To find eating out with my parents embarrassing and frustrating?

[NeonJellyBaby]

My parents are both fussy eaters. Both are very ‘meat and two veg’ and traditional. DF is a nightmare to feed, although in fairness he admits it. DM on the other hand is marginally better, but still very picky and would hit the roof if you pointed out how limited her diet is. She has a made up ‘dairy allergy’. She isn’t allergic to it, she just doesn’t like cheese or butter, but as you can imagine that brings its own problems when eating out. She also doesn’t have any problems eating ice cream. So allergy my arse!

Eating out anywhere nice is a nightmare. They will only eat very bland stuff, British stuff nothing fancy. No creamy or spicy sauces. Think egg and chips, pie and chips, gammon and chips, fish and chips. But even then they will get funny if it’s too fancy and not traditional. DM will eat a curry but only the blandest one on the menu. If you go out for Sunday lunch they will reel off all the stuff they don’t want on their plate whilst ordering. Meat has to be cremated or it will be sent back.

A few years ago DB, SSIL and I took them out for a lovely meal for DF’s milestone birthday and they moaned about how fancy and rich it was and there wasn’t really much they liked on the menu (there was loads on the menu). It was an American style upmarket chain place, think Miller and Carter type price range.Food was amazing. It was mortifying.

DM has now asked me to go out to lunch with her today. Guess what? She’s already turned down an Italian place because ‘everything has cheese on it(no it doesn’t), a tapas place because cheese again (once again not everything has cheese on it because I fucking looked), she ‘doesn’t fancy’ Chinese and ‘doesn’t like Thai’.. Looks like it will be the Marstons two for one shit shoved in a microwave again place doesn’t it.. I’d say sod if and suggest McDonalds but she’d probably find fault with that as well.

I love them and want to spend time with them but honestly going anywhere with them is a fucking minefield. AIBU to find them a bit embarrassing?

@Etinox

OP isn’t mocking. She’s fed up at having to eat crap. It’s strange that they’re so fixated on eating out when they don’t like it.

I am with you on that.

Also the fussy isn't just about not liking things. It's always about that theatre around which annoys people. The fact that usually the group ends up going with it. If you just wuietly don't like things and find something on the menu, fine. There is always something mild and blend-ish on a menu.

Someone I know dumped her fiancé because of this type of thing
If it wasn’t chicken nuggets or fish fingers and chips he didn’t eat it. An adventurous choice would have beans on toast.
It got to the point where she just wanted to go out and have an adult meal without looking to see if they did a kids menu with chicken nuggets on the menu.

McDonalds is freshly cooked? Yes and you never ever get kids in there or sticky tables. The Maitre D just wouldn't allow it.

I’ve been called fussy and my DH has openly told me he wishes I would eat a more varied selection because he’s really adventurous and would love to expand our food horizons.

However, I’m neurodivergent and have sensory processing disorder. Certain tastes and textures make me physically gag. I wish I could eat more but there are lots of foods I can’t bring myself to put near my face.

I realise this isn’t the OP’s problem (my granny is like your parents!) but it does sting when people look down their nose at adults with a limited palate.

My mum could never come to terms with the price of eating out in any restaurant, even though she wasn’t paying - it was always ‘the soup and a roll will be quite enough for me’. She also hated the idea of ‘strangers’ having fiddled about with the food.

My PILS were the same. They liked ham, eggs and chips or a Sunday roast at the local Wetherspoons or when in Ireland, something very similar at a local hotel or caff. So that's what we had. Why force them to eat food they aren't familiar with at a place they aren't comfortable in?
FILs greatest compliment for an eating place was "they do a great feed for £X". Quality and flavour counted for nothing, what mattered was the most amount of food on a plate for the least amount of money. If a cup of tea was thrown in so much the better.
For very fancy occasions we went to the local Harvester where the all you can eat salad bar, bread rolls and endless cups of fizz for the children greatly impressed them.

Why is it so hard just to eat in places they like when you are eating out with them? You have the entire rest of your life to eat in places that you like.

It's certainly not age related! Probably same age as your parents OP and will eat anything bar a Bush Tucker trial (and even then quite fancy a fat worm if I can put tabasco on it). My ma at 80 had her first oysters and enjoyed them. My grandma always cooked beef rare and never overcooked veg.

I'm with the PPs saying let them book where they want to eat and tolerate it. Waiters are used to difficult people - providing they''re not rude.

Afternoon tea instead? Scones and cream and jam might be acceptable.

@Etinox

OP isn’t mocking. She’s fed up at having to eat crap. It’s strange that they’re so fixated on eating out when they don’t like it.

So she can go to fancy places to eat without her parents. There's nothing stopping her. I'm sure there are enough days she doesn't eat with them where she can knock herself out with gourmet delights.

But when it's her dad's milestone birthday, she should take him somewhere he'll enjoy.

Note to self: RTFT

Do you have a Brunning & Price pub near you? My parents are like this and it's my go-to because it does all the classics but in a nice environment. I've never had a bad meal in a Brunning & Price pub.

"If we left them to choose the venue it would always end up being one of those awful, grubby Marston’s or Brewers Fayer places with sticky tables and kids running around screaming."

And why on earth would you take someone who doesn't like being adventurous with food out for a 'nice' meal and expect them to be grateful about it? Why not treat them to something they would have actually enjoyed?

This!

Mil is like this which is why we've only took her out once

@Confusedandshaken

My PILS were the same. They liked ham, eggs and chips or a Sunday roast at the local Wetherspoons or when in Ireland, something very similar at a local hotel or caff. So that's what we had. Why force them to eat food they aren't familiar with at a place they aren't comfortable in? FILs greatest compliment for an eating place was "they do a great feed for £X". Quality and flavour counted for nothing, what mattered was the most amount of food on a plate for the least amount of money. If a cup of tea was thrown in so much the better. For very fancy occasions we went to the local Harvester where the all you can eat salad bar, bread rolls and endless cups of fizz for the children greatly impressed them.

I never eat from a salad bar, I did a temp job at a public health lab and they were running tests on them. I used to love a salad bar but 30 years on those tests still live with me.

My mum is like this and I sometimes wonder if she's on the spectrum (not just because of her eating habits but because of many, many things).

Basically, if she didn't have it growing up in the 70s, she won't eat it. And Wales in the 70s was not the height of varied cuisine.

Drives me nuts. She even pulls faces at things I know she'll like, just because she doesn't recognise the name or has assumptions about what's in it. Bizarre.

You are so far up yourself it’s a wonder there’s any room left for food.

Forget going for meals.Suggest meeting at a cafe for coffee and cake instead.
Surely she likes cake?

My mum isn't fussy but she doesn't have a large appetite. She is not really into food/eating so fancy or expensive food is lost on her. When we go out to eat we'll just go a chain pub type place where the food is pretty ordinary but she'll be able to order the type of food she likes. These places wouldn't be my first choice to eat, but I just go to the places I really enjoy at other times. 🤷🏻‍♀️

As @PurpleVerbena said for some bizarre reason at lot of us "older" folks develop bizarre food intolerances as you get older, it is immensely irritating for the person affected and those who host or cater for them.
Someone explain to me why I am unable to eat anything containing onions,? (renders me unable to leave the bathroom for approx 8 hours) why can I not drink tap water? (skin rashes sore mouth)
I would love to go for a coffee or a burger with friends but cannot risk it.
These things only started to affect me in my 50's, so all I can say to you who are critical of older relatives give it time, you have been warned!!

@Figmentofmyimagination

My mum could never come to terms with the price of eating out in any restaurant, even though she wasn’t paying - it was always ‘the soup and a roll will be quite enough for me’. She also hated the idea of ‘strangers’ having fiddled about with the food.

I think I'm getting to that stage. My husband loves to eat out, I find myself thinking this meal is costing more than my weeks shopping. I don't know if it is an age thing but I know I never used to think that. Maybe now I'm retired I have more time to cook so eating out isn't the treat it was when I was working.

This is my mother. She also has what is definitely a made up allergy and is a nightmare in restaurants. I don’t want them to come and stay as it’s impossible to find somewhere to please her. On the allergy she just doesn’t like that type of food but I’ve seen her eat things that have that type of food in it regularly and guess what she’s absolutely fine. She regularly changes her mind about liking/not liking other things. The last time we went out for a meal with my parents she was really rude to the staff about what she had ordered (a plain tomato pasta dish) convinced it had chilli in it (it did not). I honestly believe (given her form for other sorts of fuckery) that she does it for attention and so that we jump through hoops to get something she might deign to actually like. They asked to come and stay and I said no chance as I can’t put up with her nonsense.

Surely you must be able to find a nice local pub that does good home cooked traditional food that would satisfy them? I'd much rather go somewhere like that than a Miller and Carter type place.

woudl they like a nice pub roast?
find a nice pub that does a variety ?
or a cote?