Do most older men prefer younger women?

[Chippingbird23]

Just wondering as woman what your thoughts are? Do you find it harder to date in 30’s or 40’s or have you found ‘true’ love later in life?

@BertramLacey

Unfair post - attack the argument, not the person !

It wasn't a personal attack - it was a comment on the lack of knowledge.

Honestly though, right at this point, life really is too short to sit and systematically dismantle some of what is written here. If you're interested, there are plenty of scholarly works that exam the relationship between biological ideas and social ideas, and the co-construction of biological knowledge. But bluntly, the idea that women prefer powerful, older men is much more to do with modern social constructs than it is to do with our inherent natures.

It was a personal attack- you know nothing of my knowledge/educational background.

On the other hand- fine of course of disagree vehemently with my post and counter with your own views :)

Men are definitely attracted to young, fertile females.

If it wasn't that society would never accept it, older men would be going after young teen girls. We may not like it but it's nature.

People on here often say things like "trust your gut..." (horrible phrase) and "mother's instinct..." so there's an understanding of people acting instinctively. Men going after young women is that.

This ‘men are visual creatures’ nonsense - do you think women don’t have eyes?? Of course we notice attractive men.

Also, I’m ten years younger than my partner. If I became single, I would be looking for someone around my own age. It sounds awful but my partner is not ageing well and he is starting to remind me of my dad and I’m having a hard time finding him attractive.

I agree though that youth is generally attractive to most people. I find a 25 year old man much more attractive than middle aged men but in reality- what would I have in common with a 25 year old? Probably very little.

I also think society normalises men with younger women but the opposite (women with younger men) is frowned upon somewhat. Vive la patriarchy….

@LitPearl To expand a bit, although it's probably not the explanation you're expecting - I am very wary of people propounding biological theories that give women the shitty end of the stick whilst making it Christmas every day for men. My reasons for this are grounded in the history of biology.

If you go back to the mid-19th century, the sciences did not have the reputation or standing that they have now. There were very few professional men of science (I use that term, rather than 'scientist' with care). Darwin himself was an amateur and amateurs at the time were often very well respected, the meaning of that word has changed too. The biological sciences were in their infancy, there was little training in them, few positions, no real career prospects, little structure, hardly any funding. So men of science battled to increase all of these and to turn their subjects into professions.

As part of this, they argued that they could solve 'the woman question' definitively and unquestioningly. Given the lower status of women at the time, they worked to exclude women from the sciences and deliberately portrayed science as more masculine and rational, in distinction to being female and emotional. So built into biology are many ideas about women being lesser, being irrational, and as having restricted roles in society because they are women. Women were defined as reproductive and limited to a reproductive sphere whilst men were productive and could go out into the world.

Now I'm not denying differences between men and women, both psychological and physical, although I also recognise that sex difference is itself now a very controversial topic. However, biology has a history of putting women down, and men of science did this quite deliberately to enhance the standing of their profession.

21st century research biologists put far more thought into counteracting gender bias in their research. However, within the popular imagination and literature, amongst those with a less in-depth knowledge, there are persistent myths about sex difference. But what it boils down to is this - if women are being told that they should accept something lesser because of their biology, look very carefully at that biology and the person putting the ideas forward.

@DelphineMarineaux 100%

My ex is dating a very plain woman he met online dating.. It seems a bit mean to describe her like that, but she is.
But hes chuffed to bits because, hes bragged to my children "she's younger than your Mum"
He sees it as an accomplishment that hes 'bagged' someone younger, regardless of her looks or personality.
Men are strange.

My ex is dating a very plain woman he met online dating.

I overheard my husband’s ex describing me as as “A stunning blonde and a size six”.

Thank you for that @BertramLacey. I had absolutely no idea. My knowledge of the nineteenth century is all arts based so I find that fascinating.

Hey @BertramLacey I found your post really interesting, are there any books on this you could recommend? Thanks

I think another reason and please don’t flame me if you are over 45 and extremely sexual is that ‘a lot’ of women go off sex from early 40s , sometimes hormonal, sometimes because to be frank their H no longer really does it for them that way— and I think many older men think a younger woman is going to be way more ‘up for it’ . not necessarily true, but I think that’s what some think — also I think they feel an older woman won’t put up with any shit.

At the age of 40 to 42, I dated an age range of 28 to 50. If I was to guess an average though, I'd say it was around 33-34.

I think men in general do date younger, if they can any way. Some men my age are pretty battered, no hair, big guts. I just dated the pool that I could and found attractive.

Aside from my now DP, the most beautiful woman I ever dated was about a year younger than me at 39/40.

I met my true love aged 37 and he's 10 years older.
Before he turned up I'd truly given up on meeting anyone as online dating was truly depressing for me.

I'm interested to know why this is an issue for older women dating. As in, why do you particularly want to date an older man yourself? Genuine question.

'a lot’ of women go off sex from early 40s , sometimes hormonal, sometimes because to be frank their H no longer really does it for them
Can't say that's the case for me, quite the opposite, but then I did go completely off sex with my ex partner. That's because he was an abusive slob, so perhaps it's less to do with age and more to do with who you're with. Unfortunately, there are a lot of men who become complete miseries once they pass a certain age and don't make any effort with their appearance, around the house, with hobbies, friends, anything! I think some of them (my ex) think that once they have a woman in the home they need to make no effort whatsoever and that you'll always stick around to provide sex no matter how unappealing and draining they are to be around. Nope! The decent ones tend to already be taken once you pass a certain age, sadly.
It's funny how some men will assume you're desperate if you're past a certain age. I've had a few male (supposed) friends who were interested in me trying to 'neg' me about my age. For example if I forgot something or mentioned how I can't handle hangovers, I'd be told 'that's your age, you're getting on a bit!' They've also mentioned how they wanted to have kids soon, as though that was also supposed to get me interested, despite me never expressing any kind of interest whatsoever in having kids. Depressing how men view women's 'market value' really, although I do think it's perfectly natural for men to be attracted to younger women, physically at least, as I generally feel the same about younger men.

5128gap ideally, I'd like someone around my own age, so he'd be socially more mature and we'd have more in common, but someone who also takes care of himself, as I do, so I'm actually physically attracted to him. I'd prefer younger rather than older.

@Novelusername

5128gap ideally, I'd like someone around my own age, so he'd be socially more mature and we'd have more in common, but someone who also takes care of himself, as I do, so I'm actually physically attracted to him. I'd prefer younger rather than older.

Thank you, that's interesting. I think some of those qualities are hard to find in older men. I've also found that apart from a few shared points of reference from the past I don't especially have much in common with them either. But then I'm probably socially immature!

I had an erratic casual thing with a man almost a decade younger than me. By the end he would have tried a relationship with me apparently but I just couldn't see it - he was still potentially interested in having babies and that ship's sailed, nor do I want to have a boyfriend with young kids now that my own son is old enough to look after himself most of the time. Life stage is vital to me. Luckily there are a lot of men in their 50s I find v attractive.

5128gap I guess by socially mature I mean not being completely tactless, selfish and lacking self-awareness as some younger men are, rather than knowing which wine goes well with sea bass etc although, of course age is no guarantee of gaining greater emotional intelligence.

@Dacquoise

I do wonder if this is a personality/ego thing rather than a fundamental desire by all men. We all know men dating/married to younger women but most men end up with similar aged partners. The dating pool is full of creeps and egomaniacs (ie been turfed out by long suffering women) so perhaps it becomes lopsided in that sense.

My step-DF (large ego) was talking about getting online and dating women 30 years younger than himself. As if!

My ex-DH (larger ego) married a woman 12 years younger than himself. Now dresses like something from the Matrix and dad dances at the Ministry of Sound on the weekends!

My DP (normal bloke) was looking for someone similar age to him when we met. Wouldn't have occured to him to date someone a lot younger.

Yep, this sums it up. There are delusional weirdos who want to hang out with teenagers, and then there are normal middle-aged men.

As l’ve got older (early 40s), I’ve had more and more younger men try and chat me up.

@Novelusername. Yes, I think that’s what I was trying to say- sometimes a woman gets past a point of being interested sexually , even if it was George clooney , but in many cases too they have lost interest because their H is a selfish arse/slob/porn addict/ alcoholic/moaning misery/mysogonist etc — sometimes all of em!!’ And the men don’t grasp that’s why the wife is no longer interested and think the lack of sex is an age thing— hence the searching for someone younger.

I think younger men like older women.

In my experience.

@jozipozi31

I think younger men like older women.

In my experience.

In mine too. But older women seem to want older men, who want younger women, who typically prefer younger men!

I think a lot of men in their 40s and 50s do prefer younger women, but the reality is that, unless they've got something special to offer, the women probably wont' be interested. So realistically, if they want a partner, they're going to have to look for a woman closer to their own age.

When it comes to looks, I will admit that as a woman in my 50s, I much prefer younger men too. I very rarely seem hot men close to my own age. However, I'm not delusional enough to think that a hot man half my age would look twice at me. A lot of men, however, seem to think that just because they own their own home or have a decent job, attractive young ladies will be gagging for them. 9 times out of 10, they end up disappointed.

Whatever your husband or partner might claim in order to make you feel good, he wishes you had the body of a fit 20 year old.

LOL.

And do you think women aren't wishing their balding, pot bellied 50 year old husband looked like Jack Grealish or Chris Hemsworth?

Men are hilarious. They seem to think ageing is this weird thing which only happens to women.