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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset parents are moving?

176 replies

LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 11:08

My parents have just dropped the news our family home will be going on the market early next week. This has came as a shock as they have less than £10k left of their mortgage and there's been no talk about moving, only ever talks of extending, upgrading the kitchen or adding a conservatory.

My Dad is a teacher and spent the summer working on the garden, building a pergola and buying a hot tub.

It's not a huge house, 3 bed end of terrace, but the layout of the house makes it great for entertaining and family gatherings. My Mum has lovely taste and the house is decorated really beautifully, however the only downside of their house is the area, which has never been great but has got worse recently (littering, loud neighbours, no parking)

The house they have 'fell in love with' is slightly more expensive but smaller. The rooms seem boxy and it will need a lot of work - which my parents don't mind, they are very handy and renovated their current home to change the layout up and downstairs.

They are looking to move further away which is probably why I'm upset. I thought if they ever decided to move it would be closer to us. (They will still live within 25mins of us, I just like having my family within 10mins as it's all I've ever known)

I'm trying to be supportive but their decision feels very rushed and I'm worried they are making this decision on a whim which they'll regret when it's too late.

I probably need a good shake, I know it's not about me, but AIBU to be upset and sad about this?

OP posts:
sammylady37 · 14/08/2021 11:34

Oh for goodness sake! 25 minutes is nothing.

At 17 I moved two hours away from my home for university and after that I moved to a variety of locations, ranging from 3-4 hours away. My permanent home is 3 hours from my childhood home.

Zealois · 14/08/2021 11:34

It's normal to be sad about the house being sold but worrying that they've rushed the decision etc is pointless. Your parents are adults and they're capable of making their own decisions! I'm sure they've weighed up their options.

My family lives 5 hours and my partner's family lives 25 minutes away. We've always thought 25 minutes is really close.

RitaFires · 14/08/2021 11:34

Can you try and reframe how you're thinking about it and get excited for them? Your parents are ready to move to a better area and start a new home project. They possibly felt they had done all they could with the current house.

I know it can be hard to let go of feelings of ownership of the family home you grew up in but once you've left it's still your parents home and they shouldn't have to keep it as a museum dedicated to your childhood.

25 minutes isn't a huge distance it shouldn't stop you seeing each other often.

Squidlydoo · 14/08/2021 11:35

I would be upset if my parents sold our family home. I love returning there as adults. I think that’s quite a natural, sentimental feeing of a home you have fond memories of.

However as adults, we accept our parents can do what they want.

So in answer to your question - YANBU to be upset but YABU if you think you can persuade them otherwise!

TeacupDrama · 14/08/2021 11:37

your Dad was probably working on garden to make sure in best condition to sell so they can sell a lifestyle just sensible really

I get that you are a bit sad at childhood home being sold and that is understanable but the memories are in your head not in the actual bricks and mortar

The house may have been right for them for years but now it isn't if neighbourhood is going down maybe they want to get out and sell for decent money before it gets to be a place you can't sell and therefore they can't move

grapewine · 14/08/2021 11:37

Come on... you get absolutely no say, and 25 is not a lot. YABU.

MadeOfStarStuff · 14/08/2021 11:37

YABU

It’s your parents choice where they live, they’re the ones actually living there. You’re making it all about you, but you’re a grown adult you should be independent enough to cope with not living in their pocket. 25 minutes away is absolutely nothing!

StrongerOrWeaker · 14/08/2021 11:37

I thought you were going to say you were sad to 'lose' the home you grew up in and all associated memories, not that your parents were moving 15 min away to a nicer neighbourhood!

HidingFromDD · 14/08/2021 11:37

I live 25 mins away from my daughter. It’s really close!! You’ll soon get used to it. I think it may be just your emotional attachment to the family home tbh. Yanbu to few a pang of regret but you lost def would bu to let them see it. Support them wholeheartedly and it’ll make no difference at all. Start showing that you think they should still be living their life all about you and you’ll find it does, and it’ll be nothing to do with the physical distance

HideousKinky · 14/08/2021 11:38

It's understandable if you are sad because it's the home you grew up in with lots of memories of childhood.

But your parents are adults making their own choices, just like you.

25 minutes is nothing!

Crowtooyo · 14/08/2021 11:40

YABU.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 14/08/2021 11:40

I also liked the idea of another family living there and enjoying it as we had.

grapewine · 14/08/2021 11:41

You also should think about why you'd be OK with them living in an area that's getting worse, just so you can have them within 10 minutes' time. I mean, are you serious?

Luannee · 14/08/2021 11:44

25 minutes?

Come on op. I presume you're an adult?

godmum56 · 14/08/2021 11:44

@OaxacaChihuahua

Feelings aren’t unreasonable! It’s ok to feel sad, most humans (yes, even adults!) don’t particularly like change - especially when it’s a change to something loved and familiar like a family home.

In time, when you’ve made new memories in the new house and it’s decorated to your parents’ taste etc you’ll feel just as fondly of it, I think.

this but I also prescribe a head wobble
lollipoprainbow · 14/08/2021 11:47

To be honest I'd just be glad to have my parents wherever they lived. I think you need to grow up.

BogRollBOGOF · 14/08/2021 11:48

I think most people would be surprised if their parents were suddenly making an unexpected move with little notice. It's a normal reaction that should pass.

25 mins is still close, and they'll make their new house into their home too.

I wasn't impressed when it turned out that my mother had moved 150 miles even further away. I wondered what was wrong with her landline for a few weeks!

Eralos · 14/08/2021 11:54

Op you know yabu here. I don’t need to pile on you. Have your parents supported your life choices? I think you just need to support them.

LizzieW1969 · 14/08/2021 11:54

You can’t help how you feel so YANBU to feel upset about this. It’s a big change and that can be unsettling. YWBU to say anything to your parents about it, though, as it’s entirely up to your parents where they choose to live. (You appear to know that, though.)

ShingleBeach · 14/08/2021 11:56

Having sentimental feelings about the home you grew up in is one thing.

As for the rest, yes, a shake!

Your Dad is still working and earning so a reasonable mortgage is nothing to worry about.

They have energy, they are forward looking, they obviously have their reasons and if they want a new neighbourhood and better parking, and will re-model their house to their needs and taste, good luck to them!

Do you call on them a lot for childcare?

vodkaredbullgirl · 14/08/2021 11:59

Are you going to come back here op?

slashlover · 14/08/2021 11:59

but the layout of the house makes it great for entertaining and family gatherings.

Maybe they're fed up of their house being used for family gatherings?

PluggingAway · 14/08/2021 12:00

They will be 25 minutes away, that's nothing.

PotteringAlong · 14/08/2021 12:01

You think your parents should only be allowed to live within 10 minutes of you?! And 25 minutes away is too far?!

UserStillatLarge · 14/08/2021 12:01

moving from 10 minutes away to 25 minutes away hardly makes a difference - you will be able to see them just as much; they can help with babysitting still (if they do now). Not sure how they could have got much closer!

My parents moved from 25 minutes away to 4 hours away - that's the sort of distance that actually means things will change.