So worried and just want to keep the peace 😥

[Beautifulbutterfly22]

I have name changed for this. I have 3 grown up children (2 boys and 1 girl) , they each have their own children..( My grand children) Grown up child number one has 2 children, number 2 has 3 children and number 3 has 1 child.. I love my grand children very much..,I baby sit regularly for all of them, have sleepovers every weekend and buy clothes & toys etc most weeks for my lovely grand children.I also have bank accounts for each grandchildren which I put money in little and often. I also work full time and have an elderly mother who I look after. My daughter in law and son (number 3..1 child) has asked me to look after their little one for 4 days a week.. They said as I don't need the money from working I can quite easily stop working (which I love). No matter what I say to them they are saying I am selfish.. They have started to pull back on visits etc.. I miss my youngest grandchild. I am such a worrier and hate to be put in this position. My son & wife needs care for grandchild as with mortgage etc they are finding things really hard!.. I am so upset but don't think I can commit to all this childcare arrangements

You have nothing to be ashamed of, OP. Tell your DH and the rest of the family everything that's going on. Better to have it all out in the open - that way they can't play one of you off against the other.

That’s dreadful. Is this sort of behaviour out of character for your DS? I do agree with pp, it sounds like there’s more to it.

OMG what am I reading

tell your Husband now 🌸

Please tell your husband. I also wonder whether they are in debt. If so, this is the wrong way for them to go about things and it certainly isn't fair on you.

Good Lord, they actually approached your mother about her house? They sound desperately grabby. I'm so sorry OP, all of this must be stressing you out so much.

If you can OP, I’d be trying to get your son on his own.

It is sounding as though there is a desperate grab for funds/trying to save money (using you for childcare) and I too would wonder if they are up to their necks for some reason.

They are absolutely not going about things the right way - no argument there - but something is amiss.

If he doesn’t have ‘form’ for this sort of stuff, then something has gone spectacularly wrong.

Being sleekit and demanding services is all wrong of course but desperate people do terrible things.

I'd go mad at them asking his grandma about her house.

That is absolutely horrific speaking to your mother like that. I agree with previous posters you need to look into power of attorney for her own protection they should like vultures.

I'd also write them out of you and your husbands wills as I'd be petty like that.

Jesus wept! What a pair of ungrateful, selfish, money grabbing fuckers - not sure what went wrong for your son to become such a money grabber given he wasn't raised that way, though maybe it's your darling DIL's influence. That really is the lowest of the low to go and speak to your elderly mother about her will. If I were her and had capacity I'd ensure to leave money to your other dc and leave him and his family out of it.

@Beautifulbutterfly22

Hello and thank you to all you lovely people who have posted on here xx I feel so ashamed 😥😥😥 I have raised 3 lovely children..now grown up that are no problem at all ..we(me and husband) are just normal folk who work/see to family etc but my oldest son seems to be against us .. my grandson wasn't able to come swimming with me today ☹ his mum said they were doing some shopping xx I have also found out today that my son and his wife has been to my elderly mother (she is 91 years old and not in the best of health) to ask her what she was doing with her house when she died 😥 they think the house should be left to 3 grand children (I am a only child) and her savings get left to me I haven't told my husband yet as he will be so angry with my son and daughter-in-law xx

They actually said this to a 91 year old?!

What did she say? Have you told her how they’ve been treating you? I hope she told them they were being fuckwits.

Tell your husband. You poor thing. Your son is behaving appallingly.

Im so sorry your son is doing this to you it's absolutely heart breaking. My brother did something very similar, his DW made very unreasonable demands of my mother, nothing my DM did was good enough and she really, really tried but it was never enough and then DB cut all contact, we lost 15yrs until he came to his senses, divorced his wife and has been incredibly apologetic ever since. My point is, don't cave in, it won't help, you'll still be the bad guy for some other reason you just can't win with people like this but hopefully your son will see sense at some point. Good luck.

OP Please safeguard your mum and be very alert to any attempts to get anything from her. Is your mum aware of the emotional blackmail that is happening to you?
Does your mum have a solicitor? He or she should be aware of this situation. If you have or will get Power of Attorney be ready to be forceful with it.
What an awful persons your son and sil are. I am suspicious of the fact that suddenly your grandchild can not go swimming with you as usual. This looks like some serious emotional abuse.
So sorry this is happening to you too

Jesus that is horrendous. Definitely tell your other children. They need to rein their brother in. They can be more 'brutal' than perhaps you feel you can be. I hope your mother told you. You must reassure her that she doesnt need to discuss her will with anyone but you.

OP Please safeguard your mum and be very alert to any attempts to get anything from her. Is your mum aware of the emotional blackmail that is happening to you?

This x 1000. What did she say to them?

Please tell your DH now. They sound like a right horrible pair of chancers.

Wow, just when you think they couldn’t sink any lower. You need to make sure your mother’s will is secure and in place and perhaps inform her solicitor that you are concerned that someone may try to coerce her into changing the Will (I’m sure any decent solicitor would have alarm bells ringing if a 91yo suddenly wanted to change their Will to significantly benefit one party).

Getting POA is a good idea. Really it’s something we should all do for peace of mind but be aware that it takes time - we’re in the process of doing POA for both of my parents, who are in their early 70s and it’s taken several months so far to get everything completed, signed and sent away.

Tell your husband and then tell you son that you know what he has said to your mother and that you expected better of him than to extort an elderly lady. Also tell your other children what they have done, the more sunlight on the issue the less able they are to sneak around behind everyone’s backs.

Whilst obviously hoping you and your DH live long and happy lives, you may want to think about your own wills at this stage, if your son and DIL are behaving in such a grabby way. Perhaps stating that any money intended for grandchildren be put into trust until they are a certain age so that sticky fingered parents don’t try to help themselves?

Only just picked my jaw up from the last little idea, but they have reached an all time low with this. Tell the rest of your family and shame the pair of them.

And maybe suggest that they actually came up with a solution for the childcare issue themselves- one of them can look after their child in the day and then work nights when the other gets home from work!🤷‍♀️

Just seen your update @Beautifulbutterfly22. Wtaf? I hope your mum’s will is properly drawn up, signed and witnessed, and kept somewhere very safe. What a horrible pair they are. Your son may have been lovely once but he’s sure as hell lost any claim to it now.

@CaveMum

Whilst obviously hoping you and your DH live long and happy lives, you may want to think about your own wills at this stage, if your son and DIL are behaving in such a grabby way. Perhaps stating that any money intended for grandchildren be put into trust until they are a certain age so that sticky fingered parents don’t try to help themselves?

this ^ Plus it is sensible to get a PoA done ASAP for a 91 year old in any case, because if they did become ill or were diagnosed with Dementia or similar you would then have to go through the Court of Protection ( unless its all changed in the last decade) See the solicitors before DIL does because it doesn't sound like they will leave it at that.. and their timing of doing this straight after a "showdown" with you is concerning. It sounds like they planned on free childcare, and now that its not on offer are looking for other "sources" of income as they've been denied something they thought was their "right". Even if they are in debt, Do you really want to jump in to help them solve it when they are being so unkind to you? They will think they can do it again next time they have an issue. They are adults and should be able to get professional advice and see what they can do to help themselves first before asking you.

I'm struggling to believe this. Who would expect someone to give up their job to babysit their children? Who would go round to an old lady's house and tell her to change their will?

Why on earth haven't you told your husband?

She has told her husband.

She hasn't told her husband about the will - she said I haven't told my husband yet as he will be so angry with my son and daughter-in-law xx

@Blossomtoes

She has told her husband.

Where does it say that?

You poor woman.

I would be devastated in your shoes.

Protect your mother at all costs.
Report them if necessary.
Tell your husband and other children.

Do not keep quiet.

People like this are depending on you keeping something so dreadful quiet.

There is nothing as effective as shining a light straight at it.

Heartfelt sympathy to you.

Your poor, poor mother.