marstons are okay and not as awful as you are making out.
If you want to eat out with them, sounds like you need to compromise and go where suits them more than you.
If you like them well enough just go with the flow a bit, it’s not that hard really

It's ridiculous. Just don't eat with them they are entitled to eat what they choose, just don't be a part of it.

@Fairyliz

Surely this is just the elderly version of all those people who are vegans or have food intolerances . Or is it ok to mock because they are older?

No it's not the same. I'm a vegan and it's an ethical choice I eat everything that isn't animal based and am not fussy about food. I can't stand fussy eaters!

Just go to a vegan place! 😁

Cook for them? My parents wete like this cremated steak etc. Both psswd away now just accept it for what it isxxxxx

My FIL is like this! Will only eat out if it's a Wetherspoons, & will only have ham, egg & chips or a jacket potato. He is very much a meat and 2 veg type person. He won't eat pasta or rice because he doesn't want 'any of that foreign muck' 🙄

I sympathise OP. My late DM was a bit like this. Not so much in that she had made-up allergies or didn't like anything unless it was traditional British food,but in that she used to complain that everything was 'too dry' or 'under cooked' or 'stone cold in the middle'. She also used to whinge about how long the food would take to arrive at the table. If it was longer than 5 minutes,she'd be moaning. I tried to explain to her that food like Indian and Chinese wasn't 'fast food',and that it was actually a good sign that it took 25 minutes to arrive,as it showed (hopefully!) that it wasn't a ready meal!

SchrodingersImmigrant

Sorry, I should have mentioned I always ask the restaurant first ( I call ahead) to ask if my Tupperware can be tolerated!!. I know I shouldn’t feel embarrassed, but I hate thinking I’m a burden/inconvenience to others. I’m just used to people saying “surely a little bit won’t hurt?@“, or “can’t you have goats cheese, that’s not dairy?”. I’ve generally found that if I mention my food issues to people, they are very accommodating, but I never want anyone to feel pressured, so I find it easier to keep quiet. Obviously, if we are asked out to dinner I talk to my host first though !!

Go and enjoy a decent steak in a Beefeater whilst they have a traditional favourite meal.

I would just let them choose and grin and bare it for one meal.

@LoisLane66

I really REALLY doubt that ANY carvery cooks their veg in butter.

Slimming World tell people this! I'm pretty sure it's some margarine type substance on it not £1000's of actual butter! But it is cooked in something fatty. You can see the sheen. (Gip)

@Ariadneslostthread

SchrodingersImmigrant

Sorry, I should have mentioned I always ask the restaurant first ( I call ahead) to ask if my Tupperware can be tolerated!!. I know I shouldn’t feel embarrassed, but I hate thinking I’m a burden/inconvenience to others. I’m just used to people saying “surely a little bit won’t hurt?@“, or “can’t you have goats cheese, that’s not dairy?”. I’ve generally found that if I mention my food issues to people, they are very accommodating, but I never want anyone to feel pressured, so I find it easier to keep quiet. Obviously, if we are asked out to dinner I talk to my host first though !!

You are super reasonable about the precautions! Really (wish mor people were😁) Shame it's difficult with mentioning it

I completely understand the cringing and it has been like that with my in-laws in the passed. As someone with no living parents though, I would say just go with it. Ask them where they would like to go - it's just a meal, but it's time with them and you'll be glad you had that later. You may even be laughing at the cringiness by then. It's what I have always been aware of with my in-laws and I am glad now. 😊

*past!

Ah, my FIL is a bit like this. It's got to be English food with veg and gravy (roast, a pie, hotpot type foods) or at a push he'll eat a Chinese curry from the takeaway or fish & chips. MIL is way more adventurous but has almost been conditioned to think she's like him (because that's all she ever cooks!) and when we suggest going somewhere a bit different she says it's too 'fancy and posh' for her.

Rubbish! I took her out for lunch a few weeks ago, just us to say thank you for looking after my children for a few days at late notice. We went to a really nice little bistro type place that she'd never normally go to... she had carpaccio to start, a seafood main AND a pudding (and she never normally has a pudding!). Thoroughly enjoyed it.

I honestly think (dietary issues aside, it is really common as people get older) that people get very set in their ways. My own mum is the same, she's not like PILS but she's getting pickier as she gets older too - see also time of evening meal. I swear it gets earlier with every year that passes. I remember my mum and aunt moaning that my grandparents always wanted to go for birthday meals (a tradition in our family) at 5pm precisely, which wasn't possible when we all worked! We all used to rush straight from work for dinner at 6pm with my grandmother telling us 'girls' off for not changing for dinner Now, mum and aunt are in their 60s and guess what? Dinner time is 5pm sharp!

@LoisLane66

I really REALLY doubt that ANY carvery cooks their veg in butter.

DO you? WHY do YOU doubt THAT? Can you EXPLAIN about the CARVERY and the BUTTER?

This would drive me batty OP. I wouldn't describe them as 'fussy,' they just sound deeply set in their ways and wed to a particularly horrific diet of British stodge. Cafe and seaside food pretty much. Grim. Their fault for not trying anything new in 50 years.

My question is do they care about how much you enjoy your meal out they do? This all sounds very one sided so I think the fact that you are bending to them and they aren't compromising at all would mean I would just not go out for meals with them because it's more than likely that NO ONE will be satisfied. A total waste. Just visit them in their home instead and bring them a box of Celebrations. Job done.

Nobody has yet told her they are one and the same thing but several waiting staff have raised their eyebrows at this

Maybe they should just get on with serving the food.

You have described my DM - she is soooo fussy but would be highly insulted if anybody said that to her.
She also:
loves asking the waiter about the portion size and then goes on and on about how it will be to much for her.
Will put on an accent to say the 'foreign' words e.g cappuccino (I am sure there was a comedy sketch once that did the same).
Will ask for a decaf coffee - after saying she is sure they won't have it - then when it is brought over she will go on and on about how it isn't decaf and she'll never sleep
Will go through the bill with a fine tooth comb to make sure it is correct (I suppose this is sensible?) but because the items are usually written in short hand / code it is confusing!

I love Mumsnet, but by the time you are all old I will be dead. I do not eat spicy food because it upsets my stomach badly. I have to watch what I eat for health reasons and at 87 these can be annoying. I love this thread and I imagine you all cook amazing, tasty meals and that crushed avocado on sourdough toast is de rigeur for breakfast.
Don’t be embarrassed by your parents as long as they are not grossly rude at the dinner table. Your intolerance towards us oldies is not becoming. I am having fresh haddock and salad for dinner with a glass of excellent Sauvignon Blanc and I really never eat in Nando’s (shudder)

Don’t

Avocado is rank

think that's fair when you're making the effort to book nice places to take them to and they just complain about the food at every single

Can people really not understand we all have different tastes? They don't like certain foods, so why on earth not just go somewhere they do like?

Avocado is nice but on toast is rank.