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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset parents are moving?

176 replies

LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 11:08

My parents have just dropped the news our family home will be going on the market early next week. This has came as a shock as they have less than £10k left of their mortgage and there's been no talk about moving, only ever talks of extending, upgrading the kitchen or adding a conservatory.

My Dad is a teacher and spent the summer working on the garden, building a pergola and buying a hot tub.

It's not a huge house, 3 bed end of terrace, but the layout of the house makes it great for entertaining and family gatherings. My Mum has lovely taste and the house is decorated really beautifully, however the only downside of their house is the area, which has never been great but has got worse recently (littering, loud neighbours, no parking)

The house they have 'fell in love with' is slightly more expensive but smaller. The rooms seem boxy and it will need a lot of work - which my parents don't mind, they are very handy and renovated their current home to change the layout up and downstairs.

They are looking to move further away which is probably why I'm upset. I thought if they ever decided to move it would be closer to us. (They will still live within 25mins of us, I just like having my family within 10mins as it's all I've ever known)

I'm trying to be supportive but their decision feels very rushed and I'm worried they are making this decision on a whim which they'll regret when it's too late.

I probably need a good shake, I know it's not about me, but AIBU to be upset and sad about this?

OP posts:
Butteredtoast55 · 14/08/2021 12:56

Good grief, people are so nasty on MN. saying it's 'none of your business' and 'are you10?' is just horrible. Some families have a stake in each other's lives and that doesn't make them childish or overinvested!
It isn't at all unreasonable to feel sad and some people find any kind of change hard, even when they know it is for the best or inevitable. The family home being sold is a big thing. Given the work your Dad has been doing, maybe they were getting it ready to sell looking its best, or perhaps something has precipitated this, like unpleasantness in the neighbourhood.
Of course, it is absolutely their choice what they do, and when you have time to adjust I am sure you will see how lucky you are to still have your parents within 30 minutes of you. It sounds like they will make their new house lovely too, and perhaps this is what they need: a new project to focus on and enjoy and a home they really want to be in and welcome their family to.

Rosehip10 · 14/08/2021 12:56

You want your parents to be no more than 10 mins away? Confused

With respect OP - grow up

Elys3 · 14/08/2021 12:59

Of course it’s their choice. I wonder if the neighbourhood has been getting them down more than they are letting on?

zingally · 14/08/2021 12:59

TBH, it's not really any of your business, or your problem. People are allowed to move.

My parents moved 2 hours away from me. Was I given the chance to express an opinion? Nope. Did I get over it? Yep.

2bazookas · 14/08/2021 13:02

Get over yourself. You LEFT THE FAMILY HOME remember? You made your own life where you pleased.

Now your smart pro-active parents have decided to LEAVE THE FAMILY HOME (too big now kids have gone, area going downhill) and make their own life where they please. They've got the time and skills to make themselves a smaller more convenient home fit for their old age.

Just like we did, with absolutely no regrets.

Original poster
LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 13:03

@Toooldforthis321

Are they downsizing in preparation for retirement? My parents did this and I'm so glad they did it when they were able enough to decorate etc. They now wouldn't be able to manage stairs, or the upkeep of the larger house they had. 25 minutes is not far at all either.
They are looking at the move as a downsize, though their current house isn't huge. My mums been retired for a few years and my Dad will probably look to retire in the next few years.
OP posts:
FOJN · 14/08/2021 13:05

I just like having my family within 10mins as it's all I've ever known

Once upon a time you'd only ever known you all living in the same house but you left home and adjusted to that, you'll be fine.

Imagine if your parents had responded to you leaving home the way you are responding to their move?

choli · 14/08/2021 13:08

I think I know why they are moving further away.

MrsExpo · 14/08/2021 13:11

They live 10 minutes away and you want them to move nearer??

YABU .... be happy for them that they're getting a new challenge and new home.

Saz12 · 14/08/2021 13:16

I get that your sad at the sale of a house you grew up in, have happy memories of, etc.

But your parents are probably making a wise choice if they do t get on particularly well with neighbours and are happy with less space for a nicer area. Maybe they don’t want to always host family events, or they’re not willing to sacrifice a house move for them.

Original poster
LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 13:21

@Knackeredmommy

What your parents are doing makes sense and is a great move for them. Let it sink in, it's not that far away!
Thank you.

I think just letting it sink in is exactly what I need to do. Like I said before, it just caught me off guard.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 14/08/2021 13:22

@slashlover

but the layout of the house makes it great for entertaining and family gatherings.

Maybe they're fed up of their house being used for family gatherings?

Hey, here's a thought OP.

Maybe it's time for YOU to host all the Happy Family gatherings, cook Christmas dinner for everybody, change and launder multiple beds , provide a rolling menu of family meals AND grit your teeth like a smiley festive season hostess when Unpopular PITA Relative does his usual thing in YOUR home. Again.
What's a bit of poo/vomit/felt-tip pen/cigarette stink/drunken row among family, eh? Enjoy.

Hankunamatata · 14/08/2021 13:22

No yanbu to be upset. Currently we live 5mins from family - used to be 25mins. It does make the difference in frequency of visits and popping in

Original poster
LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 13:24

@GreatAuntEmily

They probably had a look at some housing and fell in love with this one.

Everything else to be considered is almost irrelative then.

Also they probably wanted away from rougher area.

I think that's exactly what happened, they came across a house which ticks all the boxes for them.
OP posts:
TheWeeDonkeyFella · 14/08/2021 13:25

the only downside of their house is the area, which has never been great but has got worse recently (littering, loud neighbours, no parking)

This line jumped out to me OP, believe me living with bad neighbours can be soul destroying so it's great your parents are able to move and hopefully have a better quality of life.

ineedaholidaynow · 14/08/2021 13:26

@LaurenS26 then you should happy for them if they have found a house they like

Original poster
LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 13:26

@DeathByWalkies

Are you sure this isn't more about your (understandable) attachment to the home you grew up in? I'm currently in the process of clearing the family home where I largely grew up; it feels like a second bereavement in itself.
Probably. I moved out 10 years ago but love that I get to go back to my family home and everything feels familiar.
OP posts:
Original poster
LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 13:29

@Stompythedinosaur

YABU. You are expecting them to prioritise your feelings over their own wishes. They aren't moving far away at all.
I'm not expecting them to prioritise my feelings at all. I haven't mentioned how I feel and I've tried to be supportive and show enthusiasm.

Privately (within the walls of my own home) I've expressed my sadness at their move to my husband.

OP posts:
Original poster
LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 13:30

@intothewoodss

My dad lives three hours away and my mum is dead. YABU to want your family in your pocket.
What you have said is right, I've wanted to keep them probably too close by.
OP posts:
JaneTheVirgin · 14/08/2021 13:36

It is hard when your childhood home is sold, you're allowed to be a little sad about it!

Is there the option for you to buy it if it really is perfect?

Original poster
LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 13:36

@Happyfeet1972

Here to give you a shake OP. 25 mins is fine and won't have any impact in how often you can see them, its still close enough to drop in etc.

I'm just under an hour from my only parent and it's fine, I see them regularly. My family home was sold at the same time my other parent was terminally ill. I was a young adult at the time, and it was devastating but mainly because I was losing the parent,way before their time. If anything that made me realise at the end of the day, homes are just bricks and mortar, the family home can be recreated in their new home, there will be plenty of more entertaining to come.

You do need to count your blessings though and be happy for your parents- I doubt many adults are luckily enough to have both parents still alive, still together, within 25 minutes of them.

Thank you for your comment - and the shake.

I'm so sorry you lost one of your parent's, what a tough time that must have been for you and your family.

Everything you said is so true, it's bricks and mortar at the end of the day.

OP posts:
Lockheart · 14/08/2021 13:38

I thought you were going to say they were moving to the other end of the country or abroad!

I understand the upset at a family home with lots of memories being sold, you're certainly not unreasonable to feel sad about the end of an era.

But 25 mins away really is nothing nowadays and you'll still see them just as often.

Original poster
LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 13:38

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Are you afraid of losing childcare?
Not at all. This actually coincides with DS starting nursery.

My Mum will still have him 1 day a week at her request.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 14/08/2021 13:41

*the only downside of their house is the area, which has never been great but has got worse recently (littering, loud neighbours, no parking)
*

  OP,  did it NEVER occur to you , as a caring daughter, to  tactfully suggest to your parents  they could escape  all that crap by  moving to a nicer area, a smaller house?  Somewhere  better for their old age?
RedHelenB · 14/08/2021 13:42

Yabu.