To find eating out with my parents embarrassing and frustrating?

[NeonJellyBaby]

My parents are both fussy eaters. Both are very ‘meat and two veg’ and traditional. DF is a nightmare to feed, although in fairness he admits it. DM on the other hand is marginally better, but still very picky and would hit the roof if you pointed out how limited her diet is. She has a made up ‘dairy allergy’. She isn’t allergic to it, she just doesn’t like cheese or butter, but as you can imagine that brings its own problems when eating out. She also doesn’t have any problems eating ice cream. So allergy my arse!

Eating out anywhere nice is a nightmare. They will only eat very bland stuff, British stuff nothing fancy. No creamy or spicy sauces. Think egg and chips, pie and chips, gammon and chips, fish and chips. But even then they will get funny if it’s too fancy and not traditional. DM will eat a curry but only the blandest one on the menu. If you go out for Sunday lunch they will reel off all the stuff they don’t want on their plate whilst ordering. Meat has to be cremated or it will be sent back.

A few years ago DB, SSIL and I took them out for a lovely meal for DF’s milestone birthday and they moaned about how fancy and rich it was and there wasn’t really much they liked on the menu (there was loads on the menu). It was an American style upmarket chain place, think Miller and Carter type price range.Food was amazing. It was mortifying.

DM has now asked me to go out to lunch with her today. Guess what? She’s already turned down an Italian place because ‘everything has cheese on it(no it doesn’t), a tapas place because cheese again (once again not everything has cheese on it because I fucking looked), she ‘doesn’t fancy’ Chinese and ‘doesn’t like Thai’.. Looks like it will be the Marstons two for one shit shoved in a microwave again place doesn’t it.. I’d say sod if and suggest McDonalds but she’d probably find fault with that as well.

I love them and want to spend time with them but honestly going anywhere with them is a fucking minefield. AIBU to find them a bit embarrassing?

I have a BiL like this, you have my sympathy. Maybe keep "meals out" to a nice cafe that does cream teas?

I would just say lovely and tell them to choose a venue and let me know a time/place. If they are nice people, just don’t get involved in choosing the restaurant.

Tell her that she can choose the venue. Don't piss about trying to figure this out for her.

Take her to a vintage inns pub if there's one local. They're fab.

If we left them to choose the venue it would always end up being one of those awful, grubby Marston’s or Brewers Fayer places with sticky tables and kids running around screaming. I’d rather go to McDonalds, at least the food is freshly cooked! But then DM is picky about what goes on her burger there as well..

Not all marstons are microwave meals. My local employs an amazing chef!

You have described my PIL to a tee. We just let them choose where to eat and go with it. Means we have a shitty meal but luckily it's only a few times a year and they invariably pay so we can't complain!

One harvester near us serves a great roast and you can specify which bit of meat you want, how much cauliflower cheese etc you want. She should be able to order it exactly how she wants it and she can even tell them where she wants things placed on the plate.

No advice but you have my sympathy. My mum refuses to eat anything if she can't find anything she likes on the menu and I find it really embarrassing. Luckily we have a few restaurants that I know are okay, but if they close down I don't know what I'll do!

You're going to have to let them choose. Or try a garden centre cafe with like a canteen style serving thing?

Or a Toby carvery.

Must be annoying on special occasions though.

@HirplesWithHaggis made a good suggestion. Find somewhere which does a good quality afternoon tea. Some places do a savoury version as well; we usually go for one of each and dip into either. Most people will eat sandwiches, savoury treats and cakes. Big pot of tea… what’s not to like? Many places do them from early afternoon or even all day.

I should also add Nando’s is ‘too spicy’ and Frankie and Benny’s ‘too rich’. That’s the level we are dealing with here!

Does sound trying. In defence of your mum, I have one of those trendy allergies. I am better than I was but I have fairly random and confusing triggers and I don't want to bore you to death with my symptoms. But I can eat hard cheese, butter, ice cream, can't do yoghurt (though I love it) , soft cheese, cream, cheesecake etc. It makes very little sense even to me! I have loads more but I won't bore you Its a pseudo allergy, none of my symptoms are too serious but irritating enough to want a plain diet mostly and not bad enough that I don't have things I want sometimes and suffer the consequences. But should not limit other people. YANBU.

Can you ask them where they want to go?

Ugh my pil were like this. Wouldn’t eat anywhere but the harvester and then moaned about everything.

YANBU my MIL is exactly like this. I'm afraid I find picky eating in adults really immature and have no patience with it. Maybe judgemental of me but just the to way I feel. When we meet up with her it's always Harvester or Toby carvery or something. I usually just send DH and the kids to meet her without me there. Better for all concerned.

Also have a friend like this, she orders burger and chips or steak and chips every meal we go out for. Irritates me even though it shouldn't!

[quote Pottedpalm]@HirplesWithHaggis made a good suggestion. Find somewhere which does a good quality afternoon tea. Some places do a savoury version as well; we usually go for one of each and dip into either. Most people will eat sandwiches, savoury treats and cakes. Big pot of tea… what’s not to like? Many places do them from early afternoon or even all day.[/quote]
Oooh afternoon tea brings a whole load of problems on another level! We’d have to ensure the sandwiches had no butter on and there was nothing with cream. Last time we went it was because I’d been given a voucher for Christmas, she insisted on accompanying me and then made me ring up before hand in case she was served sandwiches with butter on.

Honestly jist let them pick where to go and eat whatever there. Stop stressing about it. You can go to different places without them.

PIL are like this too. Very very suspicious of anything foreign. Meat has to be black, vegetables cooked to the stage of mush.

They really don't like eating out though, see it as huge extravagance. Who would pay £20 a head for a meal out when you can get a ready meal in Asda for £2 which (in their opinion) is just as good? Their idea of a great meal out is the local Brewer's Fayre which sells cheap processed shite. They don't do spice, no creamy sauces, nothing with peppers, or onions, or salad, or mushrooms, MIL has decided she doesn't eat red meat... the list goes on.

They are still telling relatives in a shocked tone about the time DH and I treated ourselves to a tasting menu and wine flight at a posh restaurant.... £200!! They could have gone to the Brewer's Fayre every day for a week and still had change!

Surely this is just the elderly version of all those people who are vegans or have food intolerances .
Or is it ok to mock because they are older?

Just go for a pub meal. Or a coffee.

Supermarket cafe?

Either tell them that you dont want to go out to eat with them, or go to one of those horrible places for one meal every so often and just suck it up.

@Fairyliz

Surely this is just the elderly version of all those people who are vegans or have food intolerances . Or is it ok to mock because they are older?

I don't think anyone is mocking?