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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset parents are moving?

176 replies

LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 11:08

My parents have just dropped the news our family home will be going on the market early next week. This has came as a shock as they have less than £10k left of their mortgage and there's been no talk about moving, only ever talks of extending, upgrading the kitchen or adding a conservatory.

My Dad is a teacher and spent the summer working on the garden, building a pergola and buying a hot tub.

It's not a huge house, 3 bed end of terrace, but the layout of the house makes it great for entertaining and family gatherings. My Mum has lovely taste and the house is decorated really beautifully, however the only downside of their house is the area, which has never been great but has got worse recently (littering, loud neighbours, no parking)

The house they have 'fell in love with' is slightly more expensive but smaller. The rooms seem boxy and it will need a lot of work - which my parents don't mind, they are very handy and renovated their current home to change the layout up and downstairs.

They are looking to move further away which is probably why I'm upset. I thought if they ever decided to move it would be closer to us. (They will still live within 25mins of us, I just like having my family within 10mins as it's all I've ever known)

I'm trying to be supportive but their decision feels very rushed and I'm worried they are making this decision on a whim which they'll regret when it's too late.

I probably need a good shake, I know it's not about me, but AIBU to be upset and sad about this?

OP posts:
Original poster
LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 13:42

@LizzieW1969

Come on, the OP knows that she’s being unreasonable, hence why she’s having a rant on here rather than complaining about it IRL. No need for dramatic statements like: YABVVVVVVU, which makes you as melodramatic as the OP you’re criticising. (There’s always one poster that does this.)

Is the OP even going to come back? (That’s something that I do find annoying.)

Thank you for your kind comment.

I did come to rant on here rather than IRL. Also my sister is away for the weekend so parents haven't told her yet - I would have probably had a private rant with her but since she won't be back until Monday, MN seemed like the next best thing.

Just putting my thoughts and feelings down here has given me the shake I needed.

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 14/08/2021 13:45

Your parents must have given lots of thought about moving house, they sound very go ahead people, and obviously know what they wan't to do. Just be happy for them, and don't dwell on your own personal thoughts.

Olympiadreamer · 14/08/2021 13:48

@anxiouscrazymum

How old are you? 10?
While I do think the OP needs to understand that her parents will make their own decision there's no need for awful comments like this.
Original poster
LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 13:50

@FOJN

I just like having my family within 10mins as it's all I've ever known

Once upon a time you'd only ever known you all living in the same house but you left home and adjusted to that, you'll be fine.

Imagine if your parents had responded to you leaving home the way you are responding to their move?

To be clear, I haven't responded in a negative way to their news. What I've posted are my private thoughts.
OP posts:
Raaaaaaarr · 14/08/2021 13:51

To be honest you need to get a grip. An extra 15 mins is nothing. When your parents are a world away then complain.

alloverthecarpetagain · 14/08/2021 13:51

My parents moved approx 200 miles away from being just literally round the corner from my house, when I was 25 and my marriage was breaking up (they didn't know that bit). It didn't occur to me to be angry or upset with them because they were doing what they wanted to do and I was free to do the same.

Original poster
LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 13:51

[quote ineedaholidaynow]@LaurenS26 then you should happy for them if they have found a house they like[/quote]
I know I will be as soon as the initial shock wears off. The news really came out of the blue.

OP posts:
bobdidit · 14/08/2021 13:54

@LaurenS26 I get it completely. I am very close to my mum. We talk at least once a day on the phone and see each other at least 3/4 times a week. We live a 10 min drive from each other. I would be a bit upset if she moved too. It means that I wouldn't be able to just pop in for a cup of tea or know that she was right there if I needed her. I know that sounds ridiculous but it's the way it's always been! I know that she would probably feel the same way if I moved. I probably wouldn't say anything either but inside I would feel a bit anxious and upset 😢

MissCalamity · 14/08/2021 13:54

YANBU OP, I would feel the exact same when/if my parents decide to move from our family home.

I get it 🥺

Hollywolly1 · 14/08/2021 14:02

I assume they are moving to a better area and you should be really pleased about that not upset,think about when your kids go stay over they will be in a nicer area a win win all round .It may be that you are upset that you feel you are losing a piece of your past more than the fact they will be a little further away and maybe you will move yourself at some stage so rather than be upset try and find some positives this move will bring.

Hollywolly1 · 14/08/2021 14:05

BTW I can understand why you feel sad so I don't mean to sound harsh but this move could bring you great joy and them

MilduraS · 14/08/2021 14:09

It could be worse. I haven't lived in the same country as my parents since I was 18. There were various moves to different countries on both sides. We almost lived in the UK at the same time for a few weeks 6 years ago but then their house sale completed earlier than they expected and they ended up leaving a week before I arrived back. Hopefully coincidence rather than planned on their part Grin

SapphosRock · 14/08/2021 14:14

YABU it's their life.

Original poster
LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 14:21

[quote bobdidit]@LaurenS26 I get it completely. I am very close to my mum. We talk at least once a day on the phone and see each other at least 3/4 times a week. We live a 10 min drive from each other. I would be a bit upset if she moved too. It means that I wouldn't be able to just pop in for a cup of tea or know that she was right there if I needed her. I know that sounds ridiculous but it's the way it's always been! I know that she would probably feel the same way if I moved. I probably wouldn't say anything either but inside I would feel a bit anxious and upset 😢 [/quote]
Thank you for your comment.

It will be an adjustment from what I've been used to. I definitely won't say anything to my parents though.

OP posts:
Original poster
LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 14:23

@Hollywolly1

I assume they are moving to a better area and you should be really pleased about that not upset,think about when your kids go stay over they will be in a nicer area a win win all round .It may be that you are upset that you feel you are losing a piece of your past more than the fact they will be a little further away and maybe you will move yourself at some stage so rather than be upset try and find some positives this move will bring.
The area is better and they will have a drive way which they don't have at the moment and street parking can be a nightmare.

Pleased about the area but sad about the house.

OP posts:
ThePluckOfTheCoward · 14/08/2021 14:25

I understand your feelings Op, especially as you grew up with your grandparents and aunt so close by, which I must say, I envy. My parents moved fairly regularly and what I found was that once they were in the new home with all their belongings it felt like Mum and Dad's home again. Really, wherever my parents were felt like home, because it's the people not the building that are important. It will be ok.

Original poster
LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 14:29

@ThePluckOfTheCoward

I understand your feelings Op, especially as you grew up with your grandparents and aunt so close by, which I must say, I envy. My parents moved fairly regularly and what I found was that once they were in the new home with all their belongings it felt like Mum and Dad's home again. Really, wherever my parents were felt like home, because it's the people not the building that are important. It will be ok.
Thank you. You are right, it's the people and not the building.

I know it will feel like their home after they've moved their belongings etc and made it their own.

OP posts:
saraclara · 14/08/2021 14:55

Anyone who's had loving parents who've made their home a warm place to grow up in and a welcoming place to go back to, is going to feel sad when it's sold, and/or shaken to discover suddenly, that it's the plan.

You are not remotely unreasonable to be sad, OP. And I say that as someone who copied fine with living 1.5 and 2.5 hours away from parents and PILs.

My PILs home was the warmest and happiest sanctuary, and I didn't even grow up there. But when it had to be sold to fund MIL's care, I was very sad.

saraclara · 14/08/2021 14:55

Coped, not copied!

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 14/08/2021 15:22

YANBU. You'd only BU if you were telling them not to and making it into an argument. The people saying YABU most likely moved about as children so are used to it, or just aren't as into sentiment as some people. But YANBU to quietly feel like this, it was a place that was important to you all and you won't get to see it anymore.

Tinkerbellfluffyboots79 · 14/08/2021 15:30

My parents moved to Australia so it could be worse. My son was 11 days old. They moved to Singapore etc then came home when he was 7 or 8 and live 400 miles away. So as much as you’re upset it could be worse. I’d not seen them since December 2019 prior to last week as my mum is cev and was terrified of covid and refused to have us there or vice Versa.

Your parents house sounds lovely, I’m sure this one will be too and really it’s their choice where they live, I’d just be thankful you have them nearby and enjoy them doing their new house up and spending time with them. I get selling a childhood house is a bit upsetting but you’re an adult - mine was sold as a 15 year old after divorce. I know it’s relative and you will feel upset but there are worse things. I hope it all works out for you, sometimes it’s good to just vent on here so I understand

Famousinlove · 14/08/2021 15:33

Why don't you buy the house off them OP? That way you'll get to keep your family home and your parents can move to a house they want to

ssd · 14/08/2021 15:43

Nothing wrong in feeling a bit sad about this.

My parents are both gone and id give my right hand for a day back at home with them.

meadowbleu · 14/08/2021 15:44

It's just the out of the blue announcement really isn't it @LaurenS26
You've been spoilt living within 10 minutes. For most people less than an hour's round trip is nothing and I'd be pleased if they're moving to a better area and having a project they are well able to tackle. It sounds like they're just the people to reconfigure, improve and make a great job of a house that needs some TLC.

It's suprising how many adults with property of their own still think of their parents' place as 'home' Two homes if you like. The 'family home' is an emotional thing.

We'll be downsizing sometime in the next year or two and we're keeping our family abreast of our thoughts. One DC has already said she's going to hate us selling this house, to be honest we feel the same but it will have to be done because we no longer need the size or have the desire to keep maintaining it. It'll be a wrench, but we'll all get on with it.

Think of the positives.

chalamet · 14/08/2021 15:49

It wouldn’t bother me if my parents moved another 25 minutes away. I already live half an hour away. I’d be sad if they sold their house, though, because it’s the house I was born in and grew up in. It has all my childhood memories and honestly I’d be very Hmm if someone said those feelings were unreasonable. I’d encourage my parents to do whatever made them happy, but I would be privately pretty upset.