Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset parents are moving?

176 replies

LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 11:08

My parents have just dropped the news our family home will be going on the market early next week. This has came as a shock as they have less than £10k left of their mortgage and there's been no talk about moving, only ever talks of extending, upgrading the kitchen or adding a conservatory.

My Dad is a teacher and spent the summer working on the garden, building a pergola and buying a hot tub.

It's not a huge house, 3 bed end of terrace, but the layout of the house makes it great for entertaining and family gatherings. My Mum has lovely taste and the house is decorated really beautifully, however the only downside of their house is the area, which has never been great but has got worse recently (littering, loud neighbours, no parking)

The house they have 'fell in love with' is slightly more expensive but smaller. The rooms seem boxy and it will need a lot of work - which my parents don't mind, they are very handy and renovated their current home to change the layout up and downstairs.

They are looking to move further away which is probably why I'm upset. I thought if they ever decided to move it would be closer to us. (They will still live within 25mins of us, I just like having my family within 10mins as it's all I've ever known)

I'm trying to be supportive but their decision feels very rushed and I'm worried they are making this decision on a whim which they'll regret when it's too late.

I probably need a good shake, I know it's not about me, but AIBU to be upset and sad about this?

OP posts:
TheGenealogist · 14/08/2021 12:20

YABVVVVVU.

Your parents want to move - probably because they no longer like the area where they are living. They do not owe it to you to keep the house just because that's where you grew up.

And getting upset because they will be the huge, overwhelming, unsurmountable distance of 25 MINUTES away.... jeezo.

You need one massive grip.

Lemonsyellow · 14/08/2021 12:20

Wow, YABU. They are only moving ten minutes further away! My parents live five hours away. They want a smaller house in a nicer area, which is what many people want as they get a bit older. I certainly do. Is this the house you grew up in? Because if it’s that, that can make you feel sad.

lollipoprainbow · 14/08/2021 12:21

You do need to count your blessings though and be happy for your parents- I doubt many adults are luckily enough to have both parents still alive, still together, within 25 minutes of them.

Exactly this.

RadioSixMusicLover · 14/08/2021 12:23

Look for positives, not negatives.

campion · 14/08/2021 12:23

Believe me, you'll be glad to get over your emotional attachment to that house whilst they're still alive and healthy. Emptying and selling your childhood home after your parents have died is quite another level of sadness to deal with.

Be glad for them. It sounds like a very sensible decision all round. My parents were 3 hours away so 25 minutes sounds like a dream.

Paintedmaypole · 14/08/2021 12:24

It sounds like you have an emotional attachment to the family home but if the area is deteriorating it's best for your parents to move while they have the energy to do so. They aren't going far and I don't think you would want them to tell you where to live so while it's understandable that you feel a bit nostalgic and sad YABU.

LizzieW1969 · 14/08/2021 12:26

Come on, the OP knows that she’s being unreasonable, hence why she’s having a rant on here rather than complaining about it IRL. No need for dramatic statements like: YABVVVVVVU, which makes you as melodramatic as the OP you’re criticising. (There’s always one poster that does this.)

Is the OP even going to come back? (That’s something that I do find annoying.)

TheHumanSatsuma · 14/08/2021 12:26

YABU.
If your dad is still working as a teacher he can’t be that old ( pensionable age for teachers is now from 65)
Your objections to the move seem to be all about you. The oresent house us really good for family gatherings, it’s really convenient to have family so close.

We’ve never lived near parents (nearest family was 200 miles away, others at least twice that). Neither of our children live near (one isn’t even in same country). You’ll cope.

It’s their house and their life

DeathByWalkies · 14/08/2021 12:26

Things I've seen people do, or think about, at this sort of age that have genuinely concerned me include

  • moving 3 hours away from current home, and 4 hours away from only child in early retirement, while denying they'll never need care or support in old age
  • moving from a 2 storey cottage to a 4 storey townhouse (thank God for stairlifts is all I can say)
  • allowing their home to fall into serious disrepair by the time retirement comes around (despite being able to afford repairs) and refusing to accept that being frail, in a dilapidated house, will make adaptations impossible and heighten the chances of needing to move to sheltered accommodation prematurely.

Those really are reasons to worry. Moving 15 mins down the road to a more manageable home in a nicer area isn't.

NoNotMeNoSiree · 14/08/2021 12:28

People are being irrationally nasty on here, is there any need?
I hear you, OP, my parents have lived in the same home for over 40 years so it's all I've ever known - if they were to move somewhere different, even if it was just further down the road, it would feel weird!
Yes, I'd know that they're grown adults and can do what the heck they like, and wouldn't begrudge them it, but it wouldn't stop it being a bit Sad

Original poster
LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 12:29

@OaxacaChihuahua

Feelings aren’t unreasonable! It’s ok to feel sad, most humans (yes, even adults!) don’t particularly like change - especially when it’s a change to something loved and familiar like a family home.

In time, when you’ve made new memories in the new house and it’s decorated to your parents’ taste etc you’ll feel just as fondly of it, I think.

Thank you.

I have not tried to discourage them in any way and I've been supportive, but privately i've felt a little upset - probably because it was so out of the blue to me.

OP posts:
CutePanda · 14/08/2021 12:31

@LaurenS26 They are looking to move further away which is probably why I'm upset. I thought if they ever decided to move it would be closer to us. (They will still live within 25mins of us, I just like having my family within 10mins as it's all I've ever known)

This must be a troll post. I thought OP was going to say that her parents were moving several hours away.

judgejudyrocks · 14/08/2021 12:31

Oh wow, I thought you were going to say they were moving far away!

My Dad is 350 miles away from me. Last time I visited, it was an 8 hour car journey.

My daughter has just taken a job 3700 miles away - it's going to be a 16 hour journey and several plane rides to get there. We will facetime and visit.

My son is closer, but it still takes 30 minutes.

25 minutes is NOTHING.

Original poster
LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 12:32

@Squidlydoo

I would be upset if my parents sold our family home. I love returning there as adults. I think that’s quite a natural, sentimental feeing of a home you have fond memories of.

However as adults, we accept our parents can do what they want.

So in answer to your question - YANBU to be upset but YABU if you think you can persuade them otherwise!

Thank you for your comment.

It would be unreasonable to discourage them or even to say it upset me, which I haven't. I will support their move, just couldn't help but feel sad about it.

OP posts:
FrownedUpon · 14/08/2021 12:32

You’re being completely reasonable and a bit strange TBH. It’s none of your business-just be happy for them.

Surely you don’t need your parents to be 10 minutes away as an adult. One day they won’t be around at all. Time to create a bit of space.

80sMum · 14/08/2021 12:33

I think you're probably just a bit taken aback by the apparent suddenness of your parents' decision, OP. It's not unreasonable for you to feel a little bit sad, as it's the end of an era in a way and you will no longer be able to go back to your childhood home.

However, your parents being just 25 minutes drive away from you is wonderful! You will be able to pop over and see them (and they you) without having to plan ahead or stay overnight or make a long and tiring journey to get there and back.

JustAnotherFuckingMonday · 14/08/2021 12:34

Suck it up OP.

My parents decided to sell the family home we'd all grown up in when I was 19 and still living at home. I found out the day the for sale sign went up.
The house they bought didn't have room for me..I didn't have much of a choice but to suck it up and get on with finding myself somewhere to live!

Dontwatchfootball · 14/08/2021 12:34

You have the right to feel however you feel. As long as you do not use that to try and influence them and change their decision.

ineedaholidaynow · 14/08/2021 12:37

I can understand being said if this is the family home, but the distance is really nothing.

ineedaholidaynow · 14/08/2021 12:37

sad not said

longwayoff · 14/08/2021 12:39

YABVVVU

LizzieW1969 · 14/08/2021 12:39

I do understand, OP. But if you come on here to complain about something like this, you will get flamed! Even if you know you’re being U.

BlusteryLake · 14/08/2021 12:47

YABU for being upset they are moving slightly further away, but YANBU if you think they are making a rushed mistake with their choice of house. It's hard to tell whether you are genuinely concerned about the actual property, or just emotionally attached to the current set up.

Original poster
LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 12:50

@Eralos

Op you know yabu here. I don’t need to pile on you. Have your parents supported your life choices? I think you just need to support them.
You are right. Thank you.
OP posts:
Original poster
LaurenS26 · 14/08/2021 12:53

@PotteringAlong

You think your parents should only be allowed to live within 10 minutes of you?! And 25 minutes away is too far?!
It's silly, I know.

It's not that I think my parents aren't allowed to live further than 10mins but my Grandparents and Aunt lived within walking distance growing up, so living very close to family is what I know.

But 25 mins is hardly anything.

OP posts: