To find eating out with my parents embarrassing and frustrating?

[NeonJellyBaby]

My parents are both fussy eaters. Both are very ‘meat and two veg’ and traditional. DF is a nightmare to feed, although in fairness he admits it. DM on the other hand is marginally better, but still very picky and would hit the roof if you pointed out how limited her diet is. She has a made up ‘dairy allergy’. She isn’t allergic to it, she just doesn’t like cheese or butter, but as you can imagine that brings its own problems when eating out. She also doesn’t have any problems eating ice cream. So allergy my arse!

Eating out anywhere nice is a nightmare. They will only eat very bland stuff, British stuff nothing fancy. No creamy or spicy sauces. Think egg and chips, pie and chips, gammon and chips, fish and chips. But even then they will get funny if it’s too fancy and not traditional. DM will eat a curry but only the blandest one on the menu. If you go out for Sunday lunch they will reel off all the stuff they don’t want on their plate whilst ordering. Meat has to be cremated or it will be sent back.

A few years ago DB, SSIL and I took them out for a lovely meal for DF’s milestone birthday and they moaned about how fancy and rich it was and there wasn’t really much they liked on the menu (there was loads on the menu). It was an American style upmarket chain place, think Miller and Carter type price range.Food was amazing. It was mortifying.

DM has now asked me to go out to lunch with her today. Guess what? She’s already turned down an Italian place because ‘everything has cheese on it(no it doesn’t), a tapas place because cheese again (once again not everything has cheese on it because I fucking looked), she ‘doesn’t fancy’ Chinese and ‘doesn’t like Thai’.. Looks like it will be the Marstons two for one shit shoved in a microwave again place doesn’t it.. I’d say sod if and suggest McDonalds but she’d probably find fault with that as well.

I love them and want to spend time with them but honestly going anywhere with them is a fucking minefield. AIBU to find them a bit embarrassing?

I'm on the fence. You sound snobby. But I'm quite snobby and if I'm bothering to eat out I want to go somewhere naice

As pp said if they're otherwise nice people, then you can put in the effort to eat somewhere that doesn't match your preference a few times a year.

took them out for a lovely meal for DF’s milestone birthday and they moaned about how fancy and rich it was and there wasn’t really much they liked on the menu

Wasn’t much of a birthday meal for him then. Why take them somewhere fancy for his bday meal if you know they are happier at a Marstons?

People like what they like, I get that it’s frustrating but, it must be equally frustrating for them. They might dread eating with you because you suggest places where they won’t fancy anything. Save fancy for people who like food and stick to plain places with them.

I don’t think it’s an age thing ?

We are older and love all foods .

Ageist😂

@GoWalkabout

Does sound trying. In defence of your mum, I have one of those trendy allergies. I am better than I was but I have fairly random and confusing triggers and I don't want to bore you to death with my symptoms. But I can eat hard cheese, butter, ice cream, can't do yoghurt (though I love it) , soft cheese, cream, cheesecake etc. It makes very little sense even to me! I have loads more but I won't bore you Its a pseudo allergy, none of my symptoms are too serious but irritating enough to want a plain diet mostly and not bad enough that I don't have things I want sometimes and suffer the consequences. But should not limit other people. YANBU.

That’s interesting, but I’m almost certain my DM doesn’t have an allergy to dairy. It’s far easier to say she does though because people will make allowances for allergies. For example she once accidentally ate a sandwich with butter on and heaved and wretched as though she’s be given something laced with rat poison. Another mortifying moment on reflection.

I bloody miss lockdown sometimes . Least I could avoid this kind of thing when everywhere was still shut!

My MIL is so embarrassing to eat out with. She will literally screw her nose up if something isn’t made ‘her way’, and will be extremely rude to the waiting staff.

She is absolutely not like this at all with anything else and she doesn’t criticise my cooking too much. It’s embarrassing and awkward.

People who are vegan due to deeply held ethical convictions are not the same at all Fairyliz. People who have flaky intolerances which they ignore when it suits them are savaged on MN regardless of their age.

That's an intolerance.

I am lactose intolerant and find the dairy products I can and can't eat amusing, so God only know how it looks to others.

Ice cream, some yoghurts, goat/ewe cheese and some sour cream.

But not cheddar or other British type cheese, butter can be an issue, milk, cream.

And ready made foods with dairy are really hit and miss, I'm not talking ready meals, I mean pies, pastries and such like. Croissants have recently become an absolute no!

I'd almost rather be coeliac, though DSis assures me I wouldn't really 😊

Toby Carvery- save the nice places for yourself.

@Fairyliz

Surely this is just the elderly version of all those people who are vegans or have food intolerances . Or is it ok to mock because they are older?

No, because real allergies and intolerances are horrible (obviously intolerance not as bad, but can still be very unpleasant). And veganism is most often ethical, sometimes health-driven - both of which are completely reasonable explanations that no adult should find irritating.

@SoundBar I’m definitely not snobby. I love McDonalds and KFC and Dominos pizza, and there is nothing better than proper fish and chips from the chippy. That stuff might be ‘fast food’ but it’s always piping hot and freshly cooked.

But when I go out to eat I like to eat proper, honest to god food. If that’s snobby then so be it.

I wouldn’t worry about what the staff think; I was out with DM and we stopped for lunch in House of Fraser. Found a table and asked what she would like me to get for her. Answer, a ham sandwich and five chips. I offered to get a bowl of chips and she could just eat what she fancied.
No! Five. Chips. Only.
It was a bit like a challenge really.
Anyway, went to the counter and ordered my meal, the ham roll… and five chips, please??
The server hesitated. Five portions of chips?
No. Just five chips..
She grinned and said ‘Mother?’
Yep!
I wasn’t charged for the chips, which was probably the plan all along!

Also it’s not an age thing. They’ve never been any different. Everything came out of the freezer or a packet when I was a child.

You’re embarrassed because they have liked and dislikes different to yours? No wonder the world has gone to shit.

My parents can be a bit like this
If it's a treat for them I pick somewhere I know they will like

Sounds like they would prefer a pub meal rather than a restaurant one

PILs have made up allergies. MIL will spend an hour (no exaggeration, I've timed her, and missed events because of this) sending the waiter to check all the ingredients on different dishes. The worst bit was when, at a place we eat at often, she found out she's "allergic " to a dish she's eaten almost everytime and never had an issue so wouldn't order it. She eats things with it in all the time without realising because its such an obscur, thing that's everywhere, type allergy, think like ground pepper.
I used to pander and check menus beforehand, then she accused me of putting it in Christmas Dinner because she was bloated and now I just book anywhere and leave them to it.

What shines through here is that your parents aren't 'good enough' for you.

Perhaps don't drop them completely. Visit them occasionally in their own home.

Like someone suggested. Vintage inns is really good.

Take them to decent country pubs where they can have their gammon and you can have a good steak.

I wouldn't have suggested Italian, tapas or Indian places to people who like simple British food.

Cotes Brasserie would suit all of you.

I sympathize, I have a father in law who is a ridiculously fussy eater. People go to all sorts of efforts to accommodate him, but the look of triumph and smugness on his face when he finds he has been served something he won't eat means I avoid taking him out for meals any more.

I’ve just looked up Vintage Inn’s and there isn’t one around here sadly.

Either entertain dm at home or suggest going over to hers? If not, just suck up Marstons, don't know this chain but assume it's like Hungry Horse? Take some wipes for the table. It's her choice and then If it's still unbearable never eat out with them again and tell them why.

There’s no way I’d put up with these limitations & dramas around food.

“I love you mum but I cba to eat out with you” would sort it, no?

I am here to tell you, youngsters, that your ability to digest everything that's thrown on the table decreases as you age. I have said farewell to so many favourites over the past ten years, it's depressing. Goodbye wheat and yeast and milk and anything fried and onions and garlic and chili. . . Let them choose and don't get into a discussion about their health, you'll be there forever.

I don't suppose you eat out with them all the time so it won't hurt to let them choose where they eat when you do.