Aibu to find this unfaithful man (and his other woman)so infuriating

[User909537]

Okay I'm going to try and be as concise as possible without being too outing.

I am know the general consensus on MN is to stay out of these type of problems but it is honestly making me feel guilty by association and I just feel so sorry for this mans wife.

So the man in question hugely successful business man, hands in many pies so to speak and a real charmer.
His wife who owns 50% of the businesses and assets is one of the loveliest people I know.
He is where he is because of her, absolutely 100%.

For the past 4 months or so he has been having an affair with an employee who is recently out of a relationship. She knows he is married as the mans wife is also her boss and we live in a really small town. If you think of the film hot fuzz it is a lot like that
He spends one evening a week there always the same night as he can legitimately be away. I know this but ( I'll be vague here as way too outing). They never go out and cover the car with a sheet.

What is really starting to bother me is that since she has been having an affair with this man she has a car worth around 6 times the amount of the car she had initially, she has been given an expenses card (again I can't say how I know this but I do) and she doesn't have a job within the company that requires a car or expense account. Far from it.
Yet the manager has made cuts to some of the small perks the company had because of losses since covid
Yet his bit on the side is driving around in a 70k brand new car.

I think the main thing that bothers me is that I know his wife and she is just so genuinely lovely.
I saw her the other week and she was upset that her and her husband couldnt go to an event they have gone to annually as he was so busy with work.
He did in fact go but took the other woman.

I feel like his wife is not only being cheated on but is essentially paying the wages of her husbands mistress (well 50% of them)

My DH thinks I'm silly to let it bother me but I cannot help it.
Aibu?

I'm a chicken. I would tell the wife but anonymously.

I am going against the majority and would stay well clear of this situation, and there are a few things that seem off:

• The wife owns the company too- she's going to know/notice if an employee suddenly has a 70k car allowance and perks to employees are cut.
• Also if the 'D'H is appearing in public at events with OW, again if you know this, so will others.

Alot of your BU is circumstantial (damning, yes) and think you should probably steer clear unless you have hard facts. With what you have presented I'd say the wife may even be aware.

The wife is mainly at home.
She does their social media type stuff from home as it suits her with DC.
I should have said that before
Sorry to drip feed.

Well, if you know her very well and are very sure she would want to know and to hear it from you, it might be the right thing. Just be very sure it really is her best interests you're thinking of, and not your own feelings.

If they're being that indiscreet in a small town, there is a fair chance that, as your husband says, she does know and doesn't really want the facade destroyed. Tread carefully.

Oh and yes, if you do tell her, don't be anonymous. You're either close enough to get involved and take your share of any flak, or you're not. Dropping a bomb while shielding only yourself is low, and will leave her unable to assess how much to trust her.

I also think that alot of what you have laid out here could be speculation - how do you know she has access to the expense card, that they went to the sporting event many miles away etc etc? You know alot but nothing first hand apart from seeing them under a sheet (did you see them). If what you know has been collated across a few sources, company employees, local people - I'd be hugely wary, 2+2=5 and all that. This is often the way in small towns. Then it turns out she's had an inheritance, used the company expense card to buy loo roll, is related to the wife, and the car under a sheet is an antique - all of which may also be bollocks but basically - be careful with what you assume...

The wife may well be at home but that doesn't stop her noticing that a star employee suddenly has a 70k car allowance on the balance sheet, afterall - you've noticed and you don't even work there!

Whatever you decide you can't tell her anonymously and leave her wondering if everyone single person she meets in your small town is the one.

I'd tell her. But I would say that I hadn't been sure whether to mention it or not, but just in case she didn't know, her husband has been hiding his car at x's house every Friday at 4:00. If she thinks it's something suspicious and wants to catch him in the act then let you know and she can come to yours and watch out the window to get proof. If you've got the wrong end of the stick then you're very very sorry and will never mention it to her or anyone else again. You would rather someone let you know if they were worried, so wanted to do the same for her, just in case it's something iffy.

If you're that concerned when he arrives on the set night, contrive to be around (as you are anyway) and give him a wave..then mention truthfully to your friend you saw him. I don't love this option but it's better than anon messages (shudder, creepy) and taking aload of random hearsay to her. If it's suspicious that he's there and she wants to know more, she'll start digging. Arguably that's the gentlest thing to do, if you really feel you need to.

No, don’t get involved, however much this situation outrages you. These things have a way of making themselves known & you don’t want to caught in the crossfire. There will be tears before bedtime without your input, believe me.

Just walk away. It’s none of your business. You might think you’re doing the wife a favour by telling her but people are complex & she may not thank you for getting involved. You also don’t know exactly what’s going on; be careful in assuming you do know the whole picture.

Too messy, walk away

@Warsawa31

What a absolute tool he is.

It's a question of basic fairness isn't it - it would annoy me too to be fair.

Who knows, Maybe a note will find itself to the wife with a tip of where and when she can find the cheating fucker at a regular time every week

This.

No they're not under a sheet. The car is. They actively hide it.
She moves her car to the end of the drive and places the wheelie bins covering the gap
And then they cover the actual car with a sheet.
Now it is a really nice car but it seems odd. No?

I would be suspicious if my DH was staying overnight at a womans house and hiding his car behind a wheelie bin and sheet.

The car and expenses could be hearsay.
And she just told DH that rather than she had a huge inheritance etc. I had never thought of that option to be honest.

But him staying once a week and hiding his car under a sheet and begind a bin is well weird I think.

I would want to know. 100%
I'd tell her OP.
However she may believe you or she may not.
I told a very close friend of mine but she didn't believe me. She believed her lying, thieving husband.
She totally regretted that later when the truth came out.

I think an anonymous letter might work though I know many Mumsnetters dislike this method.

Perhaps the car was bought with his personal funds and the ow is pretending it's a company car.

tell her, poor woman, tell her anonymously, give her times and dates so she can catch him out! He sounds awful,

Don't tell her he is having an affair, say you suspect that something might be happening and tell her what you know. She can make her own mind up then

OP I f you don't want to do it i will, message me with the details and i will gladly phone her.

It is a perk now it is inheritance.

He wouldn't be where he was without his Hugh flying wife. Now she does SM from home.

high not Hugh

@SeasonFinale a pp made that suggestion
That she didn't tell the truth about it being a company car for whatever reason

Also absolutely 100% he wouldn't be where he is without her
She does a lot of the SM stuff from home after having 3 of his children
Does working from home not count? I think it is harder after 18 months of having to work from home, give me the office any day!
The businesses are long established.

@LanisHouseLot

I'd tell her. But I would say that I hadn't been sure whether to mention it or not, but just in case she didn't know, her husband has been hiding his car at x's house every Friday at 4:00. If she thinks it's something suspicious and wants to catch him in the act then let you know and she can come to yours and watch out the window to get proof. If you've got the wrong end of the stick then you're very very sorry and will never mention it to her or anyone else again. You would rather someone let you know if they were worried, so wanted to do the same for her, just in case it's something iffy.

Great idea. Try play it down and not come outright with 'I think your husbands having an affair'. Think it's best she comes to that conclusion herself.

Tell her in a way that will protect you from being the bad guy if she doesn't believe it/chooses to ignore. She may already know and could just be 'getting her ducks in a row'. An anonymous note, subtle tip off i.e. 'didn't your DH look lovely in that pink and green suit at the event last week' and/or 'why weren't you at said event? I thought you and DH loved that sort of thing'

If you're not sure about the car and expenses don't mention it, if she asks you for any more information only say what you'd know naturally, not what you've worked out/been told because you know about OW.

Tell her.

If she's clever enough to have made a decent business for the two of them she's clever enough to get her self sorted. She can only do that if she knows what is happening.

If it was me I would absolutely want to know.

The other women driving round in a car she's essentially funding. Nah. You have to tell her. He's humiliating her and taking the absolute piss left right and centre.

Cheeky bastard.

You sound like you are too busy looking out of your window rather than doing your work from home and just loving the drama of it all.

Just left the wife know if you believe it's an affair.