Men having kids in their 20's

[cloudywater]

I'm asking purely because I'm curious and being a bit nosy but from your experience would you say in today's world is it not that common for men to have children when they are in their 20s. I'm asking because I've noticed a lot of footballers seem to have children when they are young. I'm just wondering from your social circles how common is it for men to have kids before the age of 30?

[quote ComeonJulia]@Gwenhwyfar from 18 we properly started saving. We both had around 2k in bank accounts that our parents paid into as children.
Saved £1,500 a month for 2 years. We both worked full time in good jobs and lived at home with our parents. Bought our first house at 20. We bought a house that needed renovating but we both have family members in the trades and DH was a bricklayer. It’s just gone on the market and we’ve made £120,000 on it. We paid the mortgage off 2 years ago so now have just over £200,000 to put down on our next house at age 30.[/quote]
You were very lucky as well as good at saving.

"Nowadays not many men can afford to raise children in their 20s, so it makes sense they wait until they’ve established a career and found someone they’re compatible with. "

I also think they have no good reason to commit at a young age.

Also, with loans and grants, it's like I'm being paid to go, rather than paying to go (won't pay it back til I'm earning enough) so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Women earn money as well though!

DH was keen to settle down and have babies when we were together. Got engaged after 4 weeks or something! He was 26.

Not all men are as per stereotypes.

The thing I've seen that I think is shitty.

I know 3 or 4 men who've met someone at uni or early 20s type age. Got married/ lived together. Said not ready for children.

When they're mid to late 30s. Gone off work younger woman and immediately had children. Leaving their ex with the most part of fertile years gone.

In my industry it seems not unusual and I think it's crappy. In fact my brother is doing this as well.

OTOH most men in general want kids, do school runs dentist appts etc. We're lucky that work is flexible. Their partners all work as well pt or ft.

I think some of it depends on, well a load of factors probably.

Can I ask why people have children either at uni or straight after?

-- I was raised with stories of women in my family going through menopause or otherwise struggling with fertility in their mid-to-late 20s (and I was misdiagnosed with premature ovarian failure at 28, had all the symptoms other than my ovaries produce hormones just fine, my body just wasn't using it which has made me reflect on my family medical history) so when I was discussing kids with my now spouse, I told him there was a possibility that if we wanted them, it might need to be sooner rather than later.
-- Depending on your course, university can be a very flexible time. I can see if it's medical or similar with a lot of practical time it wouldn't work as well, but in a mainly research area - it wasn't easy, but I think it was likely easier with the deadlines I had then to have a baby sleeping on me/feeding on me for hours while I researched & wrote than on the tight deadlines I have now. I became a master at typing while leaning slightly backwards at just the right angle to keep sleeping babies happy.
-- Not everyone goes to University fresh from school. I was a 'mature student', and on my course there were people older than me, some of which had very established careers and were either doing Uni to progress further, as part of a career change, or for one person I knew, just out of the interest in the topic.
-- Taking time out at Uni if needed (I know people who did more for medical reasons than kids) doesn't tend to have as much career impact. Certainly doesn't put you automatically on the mummy track.
-- Cause it seemed like a good idea at the time and has thankfully worked out well enough.

@MissTrip82

It’s not common in my group of friends - in fact nobody had a child before they were in their 30s. But that’s because most of us did long degrees, further study and ten years or so of training. I don’t have any friends who only have one degree, or who only spent three or four years at university.

There’ll be other people who went to uni (I never know what people mean when they say they’re highly educated, to me this means having a PhD, so unlikely to have been achieved by 25) but who did short, single degrees with no further training who had children in their twenties.

@MissTrip82

Both DP and I have postgrads and did professional training, we had our kids in mid twenties nonetheless.

It's not mutually exclusive.

Or it wasn't in twenty years ago - much harder now.

Around me (colleagues in professional jobs) it depends on when they marry. Most men who have kids later married in their 30’s after a few failed relationships. The ones who married earlier had children by the time they hit 30.

It also depends on where they live. People around here are often close to family and so had the luxury of family help. Housing is affordable (many people have already bought after working for only 2 years).

A friend’s sister in London (both professionals) married and had kids in their 30’s after having been together for 8 years. They’ll be bearing the full cost of childcare with zero help from anyone else + hideously expensive housing so it took them a while to save the deposit.

@MissTrip82

It’s not common in my group of friends - in fact nobody had a child before they were in their 30s. But that’s because most of us did long degrees, further study and ten years or so of training. I don’t have any friends who only have one degree, or who only spent three or four years at university.

So you - and your 'group of friends' have basically never worked then?

Just spent your life 'forever in education and training?'

I would find that such an incredibly dull and boring and pointless existence.

And you must have a fucking TRUCKLOAD of student debt!

Is this why you're all staying in education and training, so you don't have to pay back the 100s of 1000s of pounds of student debt you all have?

@ineedaholidaynow

Can I ask why people have children either at uni or straight after?!

Can I ask why you think it's got ANYthing to do with you?

Maybe they’re doctors @AngryWhompingWillow? You’re certainly living up to your user name this afternoon!

@AngryWhompingWillow professional training doesn’t necessarily mean student debt. Law firms usually pay for their trainees to do the LPC, PhDs are normally funded, many organisations offer sponsored study for things like accountancy or audit qualifications, junior doctors do lots more exams, new vets often do additional certificates, teachers usually do PGCE etc. And these qualifications are often required to do those jobs, so good to know you think all of those careers lead to a pointless and dull existence
We are waiting for DP to finish his (funded) PhD before we start trying. He’s a scientist.

@ineedaholidaynow

Can I ask why people have children either at uni or straight after? I had 5 years of training and professional exams after my degree so having a child then would not really have fitted in. Then you would want to establish your career before taking time out. I know this thread is mainly about men but many women have posted that they are graduates but had children in early twenties

Mostly because I wanted a baby. Also didn't want to be an old mum and have primary aged kids at home when I was 50.

‘Can I ask why people have children either at uni or straight after? I had 5 years of training and professional exams after my degree so having a child then would not really have fitted in. Then you would want to establish your career before taking time out. I know this thread is mainly about men but many women have posted that they are graduates but had children in early twenties.’

Because my kids are the most important people in my life and I wanted them to be in my life for as long as possible.

They were also a gift for their grandparents and great grandparents.

Back in the 70s it was fairly common. I was 26 when DS1 was born. My DW was 27 and considered somewhat "elderly" to be having her first child.

[quote AngryWhompingWillow]@ineedaholidaynow

Can I ask why people have children either at uni or straight after?!

Can I ask why you think it's got ANYthing to do with you?[/quote]
It's what the whole thread is about so it's a valid question. I did once ask why someone had a child while still doing her medical training and the reply was that the training went up to 30 years old or older so that was an easy explanation.

Dd2 has had her first at 23. Her other half is 25. They know lots of couples similar age.

100 % Completely unheard of.

Would definitely not want it for my children in any shape or form.

Your 20's are a wonderful stage of your life to learn about yourself, not to mind your 30's.
Having children is a responsibility that can never really be abdicated upon, ever, once they have arrived.

Didn't never considered it for myself, certainly wouldn't want it for my children

I had my first when I was 21 @billy1966. I learnt plenty about myself.

At 23 though, dd2 works for a company that gives her 6 months full pay maternity leave. She can return to work and do 3 days a week. She gets help with nursery fees via universal credit. When her child is 3 and gets 30 hrs a week funding she will go back full time and start looking to buy a place. She will be 26 and her partner 27. She will still have 44 working years til pension (probably). I don't see how that isn't valid as a life plan any less than trying to climb the mythical career ladder/get a mortgage in your most fertile years and then spend your middle years raising teens.

@cloudywater

I'm asking purely because I'm curious and being a bit nosy but from your experience would you say in today's world is it not that common for men to have children when they are in their 20s. I'm asking because I've noticed a lot of footballers seem to have children when they are young. I'm just wondering from your social circles how common is it for men to have kids before the age of 30?

Just men having children in their 20's?? What about their partners who presumably have birth ?

'They were also a gift for their grandparents and great grandparents.'

This is a really good point.

DH as I've mentioned was younger than me. Still is as it goes . He was 28 DD1. Or 27. Anyway.

His mum got to see our children born and she was v maternal. She had cancer for a long time. Through DH end of secondary and into uni. Messed things up as I mean naturally he didn't want to go far from home etc. He has regrets about education but not about his mum and being close.

Anyway she got to see dc1 to age 3 age dc1 to one.

If she'd lived, they are s big family by local standards. There's 8 cousins now ours are the oldest. More on the way I expect! DH is oldest sibling.

So yes. Totally.

DH and I weren't together long really before we married and had kids but that was a thing that I did, we did. That she got to spend time with her GCS and cuddle them both a week or so before she died

Sorry maudlin but yes that's a really important point.

I have a difficult relationship with my parents but they love the DC's. My family small. That's the only ones they'll get. So again. Good stuff really

Thanks pp who posted that

PS do I need to post my educational quals and tax code at this point or is there an online form? 😂😂😂

Yes lovely for the dgps and dgreatgps