So worried and just want to keep the peace 😥

[Beautifulbutterfly22]

I have name changed for this. I have 3 grown up children (2 boys and 1 girl) , they each have their own children..( My grand children) Grown up child number one has 2 children, number 2 has 3 children and number 3 has 1 child.. I love my grand children very much..,I baby sit regularly for all of them, have sleepovers every weekend and buy clothes & toys etc most weeks for my lovely grand children.I also have bank accounts for each grandchildren which I put money in little and often. I also work full time and have an elderly mother who I look after. My daughter in law and son (number 3..1 child) has asked me to look after their little one for 4 days a week.. They said as I don't need the money from working I can quite easily stop working (which I love). No matter what I say to them they are saying I am selfish.. They have started to pull back on visits etc.. I miss my youngest grandchild. I am such a worrier and hate to be put in this position. My son & wife needs care for grandchild as with mortgage etc they are finding things really hard!.. I am so upset but don't think I can commit to all this childcare arrangements

Lots of people make sacrifices to pay childcare.

Life changes when you have children.

Her well paid mother can't be imposed uoon, but a 63 yearold can give up a shop job and work weekends to provide THEM free childcare?

They clearly can't afford a child.
So no holidays, new clothes, nights out, weekends away?

Or did they expect to maintain their lifestyle at the expense of your life, income and health?

OP, I hope you realise what an awful excuse of a man your son is and the horror he married.

It indeed takes some tale to shock on MN, but yours is shocking.

Watch carefully their expenditure going forward, because clearly they both must be on the breadline🙄.

Where are HER parents in this?

No help?, no monetary help?
All down to you?

You need to reiterate to your son clearly that you are very upset to be spoken to with disrespect.

Is this really how you reared him to treat you?

I would put him in his place so he doesn't ever forget again.

As for her?
She is the absolute dregs of society, which also says a lot for your sons judgement.

You sound like such a kind, loving, generous woman, utterly disrespected and taken advantage of.

You need to show them they made a BIG mistake thinking you would accept this.

You should not do any days.

You have other grandchildren to focus on.

I would not allow those to blackmail you.

They are an absolute disgrace.

Stay strong

spot on again @billy1966 🌸

@billy1966

Everything you said is 100% correct.

I'm still shocked at the sheer (I can't find a word).. audacity, arrogance, treating-your-mum-like-a-slave, entitlement.

Honestly I'm lost words on this one.

DIL has this high up job in a bank yet is incapable of budgeting? Did the cost of childcare never occur to them?
Maybe they need to wind in their spending.

@HerMammy

DIL has this high up job in a bank yet is incapable of budgeting? Did the cost of childcare never occur to them? Maybe they need to wind in their spending.

It's not DIL who has the high up bank job, it's her mother.

I hope this is all sorted OP. How dare they.

To keep a child from a loving grandparent (or even threaten it) is abhorrent.

I do not get on with my MIL particularly well, but I would never dream of keeping my daughter away from her.

Did your DS ring you this evening as promised, @Beautifulbutterfly22?

Hope you're ok OP, been thinking about you and this appalling situation! x

@Beautifulbutterfly22

Hope you've had a calm few days, OP and that you've got a good, and emotionally positive, weekend to come? 🌹

How old is your grandson? I assume around 2 from him talking about having fun at yours?

What exactly have they been doing for childcare up to now?!

Just seen your update op! Hope you are ok!

How awful! I'm honestly shocked how you have been treated!

I have been lucky in that family have helped with childcare however we did nursery too and also paid them.

If I were to have a third I know we wouldn't get any help with childcare as my parents are getting older and it would be unfair on them.

Hello and thank you to all you lovely people who have posted on here xx I feel so ashamed 😥😥😥 I have raised 3 lovely children..now grown up that are no problem at all ..we(me and husband) are just normal folk who work/see to family etc but my oldest son seems to be against us .. my grandson wasn't able to come swimming with me today ☹ his mum said they were doing some shopping xx I have also found out today that my son and his wife has been to my elderly mother (she is 91 years old and not in the best of health) to ask her what she was doing with her house when she died 😥 they think the house should be left to 3 grand children (I am a only child) and her savings get left to me I haven't told my husband yet as he will be so angry with my son and daughter-in-law xx

I'm speechless! That's just shocking, OP. I imagine your mother's home IS her savings to a large degree, and they're outright trying to steal any potential inheritance from you! Absolutely flabbergasted at the nerve of your son and DIL.

I think you need to have a talk with your other 2 children and find out what the hell is going on with the 3rd one.

They really are the gift that keeps on giving aren't they? I don't know how they sleep at night. My guess is that your DIL's job isn't as high up/well-paid as she makes out or there is something else going on, such as debts, which are behind this behaviour.

Please do tell her husband - at the moment you're worrying about your mum, worrying about them, etc and not sharing this latest incident with anyone in real life.

Your husband, not her husband!

I don't think your other children will be very impressed with your son and his grabby sense of entitlement. Point out that they might be trying to disinherit them as well and let them have a right go at him.

@Beautifulbutterfly22 So sorry about this! Might be a good idea to talk to your mother about a power if attorney. Sounds as though they are aiming to coerce her. How completely dispicable :(
It's not your fault your son is like this. Our children can be so different in spite of our influence.

They are such a scummy pair! How dare they now harass your mother, the grabby gits.

They're becoming dangerous. They could convince her to change her will or anything. What a poisonous presence they're becoming to your family.

Well there's zero question that they are being total grabby and entitled CFs and trying to get their hands on grandma's assets.

However - and this is not an excuse but could be an explanation - I think it sounds like there is some underlying financial trouble there. The mention of bills and 2 car payments probably is just the acceptable face of what might be a deep dark financial hole. I wonder if maybe your DIL has got in too deep with one of the multilevel marketing scams (Arbonne/Forever Living/Tropic etc) and is in debt, or maybe credit cards, a payday loan, bitcoin speculation...even gambling...who knows.

It might be worth sitting down with your son and saying "look son, no judgement - what's going on, are you ok for money, you can tell me anything and we can budget or sort out debt repayments". I don't know if you have that kind of relationship with him but it might be worth a try. Or maybe have a word with your other two kids and say you're worried about him getting in too deep into some kind of financial hole.

@Beautifulbutterfly22

Oh wow!! Your son and DIL really aren't nice people! Please don't blame yourself. This is not your doing! Your other children aren't like this and, at the end of the day, people will be exposed to other influences in life which are not always honourable.

In approaching your elderly mother like this must have caused her such anxiety and confusion. Nasty behaviour. Does she have a Will (and are you aware of the contents?). Do you have Power of Attorney for her? If you do that could take some of the pressure off her, poor lady. Also she knows not to agree to or sign any documents relating to her finances or inheritance wishes without speaking to you specifically. They've already tried to go round you - they may try again.

Yes, definitely you should speak to your husband - and very soon - to get his support on this too, so he can help bring them to book for this despicable behaviour.

There is no shame on you - that should lie on the heads of the two people who've tried coercion on you, now on your mother. Shame on them! 🌹

That is absolutely beyond belief! If either of my DC had gone to my mother like that I would have gone nuclear. Actually, I would be simply sweeping up the pieces because my mother would have gone nuclear first!

I'm assuming you know this because your mother told you? Because if not, you and she need to have a quiet talk and be sure that she has her wishes in a will, right and tight. And you need to keep close tabs going forward on any shenanigans.

My DM died at age 98 and in the last 4 years she would have been very susceptible to coercion. DB and I had joint POA to start with and then joint trustee-ship as her dementia worsened. Not because anyone tried anything dishonest, but simply so we could carry out her business for her as she was not capable of making nor carrying out decisions.

That is shocking. What horrible people.
They should be hanging their heads in shame.

Tell your DH. Tell your DM about their appalling attitude towards you, ask her to make sure that she isn't bullied or persuaded to favour their child (or indeed them) above other GC in her will.

Tell your other children all of this so they can be aware that a sibling is trying to get more than a fair share.

Oh @Beautifulbutterfly22 how absolutely awful! I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
You've nothing to feel bad about, you have raised 3 lovely children. It's just unfortunate that one of them is with a person of very questionable morals.
Your poor DM, I'm not sure what you can do to stop them getting their hands on her house but I think you do have to do something.

I would be singing like a lintie.

The world and his mother would know exactly what they were trying to do.