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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to find this unfaithful man (and his other woman)so infuriating

148 replies

User909537 · 13/08/2021 14:32

Okay I'm going to try and be as concise as possible without being too outing.

I am know the general consensus on MN is to stay out of these type of problems but it is honestly making me feel guilty by association and I just feel so sorry for this mans wife.

So the man in question hugely successful business man, hands in many pies so to speak and a real charmer.
His wife who owns 50% of the businesses and assets is one of the loveliest people I know.
He is where he is because of her, absolutely 100%.

For the past 4 months or so he has been having an affair with an employee who is recently out of a relationship. She knows he is married as the mans wife is also her boss and we live in a really small town. If you think of the film hot fuzz it is a lot like that Grin
He spends one evening a week there always the same night as he can legitimately be away. I know this but ( I'll be vague here as way too outing). They never go out and cover the car with a sheet.

What is really starting to bother me is that since she has been having an affair with this man she has a car worth around 6 times the amount of the car she had initially, she has been given an expenses card (again I can't say how I know this but I do) and she doesn't have a job within the company that requires a car or expense account. Far from it.
Yet the manager has made cuts to some of the small perks the company had because of losses since covid
Yet his bit on the side is driving around in a 70k brand new car.

I think the main thing that bothers me is that I know his wife and she is just so genuinely lovely.
I saw her the other week and she was upset that her and her husband couldnt go to an event they have gone to annually as he was so busy with work.
He did in fact go but took the other woman.

I feel like his wife is not only being cheated on but is essentially paying the wages of her husbands mistress (well 50% of them)

My DH thinks I'm silly to let it bother me but I cannot help it.
Aibu?

OP posts:
thenewduchessofhastings · 13/08/2021 18:35

Is there any chance you can catch him on video arriving at his mistresses house,exiting the car,covering it and going in?

Then could the video find its way to her on a memory stick with a letter anonymously?

Nayday · 13/08/2021 18:36

TBf the more info you post the more inclined I am to leave this situation well alone. It's bordering on speculation anyway. Anonymous letters are just awful. Take a leaf from your old city dwelling ways and stay out of it unless you have solid evidence (none of what you have presented is). By all means mention you see her DH every week, if you do. Just tread carefully, of course it looks suspicious, but don't rule out some reasonable explanation like he's not there but sticks his car there every week and wife is aware. Of course the possibility is there he's having an affay, but you just don't know that.

IS0D0RA · 13/08/2021 18:43

@5128gap

If his wife owns half the company and is the boss of the OW I don't understand how the OW could be driving an expensive company car purely on the basis of her affair? How on earth would he explain giving one of his wife's direct reports a car not conversant with her role or value to the company?
The wife could own half the shares of the company but not be involved in managing it directly.
MeridianB · 13/08/2021 18:43

I can’t work out if you work for him too, or not.

But have you thought of speaking to him, telling him everyone is talking about him and his affair and the potential misuse of company funds, and his wife is being humiliated so he should stop it?

SoNotRainbowRhythms · 13/08/2021 18:44

I would tip her off anonymously. At least let her know the possible misappropriation of funds of her business.

Inthemuckheap · 13/08/2021 18:52

If the wife owns 50% of the business and he's where he is because of her, how on earth doesn't she know about a £70k car and a company credit card?

I would tell her.

ThinWomansBrain · 13/08/2021 19:02

I'm still laughing at the idea of hiding a car by covering it with a sheet - you can't be the only one to have seen it, and people would surely look more closely at a car covered with a sheet - than just a car?
Splashing out £15 on a car cover would attract less attention.
missing point of thread

Original poster
User909537 · 13/08/2021 19:04

I don't work for him no.
I do know a couple of others who do but I've not mentioned it to them.

And to the pp who said I'm not working from home well enough. He arrives on a certain day after I log off for the day.
Usually when I'm cooking actually.
And I always look up because I think the car sounds like a jet engine. It is really loud.

OP posts:
youdoyoutoday · 13/08/2021 19:06

You have a clear view of the OW 's house so get your camera out, take photos of the things you see, that's your evidence to show the wife. And tell her why you've done it, because you didn't want her to be made a fool of.

Original poster
User909537 · 13/08/2021 19:06

@ThinWomansBrain exactly. This is like a fitted bed sheet. And they 'cover' the other side with her car and the wheelie bins.

I dare not use a grin emoji as I've been pulled for that by the MN police.

OP posts:
Erwhatno · 13/08/2021 19:53

Oh just tell her op, poor woman Sad

AlternativePerspective · 13/08/2021 19:54

To much of this doesn’t add up.

So, she has a £70k car and access to an expense account, and his wife, who owns the company and would have full access to the company accounts doesn’t know but you do?

He went to a sporting event with the OW and his wife thought he was at work, but given she would know exactly what work he is doing what with her being half of the company, she didn’t know he wasn’t working? There would have been proof of his travel expenses, details of meetings/jobs etc…

And she pulls into his driveway, in plain sight, and then, in plain sight, they put a sheet over the car, and walk into the house?

OK.

AlternativePerspective · 13/08/2021 19:58

And you clearly are loving the drama.

Why else would you be standing on your landing every time you know that she’s meant to be arriving?

Original poster
User909537 · 13/08/2021 20:11

@AlternativePerspective have I said I stand on the landing everytime? Because I think you'll find that I didn't.
It has been going on for 4 months ish.
I noticed it the first time by chance as I was walking downstairs.

I notice him get there every week as his car literally sounds like a jet engine driving by my kitchen window.

And he pulls his car at the side of HER house not HIS because even I think his wife would think there was something up with that.

And would she? since having her babies she isn't there as much and works mainly from home and maybe doesn't go through his diary.

OP posts:
Dontwatchfootball · 13/08/2021 20:19

Anonymous tip. The only way to live with yourself but not get sucked into the drama.

DrSbaitso · 13/08/2021 20:29

@Dontwatchfootball

Anonymous tip. The only way to live with yourself but not get sucked into the drama.
Why do it at all if you can't live with yourself for it?

And inserting yourself into the situation is hardly "getting sucked into the drama". It's bloody jumping straight into it on purpose.

Dontwatchfootball · 13/08/2021 20:40

@DrSbaitso - I think you misread my post. Not that OP would not able to live with telling, but that she did not want to do it in person. Most people cheated on say they would want to know what is happening. And OP has said she feels bad for the mans wife and feels she should know. But she does not want to be the bearer of bad news, which no one can blame her for, as she likes this woman and wants to stay in contact. I would not usually say to do something anonymously but in this situation I think it would be ok.

Hawkins001 · 13/08/2021 20:41

Tis a pickle op, usually a pair of knickers in the briefcase would give suspicion or the letter with thanks for a lovely few weeks xoxo

So to speak, although it could also be an open arrangement, they could be swingers, ect and keep the car hidden to keep up appearances so to speak. Could be a number of different factors.

ExpressDelivery · 13/08/2021 20:42

Having worked on the finance side of many small and medium sized businesses, it is entirely possible that a wife with a 50% share in a business and a role as director wouldn't know much about the business itself, especially if there are young ish children. It's not at all unusual for wives to have an income from and/or a financial interest in a business they're not really involved in on a day to day basis.

QueenBee52 · 13/08/2021 20:46

@Dontwatchfootball

Anonymous tip. The only way to live with yourself but not get sucked into the drama.

Agreed ...

save the poor woman from more humiliation.. give her the information (typed not hand written) and let her do whatever she decides with that information.

Tell her everything.. 🌸

Still1nLove · 13/08/2021 20:54

I would

Still1nLove · 13/08/2021 20:58

Posted too soon….

I would tell her.

I would say that I am telling her because I would want to know if it was me. That I had heard that he had been at x event and that he was there with x. And that his car is seen at x house once a week. Sincerely apologise and say that you haven’t spoken to anyone else about this because you are not a gossip, and emphasise the point that you are there for her and only telling her because, if the roles were reversed, you would want to know.

newnortherner111 · 13/08/2021 21:47

I remember a few years ago a company going under because the MD was spending its money on a mistress. Tabloid headline was something like '150 jobs lost for a tart', which whilst blaming the woman, the point is that the company went under and people lost their jobs.

Assuming you have some evidence for it not to seem malicious, either tell her yourself, or if you believe fraud is being committed, the police. You could be saving the company and people's livelihoods.

Original poster
User909537 · 13/08/2021 21:52

Well the perks they've lost aren't huge just the tea and coffee machine and they used to get a fruit platter on a Friday
So if he has in fact took those little perks off everyone else and then let her have an allowance and a car then it is even worse.

For those saying a 70k car would be noticed. I too get a car allowance for my job. Legitimately I should add and for a different company, even though my car is worth a decent amount on the road I get paid 500 a month. They didn't just give me 45k.
That could easily be lost in the books.

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 13/08/2021 22:07

what are you going to do @User909537

are you considering the discreet post box method.. 🌺