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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to find this unfaithful man (and his other woman)so infuriating

148 replies

User909537 · 13/08/2021 14:32

Okay I'm going to try and be as concise as possible without being too outing.

I am know the general consensus on MN is to stay out of these type of problems but it is honestly making me feel guilty by association and I just feel so sorry for this mans wife.

So the man in question hugely successful business man, hands in many pies so to speak and a real charmer.
His wife who owns 50% of the businesses and assets is one of the loveliest people I know.
He is where he is because of her, absolutely 100%.

For the past 4 months or so he has been having an affair with an employee who is recently out of a relationship. She knows he is married as the mans wife is also her boss and we live in a really small town. If you think of the film hot fuzz it is a lot like that Grin
He spends one evening a week there always the same night as he can legitimately be away. I know this but ( I'll be vague here as way too outing). They never go out and cover the car with a sheet.

What is really starting to bother me is that since she has been having an affair with this man she has a car worth around 6 times the amount of the car she had initially, she has been given an expenses card (again I can't say how I know this but I do) and she doesn't have a job within the company that requires a car or expense account. Far from it.
Yet the manager has made cuts to some of the small perks the company had because of losses since covid
Yet his bit on the side is driving around in a 70k brand new car.

I think the main thing that bothers me is that I know his wife and she is just so genuinely lovely.
I saw her the other week and she was upset that her and her husband couldnt go to an event they have gone to annually as he was so busy with work.
He did in fact go but took the other woman.

I feel like his wife is not only being cheated on but is essentially paying the wages of her husbands mistress (well 50% of them)

My DH thinks I'm silly to let it bother me but I cannot help it.
Aibu?

OP posts:
Warsawa31 · 13/08/2021 14:41

What a absolute tool he is.

It's a question of basic fairness isn't it - it would annoy me too to be fair.

Who knows, Maybe a note will find itself to the wife with a tip of where and when she can find the cheating fucker at a regular time every week

Anordinarymum · 13/08/2021 14:48

@Warsawa31

What a absolute tool he is.

It's a question of basic fairness isn't it - it would annoy me too to be fair.

Who knows, Maybe a note will find itself to the wife with a tip of where and when she can find the cheating fucker at a regular time every week

Yeah.. have to say I agree with Warsawa31.

He's not only cheating but he's stealing from the company

AmazinglyGraceless · 13/08/2021 14:53

An anonymous email to the wife would probably fix it pretty quickly.

youdoyoutoday · 13/08/2021 14:55

Technically not your business but if I was you, I'd be grassing him up to his wife but with solid proof!

Original poster
User909537 · 13/08/2021 14:57

I thought about something similar but I think there is potential for them to know it is me.
I may be overthinking that though.

Plus they always shoot the messenger and I like his wife too much for her to dislike me for telling her.

I would want someone to tell me if it was my DH though.

OP posts:
dworky · 13/08/2021 14:58

Tell her!

MouseInCatsClaws · 13/08/2021 15:00

Just tell the poor woman and let her reclaim her dignity

HollowTalk · 13/08/2021 15:00

I would tell his wife. There's so much money at stake here and she's being shafted in more than one way. His wife owns 50% of the business. She'll be able to look at the finances and see what's actually happening. She doesn't need to tell him that you are the whistleblower. If I were her I'd be eternally grateful to you.

GoodnightGrandma · 13/08/2021 15:02

I agree with you. I’d want to know.

Singlebutmarried · 13/08/2021 15:02

Of he’s taking the OW to industry events then it’ll come out sooner rather than later.

I’m assuming others at the event will clock he’s not with his wife and business partner and will probably enquire as to where she was next time their paths cross.

Enough rope and they’ll hang themselves.

CoffeeRunner · 13/08/2021 15:03

I would tell her. Anonymously is fine. Send a letter to her if need be.

She might just really respect the fact you were honest with her if you told her in person too. If you were in her situation what would you want your friend/other employee to do?

Timeforredwine · 13/08/2021 15:05

I would keep out of it, not your family or business.

Esspee · 13/08/2021 15:06

You would want to know if you were in her position.
Send her a message anonymously if you feel it might backfire on you but FGS be sure of your facts before you act.

Anordinarymum · 13/08/2021 15:06

And if you don't tell her and she finds out you knew about it..........

Willyoujustbequiet · 13/08/2021 15:12

Tell the poor wife. He deserves everything hes got coming.

Original poster
User909537 · 13/08/2021 15:12

It wasn't a business event it was a sporting event.

And yeah that's what I've said to my DH
If she finds out and knows that I knew she probably wouldn't speak to me anyway.

I just need to prove it
I did think about getting a photo of the car there before the sheet is draped over it but I think this could be outing in a roundabout way.
Instead maybe just the employees name and the days that he goes there.

My DB said I would tell another employee (who I know)and watch it spread around the building.
Eurghh feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because despite her shagging a married man and benefitting from it she is actually a nice person.

Did I mention it was a small town Haha.

OP posts:
Original poster
User909537 · 13/08/2021 15:16

And to the pp
I definitely would want a colleague/friend to tell me if my DH was doing this.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 13/08/2021 15:23

My DB said I would tell another employee (who I know)and watch it spread around the building.

That is the very worst thing you could do. It would humiliate her and not give her the chance to get her duck's in a row.

If I were her I'd hire a forensic accountant to go through the finances. I'd also look at ways of splitting the business up.

AnonymousA · 13/08/2021 15:24

Are you worried about her being annoyed you told her or about your job being impacted?

I couldn’t let this poor woman get shafted like this. Not only is he putting her sexual health at risk and betraying her, if he decides he prefers his weekly car shag, he could cheat her out of her business as he has the upper hand. I couldn’t have that on my conscience.

I would tell her face to face and frame it that you are telling her as you know, so others might and you don’t feel that it’s right that other people are gossiping about her marriage if she’s in the dark about what’s going on. At least it gives her a chance to take legal advice and get her ducks in a row instead of being blindsided.

The OW is not a nice person Hmm.

Wilkolampshade · 13/08/2021 15:24

Yes, do tell her OP.
We used to live in a small town and honestly, when things like this went on everyone got to know about it pretty quickly....everyone except the poor cheated on partner. Don't let her be the last to know, so awful when that happens.

DrSbaitso · 13/08/2021 15:25

Of course you're not being silly to be upset about it.

How well do you know her?

lilmishap · 13/08/2021 15:28

I like his wife too much for her to dislike me for telling her

Err really? When it gets out will she know you knew and kept quiet? If she's driving a posh car it's likely the wife will eventually notice and then realise every fucker knew.

She may dislike you for that.

YouJustDoYou · 13/08/2021 15:29

As someone who was cheated on, and had to go through various STD tests - for the sake of her physical health, seeing as women can actually have their fertility destroyed by Stds, I'd tell her purely for the sake of her health. It's not fair these men get to fuck with their partner's fertility and physical health.

bigbaggyeyes · 13/08/2021 15:31

My initial thoughts as 'stay out of it' until you mentioned the event the wife wanted to go to but couldn't, and that he took the ow. I think I'd be sending her a message, or letter, and letting her know exactly where her dh was that night along with where he is on the evening you send the letter so she can go and see for herself .

Original poster
User909537 · 13/08/2021 15:32

Yes as I say

I run the risk of the wife being pissed off with me either way but ultimately I would rather her be angry with me for telling her than for keeping it from her.

I saw OW in sainsburys today. I don't think she knows I know and she mentioned her boss at least 3 times in a 5 minute chat.

OP posts: