Men having kids in their 20's

[cloudywater]

I'm asking purely because I'm curious and being a bit nosy but from your experience would you say in today's world is it not that common for men to have children when they are in their 20s. I'm asking because I've noticed a lot of footballers seem to have children when they are young. I'm just wondering from your social circles how common is it for men to have kids before the age of 30?

On the footballer issue, Premier League clubs actively encourage young players to marry and have children these days, with the idea this will ‘settle them down’ to concentrate on the game.

In my generation. (Late 40s), I know only man who became a parent before 30, he was one half of a married couple, both under 30 that had a surprise pregnancy and decided to have the baby.

Even DH and my parent’s generation, people were waiting until at least 25.

@LouNatics

Very common in the families I know. Mid twenties about the average for a first DC in my little world.

I think it also depends how long you feel like you’ve been out there in the ‘adult’ world. I’d imagine footballers would have less to do with school, travel more than average early in life, meet more people than average and probably have less parental input in the teenage years. Rightly or wrongly they may feel like an adult earlier than someone still in education until their twenties, living at home etc.

I’d been living independently, working several jobs, paying my own bills for five years already by the time I was 21.

I’d say many people choose to start a family after 5-10 years of adult independent living. For those who are self sufficient at 16-18 that might mean reaching that point earlier than someone who doesn’t move out of education or their parents home until 24-25.

Good point - my son will be 23 when his first DC is born later this year. He (and his girlfriend) have been living independently for a few years (including having a mortgage).

Mu dh was 26 when we had our first child. My DB is almost 34 and still hasn't had one.

"I don’t have any friends who only have one degree, or who only spent three or four years at university."

Wow. Quite a limited group of friends.

Most of my friends only did one degree, although for some that might have taken more than four years in other countries. Still, nobody had children before the age of 30. It's not that they were still studying throughout their twenties, more that it's just seen as normal to wait until early 30s and they weren't married/almost married until 29/30 anyway. Once they're in a long-term relationship, I suppose they try to have their child before 35 if possible so I think that's why there was quite a flurry around the age of 32/33.

"He (and his girlfriend) have been living independently for a few years (including having a mortgage)."

How did they have the deposit for a house at the age of 20?

My DH was 29! I was 30 though.

@Gwenhwyfar we bought our first house at 20. We saved up.

DH was in his 20's (by a few weeks) when first DC was born and even 20 years ago he seemed young compared to others. I noticed several of the male Olympic athletes who are in their 20's had children.

[quote ComeonJulia]@Gwenhwyfar we bought our first house at 20. We saved up.[/quote]
From the age of 16 to 20 you saved up 10 or 20k? I guess it's easier if there's two of you, but still difficult to save so much on the average wage of people so young.

I'd say 50/50. My DH was 26 when our first was born, and my BIL was 20 when he had his first. But then my BIL on my side was 34 when he had his first, and only have 1 male friend that had a baby before 30 (though some are still under 30 so there's a chance of more).

@Gwenhwyfar from 18 we properly started saving. We both had around 2k in bank accounts that our parents paid into as children.
Saved £1,500 a month for 2 years. We both worked full time in good jobs and lived at home with our parents. Bought our first house at 20. We bought a house that needed renovating but we both have family members in the trades and DH was a bricklayer. It’s just gone on the market and we’ve made £120,000 on it. We paid the mortgage off 2 years ago so now have just over £200,000 to put down on our next house at age 30.

@Gwenhwyfar we saved £36,000. Put down £20,000, borrowed £60,000 and used £16,000 doing the house up and buying furniture.

It’s not though. Two people both at work with no living expenses. If they both save £200 a month, that’s the best part of £20k in four years. This is where people who go straight into the job market from school benefit. They’ll be mortgage free in their early 40s. I wish I’d been half as sensible.

@Blossomtoes I’m definitely glad we did it but it depends on many things. Where you live, when you meet a partner, whether you can live at home without paying board.

I feel we’ve been lucky but have also worked very hard to get to this position.

Can I ask why people have children either at uni or straight after? I had 5 years of training and professional exams after my degree so having a child then would not really have fitted in. Then you would want to establish your career before taking time out. I know this thread is mainly about men but many women have posted that they are graduates but had children in early twenties

@ineedaholidaynow

Can I ask why people have children either at uni or straight after? I had 5 years of training and professional exams after my degree so having a child then would not really have fitted in. Then you would want to establish your career before taking time out. I know this thread is mainly about men but many women have posted that they are graduates but had children in early twenties

Because not every has five years postgraduate training Because not everyone prioritises a career Because they had an accidental pregnancy Because they know fertility decreases with age Because they wanted to be young parents

The list is endless. We don’t all live our lives the same way. And that’s good.

The average age of a first time father in 2017 (UK) was 33 years old so by that there's got to be a lot in their 20's.

In the 00's I think it was quite a bit lower.

I'm 40. If I scroll my facebook school friends there's a wide mix of kids ages on there. Whilst not all children are planned, I suppose once people feel settled and ready they look to start a family which can be a massive age range for people depending on circumstances and things they want to do in life pre/with kids.

@ineedaholidaynow

Can I ask why people have children either at uni or straight after? I had 5 years of training and professional exams after my degree so having a child then would not really have fitted in. Then you would want to establish your career before taking time out. I know this thread is mainly about men but many women have posted that they are graduates but had children in early twenties

Because they want to?

I suppose most people I knew at university went into graduate training schemes so needed to build up their career (and finances) before starting a family.

@ineedaholidaynow

I suppose most people I knew at university went into graduate training schemes so needed to build up their career (and finances) before starting a family.

But obviously you know different people do different things? I did a graduate scheme too, and also didn’t feel ready for children until 30. But having lived for 37 years I know other people make different decisions.

@ineedaholidaynow

I suppose most people I knew at university went into graduate training schemes so needed to build up their career (and finances) before starting a family.

They didn’t need to. They chose to.

Very uncommon in my circle, all the dads had their first when in their late 30s/early 40s. Most of the women early 30s/mid 30s.

I think it was easier to financially support a family in the past and there was more family pressure to marry young.

Nowadays not many men can afford to raise children in their 20s, so it makes sense they wait until they’ve established a career and found someone they’re compatible with. I guess footballers are so wealthy they can afford it at any age they like.

Famous people like footballers aren’t really the ‘norm’ either

On the other hand look at all the famous dads who welcome babies in their 50s (and their age is never commented on really) Boris Johnson, George Osborne, Matthew Wright, Simon Cowell are a few I can think of

@ineedaholidaynow

Can I ask why people have children either at uni or straight after? I had 5 years of training and professional exams after my degree so having a child then would not really have fitted in. Then you would want to establish your career before taking time out. I know this thread is mainly about men but many women have posted that they are graduates but had children in early twenties

I had one already as a teen and I'm having another while in 3rd year

•I want kids close in age (3-4y gap here)
•Subsidised childcare (pay 15%)
•Able to spend plenty of time at home with them
•I know I'm able to cope because I had the first during full time education
•I already have a lot of savings as does partner from living at home previously
•partner works from home

Not everyone's cup of tea but these were my reasons.