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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset parents are moving?

176 replies

LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 11:08

My parents have just dropped the news our family home will be going on the market early next week. This has came as a shock as they have less than £10k left of their mortgage and there's been no talk about moving, only ever talks of extending, upgrading the kitchen or adding a conservatory.

My Dad is a teacher and spent the summer working on the garden, building a pergola and buying a hot tub.

It's not a huge house, 3 bed end of terrace, but the layout of the house makes it great for entertaining and family gatherings. My Mum has lovely taste and the house is decorated really beautifully, however the only downside of their house is the area, which has never been great but has got worse recently (littering, loud neighbours, no parking)

The house they have 'fell in love with' is slightly more expensive but smaller. The rooms seem boxy and it will need a lot of work - which my parents don't mind, they are very handy and renovated their current home to change the layout up and downstairs.

They are looking to move further away which is probably why I'm upset. I thought if they ever decided to move it would be closer to us. (They will still live within 25mins of us, I just like having my family within 10mins as it's all I've ever known)

I'm trying to be supportive but their decision feels very rushed and I'm worried they are making this decision on a whim which they'll regret when it's too late.

I probably need a good shake, I know it's not about me, but AIBU to be upset and sad about this?

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 14/08/2021 12:01

You like family to be within 10 minutes? Poor souls, having such a clingy person within the family!

ChiefAdjusterOfRubensShorts · 14/08/2021 12:02

YABU.

DF sold our family home after DM passed away because he took out a stupid equity release thing and racked up a shit load of debt spending money on stupid things that he doesn’t need.

As much as we thought he was stupid and irresponsible with money, it’s his money and can do what he likes with it.

Kite22 · 14/08/2021 12:02

If this was the family home you grew up in, then it is understandable to have emotions entwined in that home, but YA still BU.

Give your head a little wobble OP.
They are adults, perfectly able to make their own choices, and probably enjoying that they can do that just for them now and no longer having to put dcs' needs into the equation.

25mins is hardly a barrier to any visit.

PinkArt · 14/08/2021 12:02

You have every right to your feelings, but as you asked for it I do think you need to give yourself a bit of a shake. It's 25 mins, it's really nothing! You'll still be living incredibly close.
I had a similar wobble when my parents told me they were moving, but they were moving abroad. I was sad for me initially but it was impossible not to be excited for them as they were so excited themselves about the move.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 14/08/2021 12:05

I assume you are an adult OP? What difference does it make your parents being 25 mins away versus 10? Perhaps you need to be a little less reliant on them.

Blossomtoes · 14/08/2021 12:06

If mine (late 70s) chose to do this I would ask questions

Why? Do people suddenly become unable to make their own decisions? My dad was 81 and my mum was 79 when they last moved house - it was a very sensible decision.

Toooldforthis321 · 14/08/2021 12:07

Are they downsizing in preparation for retirement? My parents did this and I'm so glad they did it when they were able enough to decorate etc. They now wouldn't be able to manage stairs, or the upkeep of the larger house they had.
25 minutes is not far at all either.

Bin85 · 14/08/2021 12:09

See if you can find a better house on Rightmove for them.

Wimpeyspread · 14/08/2021 12:10

I’m with them, I am about to do this - don’t live close currently though and am going further away. My kids (30s) are shocked and upset I didn’t discuss with them first. I want a new adventure before I’m too old, maybe they do too? Maybe they didn’t discuss as they knew how you would react

flowery · 14/08/2021 12:11

I opened the thread because my parents moved to France when I was pregnant and have lives there ever since- my kids are now 14 and 11.

Yours are moving 15 minutes further away and you’re upset? I thought I might be able to say something helpful and reassuring but I really can’t!

UserStillatLarge · 14/08/2021 12:11

How old are your parents OP? If mine (late 70s) chose to do this I would ask questions

What questions would you ask? It's quite clear from the OP that they are moving to a nicer neighbourhood. Moving to a smaller house that's easy to maintain and potentially less pressure to always host large family gatherings might also be contributory factors. They are only moving 15 minutes further from OP (she doesn't mention other family; but presumably no further to any of them and maybe even closer), so still have family at hand.

And, you can't buy a house on a whim. It's not like you wake up one morning, decide to move house and are moved by the evening. It's a process that can take months - plenty of time for them to think it through.

Knackeredmommy · 14/08/2021 12:14

What your parents are doing makes sense and is a great move for them. Let it sink in, it's not that far away!

SweetToTheBeat · 14/08/2021 12:15

If mine (late 70s) chose to do this I would ask questions.
What! What would you say? I'd prefer it if you lived in a bad area with no parking and terrible neighbours so you can keep a house that I don't live in anymore and host events for my pleasure.

Perhaps you could buy the house OP.

MrsFlinch · 14/08/2021 12:15

You need to cut the apron strings and give your head a wobble.

Isn’t it time your parents did something for themselves without always having to consider the thoughts and feelings of everyone else.
Yes it’s sad that they are selling your family home, but why shouldn’t they move to a house that more suits their own needs now that the family have flown the nest. They’ve done their bit raising their family.
They are only 25 minutes away not like they are moving hundreds of miles away.

See I don’t get this, you seen it on “A place in the sun” where people buy property abroad. Usually a couple who will be living there full time but the narrative always considers those back home that will be coming to visit and they will make their choice on what visiting family and friends might think or need. Dh and I have always said if that was us, we’d buy something that suited our needs not friends and family back home.

Good on your parents for doing their own thing.

GreatAuntEmily · 14/08/2021 12:15

They probably had a look at some housing and fell in love with this one.

Everything else to be considered is almost irrelative then.

Also they probably wanted away from rougher area.

Toooldforthis321 · 14/08/2021 12:17

Just too add, my parents moved 3 hours away when I was still finishing my degree and living at home. It's their decision to live where they want to, and mine also, as an adult. In the kindest possible way, live and let live Smile

DeathByWalkies · 14/08/2021 12:17

Are you sure this isn't more about your (understandable) attachment to the home you grew up in? I'm currently in the process of clearing the family home where I largely grew up; it feels like a second bereavement in itself.

Stompythedinosaur · 14/08/2021 12:17

YABU. You are expecting them to prioritise your feelings over their own wishes. They aren't moving far away at all.

intothewoodss · 14/08/2021 12:17

My dad lives three hours away and my mum is dead. YABU to want your family in your pocket.

FuckMeGentlyWithAChainsaw · 14/08/2021 12:18

You’re not unreasonable to feel upset, shocked, whatever but I think YABU to worry your parents, who sound like perfectly nice and capable people in your op, have made a decision on a whim and haven’t put any thought or much thought into it.

25 minutes really isn’t far Confused maybe it’s because it’s been over 10 years since I lived near any of my relatives but it boggles my mind that people can get so het up over something like a tiny distance between them and their family.

Happyfeet1972 · 14/08/2021 12:19

Here to give you a shake OP. 25 mins is fine and won't have any impact in how often you can see them, its still close enough to drop in etc.

I'm just under an hour from my only parent and it's fine, I see them regularly. My family home was sold at the same time my other parent was terminally ill. I was a young adult at the time, and it was devastating but mainly because I was losing the parent,way before their time. If anything that made me realise at the end of the day, homes are just bricks and mortar, the family home can be recreated in their new home, there will be plenty of more entertaining to come.

You do need to count your blessings though and be happy for your parents- I doubt many adults are luckily enough to have both parents still alive, still together, within 25 minutes of them.

Balonzette · 14/08/2021 12:19

YABU. It's not about you! Don't spoil it for them!

starfishmummy · 14/08/2021 12:19

Their choice.

I imagine that as an adult you don't consult them about what you are doing so why should they consult you?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 14/08/2021 12:20

Are you afraid of losing childcare?

woodhill · 14/08/2021 12:20

You are so lucky they are still nearby.

My dds both live miles away and we still I've in the same place

You will get over it.