Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find eating out with my parents embarrassing and frustrating?

417 replies

NeonJellyBaby · 14/08/2021 12:28

My parents are both fussy eaters. Both are very ‘meat and two veg’ and traditional. DF is a nightmare to feed, although in fairness he admits it. DM on the other hand is marginally better, but still very picky and would hit the roof if you pointed out how limited her diet is. She has a made up ‘dairy allergy’. She isn’t allergic to it, she just doesn’t like cheese or butter, but as you can imagine that brings its own problems when eating out. She also doesn’t have any problems eating ice cream. So allergy my arse!

Eating out anywhere nice is a nightmare. They will only eat very bland stuff, British stuff nothing fancy. No creamy or spicy sauces. Think egg and chips, pie and chips, gammon and chips, fish and chips. But even then they will get funny if it’s too fancy and not traditional. DM will eat a curry but only the blandest one on the menu. If you go out for Sunday lunch they will reel off all the stuff they don’t want on their plate whilst ordering. Meat has to be cremated or it will be sent back.

A few years ago DB, SSIL and I took them out for a lovely meal for DF’s milestone birthday and they moaned about how fancy and rich it was and there wasn’t really much they liked on the menu (there was loads on the menu). It was an American style upmarket chain place, think Miller and Carter type price range.Food was amazing. It was mortifying.

DM has now asked me to go out to lunch with her today. Guess what? She’s already turned down an Italian place because ‘everything has cheese on it(no it doesn’t), a tapas place because cheese again (once again not everything has cheese on it because I fucking looked), she ‘doesn’t fancy’ Chinese and ‘doesn’t like Thai’.. Looks like it will be the Marstons two for one shit shoved in a microwave again place doesn’t it.. I’d say sod if and suggest McDonalds but she’d probably find fault with that as well.

I love them and want to spend time with them but honestly going anywhere with them is a fucking minefield. AIBU to find them a bit embarrassing?

OP posts:
Feedingthebirds1 · 14/08/2021 13:02

Based on their tastes, I'd scout round for a decent greasy spoon type place (they're not all dives and the simple food can be very well done) and let her have egg and chips. May not help you today, but have it up your sleeve for future.

It might not be to your taste but once in a while if you just suck it up, it'll save you a lot of angst.

Comedycook · 14/08/2021 13:03

I have no time for adults who are fussy eaters. Drives me mad!

MargosKaftan · 14/08/2021 13:04

Avoid cooking /eating out.

Go for a walk, suggest she brings a picnic as its hard to find a place serving food she likes.

Is she OK with a coffee shop for a coffee and a slice of cake or just a cup of tea? Or could you suggest a vegan restaurant on the grounds it will all be dairy free? (Or would that be too complex?)

Stop assuming meet ups need to involve a full meal.

Jaxhog · 14/08/2021 13:05

@Fairyliz

Surely this is just the elderly version of all those people who are vegans or have food intolerances Hmm. Or is it ok to mock because they are older?
Exactly!
ThreeLittleDots · 14/08/2021 13:05

You either suck it up and go to the horrible places they choose, or you decline to eat out with them.

Wooddie · 14/08/2021 13:07

I used to be like you - adventurous with food. However as years have gone by, if I eat anything spicy or very creamy then I will have bad gut problems. I am not alone among my friends in their 60's who also have a range of medical conditions which affect what we can eat comfortably.

That said, I can normally find something that I can eat and certainly don't make a fuss about it even if I don't enjoy it! Eating out is no longer a pleasure, particularly at a new place.

Older friend said that being old is not great. Did not understand w#hat she meant then, but do now...

ThreeLittleDots · 14/08/2021 13:07

'horrible' ^ that should have said!

Anordinarymum · 14/08/2021 13:08

I love being taken out to nice restaurants and I will try new things, but I always have a default menu consisting of fish and chips and peas. My family smile when they ask me what I want because they already know what I will say.

I do understand though. My father would not even allow us to make curry at home.

"Bloody curry" and this is coming from a man who would eat tripe !
Ha ha

Sheerheight · 14/08/2021 13:08

You have my sympathy, I have relatives like that.

Not that they're fussy in the same way, but they're extremely impatient and can find fault and go on about it (I don't think this helps in getting good service). One of the couple will always complain that there's not enough food, and always will grumble over the cost of dessert.

I avoid milestone birthdays with them now.
And we stick to Harvester or Wetherspoons . No point going anywhere too nice!

DoTheNextRightThing · 14/08/2021 13:10

@Fairyliz

Surely this is just the elderly version of all those people who are vegans or have food intolerances Hmm. Or is it ok to mock because they are older?
It really isn't Confused
sandgrown · 14/08/2021 13:10

My ex SIL thought she was a cut above when she went out but everything she served at home was good but plain and traditional. We once asked to borrow some Olive oil for DD cookery on Monday morning. They offered us the medicinal oil as they had never used Olive oil in cooking yet if we went out she would complain about everything. She once berated a very young waiter in the local nice pub ( not gastro) because her Caesar salad was not made with Romaine lettuce . The poor kid had no idea what she was talking about . She had no idea how to complain nicely and it was embarrassing.

myotherusernameistaken · 14/08/2021 13:11

Just don't go out to eat with them.

onestepmore · 14/08/2021 13:11

@NeonJellyBaby

If we left them to choose the venue it would always end up being one of those awful, grubby Marston’s or Brewers Fayer places with sticky tables and kids running around screaming. I’d rather go to McDonalds, at least the food is freshly cooked! But then DM is picky about what goes on her burger there as well..
You say you're not snobby, but just look how you've described Marston's and Brewers Fayre!

I mean, I don't want to eat there either, but I would, and I'm willing to admit the reason why neither would be top of my list is because I am a food snob.

You're picky too, it's just that you think your pickiness is socially acceptable.

You and your DM like different things.

RoomOfRequirement · 14/08/2021 13:12

I have no time for adults who are fussy eaters. Drives me mad

People can't help what they do and don't like! So fed up of threads like this berating groups of people for something they have no control over.

And I have no time for friends who are as judgy as you either. 'Drives me mad' 🙄

GreenBiro · 14/08/2021 13:13

Get them whatever ready meals they will eat from M&S or similar, and whack them in the oven either at yours or their house. Bit of veg or whatever on the side. Sorted.

If you need to go out, limit it to tea and cake or whatever.

If the most important thing is seeing them, then work around them. Save going to places you love with food you love for another time.

Also if people don’t like cheese or whatever, that’s ok. If they’re otherwise good with you and your DC, and choose to spend time with you, then just find something they like that you really don’t mind.

JudgeJ · 14/08/2021 13:15

@HirplesWithHaggis

I have a BiL like this, you have my sympathy. Maybe keep "meals out" to a nice cafe that does cream teas?
I wonder if her dairy allergy spreads to cream teas???
Clydesider · 14/08/2021 13:16

You sound like a rampant snob to me OP. Judgmental, too.

Elouera · 14/08/2021 13:17

My aunt/uncle are like this. He eat a casserole but not a stew. He will eat bacon and egg pie, but not a quiche! She calls Spaghetti bolognese 'foreign muck'!!! Shock

My mother has a similar issue with dairy, but she openly knows its odd, but directly from a childhood incident. She she was young, she ate something she shouldn't have and her mother gave her soured milk to vomit it back up! This was compounded by living in a hot country, where the free school milk was left outside in the sun till being drunk!

Mum doesn't have any allergy, but can't stand any dairy that looks or smells like milk- yoghurt, cream, cottage cheese, custard, but can eat cheese and ice cream!

Essentialironingwater · 14/08/2021 13:18

@Fairyliz

Surely this is just the elderly version of all those people who are vegans or have food intolerances Hmm. Or is it ok to mock because they are older?
Well it's a bit different as it's not a health issue or moral stance. We are vegan and can eat at every single place OP has listed without making adjustments. It's as simple as "I'll have the vegan burger/curry/afternoon tea" etc, no complaining or retching at the table here! And we live in rural Northern Ireland which you'd think would be an issue. We can have sandwiches from M&S or eat at fancy restaurants easily. Sounds like OPs parents can't because of butter/cream problems! And it's not so much a food issue but an attitude problem. My granny was a plain eater but she would just leave what she couldn't eat and stick to sausage and mash potatoes etc on a menu. And at least be polite to whoever she was dining with instead of making a song and dance if it wasn't exactly what she fancied

Sounds obvious OP but whilst weather is nice could you suggest BYO picnics?

Rubyupbeat · 14/08/2021 13:19

If you only go out with them now and then, surely you can bear it for those occasions. I have a friend who only likes a 'pub lunch' type place and as I rarely see her, its bearable. I meet to see her, not to scoff food.
And how on earth can you rate a miller and carter as 'upmarket'? That's an everyday eatery round here.

JudgeJ · 14/08/2021 13:20

@Fairyliz

Surely this is just the elderly version of all those people who are vegans or have food intolerances Hmm. Or is it ok to mock because they are older?
Well said re the vegans but don't lump all we oldies together though I do recall my father saying he wouldn't eat curry because he'd been in India with the RAF during the war and the Indian cooks used to produce dozens of them. Sounded like bliss to me!
CornedBeef451 · 14/08/2021 13:23

My DM is much more restrictive than that, no way would she consider a Chinese or Italian restaurant.

If I want to eat out with her I just pick somewhere she'll like or just don't invite her.

She doesn't complain though so that makes it more pleasant.

The last time we went out she tried an olive for the first time. She didn't like it and won't have another one but at least she tried it!

1forAll74 · 14/08/2021 13:23

I don't know why you would even bother to go out to eat with older people,if all you do is complain about their food choices at all times. I would find it rude,if my offspring had this attitude towards me, and what I choose to eat.

sadlynotme · 14/08/2021 13:23

@Fairyliz

Surely this is just the elderly version of all those people who are vegans or have food intolerances Hmm. Or is it ok to mock because they are older?
Good point!
Scarlettpixie · 14/08/2021 13:23

Another vote for Toby carvery or similar.

To be fair if you are cocking your nose up at their choices yiu are being ni different to them!

People like what they like snd lots of older people are the same having been brought up on meat snd two veg. My mum was (and yes it was difficult) so I just chose places she would like.

Swipe left for the next trending thread