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AIBU?

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Original poster

So worried and just want to keep the peace 😥

501 replies

Beautifulbutterfly22 · 12/08/2021 16:14

I have name changed for this. I have 3 grown up children (2 boys and 1 girl) , they each have their own children..( My grand children) Grown up child number one has 2 children, number 2 has 3 children and number 3 has 1 child.. I love my grand children very much..,I baby sit regularly for all of them, have sleepovers every weekend and buy clothes & toys etc most weeks for my lovely grand children.I also have bank accounts for each grandchildren which I put money in little and often. I also work full time and have an elderly mother who I look after. My daughter in law and son (number 3..1 child) has asked me to look after their little one for 4 days a week.. They said as I don't need the money from working I can quite easily stop working (which I love). No matter what I say to them they are saying I am selfish.. They have started to pull back on visits etc.. I miss my youngest grandchild. I am such a worrier and hate to be put in this position. My son & wife needs care for grandchild as with mortgage etc they are finding things really hard!.. I am so upset but don't think I can commit to all this childcare arrangements Sad

OP posts:
crowsfeet57 · 20/08/2021 17:49

Oh my goodness OP. I am so sorry to read your update. I thought your DH had hammered a bit of sense and decency into them.

I think transparency is the best course of action for you now, tell your husband and other children what they have done. Maybe you should see about arranging a POA for your mother.

I'd also be getting on the phone to your son and tearing him off a strip. Tell him how ashamed you are of him.

JonahofArk · 20/08/2021 17:51

@billy1966

You poor woman.

I would be devastated in your shoes.

Protect your mother at all costs.
Report them if necessary.
Tell your husband and other children.

Do not keep quiet.

People like this are depending on you keeping something so dreadful quiet.

There is nothing as effective as shining a light straight at it.

Heartfelt sympathy to you.

Your poor, poor mother.Flowers

I agree with this wholeheartedly.

Do not keep this quiet, shout it from the rooftops.

Queenoftheashes · 20/08/2021 17:52

Good lord! You need to tell your husband and other kids IMO.

QueenBee52 · 20/08/2021 17:53

@billy1966

You poor woman.

I would be devastated in your shoes.

Protect your mother at all costs.
Report them if necessary.
Tell your husband and other children.

Do not keep quiet.

People like this are depending on you keeping something so dreadful quiet.

There is nothing as effective as shining a light straight at it.

Heartfelt sympathy to you.

Your poor, poor mother.Flowers

agreed Billy 🌸

user1471538283 · 20/08/2021 17:56

Good god 4 days a week! So you give up your job and time you could spend with your other DGC for how long?

My DF looked after my DS after kindergarten for an hour a day and fetched and carried a bit but I never expected him to have him more than that! I paid for childcare, bills etc like everyone else. My DF as beloved as he was was a DGF not a parent. Providing for my DS was my job.

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/08/2021 18:00

@Beautifulbutterfly22

Hello and thank you to all you lovely people who have posted on here xx I feel so ashamed 😥😥😥 I have raised 3 lovely children..now grown up that are no problem at all ..we(me and husband) are just normal folk who work/see to family etc Sad but my oldest son seems to be against us Sad.. my grandson wasn't able to come swimming with me today ☹ his mum said they were doing some shopping xx I have also found out today that my son and his wife has been to my elderly mother (she is 91 years old and not in the best of health) to ask her what she was doing with her house when she died 😥 they think the house should be left to 3 grand children (I am a only child) and her savings get left to meSad I haven't told my husband yet as he will be so angry with my son and daughter-in-law xx
Can I just clarify something with you @Beautifulbutterfly22?

From your opening post - "My daughter in law and son (number 3..1 child) has asked me to look after their little one for 4 days a week." Number 3 - your youngest child.

Your latest post is about "my oldest son seems to be against us". So a different child?

Which son went to see your elderly mother?

ANd regardless of which son - tell your husband EVERYTHING.

notthemum · 20/08/2021 18:21

@Beautiful butterfly 🦋
Christ on a bike. I can't believe that they are treating you like this. I do understand that you are under immense pressure from them, but please do not give in to them. Nothing you ever do will be right for DIL. You have a job you love, you are also caring for your mother.
You sound like an absolutely wonderful mother and grandmother. Please try and talk to your son. I would say try and talk to DIL but she obviously has a chip on her shoulder as far as you are concerned. If any of your other children get on with her then maybe they could have a word. I am so cross with your son for not standing up for you. How dare they expect this of you. I'm sure that if you stopped giving this grandchild money as you were not working DIL would be jumping up and down. I am so sorry that they cannot see how their rude and entitled behaviour will affect the dynamic of the family and maybe their child as he grows up. Please put yourself first for once. Say No and mean it. 💐 🍷

Amboseli · 20/08/2021 18:23

This is just unbelievable. How can your son treat you like this? I just cannot get my head round it You sound absolutely lovely, your children and gc are so lucky to have you.

I agree with PP. See if you can speak to your DS on his own and have an open conversation, if he is willing, to try and get an insight into their financial situation. Are they in debt etc.

DomPom47 · 21/08/2021 10:33

Can’t believe they had the audacity to ask that to your poor mother. I hope she told them that she would be leaving everything to you. Honest to god if I were you I would write that son out of my will and leave whatever you would be leaving to him to his child in trust so he can’t touch it. Really sorry for you. I think you need to share this with your husband and let your son and dil know that you know and that this is not acceptable. Wonder if they have gone to any of dil’s elderly relatives and made similar suggestions.

FatCatThinCat · 21/08/2021 10:46

Bloody hell, your son needs a massive kick up the arse. My son asked me if he would inherit the house when I die, but he's 8 and wants to sell it to buy pick'n'mix and computer games.

grapewine · 21/08/2021 11:49

@ranoutofquinoaandprosecco

That is absolutely horrific speaking to your mother like that. I agree with previous posters you need to look into power of attorney for her own protection they should like vultures.

I'd also write them out of you and your husbands wills as I'd be petty like that.

Same. Absolutely you should get POA to protect your mother.

The entitled fuckers. It's actually shocking. I'm sorry.

grapewine · 21/08/2021 11:49

@FatCatThinCat

Bloody hell, your son needs a massive kick up the arse. My son asked me if he would inherit the house when I die, but he's 8 and wants to sell it to buy pick'n'mix and computer games.
Bless him, ha!
Ourlady · 21/08/2021 15:20

@WhereYouLeftIt I think the oldest son was the swimming thing and the youngest was the money thing and now OP is feeling upset about two of her sons
OP, I wouldn't be worrying about the swimming thing. It's probably just a coincidence that this happened today and you're taking it to heart as you're feeling rather fragile at the moment.

VinylCafe · 21/08/2021 15:33

@Beautifulbutterfly22

Hello and thank you to all you lovely people who have posted on here xx I feel so ashamed 😥😥😥 I have raised 3 lovely children..now grown up that are no problem at all ..we(me and husband) are just normal folk who work/see to family etc Sad but my oldest son seems to be against us Sad.. my grandson wasn't able to come swimming with me today ☹ his mum said they were doing some shopping xx I have also found out today that my son and his wife has been to my elderly mother (she is 91 years old and not in the best of health) to ask her what she was doing with her house when she died 😥 they think the house should be left to 3 grand children (I am a only child) and her savings get left to meSad I haven't told my husband yet as he will be so angry with my son and daughter-in-law xx

Oh no, I'm so sorry this is happening to you!

I confess to being confused though. You said in your first post it was your youngest who wanted you to provide care to their DC and in this last post you say your oldest son is also against you?

I think other posters are right, you need to get POA for your mother or she might find herself without a home to live in!

VinylCafe · 21/08/2021 15:34

And please tell your husband!

Tistheseason17 · 21/08/2021 19:11

OP, do you now have 2 sons causing problems?

No. 1 re mum's house
No.3 re free childcare

Is this real?

keeping2chevronsapart · 21/08/2021 21:08

[quote Ourlady]@WhereYouLeftIt I think the oldest son was the swimming thing and the youngest was the money thing and now OP is feeling upset about two of her sons
OP, I wouldn't be worrying about the swimming thing. It's probably just a coincidence that this happened today and you're taking it to heart as you're feeling rather fragile at the moment.[/quote]
I thought the first post said child number 3, maybe they weren't in any particular order?

notthemum · 22/08/2021 15:12

Jesus . This will teach me to RTFT before I comment.
Op, please tell your husband what is going on if you havent already, also please see a solicitor this week if possible. You must talk to your mum and if she is able to understand then please tell her what your son and his wife have been trying to do to you and what what they are now trying to do her. I really think that you need to tell yòur other children what they have been up to. You need to take care of your mothers interests and your children need to take care of yours. I understand that you probably feel embarrassed but you have NOTHING to feel embarrassed about. Your son and his wife should be extremely embarrassed but I'm afraid that the chances of them showing either this or any remorse is very unlikely . Please take care of you and for Gods sake don't offer them anything not even childcare until this is all sorted out. 💐

QueenBee52 · 22/08/2021 16:17

@Beautifulbutterfly22

Did you tell your Husband 🌸

JacquelineCarlyle · 22/08/2021 16:33

Oh Op, just read the thread - that's terrible. They are behaving abysmally. It was bad enough trying to bully you into providing childcare but to then go to your mum to ask for inheritance. No wonder you're ashamed of your DS - he sounds truly horrible. Whether egged on by his DW or not, she can't be blamed for this as he's his own person and it's his own family he's abusing.

emilylily · 22/08/2021 16:54

Your DiL sounds awful!

Jemand · 22/08/2021 18:44

Wow. I hope your mother is currently making arrangements to cut these two out of her will completely? If I were you I'd be thinking seriously about changing my own will, too.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 23/08/2021 17:22

Are they in huge debt that they are not you about? I can’t believe anyone could be this entitled/rude/disgusting.

frerecoler · 23/08/2021 17:56

OP, is this a different son who has talked to your mother?

Your children seem to have no boundaries! I am sorry that they are behaving like this. Do they have serious money worries? It's a crazy way to behave!

QueenBee52 · 23/08/2021 18:23

OP, is this a different son who has talked to your mother?

Same Son and DIL

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