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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Men having kids in their 20's

333 replies

cloudywater · 14/08/2021 12:07

I'm asking purely because I'm curious and being a bit nosy but from your experience would you say in today's world is it not that common for men to have children when they are in their 20s. I'm asking because I've noticed a lot of footballers seem to have children when they are young. I'm just wondering from your social circles how common is it for men to have kids before the age of 30?

OP posts:

FuckingFabulous · 14/08/2021 19:42

My dad was 19 when his first was born. My brother was 25. I know a lot of loutish young dads and I know a lot of nice young dads

BiBabbles · 14/08/2021 19:58

Nearly all the guys I know with kids had at least their first (sometimes one and done) in their twenties - many of the done in their 20s, but I'd say it's a pretty equal split between guys I know with kid(s) and guys I know who don't, and of the latter group, all but one of them aren't really planning to have any kids. Some might be talked into it or have more interest later, but it's definitely not a priority they've ever had approaching (as I am) and well past 40.

AngryWhompingWillow · 14/08/2021 19:59

[quote Motleyvegetables]**@Tinpotspectator* why does it matter that you spent years at university? Whether you like the phrase or not it is regularly used in both Australia and New Zealand. This can be offensively towards others, and viewed as classist (as @AngryWhompingWillow* has identified) however, it is also widely used in a self depreciating manner.[/quote]
Thing is, it's not 'self-depreciating' when it's aimed at someone else. [sad'

AngryWhompingWillow · 14/08/2021 19:59

[quote Tinpotspectator]@AngryWhompingWillow you are SO right. I spent years at university, but I find that phrase disgusting and don't know anyone of any class who would use it. Shame on the poster who did. [/quote]
Agree with this. ^

princesspeppax · 14/08/2021 20:01

My and my husband had our first when we were 18 & 19, DH is now 27 and we have 3 now, very much mixed in our circle some with none and some with kids before 30.

ComeonJulia · 14/08/2021 20:03

@Proudboomer I didn’t mean you could buy a house at that just with having that deposit. I was explaining how it’s easy to save enough for a 10% deposit for a house that size, even at a young age.
We saved £36,000 and bought a house at least than £200,000.
This was 10 years ago so house prices were a lot lower than they are now.

Motleyvegetables · 14/08/2021 20:11

@AngryWhompingWillow the definition of self depreciating is that’s it’s about yourself. Not aimed at others. Anyway this is a complete derail.

The funniest thing about this whole thread is the sheer classism of mumsnet about home ownership, university education and ‘professional’ careers and the assertion that people can’t possibly have children in their 20’s because of having, or not having, these things (despite someone earlier posting a stat that indicates a significant number of people have their children whilst in the age bracket in question)

crochetandcoffeebreaks · 14/08/2021 20:15

In my family most couples have a child within a year or 2 after marriage. DH was 25 when we had DC1, he had completed his Masters and was employed within the same field by the time DC was born. We then had DC2 when he was 29.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 14/08/2021 20:41

Mumsnet is obsessed with the idea of "financial security" and house buying before having kids.

The reality is some people will never be able to buy a house as not everyone is capable of doing a degree or ever getting a well paid job. So in those cases, why wait?

OnlyaMummy · 14/08/2021 20:59

My husband and I are in our twenties and have two children. My husband made it clear that he intended on having his children by 30. If he hadn't had any by this point he would not have any. This is typical where we are located.

Proudboomer · 14/08/2021 22:13

[quote ComeonJulia]@Proudboomer I didn’t mean you could buy a house at that just with having that deposit. I was explaining how it’s easy to save enough for a 10% deposit for a house that size, even at a young age.
We saved £36,000 and bought a house at least than £200,000.
This was 10 years ago so house prices were a lot lower than they are now.[/quote]
No it is not easy to now save £35k in two years.
And the only way my son and his partner are managing to save is because they have been living with me whilst they do so paying a token amount just to cover the extra they cost in larger bills.
If they had to pay rent whilst they saved then no way could they be in a position to buy next year.
To privately rent a one bed flat in the cheapest parts of where we live would be £700. Community charge even for an A grade property would be £120 pm. Gas electricity and water again another £120 - £150 pm. So you are looking at around £1k before food, insurance for property and car(my son is 23 so his premiums are high even for a small car). He needs the car for work so couldn’t do without it. Public transport for his partner to work is £4.20 minimum each way. Can’t save with a season ticket or even a return as sometimes the late shift finishes after the last bus and she will need to get a train instead or if the last train has gone a taxi.
By the end of next year they will have their deposit plus I will be able to help them with increase the deposit with a cash gift so that it will bring the mortgage needed to a level that will fit with what he will be allowed to borrow. This wouldn’t be possible if I wasn’t prepared to house them for 3 years plus gift them a not inconsiderable amount of money.
Things are pretty shit now for 20 somethings trying to afford property in the south east.

WaitingForNormality · 14/08/2021 22:18

All my friends (female and male) started having kids in late 20s. My husband was 27 when DS1 arrived.

All the men are in stable jobs and most are professionals (think, teachers, accountants, analysts) as are their wives.

ComeonJulia · 14/08/2021 22:23

I would never consider a teenager living with their parent(s) is doing so because their parent is “prepared to house them”
How odd,
I don’t know a single person charged rent(???) by their parents to live in their home. That’s how we saved for deposits. Living at home with our parents whilst working full time and saving well.

ComeonJulia · 14/08/2021 22:25

Me and DH are only 7 years older than your son so it’s not impossible.

Proudboomer · 14/08/2021 22:39

@ComeonJulia

I would never consider a teenager living with their parent(s) is doing so because their parent is “prepared to house them” How odd, I don’t know a single person charged rent(???) by their parents to live in their home. That’s how we saved for deposits. Living at home with our parents whilst working full time and saving well.

They are not teenagers. They are 23 and 25. Fully functioning adults in a adult relationship. I don’t know any parent who doesn’t charge at least a norminal sum to their adult children still living at home. Even 35 years ago as an adult still in the family home I paid board.

LooksBetterWithAFaceMask · 14/08/2021 22:43

Dd my oldest is 18 and I was mid 20’s when I had her exh 28/29 several friends in our circle were similar ages and having babies. I was privately educated and went to uni. Friends from school seem to be split lots have dc similar age to my dd lots have young families now.
We were that lucky generation still able to afford property the house we owned when dd was born sold for nearly 4 times what we paid.
Can’t imagine dd being in even close to a similar position in just 7 years.
I also look at dd and some of my friends dc and they seem much younger at 18 than we were

Proudboomer · 14/08/2021 22:47

@ComeonJulia

Me and DH are only 7 years older than your son so it’s not impossible.

Not impossible but harder. Property prices have gone up a lot since you bought 10 years ago. I last moved just under 10 years ago. I sold a 3 bed middle terrace for £170k. The same type of property in the same road is now going for £350k. Even with a 10% deposit it wouldn’t be affordable as they wouldn’t be allowed to borrow £315k as they would need a joint income of around £80k

abw94 · 14/08/2021 22:52

I'm 27F and had my son two years ago, my partner was 29 when he was born. In our social group most men have had children in their 20's and all different stages of life (married, single, dating for a few months etc)

careerchangeperhaps · 14/08/2021 23:17

DH and I were late 20s - early 30s when we had our first DC in the late 2000s. Most of our friends with kids the same age that we met through NCT / school are 3+ years older than us - the eldest couple are 10 years older. Only one couple are younger than us and they were 25 & 26 when they had DC1 and seemed very young to the rest of us! They were allowed to go to the young parents' group at the Children's Centre
Amongst my school / uni friends, we are now 42 and first-born kids' current ages range from 15 down to 2.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/08/2021 23:18

@astoundedgoat

Is this not a tiny bit disingenuous? The more highly educated/middle class you are, the older you are starting a family. If you are uneducated and/working class, you start younger. So the opening question is kind of more “are you and your friends middle class or not?”

Yes, more or less, but I think there is probably also a city v countryside difference and a poster mentioned being religious too.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/08/2021 23:25

@Waxonwaxoff0

Mumsnet is obsessed with the idea of "financial security" and house buying before having kids.

The reality is some people will never be able to buy a house as not everyone is capable of doing a degree or ever getting a well paid job. So in those cases, why wait?

I'm middle aged and still don't own a house, not sure I ever will because even if I could afford it now, I might be too old to get a mortgage.

Even so, all my friends are educated and none of them had children under 30.
It was different for my parents' generation. My mother has lots of cousins, most of whom went through higher education but they mostly had children in their twenties.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 14/08/2021 23:38

@ComeonJulia

I would never consider a teenager living with their parent(s) is doing so because their parent is “prepared to house them” How odd, I don’t know a single person charged rent(???) by their parents to live in their home. That’s how we saved for deposits. Living at home with our parents whilst working full time and saving well.

You've been very sheltered then. I moved out at age 17 due to family issues. Living with parents to save for a deposit isn't possible for a lot of people.

RaginaPhalange · 14/08/2021 23:45

Dp was 23, I was 21 when we had our first.

MissTrip82 · 15/08/2021 05:56

It’s not common in my group of friends - in fact nobody had a child before they were in their 30s. But that’s because most of us did long degrees, further study and ten years or so of training. I don’t have any friends who only have one degree, or who only spent three or four years at university.

There’ll be other people who went to uni (I never know what people mean when they say they’re highly educated, to me this means having a PhD, so unlikely to have been achieved by 25) but who did short, single degrees with no further training who had children in their twenties.

MissTrip82 · 15/08/2021 06:00

Bogan is a relatively innocuous term in Australia.

It’s also possible to be wealthy or to have a degree and be a bogan.

There’s a phrase: cashed-up bogans.

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