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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to find this unfaithful man (and his other woman)so infuriating

148 replies

User909537 · 13/08/2021 14:32

Okay I'm going to try and be as concise as possible without being too outing.

I am know the general consensus on MN is to stay out of these type of problems but it is honestly making me feel guilty by association and I just feel so sorry for this mans wife.

So the man in question hugely successful business man, hands in many pies so to speak and a real charmer.
His wife who owns 50% of the businesses and assets is one of the loveliest people I know.
He is where he is because of her, absolutely 100%.

For the past 4 months or so he has been having an affair with an employee who is recently out of a relationship. She knows he is married as the mans wife is also her boss and we live in a really small town. If you think of the film hot fuzz it is a lot like that Grin
He spends one evening a week there always the same night as he can legitimately be away. I know this but ( I'll be vague here as way too outing). They never go out and cover the car with a sheet.

What is really starting to bother me is that since she has been having an affair with this man she has a car worth around 6 times the amount of the car she had initially, she has been given an expenses card (again I can't say how I know this but I do) and she doesn't have a job within the company that requires a car or expense account. Far from it.
Yet the manager has made cuts to some of the small perks the company had because of losses since covid
Yet his bit on the side is driving around in a 70k brand new car.

I think the main thing that bothers me is that I know his wife and she is just so genuinely lovely.
I saw her the other week and she was upset that her and her husband couldnt go to an event they have gone to annually as he was so busy with work.
He did in fact go but took the other woman.

I feel like his wife is not only being cheated on but is essentially paying the wages of her husbands mistress (well 50% of them)

My DH thinks I'm silly to let it bother me but I cannot help it.
Aibu?

OP posts:
3Br1tnee · 13/08/2021 16:33

I assume you live overlooking the ow. Can you invite the wife over so she can 'catch' them for herself?

RamblesShambles · 13/08/2021 16:34

100% tell her with evidence.
I would certainly respect someone more for telling me and allowing me to retain my dignity.

Original poster
User909537 · 13/08/2021 16:35

@Peach01 yes he is. She mentioned she gets a company car allowance to my DH that it was a new benefit of the job.
Thing is though she doesn't travel for the job and other people I know who work there don't get an allowance.
My DH is into cars so asked her about it (as it is a very, very nice car)
And that's how I know it is through work.

OP posts:
Original poster
User909537 · 13/08/2021 16:39

@3Br1tnee not overlooking but close enough to the OW to see the pattern.
He has to drive passed my house and I can see her drive from the landing window.
And see them hiding the car under a sheet as it is very distinctive.

I'm not usually a nosy neighbour at all... but I've not been able to help but notice.
Working from home has turned me into neighbourhood watch I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
User909537 · 13/08/2021 16:41

I'm not sure I'm close enough to her to invite her out.
Or how I would get her to stand on my landing Grin

Although my kitchen is on the road so if she was in there she would see the car. That might work. Or does it seem to engineered?

OP posts:
Wheretobuy · 13/08/2021 16:42

[quote User909537]@Peach01 yes he is. She mentioned she gets a company car allowance to my DH that it was a new benefit of the job.
Thing is though she doesn't travel for the job and other people I know who work there don't get an allowance.
My DH is into cars so asked her about it (as it is a very, very nice car)
And that's how I know it is through work.[/quote]
She could be lying though.
But either way, do tell her please. Let her keep some of her dignity (and health from STDs!).

Original poster
User909537 · 13/08/2021 16:42

*over

*too

OP posts:
ExpressDelivery · 13/08/2021 16:43

It seems like you know her quite well. Could you "mention" the £70k car that seems out of keeping with employee's role and how it's upset some staff at a time when their benefits are being cut?

RestingPandaFace · 13/08/2021 16:47

If they were at a sporting event are there pictures? Could a picture find its way to her?

5128gap · 13/08/2021 16:52

If his wife owns half the company and is the boss of the OW I don't understand how the OW could be driving an expensive company car purely on the basis of her affair? How on earth would he explain giving one of his wife's direct reports a car not conversant with her role or value to the company?

Chamonixshoopshoop · 13/08/2021 16:56

I’d tell her.
Dickheads deserve their come up-pence.
Lovely women deserve not to be mugged off.

Yaya26 · 13/08/2021 16:57

I would definitely want to know. I'd go with anonymous text /email with facts.

SixesAndEights · 13/08/2021 16:57

Yes, definitely tell her.

If you tell her in person, have everything written down anyway so you have things noted quite straightforwardly. You might forget something, she might be angry or upset.

It would be worth her anger for her not be humiliated in the locale.

Byheckythump · 13/08/2021 16:58

Don't engineer anything, that would seem as though you were enjoying the drama. Just tell her, quietly and calmly.

TidyOmlette · 13/08/2021 17:07

I know the general consensus is stay out of it but I really wish someone would tell me if I was in that situation.

Hopefully she’ll receive as others have said a anonymous note or email with proof.

aiwblam · 13/08/2021 17:08

The older I get, the more of this gross behaviour I see from nasty, horrible people. And the more I see them sail through life with no consequences to their deceit and mistreatment of others.

2 options for you as I see it op - either you just keep quiet and keep out of it or you tell the wife face to face as kindly as you can. Neither option is great.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 13/08/2021 17:09

I most definitely think you are enjoying the drama, OP. You sound very gossipy and over-invested. You keep posting grinning emojis, why?

Anonymous note senders deserve no respect at all so, if you are determined to meddle in this woman's life, have the decency to do it as you, up front, so that she doesn't have to ponder who would be sending these cowardly notes to her.

forinborin · 13/08/2021 17:12

I saw her the other week and she was upset that her and her husband couldnt go to an event they have gone to annually as he was so busy with work.
So presumably the event is public, has a stable audience, so plenty of people they are acquainted with could be attending? Tbh, my money is on that she already knows, and it is by joint agreement.

Original poster
User909537 · 13/08/2021 17:15

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe because it would seem strange regardless of the situation to invite someone to stand on the landing.
I have used a grinning emoji twice. I don't keep doing it.
One when comparing this town to Hot Fuzz which it is. Everyone knows everybody and I find that strange and mildly amusing being a city girl.
So do calm down.

I'm not enjoying it in the slightest. If anything I am angry and am not typically the kind of person to shed tears over someone else's marriage. I do however think he is a horrible twat and that the wife deserves to know.

I probably will be open about who I am when I tell her rather than anonymously as if I were her i would want to know in case i had further questions. Hth

OP posts:
ExpressDelivery · 13/08/2021 17:17

I wonder if she already knows too. If she's involved managing the business how would she not know about the car? She could well have lied to OP about the reaosn she wasn't at the event this year.

Original poster
User909537 · 13/08/2021 17:18

@forinborin DH has said similar actually. That she knows already and has agreed it.

It was a national sporting event.
Many miles away.

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 13/08/2021 17:22

If there was any work/small town backlash on you it’s easily explained it came out due the conversation about sports event with your friend. Rather than you running to her telling tales.

forinborin · 13/08/2021 17:23

[quote User909537]@forinborin DH has said similar actually. That she knows already and has agreed it.

It was a national sporting event.
Many miles away.[/quote]
I agree with your DH. The cheater in this case, I understand, is well-known, so there will be at least a couple of people able to recognise him?
I think the scenario where the OW is taken as +1 to a public event is a completely different one to where they hide in a car under the sheet.

Chamomileteaplease · 13/08/2021 17:28

If the wife knew already and had agreed it then she wouldn't have said how sad she was about missing the sporting event surely?

I think you should tell the wife and be a friend to her.

DeclineandFall · 13/08/2021 17:28

I wouldn't say anything because its not my business. If you feel you had to why don't you just say to the wife that you saw her husband and x putting a sheet over a car last Thursday, what's that all about? Then you're not accusing him of anything or spreading rumours.

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