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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset parents are moving?

176 replies

LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 11:08

My parents have just dropped the news our family home will be going on the market early next week. This has came as a shock as they have less than £10k left of their mortgage and there's been no talk about moving, only ever talks of extending, upgrading the kitchen or adding a conservatory.

My Dad is a teacher and spent the summer working on the garden, building a pergola and buying a hot tub.

It's not a huge house, 3 bed end of terrace, but the layout of the house makes it great for entertaining and family gatherings. My Mum has lovely taste and the house is decorated really beautifully, however the only downside of their house is the area, which has never been great but has got worse recently (littering, loud neighbours, no parking)

The house they have 'fell in love with' is slightly more expensive but smaller. The rooms seem boxy and it will need a lot of work - which my parents don't mind, they are very handy and renovated their current home to change the layout up and downstairs.

They are looking to move further away which is probably why I'm upset. I thought if they ever decided to move it would be closer to us. (They will still live within 25mins of us, I just like having my family within 10mins as it's all I've ever known)

I'm trying to be supportive but their decision feels very rushed and I'm worried they are making this decision on a whim which they'll regret when it's too late.

I probably need a good shake, I know it's not about me, but AIBU to be upset and sad about this?

OP posts:
chalamet · 14/08/2021 15:49

Obviously not upset with them, at the loss of the house.

Boredmotherofone · 14/08/2021 16:10

FGS! OP has not asked if her parents are BU, she's asked if she is BU for FEELING SAD! 🤦🏼‍♀️🙄
This place sometimes is really frustrating!!!

SpacePug · 14/08/2021 16:18

Reminds me of Friday night Dinner "you can't sell the family home!". I get it, my mum wants to move but they've lived in that house my whole life and I'll be sad when it's not theirs anymore. It's daft but I also think that our old pets are burried jn that garden and it's sad to leave them behind. It's sad but it was bound to happen eventually. Hopefully you can have a nice goodbye with the house and be happy for them in their lovely new one.

Original poster
LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 18:23

@Boredmotherofone

FGS! OP has not asked if her parents are BU, she's asked if she is BU for FEELING SAD! 🤦🏼‍♀️🙄 This place sometimes is really frustrating!!!
I really started wondering if I had worded my post wrong.

Reading some of the comments, you would think I said I was throwing a tantrum on the floor and demanding they dare not moveGrin

OP posts:
LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 14/08/2021 18:25

The children have flown the nest so now they are living life for themselves rather than their kids. Good for them.

RightYesButNo · 14/08/2021 18:33

I was raised by my grandparents. We ended up well over 1000 miles away from each other. My gram got dementia and died last year. My grandad got cancer and died this year. I couldn’t be there for either of their deaths and we couldn’t have funerals for either of them. I was on medication for a bit over it. While I think it’s totally natural to feel sad when life changes like it is for you, maybe take a moment (this is me giving you a very gentle shake) and realize it’s not just “all you’ve ever known” but more that you have been very fortunate all your life. YANBU at all to feel sad, and you’re doing everything right to support your parents and keep that sadness inside your own home. You’ll get used to the new distance, and the new house, and it will become “mum and dad’s house” again.

ohthatbloodycat · 14/08/2021 19:06

Oh Jesus, I was about to sympathise as I assumed they'd be moving abroad.
C'mon OP, get a grip. It's not healthy to be so unequipped to handle small life changes such as this.

EileenGC · 14/08/2021 19:12

I’d love to have my mum 25 mins away. My parents are a 7h flight away, with a stopover. I’d try and turn the sadness into excitement about their new home and opportunities to visit and get to know a ‘new’ area perhaps.

Tinpotspectator · 14/08/2021 19:23

Really, some posters on here are dim, frankly. They think that if a thing has been said, it's worth repeating it 200 times.

Singinghollybob · 14/08/2021 19:31

YANBU for feeling sad they're selling your childhood home but YABVU to thinking 25 minutes away is an issue, it's nothing.

saraclara · 14/08/2021 19:35

@ohthatbloodycat

Oh Jesus, I was about to sympathise as I assumed they'd be moving abroad. C'mon OP, get a grip. It's not healthy to be so unequipped to handle small life changes such as this.
OP hasn't said she can't handle it, FFS.

She's sad that the home she grew up and loves to visit is being sold, and probably more so because she didn't know that her DPs were even thinking of moving until it was close to a done deal. And that's reasonable

saraclara · 14/08/2021 19:38

My DDs used to be 20 minutes and 30 minutes away. Both fine for me. Youngest (the 20 min) has just moved to 45 minutes away. And yes, while I completely understand why, and support it, I'm sad, because a 90 minute return journey turns out to feel really long, and means it's harder to support her and look after my DGD as easily.

saraclara · 14/08/2021 19:38

(Obviously I haven't told DD that)

luckylavender · 14/08/2021 19:47

@LaurenS26 -
Twenty five minutes?!!! Seriously OP get a grip. Can you imagine how many people are thousands of miles away from their loved ones in a pandemic which means they have no idea when they can be reunited? Your attitude is appalling.

fishonabicycle · 14/08/2021 19:49

We're doing the same - selling the family home and moving - half an hour further away into a more rural location. Into a house that needs huge amounts of work doing - we want to make a positive move before we are too old!

Original poster
LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 20:04

[quote luckylavender]@LaurenS26 -
Twenty five minutes?!!! Seriously OP get a grip. Can you imagine how many people are thousands of miles away from their loved ones in a pandemic which means they have no idea when they can be reunited? Your attitude is appalling. [/quote]
My attitude? I only said I was upset...

As I've said before, I've been nothing but supportive to my parents but privately I'm upset they are selling the family home.

25 minutes is nothing but still further than what we have currently, it's a change for us.

OP posts:
LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 14/08/2021 20:09

I can understand you being upset they are selling your childhood home. But it's people that make memories, the places are secondary.

Original poster
LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 20:12

Update on the original post

My parents only put in an offer on the house 25mins away but keeping their options open to others if their offer isn't accepted. They are still going ahead with selling the family home and asked if they could stay with us if they end up between places - we said yes of course.

I spent an hour this evening looking at a few potential houses online and could feel myself getting excited for them.

I will still be upset to see their house packed up but so many people on here reminded me that home is where your family are, so I know I'm time we'll make new memories and grow to love wherever they decide to live.

Thanks everyone for your comments.

OP posts:
Macaroni46 · 14/08/2021 20:13

"You do need to count your blessings though and be happy for your parents- I doubt many adults are luckily enough to have both parents still alive, still together, within 25 minutes of them."

This ^

Both parents still alive - no
Still together - no
Within 25 mins - no

Count your blessings OP. You've been living in a snowflake bubble.

Odisia · 14/08/2021 20:15

I get why you're upset OP, but it's just a house. Bricks and mortar, it's the people who live there that matter. It'll all be fine.

Trust me, I know.

UrbanRambler · 14/08/2021 20:38

OP, you said "It's not a huge house, 3 bed end of terrace, but the layout of the house makes it great for entertaining and family gatherings."

Perhaps this is a big factor in why you're upset, because if your parents host all the family gatherings and you just need to show up, that's a great situation for you. However, maybe they're growing tired of hosting the rest of the family, and as they grow older they may be less able or willing to do that anyway. mIt sounds like they are thinking ahead to buy a slightly smaller house which might also be more modern and easier to maintain. Also, if the area is going downhill and there is no parking, these things could grate as time goes on, more so when they retire.

If this is to be their final move maybe suggest they buy a bungalow, or a house which has a downstairs WC and/or potential to make a bedroom downstairs and/or install a stairlift. Many older people are forced to move when they can no longer manage stairs or just can't reach the toilet in time. Their preferences and future needs trump your preferences, but if you intend to be their carer one day, you are entitled to have some input.

saraclara · 14/08/2021 20:55

if you intend to be their carer one day, you are entitled to have some input.

Jeeze.

No she isn't. Way to make them feel decrepit.
Of course when discussing options these things come up, but for goodness' sake she's not "entitled" to anything.

KarmaStar · 14/08/2021 21:39

Yabvu to want them to stay in a bad area just for you to enjoy family gatherings and indulge in childhood memories.
What appears boxy to you might see manageable to them.
Be happy for them please.

ineedaholidaynow · 14/08/2021 21:43

@LaurenS26 my parents have moved a few times since leaving what was my family home. Within days of being in the new place, with all the familiar, sentimental belongings there was still that feeling of home, if that makes sense. And you then start to make new memories.

Hollywolly1 · 14/08/2021 22:47

You are entitled to feel upset,its a good thing you are as you obviously are very close with them.It will just take a bit of getting used to.I think any normal person would feel sadness at their home house up for sale

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